In the absence of my fiance I've been living at Christina's house. For two days now I've filled my time with the anticipation of my God-Daughter. Shopping with Christina, picking out furniture with Evan, and still trying to find a name. I haven't even checked my phone. I turned it off as soon as I left the appartment. I needed time to clear my head and rationalize what I'm doing with my life. Unfortunately, my dad was right. He had said a while back that I couldn't just be the wife of a celebrity. I need my own life and I have to make my own choices.
"How you doing buddy?" Christina smiled, apologetically.
I sighed. "Stop looking at me like that an I'll be okay."
"Like what?"
"Like I just got diagnosed with a terminal illness and you're feeling all sorry for me," I muttered, shifting my position on her couch.
She squatted down next to me, feeling her way down, her big belly getting in the way. Placing her hand on my shoulder, she smiled and squeezed me. "Just talk to me."
I really didn't want to. I could talk to Christina about everthing, but I really just didn't want to say what I was thinking becasue then it would become even more real, I guess. Besides, talking wouldn't fix anything. I shrugged.
"Oh would you stop being so dramatic and open your damn mouth and talk to me!" Christina shouted, throwing her arms up in a flurry.
I stared at her, accusing. "I just basically broke up with my fiance, told him I was pregnant, and left him, and you think I'm being dramatic?" I glared at her.
She pointed at me smirking, "I knew I could get you to talk."
I just shook my head.
"Seriously Nicole, just tell me what you're thinking. Please?"
I sighed, turing to face her. "I just feel like I need time to myself to find what I want and what I want to do with my life. If I don't I'll end up resenting him. I know it."
Christina looked at me with the most serious gaze, her hand on mine as she took in my expression. "You need to live your life for you. Not anybody else. If you aren't happy with yourself, none of it matters. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else Nicole. And that's where you are right now. I think you're thinking about the things you'll miss out on if you're with Matt and you're scared. You won't have the normal life you planned on having if you're with him. And it's okay to be scared. But, just remember, if you stay scared and never try to face what's bothing you, you'll regret it. And it's worse to regret what you didn't do than to face what scares you."
I just gawked at her. Who knew Christina was so full of wisdom. It was baffaling. I couldn't even respond to what she just sputed out at me.
She giggled, realizing that she didn't really sound like her usual self. "So what I'm saying is, go do your thing, live your life, do what you think will make you happy, but then if you realize you're missing something-- your happiness isn't complete . . . you know why."
I smiled at her, hugging her tight. She was right. I needed to see if I was happy without Matt before I went back to him. I needed to be my own person first. "Thank you Christina. I love you, you know that?"
"You better," she winked, squeezing my hand.
. . .
Three weeks. I'd been on my own for three weeks. With all of my free time, I decided to look into a career. I had always liked desiging clothes. I'd doodle on my notebooks at school and cut out outfits from magazines that I liked and try to match them with things in my closet. Christina's mom got me an internship at her office where they design wedding gowns. I mean, right now I was only getting coffee for the A-list designers, but it was a start.
I loved it. I loved being around it all. The sketches, the designs, the fabrics, the models, everything. It was like a dream realizing that this could be a career. And, even though I wasn't desiging any of it, it was inspiring to know that one day I could.
But, seeing all of the wedding dresses everyday and all of the happy women modeling them, it made me think of what my wedding dress would have looked like. Matt had been calling me ever since I left. But I just kept ignoring him. I couldn't talk to him or see him until I was happy with myself. I need to know that I have a career and a life without him before I share my life with him. I can't depend on a guy for my life.
He's been calling Christina, Evan, even my mom. I guess he even went to Christina's house when I was at work. But, Christina told him exactally what I would have said. I'm not ready yet. I know he's freaking out and I don't blame him, but I just can't see him. No matter how bad I wanted to.
"How's the working girl?" Evan smiled from a plate of food as I walked in Christina's house.
"Pretty good. How's the soon to be dad?" I asked and his smile grew.
"Awesome. Any day now," he grinned.
