Harry's stunned silence sent daggers through his sister's heart.
For some reason she felt like his approval was necessary. That it would make it right. Because if Harry was happy for her for having feelings for a girl, then she could be, too.
Right?
But Harry knows it's more complicated. Because now his sister has to chose between her best friend and her boyfriend. And whomever she doesn't chose, she may end up losing forever.
So yeah. It's a bit too complicated. And so Harry is quiet.
"I don't know what to do." Viv says.
"I wish I had the answers for you, Vivie." He pulls her in for a hug. And sighs. "You just have to follow your heart."
"But what does that mean?" She says. "Who does that mean?"
And again Harry is quiet. Because he doesn't know. There's no way for him to know.
"That's something you have to figure out on your own... but let them know you need time. And if they really care about you, they'll wait."
Just like Harry waits for Marley. Because he loves her and her crystal blue eyes that remind him of icicles and frost-bitten noses--although, more recently, melting rivers and budding daisies.
Vivian nods. "Thanks, Harry."
"Do you want some tea?" He asks. Because his sister loves tea. Adores tea. And he hopes it will help her feel a bit better.
"Of course I do." She smiles.
"Alrighty, then." He hops up from the couch and heads toward the kitchen. Glad to brighten up his sister's low mood.
He hears her laugh from the other room as he fills a tea pot with water. And smiles. It's not long before he turns around to see her following him into the kitchen. The blanket from the couch wrapped around her shoulders.
The same blanket Marley had used not long ago. After homecoming. When she fell asleep on his shoulder.
"Your phone is beeping." Vivian says. Sits at the kitchen island table and sets Harry's phone out in front of her. "It says you have a missed call from Marley."
"Oh, thanks." His heart skips a beat from the thought of her calling him. "I'll call back later."
Of course he wants to call her right away. But thinks it would be rude to step out of the room and call her now. And he would rather not have his sister listening in on their conversation either.
"So you're pretty smitten with her, huh?" Vivie asks.
"Yeah." Harry sets the pot on the hot stove and rips open a few tea packets.
"She told me something." This catches his attention. And he turns. "About the two of you. And I don't know how I'm supposed to react to it."
Harry is puzzled. And quiet. So Vivian continues.
"At first I was angry. Because you're my brother and..." She trails off.
She has his full attention now. He walks over to the island table to pick up his phone. Notes the single call from Marley before sliding it into his pocket."What did she say?"
Now it's Vivian's turn to be quiet. Because maybe it's nothing. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything. Because she has a bad habit of making others miserable around her whenever she feels low.
And she knows this is going to hurt him.
"Spit it out. You already brought it up." He says.
She sighs. "She told me that she regretted it."
Harry says nothing. Doesn't understand. So Vivian clarifies.
"Your first time."
He shakes his head. Turns back to the stove. "She didn't say that, Vivian."
"Yes, she did." She says. "And I know that probably hurts to hear because it meant more to you than to her, but she did. That's why I was angry."
"Vivian, stop! You're upset over your relationships and you're trying to make everyone else miserable, too." Harry puts the box of tea packets back on the shelf before shutting the cabinet door harshly.
"That's not what this is, Harry. I'm not making this up."
"You have no right getting into our business." He turns to her. And leans against the counter behind him. Crossing his arms. "But if you must know, she initiated it. Why would she go back and say it was a mistake?"
"She said something about doing it for the wrong reasons." Vivian says. "I don't know what she meant by that. Do you?"
And then. It makes sense.
He had knowingly pushed the idea out of his head at the time. He just wanted her. And didn't care in the moment that they had just been at her dead mother's grave. He knew he was being selfish. And he should wait. But he didn't want to.
"We..." He sighs. "Her mother had just died." Harry admits. "Maybe she wanted to feel something other than pain and loss. That doesn't mean she regrets it."
"But does that change anything for you? She used you. You lost your virginity to her and she didn't care to tell you the real reason?" Vivian asks.
Harry looks at the floor. Thinks there are some downsides to being close enough to your sister that she knows when you do it for the first time.
"I'm not trying to bring you down just because I'm upset. It's just something that I've been trying to tell you but haven't really had the chance." She says.
