Songs for this chapter are:
Unsteady- X Ambassadors
Love Me or Leave Me- Little Mix
Coloring- Kevin Garrett
Pushing Me Away- Kevin Garrett
I stare into the mirror for a few seconds and Nora stares back at me. She doesn't move closer. She just stands in the doorway with her eyes on mine. Without looking away from her, I turn the water off and grab a towel to dry my hands.
"Hi," Nora's reflection says.
"Hi," I repeat her words.
We seem to be saying this a lot today.
"What happened?" I ask. I had planned on waiting for her to volunteer the information, but I can't seem to.
She takes a deep breath and I watch her chest rise and fall. I turn around and she takes a few steps into the bathroom and closes the door behind her.
When she approaches me, she's withdrawn, not the same woman who was in my kitchen last night. Her hands are held in front of her, not clenching my sweatshirt. Her lips are pursed, not kissing mine.
Nora's hair is tied into a braid and resting over one shoulder. She's bare faced and I notice a few freckles on her cheeks. Her eyes are tired, giving away that she hasn't slept much. She's wearing a white t-shirt that hangs off of one shoulder and black leggings. Her feet are covered in pizza printed socks. This is the second time I've seen her wear odd socks. I like them.
"I'm okay," Nora says and licks her lips.
I reach for her hand and pull her closer to me. She hesitates for a moment, then steps to me.
The trash bag full of clothes says otherwise, Nora.
"You don't seem okay." I lift my free hand up and touch the end of her braid. Her eyes fall closed.
"You can talk to me. You know that, don't you?" I take my hand from her hair and lift her chin up, just slightly, so I can get a good look at her.
Tired blue circles line the bottom of her almond shaped eyes. They are puffy and my stomach aches at the thought of her crying. I run the pad of my thumb over one of her closed eyes and her lips part.
Her eyelashes are so long that they remind me of a feathers on a bird.
A very, very pretty bird.
Oh, my mind is a weird place.
She nods and I move my thumb back under her chin. Her eyes open, just enough for me to see that she's hiding something.
"I'm taking care of it," her voice is soft and she moves her face away from my touch.
I take a step back, wanting to give her space and she surprises me by grabbing my shirt and pulling me closer. She wraps her arms around my back and buries her head into my chest. She doesn't cry, she just stands there, taking shallow breaths with no words.
I rub one hand up and down her back, letting her have silence.
After a few more seconds, she lifts her head up and stares up at me.
"I want to take care of you," my heart says.
She takes in my words, her eyes pouring into mine. "I don't want to be taken care of."
Her honesty stings, but I have to remember that she's a few years older than me and has probably been taking care of herself for a while.
"I don't want my parents help. I don't want your help. I don't want anyone's help. I just want to figure my shit out and cause as least amount of problems as possible along the way. I will only bring you trouble, its' what I do. It's who I am. I'm not saying this as a superficial warning, I'm serious, Landon."
She looks at me, her eyes begging me to listen. To really listen. "I carry too much baggage, and I'm not looking for a knight in shining armor."
I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how to fix this, or if she even needs to be fixed. I'm not used to not being needed. I've always been the fixer, who I am without that?
I don't know.
"I know, princess," I try to add a little humor. I'm pretty sure Nora does not want to be called a princess.
"Ew," she makes a face of pure disgust. "I'm no princess."
"What are you then?" I ask her, genuinely wondering how she views herself.
"A human."
There's more to her words than sarcasm.
"I'm no damsel, no princess. I'm a woman who is human in every sense of the word."
My eyes meet hers and she hugs me again.
"Can we just stand like this for a few seconds. Can you just hold me for a few seconds so I can memorize how it feels?"
I hate that her words sound so ominous, like she's saying more than a goodbye.
I don't respond, I just hold her in my arms until she lets go a few seconds later.
"I wish you would tell me what's going on," I finally say when she pulls away.
Her eyes don't meet mine when she says, "So do I."
Nora stands up straight and opens her eyes wide. "Okay. Let's decorate this cake and give Ellen the best birthday of her life." It worries me how quickly she can shut down and change the subject.
I want more from Nora. I want answers. I want to know the magnitude of her problems so I can offer a solution. I want to hold her in my arms until she believes that I will be here for her. I want to kiss her pain away and make her laugh until she forgets why she keeps herself hidden from me. I want her to know that I see her, even though she doesn't want me to.
I want so many things, but she has to want them too. I give her what she wants and I plaster a fake smile on my face.
"Lets," I raise my hand to high five her and she cracks a smile.
She lifts her hand to mine and smacks it.
"You're the corniest person I know," she says, opening the bathroom door.
A follow behind her. "I'm fine with that."
And just like that, we are "friends" again.
Tessa and Lila are still in the living room when we walk out of the hallway together. Lila is still entranced by her car and Tessa is sitting crossed legged on the couch, watching the little girl with a big smile on her face.
Tessa looks at me, then at Nora, then back to me. Her face doesn't hide her suspicion, but she doesn't say a word about it.
