Prologu
Feliciano had always been a carefree, happy go lucky guy. He believed war was a problem his country needed to fight, not him. So it never failed to pipe the interest in others of to why he had joined the Italian Resistance. It could've been because his Grandfather and brother were members, or it could've been for the attention and secret thrill others felt when joining the Resistance. Alas it was not for any of those reasons. It was to feel like he belonged. Feliciano was sensitive and sweet, but that made him an easy target at first glance. His older brother, Lovino, was always given harder , more dangerous missions while Feliciano was to be put out of danger, scouting for 7information and jobs any ragazza* could do. Feliciano wanted to feel like he belonged. He had no friends, for people always thought of him as an energetic ball of energy, a nuisance. As if it couldn't get any worse his grandfather treated him like a child. Feliciano longed for friendship. Someone to treat him equally and for Feliciano to rely on. So he joined the Resistance, where he was trained and pushed to the limit, for him to stand for the freedom of his country, Italy. As a member he earned respect, got out of his shell, fought and went on missions, and became everything he wanted to be. Grandpa begged Feliciano to back out, to go home, to cook and clean. Lovino didn't care either way. One mission, a simple one to collect information, changed his whole life. Feliciano messed up big time, and realized it too late.
The Fight That Is Love
" Troop 1, hit west wing"
Was the first command given of Feliciano Vargas's mission, MY mission, on the chilly morning of September 26,1944. I let out a nervous whimper. I held my M1928 to my chest and closed my eyes. I was a resistance commander, i was to die for my country if i had to. Still my nervous aura remained,
"Troop 2, back up Troop 1!"
I was getting anxious. Was this really such a good idea?
"Troop 3, hit eastern wing!"
No,now was not the time to question my choice. I've been training for so long, I swore to myself to never let anything stop me from fighting.
"Troop 4, fallow Troop 3!"
I open my eyes and step forward, my comrades starting to file up, load their guns and pray.
Pray to survive, pray for a free liberty, and pray for the people depending on us. My second in command, an American soldier, had a crazy look in his eyes.
"Troop 5 hit northern wing!"
I never really liked the alliance with those Americans but war was war. My second in command, Alfred, nudged me gently with the butt of his gun.
" ready to lead, commander Vargas?"
"Troop 6, infiltrate behind Troop 5!"
With a stiff nod, I yell out.
"Le truppe si muovono in avanti!"
"Troops move forward!"
And with that, I lead my men through the barren, dry land, straight into the claws of the Germans.
We marched for what seemed like hours,the tension thick and uneasy. Finally i stand before a hill, knowing at the bottom the fight was in motion. Troop 5 was in full blown combat with the german military. My men dived right in, the sound of guns shooting, people screaming, and blood watering the ground echoed around me. I fall to the ground, it's rough unforgiving nature embracing me, like the events around me. My hands go to cover my ears as I watch, wide golden eyes open in horror, as Alfred sets fire to a German tent, it's putrid smell filling my gentle nose. Tears stream down my olive skin as I shut my eyes tightly and begin to shake uncontrollably. My mother's gentle voice resonated through my ears. War was a merciless thing, and this battle, was only a taste of what others had to feel. My own mother died alongside my father in a resistance mission. Now of all times the guilt washed over me, like waves continuously crashing onto the sandy shore. A loud bang is what snaps me out of my mini panic attack. I Shakily stand, wiping at my tears furiously. I look up to see an American plane fly over and bomb the area ahead causing more smoke to rise from the ground and destruction to invade deeper in. I looked horrible, pale, with puffy red eyes, shaken, and a coward. I begin to fight. My mind entering into commander mode. Aim, shoot, reload. Mio dio*, are we winning? My body feels like it's been reloaded with adrenaline as I gleefully take down more men.
" siamo la resistenza Italiana!'
My men look back with relief, that their commander had re-entered reality, and answered with force,
" we are the Italian resistance!"
I grin, and reload again, not minding the blood collecting at my feet.
"Noi moriremo per la nostra liberta!"
And they answer with pride, hitting the enemy harder.
"We will die for our liberty!!"
There is hope. Yet my hope is short lived as more Germans come out to counter attack.
At one point I'm surrounded by the tedeschi muti* and the next they're all on the ground, lifeless. I meet Alfred's baby blue eyes as he head shots a brunette of the enemy, who was trying to approach me, or should i say, had tried. He was dead now. Above the brutal roar of the still strong going battle i manage to have a small conversation with Alfred.
" gratzie* alfred!'
One less bullet I had.
"No problem Feli, hey do you say, after this, would you care to join me at a-"
He ducks a fist and shoots his attacker straight through the heart.
" American cantina?"
I laugh softly and hide momentarily behind a crate to reload.
" I would love to!"
I guess war does have some positive events. I have a ... date?