"It's fair that she didn't tell me why." He doesn't look at his sister. "I mean I sort of knew at the time. I just didn't want to think about it. It's fair she didn't tell me because I didn't tell her."
"Tell her what?"
"That she was my first." He shrugs. "It's just not as big of a deal for guys. And I didn't want her to want me any less because I'm inexperienced." He uses air quotes around the last word. Finally meeting his sister's gaze.
"You shouldn't hide stuff like that from each other." She says. And then scoffs at herself. "I know I'm one to talk. But still."
The pot whistling on the stove cuts off any sort of reply Harry could have mustered. He's silent as he pours the steaming liquid into two mugs. Adding two sugars and a dash of cream to both.
Vivian says a soft "thank you," after he slides hers toward her.
He just nods and says with a soft smile, "you're welcome, Vivie." Before heading toward the stairs. Not another word on the subject.
__________________
Marley holds her phone to her ear with butterflies dancing in her abdomen. He does this to her. Just from the idea of hearing his voice. Just from missing him for the short while he's been gone.
As the line rings, she thinks about when they went shopping for her homecoming dress. She isn't sure why. It just sort of pops into her head.
He had called her beautiful despite the ugly blue dress she wore. Despite feeling like a blueberry in the ill-fitting fabric.
Just thinking about the way he got a bit over protective of her makes her heart beat faster.
What has he done to her? She is nearly a different person now.
Her heart used to feel as cold and as still as her frozen fingers. But now it beats erratically in her chest just like it always does when he is around. Or on her mind.
Which is just about all the time.
He left not even a half hour ago. And Marley entertained the idea of simply not calling him. But she decided she should. Mostly because he forgot his notebook.
At least that's what she tells herself.
Despite the lip she draws between her teeth as it rings. And the string on her shirt that she tangles through her fingers absentmindedly.
That's what she tells herself.
But he doesn't pick up. So she sighs. Stops pacing. And flops down onto her mattress.
She can just call him later. Yeah. She'll call him later.
You're pathetic.
"He forgot his notebook." Marley grumbles. "He needs it for the quiz tomorrow. That's all."
But it's not. She knows it. And Maria isn't fooled anymore.
We both know that's bullshit. You've let him crawl under your skin. His claws are too deep. You've let him inside you, Marley. Inside you.
"Shut up." Marley sits up. "So what? So what if I let him in a little? He doesn't know about our secret. I can keep it hidden. I've kept it for this long."
It's more than that sweetie. He's playing you. That's what boys do.
"Harry is different."
How do you know? How are you so damn sure? How do you know that everything he has done up until now has been a lie? Think of how quickly you fell into his trap. Think, Marley. Think!
"I know because he loves me!" Marley is nearly shouting now. She stands from her bed and paces again. She tangles her fingers in her hair as if doing so may force the voice out of her head. "I know because he treats me better than anyone ever has before. He's kind and he's the purest person I've ever met. I fucking know he's different. And I fucking know that I love him!"
The words slip out. Her hands fly over her own mouth. And she stands in the middle of her bedroom with eyes wide and cheeks reddened from the heat of her outburst.
For once Maria is silent. Eerily so. As if she, too, is stunned to a stupor by the words that flew out of Marley's mouth.
But it's true. As the words linger in the air, there is no denying their authenticity.
Marley Parker is in love with Harry Styles. And there's nothing she can do about it.
"Holy fuck." She whispers to herself. Sits down on her bed again.
Because literally. Holy fuck. Marley finally admitted it to herself. And that's kind of a big deal.
"I love him." She says softly. Hair wild from her own fingers. Eyes wide from her own words.
You don't.
"I do, though." Marley smiles. "I love him."
And she really, truly does.
___________________
OKAY SO DON'T HATE ME PLEASE.
I've had soooo much going on this month it's unreal. I had finals and then graduation prep and then finally graduation (!!!) yeey (!!)
So I'm finally done for the summer (and high school forever omg) and gosh dang it feels GREAT.
And sorry for the late update. I've had a lot going on, obviously, but also a lot of personal stuff. I've also had a lot of writer's block with this story but I think I'm good now. For real this time lol
What are your plans for the summer? Anything fun?
I'm going to Missouri for a few weeks at the beginning of July. Anyone near St. Louis?
All the love
-Lena xx