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I felt relieved having Zayn’s mother and sister here. It was relaxing to not have to be worried about Amber 24/7. Having Waliyha and Tricia here also made it easier for me to finish my homework.
I submitted it and went back in the main part of the flat where they were. I took a seat next to Zayn and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “So Ari, how’s being a mother so far?” Waliyha asked.
“Horrifying. I find myself worrying about her nonstop and I’m not sure I’m doing a good job at it.” I chuckled.
“The worrying part never goes away. Zayn here just turned twenty three two days ago and I still worry about him.” His mum explained.
“She’s doing an excellent job. It’s natural for her.” Zayn said. I rolled my eyes and playfully slapped his arm. We hung out with two of them for a few more hours until they left to go to their hotel. They told us they’d be back first thing in the morning.
-
“Babe she’s crying.” Zayn mumbled. I groaned and got out of the bed. My feet dragged me into Amber’s room, I picked her up and rocked her back and forth. After about thirty minutes or so, I was finally able to get her to stop and she fell asleep again. I was so exhausted it wasn’t even funny.
I crawled back into the bed and went to sleep, hoping that Ammie would stay asleep until about six-ish. She started to cry again at 4:30 so I got up with her again, while Zayn was peacefully sleeping. Now I’m wide awake and I can’t go back to sleep.
I walked into the living room and set Amber in her chair then went into the kitchen and started to make coffee.
Zayn never gets up with her, he just expects me to do it and it’s annoying. I can’t sleep when my baby is crying, it just bothers me to the point where I need to check on her.
My coffee finished and I poured myself a cup of it before sitting down on the sofa. I turned on the tv and sipped my coffee. There was nothing really interesting on so I watched American Horror Story.
--
-
Amber is now two weeks old and we are flying back to the U.S. Part of me feels like going back is the best thing to do for my child, and for my marriage; but, the other part of me thinks going back will only be a mistake.
I’m afraid of getting into an argument or there being some big secret that will ruin everything. I’m not so much worried about myself in these situations because I’ll be fine. I am more worried about Amber and her safety and being the best mother I can.
I carried Amber through the dirty airport and covered her face so she could avoid all of the germs in the air. The last thing I need right now is for her to get sick.
We boarded our flight and I took the seat in the middle. Zayn sat on the outside and rested his hand on my thigh.
He has been so irritating these past two weeks. He doesn’t get up with Ammie through the night and I hardly get any sleep. My sleeping schedule has completely changed. I go to sleep for about three hours and then Ammie wakes up and after I get her to go back to sleep, I go to sleep for one more hour and then I’m up until the cycle starts over.
I haven’t said anything to Zayn about helping out with Amber because I’m trying to get along with him.
There are so many things I want to say to him about his idea of being a father but I’ve been biting my tongue.
I held onto Ammie and watched her sleep. The flight was going to be super long and I can’t even sleep. Zayn was on the phone during the flight talking to who knows.
Once our flight landed my arms were extremely sore. I stood up, still carrying Amber and left the airplane. Zayn was getting our bags so I stood outside waiting for Niall. The paparazzi showed up and were taking thousands of pictures and asking questions. I covered Ammie’s face and ignored them.
Niall pulled up and ran up to hug me. He took Ammie from me and started talking to her. I chuckled at him and we got in the car.
Zayn came out with our bags and then we headed back to mine and Zayn’s house. It looked exactly the same as it had the day I left four months ago. The minute I walked into the house, people ran over and hugged me.
El, Louis, Liam, Harry, Calum, Ashton, Michael, and Luke were surrounding me. I took the time to hug each and every one of them.
They were fighting over who gets to hold Amber and I didn’t try to stop them. It was nice to have a break. I loved being a mother and all but when I don’t have to be, it’s relaxing.
“Babe can I talk to you for a second?” Zayn whispered in my ear. “I’ll be right back, please be careful with my baby.” I said to them. I followed Zayn upstairs and took a seat on the bed.
“Are you okay? You seem tense.” He said. “I’m peachy.” I smiled sarcastically. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” He asked.
“Nothing.”
“Ari please, I’m trying to fix things.”
“I’m just tired.” I sighed.
“I know babe, let’s go out tonight.” He said.
