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(And as the saying goes, if you don't have anything nice to say - or in this case, type - don't say anything at all :p)
JULI BAKER
All I ever wanted was for Bryce Loski to play with me. Well, when I was seven anyway. Okay maybe not just play with me. For years I had planted in my mind that he was walking around with my first kiss. And possibly... until now. After all, he did try to kiss me back at the basket boy auction three years ago right? In front of everybody. And like the annoying girl I was at that time, I shoved him away. But it wouldn't hurt to hope that such an opportunity would come again.
After everything that had happened back in the eighth grade, after all the egg wasting, and ignoring, and basically all the misunderstanding, I could now correct myself and say that Bryce was definitely more than the sum of his parts. The sycamore tree he had planted was now growing steadily in our front yard, a few meters high already, and every day when I went and came home from school, I would stare at it, and measure the length it had grown for the past few years.
I'd also constantly measure my friendship with Bryce. And now that we were in high school, I couldn't ignore the question hanging in the air, couldn't we be something more? Ever since that day he planted that baby sycamore tree in our front yard, the confusion and anger I felt for him had vanished and was replaced by a growing curiosity. If I thought I knew him then, well boy was I wrong. I came over to the Loski's that day and we talked more than we had ever talked since they moved here two days before the second grade. He explained his part of the argument to me, I explained mine. He said that he was sorry for trying to kiss me and that he'd make up for the awful things he'd done, but the whole time he was explaining his story, I couldn't help but just stare at those dazzling eyes and the constant smile he'd flash at me when it was my turn to talk.
I remember seeing him for the first time on that moving van, and memories flood back to me clear as day.
The first time I met Bryce Loski, I flipped. Honestly. One look at him and I became a lunatic. It was his eyes. Something about the blueness of his eyes and the way his dark eyelashes framed them was absolutely breathtaking. They still are.
He was still the same Bryce of course, all blue eyes and gorgeousness, but something about him really changed, and I'm not talking about puberty hitting him either. He no longer ignored me, all that was now behind us. He talks to me more enthusiastically and puts a lot - and I mean a lot of effort to try and make up and erase the things he'd done in the past, like he gives his whole heart and soul into it, and I can't help but admire that.
I gotta admit, I keep finding myself smiling, cheeks flushed and biting my lips when I rethink the days events and conversations in my head at night.
And now here I was, a junior at seventeen, being all squeamish about a date! My mom bursts into my room every minute offering to primp up my clothes and fix my hair and giggle as if she was the one going on a date, not me! My nerves were on edge and the last thing I needed was an ear piercing squeal from my mother, but I still felt happy that she was excited for me. Because I sure wasn't capable of feeling excited at the moment. I was all nervous anticipation.
My father was up before noon and after lunch, he prepared to visit Uncle David who apparently had some trouble last night. We visit uncle David more often, and my father said that he really appreciates it.
When he saw me though, I swear I almost saw his eyes twinkle. He'd hugged me and held my shoulders to get a good look at me. I admit I had changed on the outside, drastically. But, I was still the girl who wanted her father's approval on things like these. Especially on things like these.
"My daughter. Going on her first date. Oh look how you've grown sweetheart."
I pulled him into a hug once more. "Thanks dad" and kissing the top of my head, he walked out the backdoor shouting a "Don't come home late!" over his shoulder. I just had to run up to his retreating truck and call back "Be safe! And say hi to Uncle David for me!" before his truck disappeared.
Sundays are peaceful in our house. My father usually lets himself sleep in, and my mother lets herself not fix breakfast, and relaxes a bit more. My brothers are off in college now, sneaking a few gigs for their band here and there, and we would visit from time to time, or they come by and stay a few nights with us. I would find myself missing their noise and smell and clutter everyday. But not today. In fact, I was even kind of grateful they weren't here with me or else they would have teased and embarrassed the death out of me when Bryce got here.
Yes. Bryce was the one who asked me out. I made quite an act of being reluctant at first, but on the inside my brain, my heart and my soul were screaming "YES!" so, eventually, after playing hard to get which sort of amused him, I agreed.
