Almost Is Never Enough
Chapter 67
You walked up to Nathan, seeing him crying with his fists against the wall. "Nathan?" You asked hesitantly, but quietly.
He looked up at you, eyes red, face clearly displaying distress. "Oh my god Nathan..." You said, going up to him and making him sit down.
"Why are you here? Are you gonna blame me for everything again?" He said bitterly.
You pressed your lips together, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry..." You whispered.
"Whatever alright? Why don't you go over and make out with Jay? Better yet, just do it right in front of me! Not like it could hurt me any more!" Nathan said.
"Nathan..." You whispered, hurt by what he had said. You were doing you best to hold back your tears.
"Whatever. I'm sick of just getting hurt by you. Because it's not hurting me anymore. It's killing me. But I stay alive because I see you and it pretty much brings me back. Not like any of that matters to you," He said, starting to walk away.
You stood up and walked over to him. "Nathan, of course that matters to me! You're one of the most important people in my life and I don't want to hurt you. I hate seeing you like this and I couldn't live with myself knowing that I'm basically killing you," you said.
Nathan had his back turned to you, he was holding back tears that were threatening to escape his eyes. "You will never understand. You have two people loving you. I have none. I thought I had one, but I guess that wasn't real enough for her to keep me. So instead, she threw me away for the newest toy in her play box." Nathan said, mostly out of spite than out of truth.
"Let me make it easier on the both of you then...I'm leaving," you said, walking past him and into Jay's room.
"What?" Nathan asked, running over to you.
You were packing your things. "You heard me, I'm leaving for good," you said, taking your clothes out of the closet and putting them in a suitcase.
"What are you saying? Don't be stupid!" Nathan said.
"I'm done! I am so sick of hurting people when I'm trying to help as best as I can. I'm done and I'm leaving," you said.
"Please stop. I didn't mean it. If anything I should leave. You can't hurt Jay by leaving. You can't. I'll leave." Nathan said, tears threatening to overflow.
"No. This is your dream, Nathan. I'm not making you do that. Let me go, there's really nothing here for me anymore," you said, zipping up your bags.
"You can't leave!" Nathan begged.
"Watch me," you said, picking up your bags and walking downstairs.
"LOVE PLEASE!" Nathan said, fully crying.
"Leave me alone, Nathan," you said, making your way to the door. Jay was nowhere to be found as you ran to the car.
You dropped your bags in the trunk and hurried to the front seat. Nathan was running after you, desperate to make you stop, to keep you near him. He grabbed your arm in an attempt to stop you. "Nathan, let go of me!" You yelled.
"I WON'T." He yelled back.
You broke free of his grip and quickly opened the door to the car. You hopped in and started driving away, disregarding Nath's pleas to come back. You kept driving, not caring where you ended up as long as it was far away from there.
You pulled into a driveway, realizing you had driven to a friend's house. Your friend ran outside and hugged you. "Hey Annie," you said with a smile.
"Hey," she said, "no offense, but why are you here? Have you been crying?"
"I'm just a little stressed right now. Things haven't been working out the way I wanted them to," you said.
"Come in and talk about it. I have some time," Annie said, leading you inside.
Annie made you both tea and you sat down in the kitchen. You explained everything to her while she listened patiently. "And you just left them? Just like that?" She asked.
"Yeah," you said, starting to cry, "I needed to clear my head."
"Aww babe," Annie said, coming over and hugging you.
"I have no idea what to do!" You cried.
You then got a text from Jay.
Jay: Love, where are you?!? I'm so worried right now. I was on the porch for 20 minutes and then Nathan comes in crying saying you left. Please tell me you're okay. I need you so much. Please love.
You showed Annie the text. "What do I say?" You asked.
"I don't know...at least tell him you're alright. He probably thinks you're getting yourself into another car accident," she said.
You texted him back.
You: I'm fine Jay. I'm somewhere safe to try and figure things out. Please don't come look for me, I'll come back when I'm ready.
Jay texted back immediately.
Jay: Oh thank god you're okay, love. You had me worried sick. Please come back soon, I need you lovely:(
You: I know you do. It seems like everyone does. I gtg Jay. This is too stressful for me.
Jay: Take your time love. Just remember that we all love you. See you soon baby<3
You chose not to respond to that. As soon as you had locked your phone, you got a text from Nathan.
Nathan: LOVE WHERE ARE YOU??? I promise I'll move on from you if you come back! Love please!!! I can't lose you! On top of everything, you're my best friend! Please don't leave :(
You put your hand on your forehead, your phone in the other. You sighed. "I can't keep doing this, they both need me and now Nathan's saying he'll move on which is a huge lie."
"Maybe it isn't a lie," Annie said. "Maybe he will eventually. It has to happen and you have been getting in fights with him a lot."
"That's true, but I don't even know anymore. My life has been so screwed up since the day I got shot," you said.
"Speaking of which, when are you due in court?" Annie asked, trying to switch the subject.
"In a couple days, and they'll all be there," you said.
"Oh gosh," Annie said.
Your phone lit up again.
