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A hush fell over the crowd of people clustered around the gate. I thought I had imagined it at first. I thought I had finally cracked after being put under all this emotional stress. That would explain the clammy hands and the rushed heartbeat hearing my name shouted out over a hundred people caused. I sincerely thought that I had gone insane. Those were my initial thoughts. But then I heard it again. And it was louder, more clear.
"Eunji!"
The sound bounced off of the walls and off the ceiling and then it echoed back into my ears where it rocked me to the very core. The air had stilled. Conversations stopped as eyes turned. I felt an involuntary blush creeping up my neck. Despite what Wonwoo had said about never looking back, I couldn't stop myself from turning towards him.
However, I nearly fell to my knees in tears when I saw not only Hansol but Jihoon as well standing in the midst of the crowded seating area. The two of them were searching the area, their eyes hopeful. It made my heart wrench knowing that they were searching for me.
Hansol was the first to spot me. His eyes widened and immediately he began trying to shove his way past the crowds of people swarming towards him. Wonwoo reached out to stop him but Hansol blazed on right past him. He was a force to be reckoned with but on top of that he was practically a celebrity, both him and Jihoon. I didn't belong with him and I sure as hell would never be accepted in their closely knit circle. But besides that, I just didn't know if I even wanted to be with him or even by his side. That thought stuck to my mind like glue and I chanted it like a mantra as Hansol grew closer and closer. When he was so close I could practically smell his very being, the thought was so deeply engraved in my mind I was able to keep my tears at bay and face him head on.
"What're you doing here?" He asked, his voice low. His eyes darted from side to side as the crowd surrounding us erupted in hushed whispers. The words Chwe Group and chaebol echoed in my ears but both were overshadowed by the thundering sounds of orphan and slut that seemed to follow. My grip around Wonwoo's beanie tightened as my gaze hardened. I forced myself to block out their harsh whispers. Hansol turned to the crowd. One swift, sharp glance from him instantly silenced the gossip and whispers. I sucked in a breath of air and tried to focus on only Hansol. Now that he was closer, I could see things much clearer. Like the dark circles under his eyes and the lines of worry creasing his forehead. But I could also see the beginnings of a black eye blossoming in dull blues and blacks. He was just as wrecked as Jihoon.
His tired eyes bore into mine. "I'll ask again. What are you doing here?"
I shook my head and gathered my thoughts. "I-I'm leaving. For good." I replied shakily. My nerves were bundled with anxiety. I wrapped my hands around Wonwoo's beanie and began twisting to keep my hands from shaking too badly. A slight furrow creased his forehead. I waited for the questions, the shouts of don't go or please stay, but Hansol surprised me with neither of these things.
He looked up at me with uncertain eyes. They flickered from me to the plane back and forth until his eyes settled on the plane. On instinct alone, I turned with the feeling that it wasn't just the plane he was looking at. I was right. Sitting there was Jihoon with his bloody lip and his battered hands. As soon as our eyes met he turned away suddenly. I turned back just as quickly, the realization hitting me full on like a load of bricks to the head. My hands were shaking with rage. I turned back to Hansol, eyes blazing.
"You two fought?" I asked in disbelief. I didn't care that I was shouting. I didn't care that everyone in this damn airport was now looking at me. The two of them stupidly beat each other half to death so I felt a bit entitled to shouting as loud as I wanted to. "You two fought. Didn't you?" I asked again.
Hansol looked back at Jihoon. His eyes darkened and through clenched teeth he said, "No, we didn't fight–"
"That's a lie." I scoffed, cutting him off. My face was starting to get all hot and red. It felt like a lump was starting to swell in my throat. I raked a hand through my hair and tried to even my breathing. "That's a fucking lie. You promised me– You fucking promised me you wouldn't lie to me anymore. You...you promised me–"
"I didn't promise you anything." He said, but his voice sounded different. It was all low and strangled. Stepping closer, Hansol lowered his voice to a whisper. "You thought I was being honest back there? Are you stupid or do you just blindly believe whatever anyone tells you?"
I froze. Immediately, my head darted up to meet his eyes. They say the eyes can tell you anything – that they're a window to the soul. When I searched Hansol's eyes, I didn't find an ounce of humor in them. His eyes were as hard as steel and as cold as ice. I shuddered involuntarily.
