Tony took another sip from his bottle and rested his head against the wall he was leaning against.
Just earlier this day the Avengers had moved back in the tower. And Stark just didn't get it. After everything, after all he did... they still came back.
He had literally created a killer robot. There was more blood on his hands than of any of the team members combined.
The team. Not his team. He never quite fitted in with them. Used to wealth and comfort instead of pain and suffering.
Yeah he had worked hard throughout his life, but no one else saw it like that. And rightfully so. Pulling a forty hour working spree to finish a new design was hardly comparable with people working three jobs to support their children.
Howard talking down on him and smacking him around a little when he fucked up again, didn't compare to being beaten to a bloody pulp on a daily bases.
Being kidnapped once, having a little water thrown over him, didn't compare to the many many times those spies had been interrogated.
Over all, Tony had no reason to complain.
The Avengers had been through so much more.
Tony emptied the bottle with a few sips and sighed content at the light buzz the alcohol gave him.
He didn't get why they pretended to forgive him so easily. Forgiveness was earned, and Tony certainly hadn't earned shit.
-
Yet another battle. A mere week later.
Iron Man flew around shooting the swarm of big fat birds, ignoring Clint's comments about Angry Birds.
It had been a really weird week.
Every evening at exactly six, Steve would show up at his workshop and smile that charming smile of his, asking sweetly for Tony to join the team for dinner. Of course Tony couldn't say no to that!
On top of that, there has been this weird prank war between Clint and Thor. And even weirder, they kept trying to involve Tony.
Then there was Bruce who kept asking him questions about projects, and Natasha who was teaching him sparring. It was... really weird.
Like, really really weird.
"-on your left!!"
Tony snapped out of his thoughts too late. Clint was falling off a building that the swarm of birds had attacked and Iron Man was too late!
He sped forward as fast as he could, cringing when Barton hit a balcony on his way down. Judging from the pained grunt audible over the comms, Clint was injured.
Tony reached him just in time to catch him before he hit the pavement and immediately flew towards the tower. Hawkeye needed medical attention asap.
-
Clint had a broken leg and two fractured ribs. He would be out of commission for at least two months while his leg healed.
And it was all Tony's fault.
So far, no one had pointed it out yet. Cap didn't even mention it during the debriefing, only claiming Tony had snatched Clint up before he hit the ground.
It didn't make any sense, but they were probably just waiting for Clint to get his word in first.
With a sigh, Tony focused back on his work. He had been getting distracted a lot lately, messing up in battles more and more. And now someone even got hurt. He really had to get his head back in the game.
First thing on the list; new arrows for Hawkeye. New gear. New comms. Anything that could help to make sure this never happened again.
And if Tony pulled yet another all nighter? Well, that was nothing new.
-
By the time Tony came out of his workshop, it was 2 pm a day later. He was hungry, tired, and slightly tipsy. Alright, so maybe he was starving, exhausted, and drunk... who cares.
Just as he stumbled into the kitchen, hunting for some coffee, he heard the team talking and laughing in the livingroom.
He quickly grabbed a hot mug full and attempted to go back to the elevator unseen. He could just hide back in the workshop and-
"Tony?"
Dammit.
If anyone else had called his name he would have simply kept walking... but not for Steve.
And indeed, a blond head with pleading blue eyes popped around the door opening and smiles. "Hey Tony, we haven't seen you for ages. Come on, join us for movie night?"
Tony would later blame his exhaustion on the soft nod he gave, blame his intoxication on the way he easily let Steve drag him along and put him on the couch besides the others.
There were casual drinks, Bruce holding a hot cup of tea, Natasha sipping from a glass of Vodka, Clint just munching on some chips... it seemed causal, Tony doubted he was welcome.
Just as he started fidgeting and opened his mouth to make an excuse to leave, Thor walked in with a huge grin holding his hammer up.
"My friends! I have brought you a challenge!"
All eyes turned from the screen towards the god who appeared larger than life.
A dull thud was heard when Thor sat his hammer down on the coffee table, denting the expensive wood and making Tony cringe a little. Pepper was definitely going to yell at him for that.
Clint peaked up first and grinned broadly. "I'm always up for a challenge. What is it?" The archer asked overly excited.
As Natasha narrowed her eyes at Clint's oddly enthusiastic response, Thor grinned back and started explaining.
"You are aware only I can lift Mjölnir, as you have attempted to lift her before. I was merely wondering whether our time as comrades has changed this matter."
Steve raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "You want us to try and lift it again?" There was obvious surprise in the captain's voice as he eyed the hammer with obvious intent.
Thor agreed with a loud "Aye" and asked Steve to go first.
Tony kept silent throughout the entire conversation. He eyed everyone's movements and tried not to flinch, feeling too wrecked and worn out to deal with this all.
However, he did take this opportunity to watch Steve flex those stunning muscles under his way too tight shirt in preparation.
A large hand reached down and grasped the leather handle. Everyone saw Steve give a small tug and smirk before lifting the hammer up with ease.