"And I hope that day is coming sooner than later," Christina moaned as she waddled into the kitchen. he stomach leading the way. "Seriously, this kid just doen't want to come out!"
Evan chuckled, kissing her on the cheek. "The doctor said it's only a matter of days now. We're almost there baby."
Christina just grabbed the snadwhich from him and took a bite. With a mouthful she mumbled, "just wish she'd come out."
"Well you know what the doctor said would induce the labor, right?" Evan winked.
Christina rolled her eyes, gulping down the sandwhich. "Babe, I'm sorry but there is no way we are having sex with me looking like the girl from Willy Wonka when she gets turned into a blueberry."
"Well you could lay--"
"No way. Not happening."
I just laughed at it all. "I heard spicy food can help," I suggested.
"I practically ate a whole jar of chili peppers this morning. The only thing that happened was I was in the bathroom for a while, " she grunted.
Evan shook his head, laughing. "It's just so sexy when you talk about taking a dump, Chris."
"Yeah? How does morning sickness turn you on?" She winked.
He smiled. "So hot baby."
Christina, who had been laughing, now stood there, grasping at the counter with a frozen look on her face. "How about my water breaking? Still hot?"
Evan and I looked at each other, shocked, and then back to Christina with the same expression. None of us moving, all of us perfect statues.
"Are you serious?" Evan gasped, a look of astonishment touched his face.
"Dead serious," Christina nearly whispered.
They shared a look of admeration as the thought of their daughter being born entered their minds simoltaneously. It was really a touching sight. The look of love these soon-to-be-parents had on their faces was beautiful.
"Okay! Let's go have this baby!" Evan announced as if there was an audience in front of us.
It all happened so fast. Evan grabbed Christina's overnight bag from upstais, I helped Christina to the car, Evan flung the bag in the back seat, and we were off. I don't even remember the ride to the hospital, it was all a blur or excitment.
As soon as Christina was settled in a room, I called my parents, Evan called his and Christina's, and all of a sudden the hallway to the hospital was full. Everyone was buzzing with the excitement and anticipation of this little girl. And, through it all, my mom still found her way to me to ask how everythings been going. I lied and told her everything was great now and that Matt and I had gotten in a fight, but were fine now. I couldn't be bothered with telling her the details now.
After two hours of nothing happening, the crown thinned. My parents went back home to wait. I said I'd call them if anything new happened. Evan and Christina's parents were in the waiting room trying to make small talk about their teenagers who were about to become parents. Evan and I sat with Christina, trying to comfort her through the contractions. A few minutes passed and one of the nurses came in smiling.
"How's everything going honey?"
Christina sighed, blowing a piece of hair off of her sweaty forehead. "Pretty good, considering."
The nurse smiled, understanding. "I know it feels like forever right now, the waiting, but pretty soon you'll have your baby and it will all be worth it. You're doing everything you can right now. We just have to wait until she's ready."
"Well I hope she's ready soon because I don't know how much longer I can take this," Christina huffed. Evan held her hand, stroking the back of it.
The nurse smiled again, nodding. "Oh, honey, I'm sorry but the doctor will be in soon and we can only have one other person in here right now," she looked to me.
"Oh, okay," I smiled, standing to kiss Christina's cheek. "I'll be right outside if you need me."
"Love you best friend," she smiled.
"You better," I winked.
I stood in the hallway right outside Christina's room, a feeling of anxiousness rushing through me. This was it. Everything was going to change after this moment. My best friends were about to become parents. I was about to be a God-Mother. I smiled to myself at the thought. So much has changed in just a year. Thinking of what led us all to this moment in our lives made me a little emotional. And then the emptiness began seeping into my thoughts. I was missing a part of me. This was such an important moment in all of our lives and I didn't feel complete. Something was missing.
"Nicole."
I heard my name called from down the hallway. My heart skipped a beat as my stomach started doing flips. I spun around to see him standing there, a look of desperation on his face.
"Matt."
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So sorry for the long wait!!! Next part coming much sooner! Tell me what you think!(:
xoxo Kristina