“We just got back, where would we even go?” I asked.
“Wherever you want. I just want to see you smile.”
He walked over to me and pulled me up of the bed. I’m still irritated with him but I decided to just keep my thoughts to myself. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I smiled and let out a deep breath and he kept his hands on my waist.
“I’m glad you came back, it means a lot to me.” Zayn mumbled.
I bit my lip to keep myself from smiling but I cracked. He kissed me again and I grabbed his hand, pulling him downstairs.
“Ari she’s so adorable.” El squealed holding Amber.
“I know, I did such a great job.” Zayn winked at her. “No Zayn I said Ari, but I guess you make adorable children.” She muttered. I laughed way too hard and everyone looked at me with a crazy expression. “What?” I asked them frowning. “Are you alright? Don’t die.” Calum chuckled.
The doorbell rang and I quickly went to the door. I opened it and saw the person I was least expecting to see. Frankie.
She tried to hug me but I reached out and slapped her in the face. I don’t why I did it but it felt good.
“What the fuck was that for?” She screamed.
“How dare you come to my house ready to hug me when you haven’t returned any of my calls? You stood me up and didn’t even apologize. I sat in that fucking hospital room alone by myself for 4 hours and then Zayn showed up. How could you do that? That’s why I slapped you because you are a bitch!” I screamed louder than she did.
She tackled me to the floor and started to wrestle me. I just had a baby two weeks ago, there is no way in hell I should be tackled to the floor. Someone pulled the two of us apart and I tried to hit her again.
“Enough.” Liam yelled causing all of us to look at him. Zayn held onto me, and Harry held onto Frankie. “What is going on?” Liam asked. “She’s not welcome here.” I glared at her.
“Babe-“ Zayn started but I cut him off, “No, she can’t come here. I don’t want to see her and she isn’t allowed near my daughter.”
“What about me?” Harry asked.
“You can come but she can’t come with you. I don’t want to see her and I don’t want her around my child.” I said before walking towards El. I grabbed Amber and walked upstairs into my room. I sat there playing with Amber when there was a knock at the door.
The door opened and Frankie stood there looking at her hands. “Zayn come here.” I yelled. He walked inside and I handed him Ammie.
“Why are you still here? Did you not understand what I said?” I asked her.
“Ari I’m sorry okay.” She sighed.
“No it’s not okay. I don’t care. You need to leave my house before I call the police.”
“It’s not that serious.”
“I don’t want you here and you won’t leave.” I yelled.
“Because we are still friends and you don’t mean it.”
“Yes I do. You aren’t my friend. A friend would never have blown me off and ignored my calls. I’m done Frankie, I am done.”
“Well my boyfriend is here, so I’m going to be here too.”
“Like hell you are, take your boyfriend and get the fuck out.” I yelled.
She walked over and slapped me. Before I could do anything Zayn held me back.
“You need to let me go, now.” I said to him.
“Ari please don’t do something you’ll regret.” Zayn said.
“I already regret knowing her now let me go.” I screamed.
He held onto me and I was trying to move his hands.
“Can you please leave?” Zayn said to Frankie.
“I um I’m sorry.” She said before running down the stairs. Zayn let me go and I took off after her. I heard him asking El to take Amber. “Hey.” I said getting her attention.
“What?” She asked. “I just want to know why you did what you did. You’re supposed to be my best friend. You should have been there for me because Zayn wasn’t. You already betrayed me by telling him and then you don’t come around?” I screamed.
“Ari I just, I know it sounds bad.”
“Okay. Well don’t forget what I said. Lose my number.” I said walking back into the house.
Everyone was staring at me and I was really pissed off. I grabbed Amber again and went into my quiet room. I hugged her and just stared down at her. I started to cry and I ended up smiling. I can’t let what happened with Frankie make me upset. I need to just focus on my family. I took my phone out and called my mother.
“Hi honey, how are you?” She asked.
“I’m alright, Frankie and I got into a fight.”
“Aw Ari don’t worry about it, you guys always fight and make up.”
“I don’t want to this time. I just don’t know what to do.”
“Do what your heart desires. Are you back in the U.S. yet?” She asked.
“Yeah we got back earlier.”
“That’s good! Can I come to see you tomorrow?” She asked.