"Lila," I bend down to talk to the little girl. "We are going to decorate a cake. Do you want to come into the kitchen with us?"
Lila looks up at me and grabs her car. "Car," she chirps, holding the shiny hotwheel up to show me.
"Yep. You can take your car with us." I reach for her hand and she takes mine.
"I'm going to close my eyes for a few more minutes," Tessa says, laying back down.
I tell her to go back to sleep and I walk Lila into my kitchen. Nora follows.
"Well hi, beautiful. What's your name?" Nora asks her.
Lila doesn't look at her, but she says her name and sits down at the table.
"What a beautiful name. Do you like cake?" Nora asks her. Lila doesn't answer.
I touch Nora's arm to get her attention. She turns to me and I hold my hand up to block my mouth from Lila as I speak. "I believe she's autistic," I explain.
Realization dawns on Nora's face and she nods and sits down next to Lila at the table.
"Cool car," she says to her.
Lila smiles and rolls the car over Nora's hand, saying "zoom, zoom." I take it as her stamp of approval.
"Do you remember how to make the icing?" Nora asks from her seat at the table.
I nod. "Powdered sugar, butter, vanilla, and something else..." I can't remember the last ingredient even though we had to make the icing twice last night.
"Milk."
I nod, "Right. Milk. And seven drops of food coloring."
She glares at me, "One or two drops."
"Okay, so ten drops. I get it."
She laughs, rolling her eyes. I watch as a sliver of life comes back to them.
"Two drops."
I walk over to the cabinet and grab the box of food coloring. "Well, if I'm supposed to get this right, I may need supervision. Do you know any bakers?"
Oops. I meant to say pastry chef.
She shakes her head. "Nope. Sure don't, sorry." A playful smile lights up her face.
I sigh dramatically and grab a new bag of powdered sugar from the cabinet.
"That's too bad. I can't promise I won't mess this up."
Nora watches me with amusement in her eyes. "He's an awful baker," she loudly whispers to Lila.
Lila looks at her and smiles.
"Hey, don't go ganging up on me." I wave a big spoon at the two of them.
Nora laughs.
I make my way to the fridge and grab the milk and a stick of butter, then I get the mixing bowl out of the dishwasher. I think I remember how to make the icing.
I think?
Nora stays quiet as I start. After the sugar and butter are blended, I add the vanilla and milk. I carefully drop in two drops of green food coloring and Nora claps her hands as I mix it in the silver bowl.
After minute or two of quiet, Nora stands up and walks over to me. She unwraps the cake and throws the saran wrap into the trash. I dip the spoon into the icing and spread it across the vanilla cake.
"Aw. Look at you. Decorating the cake all by yourself. You've come a long way, young grasshopper."
I laugh at Nora's humorous banter and she nudges her shoulder into mine.
"Who is she? I didn't think to ask," she looks at Lila.
"She's my friend Posey's sister. Posey had to work this morning so I offered to watch her. She'll be here in an hour or so to get her."
Nora looks at me in that way that she does and I feel like she's reading every thought of mine. My pulse quickens.
"You're something else, Landon Gibson." Nora tells me for the second time in two days.
I flush under her compliment and I don't even care if she notices.
"You're good with her," I point the green icing covered spoon toward Lila.
"Me? Good with kids?" she seems genuinely surprised.
"Yes," I tell her and reach my index finger out to poke the tip of her nose.
"You stole that from me," she turns her shoulders so she's facing me, only inches away from my face.
I rub the spoon over the top of the cake, making sure to get the corners. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I look up at the ceiling, then back at the cake.
Nora nudges me again, "Liar."
"I'm a liar and you keep secrets. We're the same," the words are out before I can stop them and I hate the way her face immediately changes from carefree to guarded.
"That's not the same. Secrets and lies aren't the same," Nora defends herself.
I turn to her and drop the spoon onto the edge of the pan. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry."
Nora doesn't look at me, but I can see her guard lowering with each breath. Finally, she speaks. "Promise me something?"
"Anything."
"You won't try to fix me."
"I..." I hesitate.
"Promise me." She holds her ground. "Promise me that and I'll promise not to tell lies."
I look at her. "But you'll keep secrets?" I ask her, already knowing the answer.
"No lies."
I sigh in defeat. I don't want her to keep secrets.
"Is this my only option?" I ask. Again, already knowing the answer.
She nods.
I contemplate her offer for a few seconds. If this is the only way she will let me get closer, it's all I've got.
I don't know if I'll be able to keep that promise.
With a deep breath, I give her my answer. "I promise not to try to fix you."
She exhales and I hadn't noticed she was holding her breath.
"Your turn."
She's hesitating this time. "I promise not to tell lies."
She holds her pinky out and I loop mine through it.
"It's a pact now. Don't break it," she warns.
I glance at Lila sitting at the table, content with her car.
"And what happens if I do?" I ask her.
"I disappear," Nora's words cut at me and I'm terrified by them because I know, I know without a doubt, that she means them.
(Author's Note- THE END.)