Still Day Five,
There's someone else here. One of the other patients. I've seen him before, while I was leaving the wizard's, and he was going in. I'm guessing he's the appointment after mine. I hadn't seen him before or after that. But now he's here. He's just sitting there... staring either at the wall or at me. The nurse running the infirmary came over to check up on him, and she asked him what happened, and he said he just fell. She didn't seem to believe that, and frankly I didn't either. I can tell when someone's lying, and boy was he lying through his teeth. See I haven't told you what I'm in here for, but I can tell you just one of my many diagnostics, I don't know the one that landed me here, but of course I know some which are contributing to my stay. I'm gonna tell you right here and now that I'm a pathological liar, so I should know when someone is lying. If you don't know what that means, then all you basically need to know is that I'm exquisite at lying, it comes naturally to me. I guess you should be worried... Nah! I'm just messing with you. But wait, if I was lying to you just then, than that would mean, I wasn't messing with you, and I am a pathological liar. However then if I was telling the truth, I'm not a pathological liar, and I was messing with you, but then I'd still be lying because I told you I was a pathological liar. Confused? You should be. That was some paradox crap right there.
Getting back on track here, I just heard from the nurse that he'll have to stay here the night as well. Man this place likes their precautions, don't they? Well the nurse is probably gonna ask me another round of questions about how my head is feeling, so if anything comes up, I'll be sure to tell you all about it.
signing off.
Day Five, After Midnight (I think),
I know, if it's after midnight it's day six, yadda yadda. That's not the point, you've got to push all that unnecessary thinking out of your head, and bear with me. I've got to tell you what happened. Now shush! Okay so the guy, who's name by the way is Austin, this I learned from the nurse asking him questions about his injury. However I think I'll call him Aussie, he isn't Australian or anything, I just feel like calling him that. Anyway after she told us to get rest, she left. And guess who talked to me. That's right, Aussie talked to me. He opened his mouth and words came out. Words that were directed at me. You're not gonna believe this when I tell you, but he wanted to know if he could read you. Doesn't that just shock you? I told him no, but then after thinking about it, I told him yes, if I got to read his. An eye for an eye, and all that jazz right? He disagreed immediately, and we dropped that subject.
Then I felt the need to talk to him, I mean it had been weeks since I last talked to someone around my age that wasn't related to me. I asked him why he was really here, at the infirmary, but he took it as me asking him why he was here at the institution. As if, I would ask that! Do you know how personal that is? Anyway that misunderstanding caused a fight, and it went downhill. I guess I won't interact at all with these patients, if they're all like him. Oh well, it's not like I was going to gain anything from them anyway right? After that interaction, we both laid down on the cots they have here in the infirmary, across the room by the way, we did not want to be near each other. Now Aussie is sleeping, and god does he snore. You know when you go over to see your grandparents and they have that big dog to keep them company and he likes to lounge in the middle of the floor, and he snores that dog snore which is just so loud that the house practically shakes? Can you imagine that? Now picture a human having that same snore, that is what Aussie sounds like. It's so annoying. Please don't let this last all night. One time my sister was snoring so loud she woke herself up. Of course she blamed me, and then it wasn't funny anymore. That chick was always blaming me. She deserves more than what I could ever do to her. Oh! I have a feeling the nurse is gonna check up on us soon. Farewell for now journal!
signing off.
Day Six,
Aussie didn't bother with me when we woke up in the morning. He was completely silent. He did however steal a few glances, as if studying me. After a check up with the nurse and Wizard, we were sent back to our rooms, to rest for the day. Of course we had to eat first, and since it was after the set time, there were no other patients and I was in the clear. I haven't really eaten since I've got here, but with this food, I'm kinda glad I hadn't. It was weird, like the food tasted good enough you don't want to gag, but not good enough to where you wanted another plate. I really hope not all the food tastes like this. Then again it is only breakfast, so maybe dinner and lunch will be better. When I got done I scampered to my room, only to be met with Wizard. I tried to sneak back out, but he already saw me. By this point I'm pretty sure he is a real wizard. He talked to me about how when I go back to the common room, I shall not harm the guards, and I shall remain calm. I smiled and nodded at Wizard until he got tired of my actions and eventually just left. I can only assume that he sent the guards and that they're on their way. Now that I know guards will be escorting me instead of nurses, unlike last time, I won't freak out as much. You know what? I'm gonna hold my head up high, and just sit there, because it's not like there are any fun things to do here. I guess we'll just wait and see. Well the guards are here, so....
signing off.
