The first time I met him, I didn't know I'd feel this way.
The eyes that can't stop staring at his features.
The air that seems sucked out of me and left me breathless.
The pink on my cheeks when he looks me in the eyes.
The lump in my throat everytime I try to talk to him.
The smile, no, the huge grin that always plastered on my face.
The rapid beating of my heart as if it's going to explode.
The icy cold on my fingertips like my blood has stopped flowing inside.
The electricity that spread throughout my body when he touches me.
The constant butterflies in my stomach.
The numb on my feet like it's turning into a jelly.
The urge to always be around him in every chance I have.
The feeling that can't stop growing inside my heart.
He has those effect on me and he doesn't even know about any of it.
It is a strange feeling for me.
It feels right.
Yet I know it is wrong.
But you know about feelings.
You have no control over it.
Once it's there, it will stay there.
The more I fight it, the bigger it will be.
It will grow bigger and spread throughout my body like a virus.
The feeling.
I should just ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist, right?
People said that way the feeling will eventually be gone.
But it isn't as simple as that.
I know, I've tried.
Not seeing him for months makes me think it's gone.
I think I've gotten over it.
That's the problem.
I don't know, I think.
And true, as expected, it all return as I catch sight of him.
The feeling has never gone anywhere.
It kept itself hidden at the corner of my heart, I don't even know it still exist.
It waited for him to finally floating on the surface again.
By then, I realize
The mere existence of him has a huge effect on me.
I've been in this position before.
I know how it would turn out.
I know it's getting me nowhere and I should stop before I fall deeper and can't crawl my way up.
But I don't know how to stop.
Instead, I feel more and more comfortable.
That has always been my problem.
Don't blame me.
I never intended for this to happen.
So, I don't want him to encourage me.
I don't want him to lead me on.
Ever.
Because no matter how hard I resist,
no matter how hard I mentally push him away,
no matter how bad my mind told me to ignore it,
no matter how tall the wall I build around me,
no matter how bold the line I draw between us,
I'll definitely fall for him.
And end up getting hurt, again.
So don't ever try to make me fly.
Because I know no matter how high I'm flying,
In the end, I'd fall.
And he won't be there to catch me.
You won't be there to catch me.
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