Hansol leaned in close, his mouth nearing my ear. "What? You didn't really believe I had feelings for you, right?" He let out a humorless chuckle. "God, you really are as dumb as they say you are."
I felt my heart sink. His words were like salt poured onto a fresh cut, each one stung worse than the last. But what bothered me more than the fact that he knew exactly what to say to hurt me was the fact that he had to say them now of all times. Why now? Why of all times did he have to say all of this now?
I shifted my gaze up to meet his and scoffed. "Is this really necessary?" I spat. Hansol's eyebrows raised the slightest at my sudden outburst. He opened his mouth to say more but I quickly cut him off. "It's not enough that Hyemi has to remind me everyday just how unworthy I am to even be standing in the same room as her, but now you have the audacity to stand here and tell me that I'm an idiot? That I'm dumb? Did it not occur to you that maybe Hyemi's constant abuse might've already made that clear? I'm already extremely aware of where I stand on this stupid social ladder you all obsess over like it's all that matters in this goddamn world. I know what everyone thinks of me and what they say about me behind my back. But I never knew that you felt the same.
I thought that maybe you had a bit more class. But apparently that was all just a fucking lie, right?" I choked out a laugh – it came out a sob. "What do you want, Hansol? Just what the hell do you want from me?" I shut my eyes briefly and remembered when Hansol first told me he liked me.
When I opened my eyes, he was still as cold as ever.
"I don't love you." Hansol said finally. "And I never have."
I sucked in a sharp breath of air that left my fingers trembling. "Are you still lying to me?" I asked. I bit my lip to keep it from trembling.
"I'm not lying to you."
My hand whipped across his cheek. The thundering crack of the impact echoed throughout the room, stunning the crowd into silence. I saw Wonwoo and Jihoon start to move, concern etched in both of their faces but Hansol was quicker.
As he recollected himself from the impact my hand rose again to slap him, but Hansol was not one to fall victim to the same trick twice. He saw my hand just as it was about to strike down and in the last second, his hand shot up and grabbed ahold of my wrist effectively stopping it mere inches away from his face.
"Let go of me." I hissed angrily but the rage was only front I could keep up for so long. I felt like I had just been gutted and Hansol was still holding the knife. There was only so much I could take. I could feel myself reaching that threshold now. "Please," I begged. "I'm not going to slap you again, I promise." Hansol shifted with uncertainty but soon released me the second a tear slipped out.
I slapped him again.
Instead of recovering quickly as he did before, Hansol stood with his cheek facing me. Already a red mark was beginning to blossom in a wide streak across his smooth skin . I quickly wiped away the single tear and blinked away whatever was left. Hansol turned back to me looking, in every sense of the word, baffled. He flexed his jaw several times.
"I thought you said you weren't going to slap me." He said, his voice eerily still. Despite my state, I still managed to glare at him.
"I didn't promise you anything. Don't tell me you're dumb enough to blindly believe whatever anyone tells you."
Hansol's expression went slack as the weight of the words hit him full on. I expected some kind of outburst from him after that. If not an outburst then at least something – anything!
But the thing I expected the least was him turning around to leave.
I found myself reaching out and grabbing ahold of his sleeve.
Hansol paused momentarily. It was for only a brief moment because soon he was wretched himself out of my grasp. I scrambled forward and grabbed onto his arm. Both of my hands held on tightly. "Let go."
"Is that it?" I asked in disbelief. "Is that all you have to say? You insult me and you lie to me and all you have to say is let go. Why? Am I so embarrassing that you can't stand staying in the same room as me? Do you really hate me that–"
The words froze on my tongue when Hansol spun around quickly, grasped me around my waist, and pressed his lips to mine in a kiss so mind-searing I froze where I stood. I surrendered almost instantly and melted in his embrace. He pulled away slightly and then pressed his lips on mine again and again in short frantic kisses that left me feeling numb. He kissed me desperately, like it was the last thing he would ever do. It was nothing like the way he kissed me the last time. This kiss was, in every sense of the word, bittersweet.