Day Six, Yes again,
So we made it to the common room, and then I decided to sit outside, so this is where I'm writing to you from. The same two guys from before were the same ones to escort me. During our walk, I could feel how tense they were, and once we passed the point where the confrontation happened, they seemed to relax. I could tell they were still uneasy. The guard to my left kept watching me from his peripheral vision, and I noticed he was the guy who ate tile last time. I started feeling bad, I mean besides a split lip, there didn't seem to be any injuries but I still felt bad about tripping him. It wasn't their fault I psyched myself out. So I apologized, to the both of them. Shock and wary had filled their faces, and then I repeated it, and I told them I freaked out, and they accepted it. They also seemed to completely relax after that.
There wasn't as many patients here, as I thought there would be. Don't get me wrong there are still a lot of them. Seeing some of them react, is a weird feeling. I can't help but to wonder what they're here for, and if they really belong here or not. I mean, could they be like me? If you come from a dark past, it could mess you up. Are they not understood, do they just need someone to listen to them? Across the garden I notice, Aussie, with two other people. A boy, and another boy? I can't really see the last one, no matter what though, that person seems to be awfully thin. Uh oh, I don't think looking at them is a good thing. They noticed, and now I think they're coming over here. Oh crap. Wish me luck journal.
signing off.
Day Seven,
Well Wizard was glad I finally made it to the common room, and proud that I even sat outside with no confrontation. He even asked if I felt comfortable here, and I had to answer honestly. I told him kinda. Let's be honest, no matter how bad my life could have been, I still wouldn't be comfortable here. Everything is too strict, and sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. Hey, it is a mental hospital, you know to contain and "help" us be "normal". Who's to say what's normal, and what isn't normal? How does one establish calling a person "crazy"? Shouldn't the one's who have "lost" their sanity be the judges of who's sane and who's insane? Surely they'd know right? Honestly people piss me off. Even Wizard pisses me off with his talk about my "path to healing". There's nothing to heal here Wizard! Nothing at all. I mean I'm not society's definition of "normal", but that doesn't mean I'm "crazy", and it doesn't mean I have to be "healed".
Anyway, I suppose you're dying to know what happened yesterday. I guess I can tell ya. Aussie and the two others came over to me, the one who is insanely thin, sat next to me, while Aussie and the other one sat on the grass in front of me. They were silent for a bit, until Aussie spoke up. First he introduced the two as, Charlie and Leo. Then he apologized for asking to read something that was private, and then getting into an argument about it. I didn't say anything. I sure as all heck wasn't going to apologize to him, I was only trying to make things fair. After the introductions, I asked them what they were doing here, with me. "Curiosity", Leo said. They were curious about me. Everything after that seems to blur, but the main thing is, is that they stayed with me, talking, trying to get me to engage in a conversation. I didn't. It wasn't until when I was back in my room, that I noticed Charlie, the thin one, said even less than I did, and yes he was a boy. So does this mean I made three new friends? Or just meet three new people? I think with Charlie's permission, I'll call him Thin Mint. Leo will stay Leo, because I like it, and you already know Aussie, I'm not changing that even if he begs.
signed, an unstable girl. (let's see if Wizard notices)
Still Day Seven,
Well I fell asleep when I got back to my room, and slept throughout dinner, oh well. That's life I guess... Journal? You're always gonna be here for me right? You've got my back? Oddly enough, you're the only one I trust. Strange isn't it? You're you, just a journal, and I'm counting on you to look out for me. The reason I'm asking you, is because I need someone. There's never been a constant in my life, everything was always moving, people always coming and then going. You though, you're staying right? Thank you.