“Um actually I’ll drive to you tonight.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to inconvenience you.”
“It’s fine. I’ll see you soon.” I said hanging up.
I had clothes at my parents’ house so all I need to do it get stuff for Amber. Once I finished packing her stuff, I walked downstairs and put her into her car seat.
“Where are you going?” Zayn asked, startling me.
“I’m just going to the store.” I lied.
“Alright. I love you.” He smiled. I hugged him and kissed him and got into my car.
I felt bad for lying to him but he’d try to stop me and I just need to get away. The entire drive there all I could think about was Zayn. I feel like he does try to help me at times and then there are times when I feel like he doesn’t care. He called me three times and I ignored them.
He loves me, but he doesn’t always show it. I’ve noticed a little change in him and our relationship since Ammie was born but it’s not the way I wish things could be. When I pulled into my parents’ driveway I decided to text Zayn.
To: Zayn; 9:30pm- I know I lied to you and I’m sorry. I’m at my parents’ house. I’ll see you in a few days.
I put my phone in my bag and grabbed Ammie. I kicked the door since my hands were full and my mother opened it. Her face lit up and she took the car seat from my hand and let me come inside. She set in down and hugged me. I missed my mother so much.
We were always close, the only reason we aren’t as close anymore is because I don’t associate with my father at all. When I called her to tell her about the incident that took place at my house almost two years ago, she didn’t believe me so I stopped talking to her as much.
She held Amber and couldn’t stop smiling. “She’s beautiful, I can’t believe my baby had a baby.” She sniffled. “Don’t cry.” I laughed. “It’s crazy to believe.” She said.
We were talking and laughing when my father walked into the room. “Aria.” He acknowledged me.
“Dad.” I said.
This is the first time we have said anything to each other since that day.
“Whose baby?” He asked my mother.
“Mine.” I said to him.
“What? You adopted a child?”
“No I got pregnant, and I had her.” I explained.
“When did this happen?” He asked.
“Um I don’t know dad, 9 months ago.” I rolled my eyes.
“You’ve made a terrible decision. How could you have a child with that boy when you two are always breaking up?” He spoke.
“Look if I wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it but I didn’t. If my daughter and I being here is a problem for you, we can leave.” I said.
“No that won’t be necessary, will it?” My mother glared at my father.
He sighed and walked out of the room. Once Amber was asleep, my mother and I sat around talking for a while. I pulled my phone out and I had a text message.
From: Zayn; 9:35pm- How could you take Amber and leave without telling me? I have been worried for hours. What happened to our plans tonight?
It was going on 12am and I decided to call him in the morning.
I took Amber into my room with me, and prepared to take care of her when she woke up in about an hour.
As if on cue, she started to cry and I picked her up rocking back and forth. She went back to sleep and I got into the bed.
-
Amber started to cry again and my mother surprised me by coming in and taking her. “I’m sorry, you can go back to sleep.” I told her.
“Sweetie it’s no big deal. Go to sleep.” She smiled.
I heard angels singing. It brought tears to my eyes hearing her say that. I closed my eyes and drifted off into a deep sleep.
When I woke up, it was dark outside. I no longer felt tired but how long was I asleep for? I grabbed my phone and checked the time to see it was 6 in the evening.
Holy shit I slept for 13 hours.
Ammie wasn’t in my room so I ran downstairs. I checked every room in the house and there was no sign of her or my mother. I began to panic and I was breathing hard. I felt like everything had just stopped. Relief washed over me when my mother walked in the door with my daughter. I ran over to her and grabbed Amber.
“Hi baby did you miss me?” I cooed. She watched me and turned her head.
“Well goodmorning.” My mother chuckled.
“Thank you so much for watching her. I didn’t think I’d sleep that long.”
“Ari don’t be silly, it was the least I could do. You look like you haven’t slept in days.” She said.
“Try weeks. Zayn never gets up with her, ever. It’s really stressful.” I sighed.
“I can imagine. Have you talked to him about it?”
“No I can’t. I know a huge argument will result from it and I am trying to fix things.”
“Honey this waking up through the night thing lasts for at least the first six months. That’s a long time.”
