*Warning! This chapter has a lot of sad things and if you're going through a bad time, I'm here for you. I love you, ok. You're worth it*
*Sofia’s POV*
If I leave, I won’t have any place to go and I don’t have money to survive.
"I’ll stay, but I won’t forgive you nor am I going to talk to you. You guys have hurt me enough."
I didn't realize that I was crying until Niall came and wipe the tears away.
I flinched back because I don’t want him near me.
"Please, stay away from me."
Niall seemed hurt and he was about to cry.
I grabbed my stuff and went upstairs. I couldn’t take it. I closed the door. And I fell to the floor. I was crying this feeling is back and I thought it would go away. I felt empty.
I stood up and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and saw a girl that is hurt and not happy. I felt like this happiness was an act. I will never be happy. Jack makes me a bit happy, but it’s not enough. This feeling hurts and I can’t do it. I feel weak.
I went to bed and put my knees up to my chest. I let it all out. I cried a lot. I think my eyes are red, but I'm used to it. I use to cry myself to sleep that took my pain away. Well, most of it. I took off my pants and saw the scars. Those scars remind me of so many things. I might wear a bikini, but people never notice the scars that I have. They don’t show that much, but I could see them clearly. I touched my thighs. This is one when I started getting bullied. Each scar has a story behind it. As I touch each scar, the story comes to life.
*flash back*
"Who is that girl? She is so damn ugly.
I ignored that comment and my parents call me beautiful. I know I am despite what other people say.
I walked to my desk. There was a note.
Hey, ugly whore. Why are you still alive? No one like you. You have no friends. Go kill yourself.
I started to cry people noticed and they started laughing. Why do people hate me?
"Aw, she is crying." a guy said.
Everyone laughed again.
I got up and ran out the classroom. I went to the bathroom and called my mom. I told her to pick me up.
Minutes later, she came.
"What happened?"
"Nothing, can we please go."
She nodded her head ok. I looked out the window. I’m trying to think of why people hate me. Did I do something wrong?
We finally got home and I ran upstairs to my bedroom and I went to the bathroom. I broke a sharpener and that’s when I sat down and cut my thigh. I saw the blood going down my leg. I did it again and again and again.
I finally stopped. I grabbed a couple of band-aids and put them on. I went to bed and cried. The pain was way too much to cope with.
*End of Flashback*
The next set of scars was the worst. I touched my ankles and shins. I don’t want that to happen again.
*Flashback*
I was walking through the hallways. People were staring at me and some were laughing.
"Hey!!"
I jumped and turned around. Oh no, it’s Jessica. She bullies me a lot and she hits me every time she sees me.
"H-hi, " I said weakly. I closed my locker and avoided eye contact with the blonde bitch.
"Don’t, hi me!!" She said with her snobby disposition.
"I’m sorry!!" I said frantically.
Before I knew it, I was on the floor. My stomach was in pain.
Jessica started kicking me. I screamed in pain. It then stopped. I opened my eyes and saw a teacher, holding back Jessica. Another teacher helped me up. I went to the bathroom and got my razor. 1....2....3....4...5....6...7.....8...9 on my ankles and shins and then, I was done. Someone came in the bathroom and just my luck, it was one of the teachers. I was sent home and that was when my mom knew that I was cutting myself. It was horrible because my mom was mad at me. We didn’t talk for about a week before I explained about what was going on.
*end of flashback*
Just thinking about all these things that happen in my life makes me want to just disappear, but I know I can’t do that. I have to keep going no matter what. I have to be strong like I promised myself a long time ago and for my parents’ sake. They want me to live a happy life and I intend to fulfill their wishes.
I heard a knock on the door. I don’t want to talk to anyone.
"GET OUT, PLEASE!"
"Are you ok?"
It was Jack.
"Please, leave me alone."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
I wasn’t in the mood. I went back into the bathroom and found something sharp. I couldn’t bear the suffering that I have been going through in the past 24 hours despite my parent’s wishes. I need to do this one way or another.
I know this is wrong, but I need it. Depression is getting to me again. I picked up the razor.
I put it against my skin. I was going to do it, but I stopped. I can’t do this. “Sofia, promise us that you won’t do this again. We want the best for you. We want you the best for you. They care about you too and they don’t mean it. Don’t forget what you promised her.” My subconscious tells me which sounds like my mum.
I slid down the door and just let everything out. I really want to do it, but I made a promise to not do it again.
*flashback*
"Please don't do it again." said Melanie.
"It's hard. I want to stop, but I can't."
"Yes you can, you're strong and you know that. “she said
"No, I'm not....."
"Promise me that you would stop just please for me."
I looked at her and said ok.
*end of flashback*
Melanie is one of my best friends. She left me to go to California. I was heartbroken. I had nobody. I think she forgot about me. It's been over 2 years and she hasn't called me. I stopped cutting for her.
"Why.... WHY....WHY ME! WHY!!! WHY DO I HAVE A REALLY BAD LIFE!!" I screamed.
"Sofia, are you ok?" It was Niall.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!! OK!!!"
I heard nothing after that.
I just want to be happy.