Ciara
“I don’t know where I’m going,” I muttered in to the receiver. I was wandering fairly aimlessly around a recording studio that I was unfamiliar with, trying to find a manager or a secretary—even the cleaning lady—who could help me find my way around. I was supposed to be here to meet with a friend who was working on some project he couldn’t talk to me about at the moment, but I didn’t think it was going to be this hard to find his office.
“I can’t find anyone to help me and tell me where I’m supposed to be.”
“What good is being on the phone with me going to do?” my sister Hannah asked. “I don’t know my way around there any better than you do.”
“Yes, but you’ve been here before,” I said. I saw someone come out of an office down the hall. “Oh, wait, I think I found the person I’m looking for.”
“Call me later from the hotel,” Hannah said, and she hung up the phone.
I raced down the hall after the person. “Excuse me? I need some help—I think I’m lost.” I walked around the corner to an office with a door slightly ajar. Someone in jeans and a green shirt was bent over a filing cabinet.
“I’m sorry to bother you,” I said timidly. “I just don’t know where I’m going. I’m looking for a friend of mine—Tanner Leon, he told me to meet him here today.”
The person stood and turned around, casually looking at the papers in his hands, almost as if he didn’t hear me. This person looked slightly familiar, but I couldn’t pinpoint it. Then his deep brown eyes shifted a little bit and it hit me like truck—I was looking at Michael Jackson, only five feet away from me. He was even more beautiful in person than he was in pictures. A million things raced in my head. I’d been a fan of Michael Jackson for years but right now wasn’t really the time to pounce on him like a crazy fan.
He looked up from the papers finally and seemed a little bit surprised to see me standing there.
“I thought I heard a voice,” he muttered. “Who did you say you were looking for?”
He was so soft-spoken that it made my stomach turn. His shyness amazed me. After all, I should be the one who’s tongue-tied.
“Uh… Tanner Leon,” I said. I fought to compose myself. “He just told me to meet him here. I have no idea where else to go.”
He rolled his eyes and laughed slightly. “That sounds like him. I can show you where he is.” He stuck his hand out to me. “I’m Michael.”
“I know,” I said, and instantly regretted it. “I mean—I really like your music—no.” I sighed. “I recognized you when you turned around.”
Michael gave an amused smile. “I know what you mean, don’t worry.”
“I just don’t want to seem like…Weird I guess.” I laughed nervously. “I’m usually not like this around people.”
“You’ve met other people through your friend?”
“Yeah, a few times, he’s let me go back stage and stuff like that.”
“Lucky girl with connections,” he said. He pointed to a door at the end of the hall. “It’s the one on the right.”
“Okay, thank you.” As I was about to walk away, Tanner came out of the office.
“Ciara, you found the place,” he said. He glanced at Michael. “Um…Mr. Jackson, is there something you need?”
“I was just showing this young lady where to find you,” Michael said behind me. “You didn’t give her any other directions besides the recording studio? That’s not a very good way to keep a date.”
“I’m not his date,” I said quickly, looking over my shoulder. “We’re just going to lunch as friends.”
“Well damn, I didn’t know I was that bad of a catch,” Tanner teased.
I made a face at him.
Tanner rolled his eyes. “No, she’s not my date. We were together a little while in high school and then she just wasn’t interested.”
“And you’re married, let’s not leave that part out,” I muttered. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Michael smile just the slightest bit.
“Are you ready to go?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Tanner shut the lights off and closed the door. He looked at Michael. “Are we meeting again tomorrow?”
“As early as possible,” Michael said, all-business. “I want to get in here and really get to work on this music. We’ve still got a lot to lay down and Quincy is already on me about deadlines.”
Tanner laughed and nodded. “I know, he talked to me too. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
Michael nodded, then he looked at me, smiling again. “I’m glad to have met you. Have a nice night, Ciara.”
“Thank you, you too,” I said, and I followed Tanner quickly out of the building.
***
“Why didn’t you tell me that you were working with Michael Jackson!?” I snapped.
“Because I didn’t want you freaking out,” Tanner shrugged, taking a bite of his food.
“I don’t freak out around people,” I said, crossing my arms. “I met Freddie Mercury and I didn’t freak out.”
“You did in the car on the way home.”
“That’s in the car, not right in front of him.”
Tanner smiled. “Okay. But Michael’s not gay, meaning you would actually have a chance with him, so I don’t have a clue how you would react.”
“Shut up,” I laughed. “I reacted fine. A little shocked to see him rooting around an office instead of performing, but fine.”
“I guess,” he muttered. There was a moment’s silence and then he said, “I’m actually shocked that he talked to you.”
“Why? I’m not worth a famous person talking to me?”
He glared at me. “That’s not what I said. No, I’m surprised that he talked to you because he’s so shy. Michael usually doesn’t interact with people much.”
“It’s because I’m special,” I joked. “I almost blew it. I’m just lucky enough to know how to keep my head on.”
“You’re lucky in general.” He looked up at me with a devilish smile. “So, are you gonna be like the other girls?”
My brows knit together. “What are you talking about?”
“These other girls, they run off to the papers and they tell these stories about how they had these hot romances in a hotel or bathroom or wherever they met him. In reality they were in the same building as him and he might have waved at them.”
I rolled my eyes. “I wouldn’t do something like that, that’s stupid.” I sipped my drink. “How long have you been working with him?”
“A few months.”
“What’s the project you’re working on? A new album.”
Tanner looked at me carefully. “Yes—but you can’t say anything to anyone, okay, Ciara? I mean it.”
“I don’t know anything,” I laughed.
“I mean about new music being made. They’ll hound him like crazy. They guy’s public image sucks enough as it is. I just want you to keep your mouth shut.”