Nathan: Love please answer me. Pleaseeeee. I'll do anything. I'll tell you that thing I was holding back. I'll move on from you, get with Ariana or someone. I'll get a flat by myself. Anything to keep you here with Jay. I can't drive you two apart. Love answer me please.
You let out a couple tears and showed Annie the text. "Wow...he loves you enough to let you go..." She said.
"He's been saying that for so long though...but look at all that's happened," you said.
"But that's serious love, from both of them." Annie said. "Reply to Nathan now before the poor guy has a heart attack."
You sighed and texted Nathan back.
You: I'm fine Nath. I'm at a friend's right now. I just need some time by myself to figure things out. Please don't come for me, I'll be back soon.
He replied immediately.
Nath: Okay babe. Please be careful okay? Don't hurt yourself. We all love you and couldn't live without you. See you soon love<3
You didn't respond, turning your phone off. "What am I gonna do?" You asked, totally out of options.
Annie thought for a moment. "Well first find out what this thing Nathan has been holding back is. Maybe that changes everything. You don't still love him, do you?" She asked.
"I still love him, but I love Jay," you said.
"But I mean...you don't love him more than Jay do you?" Annie asked.
"No," you said, a bit sadly. You didn't want to admit it, but you had always said you loved them both equally. Yet, there was always a connection between you and Jay that wasn't there when you dated Nath.
Annie just nodded her head. "You know what they say, the heart wants what the heart wants," she said.
"They also say all's fair in love and war, but none of this is even a little fair," you said.
"I think that's the point of the expression though. Meaning, anything can happen. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. It's going to happen so you'll have to accept it as being fair," Annie said.
"I guess," you said, "I just don't understand why everything turned out so wrong."
"Maybe it didn't. You found out who you truly loved this way," Annie said.
"That's a pretty sucky way to do it though. I didn't need all the violence or drama that came with it," you said, putting your head in your hands.
Annie hugged you. "It'll be fine, okay? I know that seems like bullshit, but it'll all work out eventually. How about you stay the night?" She said.
"That would be lovely, thank you so much," you said gratefully, giving Annie a hug.
"No problem, I have some clothes upstairs. Look through them and find something to wear while I make something for us to eat?" She said.
"I have my bags in my car, you don't have to do that," you said.
"Oh okay," she said, smiling.
---
An hour later you were both watching a movie, laughing like nothing had ever happened. You then checked your phone to see that Nareesha had texted you.
Nareesha: Where are you? Jay and Nath are going crazy without you here. They're both in opposite corners of the room crying. When are you coming back?
That had totally killed the mood. You sighed, not wanting to answer the text. Annie read it over your shoulder. "I'm sorry. This has to be really hard on you," she said.
"It's just not fair. Why do I have to deal with all of this? Why can't it be someone else?" You said, still looking at the text.
"Because it's you they fell in love with. You must be pretty amazing." Annie said.
"I've caused so much shit though. I can't be that great," you said.
"Well they still love you. That must mean something," Annie said.
"I just don't know anymore. I'm so confused." You said.
You texted Nareesha back.
You: I'll be back soon. Please tell everyone not to text or call me. I can't talk to anyone right now.
Nareesha texted you back.
Nareesha: Okay just please hurry. They haven't moved and it's been hours.
You turned off your phone. "How about a girls night?" Annie suggested.
"That'd be great," you said with a smile.
"Well go get dressed and we'll go out," Annie said, getting up.
You followed her upstairs to her room. You rummaged through your bags, looking for something nice to wear. "Wear that," she said, pointing to the dress you had bought while shopping with Kelsey and Nareesha.
"Okay..." You said hesitantly.
"We're going clubbing later tonight," Annie said, laughing.
"I know it's just...the dress," you said.
"What about it?" Annie asked.
"I bought it with Nareesha and Kelsey. They told me to wear it for that picnic with Jay and it just brings back too many memories." You explained.
Annie looked at you and nodded. "Why don't you wear something of mine?" She said, leading you to her closet.
"Okay," you said as she picked something out for you.
"How about this?" She said, showing you a sleeveless dark blue dress.
"Okay," you said with a smile, taking the dress out of her hands.
"It'll look great on you, go get changed," Annie said, gesturing to the bathroom.
"Thanks!" You said before going into the bathroom.
You got dressed and used her curler to curl your hair. Once you stepped out of the bathroom, Annie smiled at you. "That dress looks great on you," she said.
"Well you look even better in yours!" You said.
She blushed and laughed. "Let's go!" She said. You both went downstairs and got into Annie's car while she drove. She turned up the radio. 'Glad You Came' was playing. "Mind if we change the station?" You asked.
"Oh yeah, sorry..." She said changing the station for you. Feel This Moment was on.
"Change it again?" You asked meekly. Annie obliged, changing it again. Of all songs, Blurred Lines came on. "How about we just turn it off?" You said.
"Why? You don't like Blurred Lines?" She asked.
"Memories..." You said again.
"It's okay, I got you," she said, turning the radio off. You stared out the car window and sighed.
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