I had grown accustomed to his flaws and all, but my feelings for him were still very much the same. And the fact that almost all the girls at school were throwing themselves at his feet, he still asked me out. ME. Can you believe it?! And this wasn't the middle school kind of dates anymore, this was the real deal where everyone takes a relationship seriously.
And I still can't help but feel nervous. I talk to him almost everyday. Okay throw the "almost". I talk to him everyday now, considering that he just lives out front, and I pretty much have blown my cover of liking him a long time ago. And I'm also pretty sure everyone who knew me knew. The thing I'm worried about is, what does Bryce feel about me? I stood on the lawn, the sycamore tree a few paces to my right but my attention wasn't focused on it. My eyes were glued to a window of the house across from mine.
What does Bryce feel about me? I listed the things that would hint of him liking me as much as I liked him, and I just came to the conclusion that he'd always be around me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders from time to time, and one minute he'd be all sweet - and I'd find myself secretly swooning at that - and the next minute, he'd stare at me, smile, and shake his head and then poof! Sweet Bryce was gone. Sure he confessed to being jealous of Jon Trulock back then but that was a long time ago. Was this date just a friendly invite? Was it even a date at all? Oh the wonders of being a teenager. You become so insecure.
I didn't have time to torment myself further anyway, Bryce was out of his house and walking towards me with a black cap on top of that perfectly blonde head. He started wearing caps, saying the sun hurts his eyes sometimes, but he looks adorable just the same. And here I am, in the middle of the lawn, barefoot. Barefoot! He didn't notice though, and I seemed rooted to the spot, incapable of getting at least some flip flops.
"Hey" He stood right in front of me, the corners of his lips curling into a smile, and I found myself smiling back and replying a lame "Hi"
His smile widened as he took in my appearance, and sincerely said "You look beautiful"
I couldn't help blushing. He complemented me a lot, but always in a teasing, casual manner so it usually wouldn't flatter me, but this made me feel different.
"Thanks. You too. Nice I mean. You look nice." I stepped forward fixed the cap on his head, but my eyes were glued to his face, his brilliant blue orbs, and noticed how much he grew more into a man now. His features were leaner, more handsome. Oh when is that kiss going to happen?
Holding out his hand for me to take, Bryce asked if I was ready to go. And I laughed and told him I would just put on some shoes on first which sounded silly to me but he didn't seem to mind.
It was 1:25 pm and a whole afternoon was ahead of us. Just me and Bryce.
I got some shoes and said goodbye to my mother who gave a hug and one last giggle wishing me the best day and I was out the door. Bryce had a car now. A simple blue second hand car he saved up for since freshman high, and that's where we headed off to. He hadn't offered his hand again, and I almost pouted. I stopped my lips before I could look like Shelly Stalls about to throw a tantrum.
We made small talk in the car - which smelled faintly of watermelons and made my head spin in a good way - driving to "a secret place" he wouldn't tell me about, and I found myself staring out the window watching the houses pass by feeling content and happy. All nervousness gone. This was Bryce. I've never felt nervous around him, and I've liked him almost all my life. This day was what I've been waiting for for so long, and it doesn't matter if it was a date or not. We were here now, and I could practically feel myself bubbling.
We ended up in front of a rusty gate with stone walls on either side that stretches for who knows how far.
"Where are we Bryce?" I opened the passenger door and got out of the car. Fresh air greeted me.
He gave me a knowing smile "Just wait and see"
I didn't know how far we were from town, or if we were even still in town, but I came up to the gate anyway. On the other side of the gate was a meadow, tall grass and trees lining the edges, a forest was surrounding it. I tried to open the gate but it wouldn't budge.
"Where are you going?" Bryce popped the back door open and pulled out a picnic basket from the back seat, and he looked very much like a basket boy right there. A basket boy who forgot to wear his suit and tie.
"Well, how are we supposed to get to the other side?"
