K A S H M E R E
I could hear Kaliyah's voice and I thought that I was still dreaming until I finally managed to open my eyes. I turned my head and and noticed Kaliyah sitting in a chair next to my bed. Her legs were swinging back and forth and she was looking down at the book in her hands. It didn't take long before she looked up and her eyes widened and she gasped.
"Mommy!"
She jumped down from the chair and onto the bed and wrapped her arms around me as best as she could. I hugged her back despite how much it hurt, physically. I thought that I would never see her again, hear her laugh or see her smile. I thought about how close I came to death and just the thought of not getting to see Kaliyah grow up brought tears to my eyes. Kaliyah would of grown up never really knowing who her mother was, all she would have of me were memories, memories that would fade away over time. The thought only made me hug her tighter and cry harder.
"Mommy why are you crying," Kaliyah asked pulling back to look at me.
"Because I'm happy," I sniffled kissing her cheek.
"I'm happy to. You never came to daddy's house to pick me up and then daddy took me to grandma's house. I didn't know where you were and I missed you. Then we came here to see you and daddy said you were sleepy. I told daddy I wanted you to wake up and I when you didn't I started crying."
"You were?"
"Yes," she nodded her head looking sad.
"Well I'm up now," I smiled at her pinching her cheek playfully, "And I'm not going anywhere, ever again."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
I kissed her cheek and looked behind her and smiled at Ms. Sheila who was sitting across the room quietly letting us have our little moment.
"When are you coming home," Kaliyah asked.
"I'm not sure, but when I do we can spend all our time together. Play games, do our hair and nails, eat candy and ice-cream," I tickled her stomach just to see her laugh and smile. She kissed my cheek and lay her head down on me. Silent tears feel down my cheek but before she could see I quickly wiped them away.
Five minutes later my doctor came in and I was happy that I could finally get some answers. I didn't want to talk about what happened to me with Liyah in the room so I asked if Ms. Sheila could take her out.
"C'mon Liyah," Ms. Sheila grabbed her hand but she started pouting.
"I don't want to leave, I want to stay wit mommy," she pouted.
"Mommy isn't going anywhere, I'll be here when you come back," I assured her.
"And awake," she asked.
"Yes I'll be awake."
She nodded her head hesitantly and headed towards the door with Ms. Sheila looking at me the whole time. Once they were gone I focused my attention on the doctor.
I had so many questions and I didn't even know where to start.
"Well Nurse Pat told me she informed you on your loss. My sincerest apologies."
I nodded placing my hands on my stomach, it was still hard to believe I was pregnant on top of everything else I've been through.
"I was told you weren't aware you were pregnant since you were early along. We offer counseling and classes to assist you with this type of situation."
I shook my head, I didn't need counseling. I needed answers, answers that counseling couldn't give me.
"I want you to stay the night and if everything checks out for the rest of the day and overnight I'll give the okay to send you home tomorrow afternoon."
I nodded, "So umm, you guys ran tests, like blood test and stuff?"
"Yes we did."
"And you guys also checked for STD's and things like that?"
"We were very thorough I'm sure you'll be happy to know that everything came back fine. Aside from your injuries your perfectly healthy."
"Thank you," I breathed a bit easier knowing that I didn't catch anything.
He nodded, "If your in pain, or need anything just ring the nurse. Once I leave I'll call in a Nurse to give you your medication. In the meantime you should eat. Taking the pills on a empty stomach is not recommend."
Once he left out Ms. Sheila came back in and a nurse brought me in some food. I didn't much of an appetite so I simply ate my jello and took my pills.
They wanted me to walk around since I've been laying down for so long and after that I got to take a bath in the bathroom in my room. I was in there for close to an hour scrubbing and trying to wash away all the disgusting things that he did to me.
I was in there for so long that Ms. Sheila checked on me twice just to make sure that I was okay. I broke down twice but once I was out the shower I promised myself that I wasn't going to cry anymore. I dressed in a fresh hospital gown and I got back in bed and caught up with Kaliyah. She had a coloring book and I was helping her color a picture at her request.
I was enjoying myself and the fact that she was keeping me distracted and keeping my mind off what happened to me. I heard a faint knock at the door and watched as it opened. I assumed it was another nurse or the doctor but when I looked up I locked eyes with August.
The room got awkwardly quiet. I wasn't ready to face him, not yet. I didn't know what to say to him. I knew by now that he found out I was pregnant with his child. But the worse part was I know that he got that video that Jayceon sent and he probably watched it. I knew that he knew what happened to me, I'm sure everyone did.