Eyes widened and Bruce chuckled softly. "Should have seen that coming." He muttered amused while Thor clasped Steve's shoulder in congratulations.
"Who will try next?"
Clint jumped up and shouted ME way too loud, impatiently waiting for Steve to out Mjölnir down so he could try.
Tony watched everything with wide glazy eyes, almost gasping when Barton listen the hammer up with ease as well.
The agent whooped loudly and swung the hammer around for a bit before putting it down.
Bruce got challenged next and the scientist agreed after a bit if prompting. "Alright guys, but don't expect too much..."
One brief second of tension... and Bruce held the hammer above his head with a broad smile.
Natasha opened her mouth to volunteer to go next when Clint suddenly grabbed Tony's hand and pulled the engineer up to his feet.
Said genius was quite out of it and the exhaustion compared with the alcohol in his system did not work great with the panic he felt building up. It took amazing effort to pull up his masks and grin. "I'll pass, really, I've tried before, it's just a hammer. With magic. It's bullshit anyway."
Romanov eyed Clint's expression and heard the slight slurring in Tony's voice. "I'll go next." She said calmly and wasn't surprised when Clint frowned.
"Oh no, we're all trying. Come on Stark. You're not a coward are you?"
Tony swallows thickly. He looked down for a moment and caught Clint's cast in the corner of his eye. Of course.
This was probably revenge. Or something.
It had to be. Because Tony couldn't let that stupid spark of hope grow.
And yet, it burnt within his chest. Refusing to extinguish. Maybe he was worthy? Maybe he had finally payed his dues. Maybe... maybe he could lift it?
Tony takes a deep breath and takes a step forward, ignoring the worried looks of Natasha and Steve, the confused look of Bruce, and the grins of Thor and clint.
He wraps his hand around the handle and for a moment that hope glows bright within him. Another deep breath, and he tugs.
Nothing.
Suddenly feeling like a bucket of ice cold water got dumped on his head, Tony tugged a little harder this time before quickly letting go.
It was silent around him, no one was moving. Tony just stared at the hammer, mind blank.
Then, suddenly, a loud laugh is heard, followed by an annoying giggle. Thor and Clint are laughing loudly, not saying a word, just laughing.
Tony doesn't meet anyone's eyes, his thoughts running again, and not even remotely in the right direction.
The engineer crosses his arms to hide his shaking arms, gives a brief nod, and bails.
He doesn't quite run away, but it's close.
Laughter follows him, and this time when Steve calls his name, he keeps walking.
-
It's been a week, and no one has managed to break into the workshop yet.
Tony has initiated full lockdown, nothing goes in or out. Even his air supply is filtered from within.
The second Tony left the room, Natasha had slapped Clint on the back of his head and hisses angrily at him in Russian.
Steve and Bruce stood there in shock, not knowing what was going on.
"What the heck was that?" The captain asks angrily, glaring at Clint.
Barton rubs the back of his head and shrugs. "Just a prank Steve. No need to get your panties in a twist."
Bruce blinks a few times. "A prank? What- this wasn't the real hammer was it?" He asks annoyed, staring at Thor intensely.
The god smiles sheepishly. "Well, my friends, this is Mjölnir, I had merely asked her to allow you all to lift her, except for our friend Tony."
Steve tenses and has to suppress the urge to growl. "And, do tell, why would you do that??"
Clint frowns and rolls his eyes. "Like we said, it's a prank Cap. Don't worry, Tony's ego just got a little bruised. He'll get over it."
Natasha starts cursing in Russian again while Steve walks off towards the lab, praying he can get to Tony before the engineer does anything stupid.
He was too late though, the lab was on lockdown and none of Steve's override codes worked.
A week later everyone had tried to break in. Using the shield, Thor's hammer, and even the Hulk; nothing broke through. Tony had really reinforced his new lab.
Worry was eating at everyone, and all they had was Friday's word that Tony was alive.
It had taken a few days for Clint and Thor to feel guilty, but they finally came to understand how Tony would take this on.
Their friend never had a flawless ego, he just had a lot of masks.
Masks he dropped around them most of the time, showing them he trusts them.
Something, Natasha pointed out harshly, they apparently didn't deserve.
-
Tony had been drunk since the moment he walked into the lab.
He wasn't worthy. If there was any proof for it, this was it. Everyone in the team was considered worthy, they were good people. Except for him. He was the black sheep, the rotten apple.
Worthless. Useless. Fucked up.
All he saw when he looked at his hands was red these days.
He was an idiot for thinking it had been fading.
He wasn't good enough. Wasn't worthy.
Of course his thoughts immediately jumped to Steve, good pure gorgeous Steve, who could move the hammer even before they worked together and saved the world.
There was a time where Tony's petty crush on Steve made him feel a bit brighter. Right now? He felt disgusting.
It was so wrong. How could someone as filthy as him fall for someone as perfect as Steve?