He took my hand and I felt myself tingle all over
"Follow me"
We walked for a few minutes along the east side of the wall, and both of us would occasionally trip because of the rocks and roots and the canopy above us blocking the afternoon sun, and when he tripped, the I would laugh while helping him back on his feet, and vise versa. It was fun.
Bryce stopped in front of a crumbled wall the size of a door hole and he stepped into the other side. I followed suit and when I stepped into that meadow, all I wanted was to run and breath the air into my lungs until I'd fall on the tall grass. Bryce seemed to read my thoughts and he wrapped an arm around me before I could dash into the sea of greenery.
"Nope. Nah uh that could wait Juli. Come on, I want to show you something"
I could feel myself reddening. Seriously? 17 and still wanting to run like a kid? But I couldn't help it. I wanted to run! Embarrassing or not, Bryce knew nothing could stop me. But I followed him none the less and we headed for the west side of the meadow. Forest trees were up ahead indicating that we were going toward the edge of the clearing so why were we heading there? Bryce just firmly gripped my hand and looked back at me when I lagged a few steps behind, distracted by the expanse and clearness of the sky up above us, the breeze blowing my hair, kissing my cheeks, the rays of warm afternoon sunlight on my face, and I couldn't help but smile , close my eyes and breath it all in. It was like my sycamore tree up on Collier Street all over again. Then I noticed him staring at me.
"Sorry um... go on. Lead the way"
There! There it was! First he stared at me, and now he was smiling to himself and shaking his head! Then boom! Sweet Bryce would be gone. He'll be letting go of my hand any time soon. But he didn't. In fact, he looked away from a second then he raised my knuckles to his lips. H-he. Okay what was going on here?
"Come along, Julianna." Sweet Bryce was still intact. I didn't know if Juli Baker still was, or did she just fly up into the heavens?
I bit my lip to suppress a grin and focused my eyes to where we were heading instead. Now trees were all I could see, but as we came closer, I suddenly halted to a stop. We were a meter away from a tree - not a sycamore - and I hadn't noticed it? Maybe it was camouflaged because of the cluster of trees behind it or maybe I was just too distracted.
"I know it's not a sycamore but it's still beautiful isn't it?" I heard Bryce speak behind me.
"It's amazing" Well, not as amazing as the one I fell in love with up on Collier Street but "look..." I pointed to the very top "it's so tall. Probably a hundred years old?"
"Probably. Do you like it?"
Like it? I could feel tears blurring my vision. It reminded me so much of the tree I climbed as I grew up. I felt like hugging this hunk of wood.
"How...? How did you find this place Bryce?" I looked at him and he just shrugged and gave me a sheepish smile.
"I kind of just... wandered around when I first got a hold of my car and looked for... I don't know, a... a perfect place to take you and it took me about a few days to find this place. It just... reminded me of you I guess. Of your spirit. Of how much you like places like this."
I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest before he could finish the last sentence. Seeing Bryce Loski stutter was enough to get my heart to pump a little faster. But explaining how he was looking for a place for me was more than I could take. Well, I guess I could take a little more. The fact that he was doing this for me and had been planning it for a while now was almost giving me a heart attack and I found myself falling more and more. How could one boy do this much to my whole being?
Bryce must have took my silence the wrong way because he sounded worried.
"Hey are you upset? I'm sorry if this tree reminded you so much of the-"
"No no its perfect. Really. Thank you"
He pulled away, turned me around and held my shoulders. The he whispered in my ear
"Can you teach me how to climb way up there?"
He didn't need to ask twice and we raced up, me giving him a few tips on how to grip the branches more securely and not to look down in the middle of a step. And that's how the afternoon passed, us sitting for hours on those branches, talking about nothing and everything, eating the sandwiches Bryce brought under the shade of the tree we had agreed to be called the Mystery Pisser.
In honor of my brothers' ridiculous title for our dog who had passed away back in the eighth grade. I came up with the name because we couldn't identify this mysterious, magnificent tree, and we also found a cross lying on the ground nearby that had the name "Mr Cuddles" carved on it and the both of us assumed it was a dog that was buried somewhere there. And it made me remember Champ. Our good old dog buried in the back yard with a cross reading HERE LIES THE MYSTERY PISSER.