I'm surprised that they let him in. The doctors and nurses saw the bruises on me and started asking me if August was abusive. No one knew that I was kidnapped, beaten and raped. The nurse from last night tried to get me to press charges on August. I lied to her and told her that I fell but I could tell she didn't believe me but she left it alone.
Kaliyah who was silently humming turned around when she heard the door close and her face lit up.
"Daddy," she pointed at me, "Mommy's awake."
"I see," I was looking everywhere I could to avoid eye contact with him, he walked over to the bed and leaned down and kissed her cheek.
"Look at my picture," she smiled proudly and held up one of the pictures we just finished coloring.
"You colored this all by ya'self?"
Kaliyah looked at me and back at August, "Mommy helped."
I looked up and August looked at me and I quickly looked back down.
"Come on Liyah," Ms. Sheila stood up from her chair, "Are you hungry?"
"Yes but I don't want to leave."
"Were just going downstairs, we'll be back."
She closed up her coloring book but before she looked at me, "Don't go to sleep."
"I wont, I promise."
She leaned into kiss my cheek and August helped her down off of the bed. Ms. Sheila took her hand and I watched as they walked out. Once the door closed behind them I didn't know what to do or say. I focused my attention on Kaliyah's picture as if it was the most interesting thing I've ever seen.
"Kashmere?"
"Yeah," I mumbled still looking at the picture in my hand.
"Look at me."
It took me a while but I finally got the courage to look at him only to quickly look back down. When I looked up again I couldn't help but notice how stressed out he looked and I could see it all over his face that he was worried about me.
"I'm okay," I tried to assure him.
"You aint gotta lie to me Kash."
I sighed but he just looked at me like he didn't believe a word I said, "I am."
He shook his head and pulled up at chair to my bedside and took a seat. He reached out for my hand and held it in his.
"I'm so sorry Kash," he looked me in my eyes and I could see that he felt like this was his fault and even though I didn't want to feel like that that's how I felt. I never thought that something like this would happen to me, all because I was connected to him.
"How did you find me?"
"Mike. He was acting shady, disappearing and checking his phone so I had one of my dudes follow him. He led me straight to you."
"Is he dead," I asked August.
"Yea," he nodded his head and I felt some relief to know that. I didn't know why he hated me so much but even though they were dead it still didn't completely ease my mind.
"You aint got to worry bout no one comin' at you like that no more. I-," he looked like he wanted to say something else but instead asked me again if I was okay.
This time I couldn't hold back the way I was feeling. As if me being kidnapped and held hostage to hit and raped I found out that through that all that I was pregnant.
I shrugged and bit my lip to hold back the tears, I felt like nothing would ever be the same ever again.
A U G U S T
She was safe now but it was to late because the damage was already done. Seeing her cry made me wish that I could bring Jayceon back to life just so I could be the one to torture his ass before killing him all over again.
"I should of known I was pregnant. I-I didn't know and now our baby is gone," she cried, "I should of protected him and now he's gone."
When the doctor told me that she was having a miscarriage there was no doubt in my mind that the baby was mine.
I comforted her as she cried. I hated that she was blaming herself but that's just how she was.
"It's not your fault Kash, none of the shit that happened to you was your fault."
"I don't understand why all this stuff happens to me. I don't-I don't know why, all my life I've been good, so I don't understand why me?"
I knew she was talking about the shit that happened to her in her life in general and I knew that what she been through just added to the long list of shit she's been through in her life.
"If I could take away the pain for you I would-"
"But you cant, your not the one you got kidnapped and raped, I did not you. And it was because of you, something you did."
So much for putting the blame on herself. What she said hurt but she had every right to be mad at me because it was my fault.
"You know what he did to me and it's to late because the damage is done. Nothing you say or do will change anything."
She was right and no matter what I said she was right, the damage was already done.
"I'm so sorry, I love you and I won't let no one hurt you again, I swear on everything."
"Empty promises," she shook her head, "He was going to kill me before Mace came in, he had his hands wrapped around my throat and I couldn't breath. I got tired so I stopped fighting him back because a part of me wanted to die."
"Stop," I cut her off but she aint listen and continued rambling on.
"I wish he did kill me because now I have to live with the fact that he touched me, had me. When I close my eyes I can still see his face, hear his voice, feel him t-touching me."
I tried to hug her but she moved away from me, "Don't touch me."
"Kash."
"I said don't touch me."
Our conversation was cut short by the door opening and Kaliyah skipping in the room with my mom right behind her.
I backed up from the bed and watched as Kaliyah climbed up on the bed with Kash and asked why she was crying. I knew that she was hurting and she needed time so that's what I was going to give her.
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