“I know, I know. I just feel like Zayn and I are treading on thin water and I don’t want to ruin things. I’ll be okay. I’ve already adjusted to her sleeping schedule.” I explained.
“The only good thing is, the older she gets, the more sleep you’ll get because she’ll begin to take in more.” She said.
We talked for a few more hours and she said she had to go somewhere. I was home alone
with Amber, watching a scary movie when the doorbell rang.
I picked Amber up and walked to the door. It couldn’t have been someone that wasn’t familiar with our family or else they wouldn’t have gotten past the gate.
I opened the door and was surprised to see Zayn.
“Um hey.” I stuttered.
He came inside and closed the door.
He took Amber from me and followed me back into the theater room.
“So why haven’t you returned any of my calls?” He asked.
“I just woke up about two hours ago and I was talking with my mother.”
“You could have called before you went to sleep.”
“I have been asleep since five o’clock this morning.”
“Alright.” He sighed.
“Is that the only reason you showed up? If it is, you can go.” I said.
“Babe I’m not trying to argue.”
“Then don’t come here questioning me. You didn’t even say anything to me.” I pouted.
He sat next to me and tried to make me smile. “I’m sorry.”
“You should be.” I frowned.
“Hello Aria, how are you.” He teased, kissing me.
I pulled away and bit my lip.
“So why are you here?” I asked.
“I wanted to see you and Amber. Plus you weren’t returning my calls so I assumed something was wrong.”
“Nope just needed a break, that’s all.”
“From me?” He asked.
“Yes.” I sighed.
-
Amber was asleep so Zayn and I decided to watch the movie in my bedroom. During the movie, he pulled me onto his lap so I was straddling him and ran his hands up and down my thighs.
“We can’t.” I told him.
“I know, I just like this position.” He shrugged.
It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with him, but then again I don’t. I was nowhere near ready to be a mother and to be a mother to two children at this moment in time, would kill me.
“Hello.” He said waving his hand in front of my face.
“What?” I asked.
“I said what are you thinking about? If you keep frowning you’ll get wrinkles.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” I smiled, pressing my lips against his.
He started tickling me and I grabbed his hands so he could stop. He intertwined his hands with mine and stared at me. “Hey Ari I was-“ My mom said entering my room, but stopped once she saw Zayn.
“Hello Mrs. Martinez.” Zayn smiled.
“Hello Zayn, I’m surprised to see you here.” She politely smiled.
“Me too.” I rolled my eyes, getting off of him.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” She blushed.
“We weren’t doing anything.” I smiled.
“Okay well goodnight! I think you should do what we talked about earlier.” She said, looking at Zayn.
My eyes went wide and I pushed her out of the room.
I turned around and faked a smile. “What’s she talking about?” He asked. “Nothing.” I shook my head.
“Don’t make me go and ask her.”
“Zayn, just drop it.”
“No, it is about me.”
“Drop it.”
He shrugged and got up, walking out of my room. Fuck.
I locked myself and Amber in my bedroom. I really hope she doesn’t tell him but I know my mother and I know she will.
I began packing Amber’s things frantically. I made sure I had all of her stuff and I needed an escape. I logged into the security system in my house and looked to see where Zayn and my mother were. The surveillance camera showed that they were on the patio.
I grabbed Amber and ran down the stairs. My hands were shaking as I tried to put her in the back.
I finally managed to do it and pulled off. My hands were shaking as I was driving and I am having an anxiety attack.
I don’t know where I’m going, this is just complicated. I was almost in Los Angeles when my phone began to ring. I turned my phone off and continued to drive.
I’m probably being childish but I really didn’t want to have this conversation with Zayn.
I ended up going back to mine and Zayn’s house. Once I got inside, I locked the doors and turned on the alarm system.
I turned my phone back on and called Zayn.
“Ari what the hell? I called you a million times.”
“My phone died.” I lied.
“Where are you?”
“Why?”
“Ari please just tell me where you are.”
“In the car.”
“You have my daughter and I would like to know where the hell you are.” He said, trying to stay calm.
“I don’t want to see you right now.”
“We have to talk about it. Your mother shouldn’t have had to tell me.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Where are you?”
“Driving.”
“Alright, I’m tracking your phone.” He said hanging up.