P.I.P.
Why my brothers called him that, it's a long story.
"I thought you wanted to run out here? You almost couldn't contain yourself when we arrived. Do you want to go somewhere else?" Bryce asked, breaking my line of thought as we lay side by side on the picnic quilt underneath the shade.
"No its just that the sun was too hot earlier" but it wasn't the real reason. I wanted him to run with me. It would be so embarrassing for me to run around while my only companion was keeping an eye on me from the sidelines like a baby sitter watching a child run wild in a playground.
"Well" he checked his wrist watch "It's almost five and we'll be heading back after the sun sets. Go on Juli, I know you want to"
I rolled my eyes at his teasing tone.
I didn't want to go back, or go anywhere. I wanted to stay here. The wind felt so inviting, the afternoon didn't seem all that hot now, so why not? I stood up on my feet ready to get winded. I don't care if I'll look like a toddler running wild in a playground. When your already seventeen, you seldom get an opportunity where people aren't there to judge you. Not that I get affected of what others think, nope I like the way I am. Take it or leave it.
I looked over my shoulder and Bryce had already sat up and smiled at me and his blue eyes were sparkling I just had to snatch that cap away from his head.
"Hey! Give that back Juli!" He didn't seem to be angry, so I just ran with the thing in my hands.
"You're gonna have to catch me first! Move your legs you big baby! Can't handle a bit of running?"
But I had no idea he could run so fast! No siree. By the fourth time he almost caught me, I didn't know which direction to go. I was laughing and running and I had to catch my breath. So I ended up leaning against the moss covered wall, hands on my knees, waiting for Bryce to catch up. He slowed to a casual walk towards me now, shoving his hands in his pockets, a cheeky smile on his face. He didn't even look like he had been running. I was panting and there he was approaching like he just had a stroll in the park.
"Okay okay you got me" I laughed and as he got closer I placed the cap back on his head. He stopped just a few inches in front of me and I looked into those dazzling blue eyes. They were roaming my face, stopping on my mouth for a few seconds before meeting my eyes again. Searching. Asking.
The next thing I knew, our noses were brushing and I felt myself leaning on the wall for support. Bryce cupped my cheeks. Was this... was this my first kiss?
It happened so quickly I didn't even notice I had closed my eyes. But I felt his soft lips maybe for about two seconds tops and then his forehead was resting on mine. "Juli, I'm so sorry. Was I scaring you?"
I couldn't hear his words correctly because of the loud beating of my heart "Wha... what?"
He swiped his fingers over my cheeks and
I didn't even know I had tears in my eyes. But I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared at all.
"I just... I waited too long for that. Too long" he waited too long to... to kiss me?
His breath fanned across my lips when he said that and I buried my face in his neck feeling flustered. He smelled like ripe watermelons and a scent that just made him Bryce. My Bryce.
"How long exactly?" a smile was evident in my voice. He kissed my temple, breathing a sigh of relief and I could hear a smile in his voice too.
"Three years, four hours and eleven minutes"
I couldn't help it. I giggled. I was still in a daze but I could understand his words clearly now.
"What's so funny Julianna Baker?"
"Nothing, nothing. It's just that... I wouldn't mind the wait at all if it ended up right here anyway"
He looked at me with a gaze so intense, so full of something. Like what I see in my dad's eyes when he looks at my mom... but was I reading it right?
Bryce leaned closer and half of me was wondering if he was about to kiss me again and the other half was panicking, but he instead pressed his lips to my forehead for a few seconds while I held him tight. With the way my heart was beating, it felt comforting to feel his own in sync with mine. I felt no disappointment, no insecurity when he didn't try to kiss me again at that moment. A gentle kiss on the forehead was perfect. It felt like a blessing. A promise. And I wouldn't have had it any other way.
***
"So was it always like this when you were up in that sycamore tree?" Bryce asked as he pulled me closer to his side.