Yes i suppose I suppose I do.. As the battle goes on and we go deeper in Alfred is separated from me , and although it seems we are winning I still catch an Italian soldier yell out
"Aiuto!"
Or
"Help!"
My men were working so hard, we had already lost some comrades, we HAD to take this base, their deaths had to mean something. Around me littered bloody bodies mostly Germans. We were winning! Still a good portion of the resistance members were unmoving on the ground. My small walkie talkie burst to life.
" good job troops, we're setting up medical tents on the border of the western wing. Troops 1 and 2 are coming in as help for you other fellow Troops. Keep going"
Easy for them to say when we are doing all the fighting. Troops 5 and 6 had blue uniforms but slowly red uniforms, from Troops 1 and 2 began storming in to help. The southern wing had already been in the control of the resistance and now the western wing was too.we had managed to infiltrate the northern wing and it seemed as if it would all be over. Once again my hope is short lived as a final wave of German soldiers attack us. And leading them was the man i once loved, STILL love. Why did life have to be so cruel? My blue uniform was splattered with dry blood and my M1928 was reloaded and ready to shoot in my dominant hand. Yet i couldn't find a way to move, as the final enemy soldiers dressed in green took on my people, i could only stare at my enemy, the man i loved, the only person i trusted. His cold, stoic, marble blue eyes met my own and pain flashed through them like the light a clap of thunder makes before the thunderous boom follows in it's wake. A single, traitorous tear falls out of my eyes as he aims his gun at my heart. Regret, love, and guilt fly in his eyes as he pulls the darned trigger. No, i was not going down like this. I turn my walkie talkie buzzing up once more.
" we have taken the base! Arrest the few enemy fighters left!"
The bullet embeds itself in my shoulder mid turn, another following into my back. I stumble in pain gasping as my dark blood drips every so slowly out of my wound. Alfred comes out of nowhere and pins my love to the wall.
" commander Beilschmidt you're being held captive by the resistenza italiana"
More blood trickles down my once blue outfit. As i stagger around mindlessly the fighting seemed to have ceased.
" go Feli, go to the medical tent, GO!"
Alfred's voice rings around me and once again i'm pulled out my trance, forced to enter this harsh reality. As my wounds start bleeding stronger and the liquid although warm, chills me to the bone, I walk shakily towards the right hoping to get there on time.
"Feliciano..'
I turn my head to look at the german captive.
" Auf wiedersehen, meine liebe.."
I shake my head and return to stumbling towards my only form of recovery. I had to reach. I leave behind the dazed soldiers and captives alike who had managed to translate his words. Goodbye, my love. As i pass more dead bodies my first flashback starts.
It had been one of my first missions, a simple scout for information already safely guarded in my pocket. Making my way through the town i bump into a large,broad shoulder.
" mio dio*! Be a bit more-a gentle!"
The person turns around. Slicked back blonde hair and heartless blue eyes meet mine. His green uniform giving the knowledge that he was of high rank. Perhaps a german commander or captain.
" I'm so very sorry, vut, you should really vatch vere you're going Italian"
His voice was deep and stoic.
" ve~ well it is not my-a fault if my town is over ran with you tedeschi muti, i would-a be just fine!"
I was no talk down.
"V-vell then i- "
I cut him short.
" no you-a listen to me. What is your name?"
"I'm Ludwig, i mean, commander Beilschmidt"
I begin to drag the flustered man around, not really knowing what i was doing other than enjoy the feeling of his big warm hand in my own soft, cold one.
"Ve~ ok ludwig, you will teach me german!"
Ludwig paled.
"Vut, zhat is impossible, us Germans can't be seen vith someone like Jou!"
I glare at him.
" you will do as i say German!"
More blood seeped through the blue cloth and i seemed to be a member from Troop 1 or 2 with all the red absorbed in my clothing. As i neared the border i fell, once again the ground taking me in its grasp, but this time it seemed to lock him there, not wanting him to move. The wounds now burned like those tents Alfred had lightened up, they burned like the fire my parents had died in. as i withered in pain another memory resurfaced.
"Hey Luddy, how do you say fire in german?"
I looked up to see him lost in thought.
"feuer "
" mm in italian it is fuoco"
" hey Luddy?"
" vhat?"
"How do you say summer?"
" vell, it's written sommer- vut it is pronounced zoma."
I crossed my eyes which made my blue eyed german laugh.
" in italian, it is said estate"
He nodded.
" hey Luddy.."
He looks at me gently nodding, in a way that read, 'what?' or like he would say, 'vhat'
" i heard some german say to me sind Sie nicht eine hübsche Dame, what does that mean?"
I said it like sen sai nicht ienehushse dame. Ludwig gave out a small chuckle.