When Hansol pulled away and I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see that his were wet. He blinked rapidly and used the back of his hand to roughly wipe away whatever residue remained.
"I'm sorry. I can't do this." He muttered softly through ragged and uneven breaths. Taking his hands off of my waist, Hansol stepped away from me while shaking him head. But then he froze, pausing in his steps as if he was contemplating something. And then he was turning back to me and taking long strides towards me. I thought he was going to kiss me again. Instead, he leaned down until his mouth was brushing the shell of my ear and whispered, "I'd slay a thousand dragons for you." And then, just like before, he was breaking away from me. With his back turned, Hansol pushed through the crowd and as far away from me as he could get.
"Hansol? Hansol!" I screamed, tears streaming down my cheeks. I moved to run after him but strong arms wrapped themselves around my waist, effectively stopping me. I didn't have to look to know it was Jihoon. "Let go of me." I tried to slip out under his arms but Jihoon's hold was tight. My eyes searched for Hansol amongst the crowd but he was nowhere to be seen. He had just...disappeared.
"Eunji, stop." Jihoon pleaded, his voice strangled. "Please." There was something in his voice that made me stop struggling. I stole a glance down at Jihoon and saw the pain etched so clearly in his eyes. The realization slowly dawned on me.
I knew my heart was breaking. But as I looked at Jihoon and saw the words he was holding back, it occurred to me that maybe Jihoon's heart was breaking too.
When he realized I was no longer fighting to break free from his grasp, Jihoon slowly let go. I wiped my tears away and tried to hold it all in. A part of me desperately wanted to run after Hansol and demand an explanation. But I restrained myself and pushed all of those selfish thoughts to the back of my mind. Instead, I turned to Jihoon and buried my face in his chest.
His body tensed. I could feel him slightly shift away from me as if my touch burned him, but slowly his arms wrapped around me. To keep any sobs from escaping, I bit my tongue so hard I could taste blood. Jihoon reached a hand up and stroked my hair lightly.
"He loves you, you know." He murmured in my ear so only I could hear. "Hansol didn't lie to you the first time. He's not a fighter or anything like that at all. The deal Hyemi's mom and Hansol's dad made was called off because he told them he didn't want to marry you anymore. That he refused to marry you even if it meant all his shares would be taken away from him. That didn't sit well with his father and...well you can just guess what happened next." Jihoon spat out the words like the very thought sickened him to him stomach. "And all that bullshit he said was just so you wouldn't feel inclined to stay. He wanted to give you a clean break." Jihoon said. My chest tightened painfully. The two of them wanted me to leave. It was just me who made it difficult.
I forced myself out of Jihoon's embrace and turned suddenly so I wouldn't have to meet his eyes. If I saw them, if I saw how much I had hurt him, I wouldn't be able to leave. That in itself is something I would never forgive myself for doing. I had hurt so many people in so many different ways. It would be best if I left now.
I'm sorry, Hansol, Jihoon, the words were a jumbled mess in my head that seemed to repeat themselves in a never-ending loop, I shouldn't have looked back. This time, I won't make the same mistake.
Slow steady steps led me back to the boarding area. Every fiber of my body ached with heartbreak and I wanted nothing more than to turn and run back to Jihoon and Hansol and apologize for everything. But I couldn't – I wouldn't.
Nothing would stop me this time. I was determined, I was sure, and I was halfway there. So when I heard my name being called for the second time I refused to turn. Even though I could swear it was Kwon Soonyoung, even though it hurt to hear him screaming my name from across the room so desperately, I refused to turn back. I shut my eyes and bit down on the inside of my cheek and just continued forcing myself forward.
Through my hands, I could hear Hoshi's yelling growing closer. The sound of his sneakers hitting the floor in evened rushed steps echoed throughout the room. I was nearly at the plane's entrance. Hoshi's screams grew fainter and fainter yet they seemed grow even more desperate the quieter they got. I clamped my hands over my ears and tried to block the sound out, but even then Hoshi begging me to wait echoed in my ears. It pulled at my conscience and made my chest tighten painfully. Only when I reached the plane and I sat in my seat did it finally stop. I lifted my hands off of my ears and slowly opened my eyes.
The sound of Hoshi's voice had disappeared.
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