“I will keep my mouth shut,” I said seriously, I little shocked at the accusation. “I’m not stupid.”
“I’m not saying that you’re stupid, I’m saying that there’s something about Michael that makes people crazy and do things they wouldn’t usually do. And he doesn’t deserve that. No one does.”
“I know. I’ll keep my mouth shut. I promise.”
After dinner, I caught a cab and started to head back to the hotel. I was kind of in an in-between living situation at the moment, and I didn’t have an apartment. This cheap motel wasn’t the best place to stay, but it was better than the half-way house that I had been in before. I’d lost my job, and this was the best that I could do for the time being.
The stress wore on me a little bit. I didn’t want to be living like this—accepting invitations to eat out just so that I could get a free meal, living in a hotel, doing odd jobs that only lasted a few months to make just enough money to keep my head up. This wasn’t the life I’d envisioned when I moved to California. But poor planning and a naïve state of mind got me here, and now I was paying for it.
I waved to the man behind the desk and I went to my room, quickly undressing and almost running to the bathroom. I wanted the hot water, so that I could unwind, but I didn’t want to catch my reflections in the mirror. Especially not when I didn’t have clothes on, and I could see the damage I’d done to myself. I sunk in to the tub and let out a heavy sigh. I’d gotten sidetracked today. I was supposed to go looking for a job, but instead I’d gone to an art museum. Every day I went without a job, I was closer to being completely broke and back in the homeless shelter.
I drained the tub, wrapping a towel around myself. I went to the top drawer under the sink, sitting on the toilet. I looked down at my body—torn up, completely destroyed, with little pink and purple and red fading lines that I couldn’t stand. They covered my stomach, legs, arms, any part of my skin that I could reach really. Except for certain areas, the areas I knew could be dangerous if I didn’t watch out. I wanted to avoid those areas, I was looking to punish myself, but I wasn’t looking to die.
Not yet.
Slowly, I ran the blade across the inside of my lower arm. It stung bad, bringing tears to my eyes, crossing over the lines of the injuries I’d suffered at my own hand before. I started to cry harder, not from the physical pain but from the emotions I was feeling. I did this so that I actually could feel something…So that I would feel anything close to human.
The phone rang, making me jump and drop my blade. Quickly I pressed a towel to my arm and put the blade on the sink, running to the phone.
“Hello?” I said. I pulled the rag away and looked at my wound, flinching.
“I’m looking for Ciara—I really hope I have the correct room,” a timid voice said.
“Who is this?” I asked.
“Is this Ciara I’m speaking with?” the voice asked in return.
I sighed slightly. “Yes, this is Ciara.” I pressed the speaker button the phone and rushed to the bathroom to clean up.
“Good,” the voice said. “This is Michael.”
I dropped my towel. “Um…Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” he retorted. I swear, it almost sounded like he was flirting, but that had to be in my imagination—right?
“How did you get my number?” I asked.
“I talked to your friend Tanner,” Michael explained. “He was fairly quick to give it up, too. I’m going to guess that you’re alone.”
“I am,” I said. I threw my towels in to a bag for the maid service.
“You sound like you’re a little far away now—is the service okay?”
“Yeah, I just have you on speaker.”
“You’re not busy, are you?”
I looked around the room as I started to get dressed, and at my newly bandaged arm. “No, I’m not busy. I’m just cleaning up a little bit.”
“Good,” he chuckled. “Now tell me—what is a beautiful girl like you doing in California alone?”
“Pretending she has an acting career,” I joked.
“You’re in show business?”
“Sort of, I tried to be. It just really hasn’t worked out lately.”
“I don’t see why. Your features would be perfect for it.”
I blushed a little. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re very welcome,” Michael said. “How long have you been out here?”
“A year or two,” I said. “My turn to ask the questions now. What are you doing talking to some random girl this late at night?”
“I wanted to talk to someone,” he said, his voice a little more serious. “And I’ve been thinking about those lovely hazel eyes of yours most of the rest of the day. So I figured, I would talk to you.”
“You rely very heavily on flattery.”
“If you would rather talk about something else, you can. What do you want to talk about? Intellect? The weather? Music?”
I laughed. “Talk about music with the best in the business—no thank you, I would seem like a blubbering idiot.”
“I don’t think you would sound like an idiot,” Michael said. “I doubt that highly.”
“There has to be a bigger reason as to why you called,” I said.
He sighed. “You’ve caught me. I was actually going to ask you um…Sorry, I’m not that good with words…”
I laughed slightly. “That’s okay. What do you want to ask me?”
“If you would want to get together soon,” he said quickly. “You can say no. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked because I don’t know you well. I would just like to take you to get ice cream or something.”
I raised my eyebrows to myself. “Ice cream?”
“Don’t you like ice cream?”
“Well…yeah. That’s just not what I was expecting.”
He chuckled. “It can be anything you want. I would just like to get to know you a little better.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re the first person in a long time who hasn’t treated me like a freak show the first time they saw me.”
I smiled to myself, then I sat there, contemplating. “All right…I suppose we can get together. When do you have time to meet? I know that you’re busy.”
“How about be do Wednesday?” Michael suggested. “I’m not recording then. Noon?”
“All right.”
“Great.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Then I’ll be around to pick you up. I’ll call you when I’m on the way though, to let you know what car we’ll be taking and everything. I’ll see you then.”
We hung up the phone and I plunked down on the bed, shocked. There is no way this was really happening. Obviously, Tanner had put him up to this. But still, I was going to go get an ice cream cone with him, even if it would result in nothing more than a cool story. This wasn’t the kind of opportunity I wanted to pass up.
Then I remembered the way my skin looked and I sighed. I would have to cover up a lot, the way I did today. I would have to get creative to look appealing.