Day Eight,
I had a nightmare, and then I couldn't get back to sleep. It was a true nightmare. I was running, endlessly running, and someone was chasing me. I couldn't see who, because I never looked back. All I knew was that I was scared and I couldn't stop running, or else they'd get me. Then I started slowing down, and I could tell the person behind me was catching up, but then suddenly I ran into a wall, only it was a person, and before I could look, they had thrown me into a cage. That's when the person caught up, and they cheered in victory. That moment is when I realized, my sister was the one chasing me, and my mom threw me into the cage. It was horrible. I had woken up all sweaty and out of breath. I used to have that dream all the time when I was a kid. I guess you expect some reasoning behind it. Even when I was little, I always felt like my mother and my sister always hated me. They started proving it to be true as I got older. I'd be locked in my room for the whole day, and I'd hear them laughing, and having a good time, just as they would be if I didn't exist. My mere existence bothered them. I could be doing nothing, just sitting in a corner, being quiet, and I'd get punished and sent to my room. When I reached preteen, they'd keep me in my room for longer than a day. I have to stop saying my room, it was the attic, so even if I thought I could escape by the window or something, I'd die, or break a few bones. Either way still trapped there with real life monsters. It wasn't always so bad, you know? There were times, where they had my grandparents over, and I'd shower, and be able to sit and laugh with the family. It was especially good around the holidays. Everyone got together under two huge blankets, and we watched a movie, and got to eat home baked cookies. But, as soon as the magic my grandparents brought with them, it left even sooner.
That's enough about me, I've got the sniffles and it's almost time for lunch. I wrote through breakfast, oh well. I've also got to go, so bye.
signed, an unstable girl. (he won't notice.)
Day Eight Continued,
Well it's almost lights out, so I have to make this quick. I told you about my nightmare right? Of course I did, anyway Charlie heard me. And yes, he said it's okay if I refer to him as Thin Mint. So Thin Mint, and I were alone during our time in the common room, because Aussie and Leo wanted to see if they could play checkers or something. Don't ask me, they are weird. Again, Thin Mint, asked if I was alright because he heard me shouting no, and screaming. For once, I decided to tell someone the truth, Thin Mint, happened to be that someone. I told him I had a nightmare, and that I was indeed alright. He told me he could hear me because apparently I have the room next to his. I simply nodded because I could see Aussie and Leo coming back, and they were ranting, because no, they couldn't play checkers.
Day Nine,
I didn't get to finish my thoughts yesterday, because it was lights out, and the guards came knocking on everyone's door to enforce the lights out. I thought about not listening just so I could write a little longer, but I don't feel like dealing with Wizard's pretentious behavior. So I complied, and just shut you, and surprisingly fell asleep. Though I think the pills kicked in. Oh yeah, I haven't told you what drugs they've got me on. I've got sleeping pills, calming pills, happy pills, and pills to take for other reasonings. I'd tell you their actual drug names, but I can't remember for the life of me. I kinda wish I was getting morphine, I heard once that morphine is a wild ride. However, I am not in severe pain, so no morphine for me. You know, I think the doctors and everyone keep the good meds to themselves, which is why we're stuck with the other medicines. Or they could be keeping it tucked away because it's too dangerous for the public's hands. Oh gosh, the public is all over the place, they are a dangerous people. How on earth to I go from my thoughts yesterday, to meds, to the public? I must be crazy. The only people who switch topics faster than that is toddlers, and that's because they have a short attention span. I, however, switch topics so fast because I'm crazy. Everything I do is because I'm "crazy", which is why I'm stuck up in this here loony bin. Gosh. If I stay in this place any longer I will become a maniac. I have to get out of here. I have to. I can't take this madness any longer.
signed, an unstable girl.
Day Ten,
I did something bad, I have only a little bit of time before they find me. I pushed down another guard, who was by himself, and started beating him up, his lip got bloody, and his eyes got black and blue. Then I started throwing chairs, and I did flip over a table. Another patient was around to watch the whole thing, and the old gal started losing her crap as well. They had to get ten guards, and sedatives to sedate us, but I ran away as soon as they took down the old gal. Poor old gal, she looked lost the whole time. I feel so bad. After I ran, I tried to climb out a window, but once it was broken I realized there were bars in front of it, like a jail. I knew if I could reach it, I shouldn't have tried, but I needed out. I still do. After realizing I wouldn't be able to escape, I ran somewhere, and now I'm hiding. I'm pretty sure they'll find me soon enough though. I'm sorry, for it all. I really am. I just can't be here. I don't belong here. I belong out there, away from my past, and starting my own life. I can't be here, I can't be here, I can't be here, I can't be here, I can't be here, I can't be here, I can't be here, I can not be stuck here. Not here, Not here, not here, I'm not here. Journal please, I need you to save me, I need your help. Please help me, I can't be here...