" vell, zhat person needs glasses, zhen, since he asked, aren't Jou a pretty lady?"
My cheeks lit up.
"Oh.."
I felt like giving up, but somehow managed to get on all fours and crawl my way to the medical tents, that although were rather close, to me it felt like they were miles away.
My knees and hands made a squish sound every time i moved forward, the blood still freshly watered on the ground. I let out a small moan in pain as i slip and my head hits the ground.
" vhat zhe? Feliciano! Vhere are jou?"
I let out a small whimper and crawl out of my hiding spot in shame.
" Feli, vhy did you run away vhen i asked you if you knew anything about the Italian resisance?"
I shake my head. I already knew he was a German commander, but he didn't know i was a Italian resistance commander. He gently grabs my shoulders and pulls me into a warm embrace. My brown hair gently brushed back as he ever so softly traces out my features with the tip of his finger.
" i love you Feli, ti amo, ich liebe dich, you are my everything.."
I smile softly, glad that he wasn't upset when i ran away. Intertwining our hands we take a quiet stroll through Ludwig's backyard. There, no one could judge us, there we were free, even if momentarily, of our troubles and struggles.
People begin to gasp, and i guess i'll never go to that american cantina ,a nurse grabs my hand and tries to lead me to the closest doctor around. My own brother ,Lovino. Yet i feel light-headed through all the blood loss and my knees weaken causing me to fall once more. Another painful memory hits me, and i almost burst into tears.
"Vhy vould jou lie to me Feliciano!?"
I shake my head rapidly as tears fall wildly.
" no, please Luddy, I-"
" NO. VHY. DIDN'T. JOU. TELL ME!!"
" i knew if you knew that i was a resistance member we couldn't be together anymore"
" you're just another filthy liar, like all your people, i could never love someone like jou"
My eyes harden as i stare up into those mesmerizing eyes.
" I LIED TO YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL!"
I fall to my knees sobbing harder. They say love is not a war, the war is the outer force trying to break the balance of joy, but, they don't know, oh how they don't know the fight that is love.
"Auf wiedersehen, Feli.."
And with that the only person i ever cared for with a passion leaves me, just like everyone close to me. I look at my ring finger, where a silver band lay glinting. A sign of our everlasting love, yeah right
I stand up and stumble towards the doctor who leads me into one of the tents hurriedly, another soldier helping me stand and walk wraps his arm around my waist as i burst into hysterical tears.
I will never feel the warmth of his lips against mine or the crook of his neck and his strong chest. I will never see those beautiful marble blue eyes who would instantly brighten when i walked in, or his morning hair which fell gently into his face because he didn't have gel on. I would never be able to speak in horrible german and have him correct me, patiently, over and over again. I will never be able to get up in the middle of the night and burst into his room only to have him reading a book laying on the left side of the bed waiting for me. Black dots dance across my vision as i repass everything he had done for me and everything i will never have again. I will never have those sweet gestures again, like a red rose on my pillow or waking up to his delicious cooking. No more sweet fluttery kisses that tasted faintly of German beer. The love of my life was gone, and to rephrase that, my life was gone with my love. Why was i still fighting, for who was i still fighting? The soft feel of the ring on my finger reminds me of our secret wedding. Of the oddly sweet mix of both our languages and religions sealing what we once called our eternal love. One last conversation rings through my ears.
" hey Luddy, where do you-a think people go when they die?"
Ludwig looks at me surprised.
"Vell, i suppose, vhen one dies, jou simply go vhere life vants you to go.."
" how will life know were to take you if you are dead?"
" i don't know Feliciano, vhat i do know is zhat life wanted me to go vith you"
I giggled soflty at his slightly cheesy line.
" do you think love continues in the after life?"
He smiles at me, a very rare occurance for someone so seemingly emotionless.
" i think love continues wherever two people are bonded, as long as two people truly love each other nothing can keep them apart"
I nod, finally content with his answer.
" vhy, do jou think i vill stop loving jou if jou died?
I nod shyly, and he lets out a gentle chuckle.
" vell, i vould never forget jou, and i vould count zhe hours we are seperated, until ve are together again."
" ich liebe dich Feli.."
" ti amo Luddy.."
With a small smile on my face i let the darkness envelop me, the pain washed away. From wherever i am, i am counting the hours for my love to come and join me, this fight that is referred to as love, needs to meet every obstacle to assure you that it is the one. Love is a word easily spoken, but the action, is more than just a kiss, a date, a play on words. It is the mutual bond between two people, a bond so strong that nothing can overcome it, a bond that goes through fights and arguments, tears and pain and just about every emotion known to mankind. Love is not just a word, it is the joining of two souls, together to make one.
Translations:
ragazza*-girlmio dio*- my god
Gratzie- thank you ich liebe dich or ti amo = i love you
tedeschi muti*