I turned my phone off and grabbed the landline. I called Niall and asked if he could watch Amber. He agreed of course, and I asked him to make sure Frankie didn’t show up.
He told me he would come and get Amber in a few minutes. I was relieved once he showed up.
After he was gone I went into my quiet room and sat there looking out the window.
-
I heard the front door slam and I groaned, avoiding the argument that was about to take place. I heard him calling my name but I was silent. He walked into the room angrily and slammed the door.
“Where is Amber?”
“None of your business. You need to calm down.”
“Calm down? You have been hiding this from me for almost three weeks.” He yelled.
“Zayn I won’t argue with you.”
“Because you know I’m right?” He rolled his eyes.
“No because I love you and if you want me to stay here, it’s in your best interest not to piss me off.”
“This isn’t about you! You sit here every day, being an asshole, when all you had to do was talk to me.”
“Because this would happen.” I yelled.
He let out a deep breath and just stared at me.
We sat in silence for a few minutes before I got up. I was about to walk out of the room, but he grabbed my arm and yanked me back. He didn’t let go of my arm and he was gripping it tightly.
“Let go.” I clawed at his hands.
He didn’t let go and he was squeezing harder. “Zayn you’re hurting me let go.” I screamed.
He loosened his grip and grabbed my hand.
“Babe I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like that. I’m sorry.” He softened.
“Okay.” I shrugged.
I walked into our bedroom and grabbed a pillow and blanket. I walked past him and into the theater room, setting the stuff in one of the recliners.
I grabbed my keys and drove to Niall’s. I was happy to see Amber and I didn’t even want to go near Zayn. He is so annoying. I’m also not visiting my mother any time soon. It wasn’t her place to tell Zayn.
Once I got back to my house, I walked back into the theater room and set down with Amber. I held her and got her to fall asleep.
I felt my eyelids getting heavy and sleep hit me like a ton of bricks.
Zayn shook me, waking me up. “Ari can you please come to bed?”
“No.” I mumbled, sleepily.
“Please.”
“I’m mad at you.” I said with my eyes closed.
“I know.” He sighed.
He grabbed my hand, pulling me up, and leading me to our room. I crawled into the bed and went back to sleep.
-
Amber started to cry and I groaned. I was about to get up but Zayn pushed me back down. “I got it.” He said.
I didn’t hesitate to close my eyes and drift off into a deep sleep.
I was so relieved to get a full night’s sleep without any interruptions. I woke up and walked downstairs, finding Ammie and Zayn outside.
I ran over to her excitedly and picked her up. “Hi baby, how are you?” I cooed.
“I’m great thanks.” Zayn joked. I rolled my eyes and walked back inside. “Ari you can’t just ignore me.” He said. “Really, why not?” I asked.
“Because we live in the same house.”
“And?” I asked.
“And we sleep in the same bed. How are you going to just not talk to me? What about our daughter.”
“Okay Zayn. I refuse to do this with you.” I said, walking away. I went and got dressed, making sure I looked somewhat decent. As I was putting on my shoes, Zayn stood in the doorway.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Like I guess that’s the part I’m not understanding.” He asked.
“Because I didn’t want to argue. I knew it would end up like this.”
“You sit here, stressed and annoyed when all you had to do was tell me you wanted me to help out with her in the middle of the night.”
“I shouldn’t have to tell you! She’s yours too. You hear her crying.” I yelled.
“Okay well I’m sorry. I am sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t good enough. You should have gotten up anyway. I had her inside of me for nine months. I had to deliver her and it hurt. Zayn I am exhausted.” I said, standing up.
“I understand that.”
“No obviously you don’t.”
He walked over to me and crashed his lips against mine. I pushed him away and I accidentally bit my lip. “Why would you do that?” I asked.
“I don’t know. It just felt needed.” He shrugged.
“What is going on between us?” I asked collapsing on the bed.
(a/n: I apologize for not updating sooner. I spent Friday driving to Ohio, yesterday I went to an indoor trampoline park, and today I went to the zoo. I have also been super busy! Please please read The Midnight Ride. Go to my profile and scroll down to my works and it should be there. I love all of you so so so so much and I appreciate you always being there. THANK YOU FOR 34K READS!! Now that it's summer I should update every other day!)