We were standing on the stoutest branch we could find at the top of the Mystery Pisser watching the sunset sink into the horizon. The colors were purple and pink, so beautifully mixed as if it was one of my dad's landscape paintings only a hundred times bigger, brighter, warmer. Livelier than life itself.
"Yeah. It looked exactly like this"
It felt so strange that Bryce was standing next to me on top of a tree, watching the sunset. After all those times I tried to talk him into climbing up the sycamore years ago, I felt like I'd accomplish something big.
I swear Bryce really could read my thoughts because the next thing he said was
"I wish I would've come up the first time you invited me"
"Mmhm. But that was a long time ago."
"Have I ever told you I was a tree climbing weenie back then? I couldn't even climb up to the branches in the middle"
"Wait. You tried to climb? Why didn't I see you? When? And most importantly, why?"
"Why is a good question, but I can't really remember the answer."
"No wonder you didn't want to come up with me! The excuses you made were pretty lame. You should've just told me. We could have been weenies together."
"Aw now that's just cruel. Sweet, but cruel."
"Hey, your words not mine."
Bryce chuckled. I laughed. We stood there.
"I love you Juli. Have i ever told you that?"
What he said totally caught me off guard and I whipped my head at him so fast I almost lost my balance. But he held on and steadied me.
"What? That never even crossed your mind? That I'm in love Juli Baker as much as she's been head over heels in love with me since, I don't know, forever?"
His teasing made my eyes grow wide.
Bryce was holding a cheeky, adorable grin, but as my silence stretched, he lost it.
"Juli? You're scaring me say something"
My heart was about to explode. It was all so full of fluff and bubbles and all sweet things in the world already, I couldn't take it. But I had to ask just to see if he was serious. I raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"My mom and dad?"
He seemed to not get what I was saying but it clicked soon enough.
"You wouldn't be you if it weren't for them. There wouldn't even be a Juli Baker if it wasn't for them so... yes, I love them because of that."
His voice was so genuine my confident facade fell to pieces.
"Really?"
"Yes really. Just like the way you love my grandfather."
"O-okay...? Well what about Mike and Matt"
He laughed, and those dazzling eyes were sparkling at me.
Only for me.
"Well they already call me baby brother don't they?"
"And Abby, Bonnie, Clydette, Dexter, Eunice and Florence?"
Was the question necessary? of course not. But come on, I was enjoying this.
"If the next thing your going to ask is whether I love the boa constrictor or not, I'm going to have to back out"
"Bryce!" but my voice was anything but angry.
Bryce pulled me in a hug so warm and loving, I thought I would melt in his arms.
"And Abby, Bonnie, and Clydette. Dexter, Eunice and Florence."
We climbed down the tree after that, and retraced our path the way we entered, back to his car. It took all the strength we had to stay quiet in finding our way in the dimming light of dusk, and not laughing was really hard. Bryce kept my hand in his and would give it a squeeze whenever I tripped and I didn't feel worried at all, even if I could fall flat on my face. Or worse, get caught. Not that this place was guarded or anything.
Having a clear view of our relationship now, we still had a lot to know about each other. More secrets to tell, secrets to keep, more memories to make, more to add to the sum of our parts. After those months of confusion and grudges in the eighth grade, I'm sure we both knew that we had flipped. Hard. And the time we spent together probably just glued us to the table.
"I've been thinking about getting a rooster"
"A what?" He stopped halfway in opening the car door for me, clearly surprised by the randomness of my statement.
"A rooster. You know, the big strutting chicken with the long bright feathers? With the rubbery red stuff on top of its head?"
"Oh I'm well aware of the difference between a hen and a rooster, thank you very much. But... seriously?" Bryce was very amused and wasn't afraid to show it.
"What? I just want to. I miss selling eggs... and giving them away" I gave him a knowing look.
"You do know that I would just dump them in the trash again right?" he let me get inside and shut the door.
"You wouldn't dare. You love me too much" I shot back.
Bryce got on the driver's seat and took my hand in his, kissing my knuckles again.
"Fortunately for your future chicken eggs, I do. I really, really do."