Tony swallowed down some bile and buried his face in his knees. "Friday? P-Post my letter of re-resignation..."
He had the piece of paper prepared since he got named an official Avenger, knowing he would have to leave eventually.
So this was it.
He had tried, fought hard, but to no avail.
Tony had been found wanting, just like Howard always said.
-
The rhythmic click of high heels on a hard wooden floor could be heard throughout the common area. Natasha smirked, Steve sighed in relief, Bruce smiled just a little, and Clint and Thor both froze.
Pepper Potts stood in the door opening looking absolutely furious.
With three smooth steps she reached the couch and glared at all the heroes sitting there.
"When I heard that the Avengers were moving in here I was both horrified and pleased. Horrified because I knew it would attract all sorts of trouble, and pleased because Tony could use the company. Pleased because I thought you would all look out for each other.
Instead, I have a residential genius who works continuely, gives me more updates on tech than I can sell, and doesn't sleep at all. He barely eats, and I've never seen him more worn down and retreated in his life. And now, no one has heard directly from him in over a week." The CEO is furious and snaps at the Avengers without trouble.
Flashes of guilt are seen in their eyes and Steve gets to his feet. "We know. I've tried to keep him involved in everything, but he keeps fighting for distance."
A small sigh escapes the redhead and she purses her lips. "That, captain, is because Tony has the self-esteem of a doorknob. Be wouldn't know friendship unless it hits him in the face. Which is what me and Rhodey did. Now, can anyone explain to me what happened and why Tony just filled his letter of resignation at Shield?"
Natasha's eyes widen and she gets to her feet as well. "He didn't." She whispers shocked.
Pepper catches her eyes and nods. "He did. He officially quit being an Avenger. Even Fury is worried."
Clint looks down at his feet and clears his throat softly. "It's my fault. Me and Thor had been having a prank war. Eventually we came to a tie and wanted to prank someone else together. Tony's been so distant, we thought it might bring him around if we just teased him a bit. It... got out of hand."
The look Pepper threw Clint was absolutely murderous. "A bit out of hand? According to Friday, Tony has been drunk for the past week. Now, I'm going to fix this mess, and afterwards you're going to grovel. Understood?"
Barton nodded sharply and Potts huffed before motioning for Natasha and Steve to follow her. Once in the elevator she spoke up again. "Tony trust you two the most. I have a code to open the workshop, which will work. But I need you two to go in and talk to him. Me telling him his team cares isn't doing to work. That's something you guys should do."
Steve and Nat shared a look and nodded in agreement.
Still, Steve didn't let out a bit of tension until he actually saw the door slide open after Pepper entered her code.
The CEO stayed behind while Steve and Natasha entered the dimmed room.
"Tony?" Steve called out softly, looking around with worry clear on his face.
Romanov poked him and silently pointed to the slumped figure sitting by a desk in the corner. Once they came closer they could see Tony in the light coming from the screen.
He was watching video footage of Clint falling. As that finished it switched to images of Ultron wrecking havoc.
Steve snapped out of his trance when he saw Tony flinch harshly when the video showed people running and screaming in fear.
The blond soldier easily scooped Tony up, setting the smaller man in his lap and holding him close.
Tony stares up at Steve from where his head was resting against a broad chest. "Steve? Wadda ya doin here?" He slurred heavily, making Natasha frown.
Of course, the agent immediately found the empty bottles and started throwing them away, pouring the full bottles down the drain until not a single drop of alcohol was left in the workshop.
It took her some time, and by then Tony was dozing off on Steve's lap.
One glance at the fond look on Steve's face, and Natasha slipped out. The Captain would take care of this.
Steve brushed a hand through the messy brown hair and smiled sadly when Tony leaned into the touch while brown eyes widened in shock.
"I don't... I don't understand." The genius whispered softly, not taking his eyes off Steve in case this was all just some messed up dream.
"I care for you Tony. We all do." Steve whispers back, revelling in the soft warmth of the brunette. "It was a prank. Clint and Thor faked the hammer. No one can lift it. Aside from Thor. You're not unworthy Tony. It's the opposite really, you're a good man."
Tony shook his head, a few stray tears escaping. "I... no... so many people died Steve... I can't-"
Steve cupped Tony's cheek with a hand, brushing a tear away with his thumb and looking straight into those stunning eyes. "Tony, we all have blood on our hands. But you... you have cleaned them a long time ago. It wasn't your fault. Ultron wasn't your fault."
Looking down into those watery brown eyes, Steve felt himself lean down, brushing his lips against Tony's in a soft kiss.
"Please don't shut me out again." The Captain whispered softly.
Tony sniffles adorably and nods softly, his brain an absolute mush after all the emotions coming over him in the past week.
The engineer silently curls up against Steve's chest and let's himself be held, be comforted.
He wasn't okay, far from it, but be would be. Eventually.
He has a team to lean on after all.
And as Steve continued to brush through his hair, Tony's eyes slowly closed.
For the first time in weeks, he slept without dreaming.