XIX.
My tether had returned, and I despite my terribly inebriated state, I could feel my sanity doing the same. But of all the things I wasn't going to remember, there was one I couldn't forget. Lauren had secrets, and with those secrets would come a darkness on the horizon that was going to be difficult to write away.
Lauren and I both knew that the night wasn't going to end there. Waking up again when we were back in the apartment, we didn't exchange many words before our clothes ended up in a lazy pile on the floor. It wasn't like we needed to either; the silence came easy.
For me, the sex ended up drunk and giggly, while for Lauren it as more sober and teasing. Regardless, I fell asleep more than satisfied, lying atop her body as if she was the most comfortable pillow in the world. The morning came, and I woke up with a raging hangover mixed with just small snippets of the night. It seemed that the filter in my brain had only decided to recall the good parts.
"How did I get alcohol?" I questioned, yawning as Lauren stretched her body and wriggled out from under me.
"You said a busboy bought you drinks." She then responded, pulling the sheets up and draping them over her body as well as my own. "All I know is you were completely wasted and sitting behind the wheel of your car."
"Thank you." I looked over at her with a murmur. "You probably saved my life last night. And the life of some poor undeserving pedestrian."
"Don't even go there Camila. You scared me." Lauren rolled over to face me, resting her chin on my shoulder. "Really badly."
"I didn't mean to." I replied, looking at her. "How did you know to find me?"
"I just did." Lauren shrugged. "How are you feeling?"
"Horrible." I closed my eyes, smiling as she pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. "I don't ever want to drink again."
"Wise words." Lauren rolled away for a moment and pulled a dark green flannel from one of the messy piles on the floor. She then sat up, pulling it over her shoulders and doing up a few lazy buttons. "I'll make you something to eat. Just hang tight here for a few minutes."
"Let me come with you." I groaned, rolling over as well. "Grab me something to put on."
Lauren reached down and tossed me a pair of polka dotted cotton shorts.
"A top." I corrected her, throwing them back.
"Nope." Lauren smirked, re-handing me the shorts as she pulled on a pair of soft grey sweatpants. "That's all you're getting, sorry."
I sighed quietly, rolling over onto my front and burying my face into the pillow.
"Camz, you're not mad at me, are you?" Lauren asked, folding one leg up on the bed and shifting towards me. "If I could go back and un-read what I read then I would."
"I'm not mad." I looked up, shaking my head. "I guess I was just disappointed... I'm over it now."
"Okay." Lauren leaned down, and I arched up to meet her in a sweet kiss. "And by the way, if it makes anything better you should know that you write beautifully. I had to properly think about ever single passage, it was so intricate."
"I wrote each of those at different times." I explained quietly. "They sorta happened in sequence. You know what they mean, right?"
"The seven stages of grief." Lauren nodded. "I didn't actually realize it until I left, I had to stop by the library and do a little late night research."
"Of course you did." My smile faded as she shuffled around and got up again. "Wait Lauren, don't go yet."
"I thought you wanted food?" Lauren turned around.
"That can wait." I opened my arms. "Snuggle with me."
Lauren smiled gently, lowering her body back down on the bed so I could undo the buttons on her flannel and press myself against her chest. From the way she breathed, I could tell she remained awake, while I succumbed to my hangover and slipped back into a dreamy slumber.
Her charm hung gently against my throat, emanating just a hint of warmth into my skin. My mind hadn't ended up remembering a good chunk of the night, but it had seamlessly remember that.
***
"So Dinah should be over in a few, we're going to go to the mall and pick out some outfits for the art show." Lauren explained, setting a plate of scrambled eggs down on the table and sliding a fork towards me. "She said it was black tie, and I literally own nothing of the sort."
"That sounds like it should be fun." I acknowledged, taking the fork and stabbing at the eggs, moving them around the plate slowly.
"Come with us." Lauren sat down beside me. "You can get something greasy to help with your hangover, I can get a blue raspberry popsicle from that amazing place in the food court, it'll be all good."
I shrugged. "Thanks, but I think I'll just stay here today. I'm not really in the mood to see... people."
Lauren patted her lap, and I lifted myself, moving so I was planted on top of her.
"It'll be fun." She murmured in my ear. "We can sit in those massage chairs, and look at a bunch of pretty dresses. Like when we went shopping for your prom, remember?"
"I don't know Lauren..."
"C'mon." Lauren gave my body a squeeze. "I don't want to leave you here all on your own."
I turned to look down at her, knowing it was going to be impossible to say no to those eyes.
Dinah could tell something was off the moment she stepped into the apartment, taking one look at me in my hungover state and putting the pieces together. She was supportive, although I could tell it was killing her to not ask what had happened.
"So what exactly is going to be happening at this art gala thing?" I asked, leafing through a rack of sparkly silver dresses. "Is there anything that's going to be actually exciting?"
"Nope." Dinah held up a black number and scanned it up and down. "It's basically just a showing for most of my mom's art and a few pieces by some friends of hers." She explained. "There are going to be some pretty high profile critics there, so she just needs people to show up, pretend to be interested, and maybe make a bid or two."
I looked up. "Like, a bid with real money?"
"Yeah." Dinah shrugged, then looked up with a start. "Oh, don't worry you don't need to put down much. Everything gets outbid within the next few minutes, she just needs someone to start it off."
"Shy critics?" Lauren stepped over, leaning against the side of a pillar and crossing her arms.
"Most of them are shy." Dinah nodded. "I guess putting your name down first makes it look like you're kinda desperate; they definitely shy away from that."
"Well desperate does sound a lot like me." I nodded with a sigh, picking up a white slim fitting dress and holding it out. "How would this look?"
"Mm..." Dinah scanned the number. "I don't know how I feel about you in white. I have a strange suspicion that you'll end up spilling something on it."
I put the dress back in agreement, only to have Lauren appear at my side and pick it up again. "I think you would look good." She countered, pushing the hanger against my chest. "Just go and try it on."
I looked over at Dinah, who was beaming proudly. Her own bronze gaze was locked on Lauren, a smirk was plastered unabashedly on her face. I just rolled my eyes at the both of them and grabbed the dress, spinning around and heading into the change room.
Unable to snag the zipper at the back, I emerged a few minutes later and turned around so Dinah could do it all the way up.
"So how long is this thing tonight going to be?" I asked her, taking a look at myself in the mirror and adjusting the necklace at my chest. "Are we going to be out long?"
"You can ditch whenever you want." Dinah grinned at my reflection. "Don't worry."
"Hey, that's not what I was going to say." I started to argue before succumbing to her pointed look. "Okay fine. But tell your mom that it's not because her art isn't amazing, because it is."
"FYI there are going to be some pretty colourful drinks there." The blonde informed me, shrugging my previous remark off. "Try to keep them in the glass rather than on your lap."
"Trust me." I shivered. "I'm not touching anything in a glass for the rest of my life. I'm limited to water bottles and juice boxes only."
Dinah frowned, looking up from where she was rearranging my hair around my shoulders. "Was it really all that bad last night?"
"How did you know?"
"I know you." Dinah smiled. "And Shawn gave me a call to look out for you. I think he was pretty worried."
I sighed. "I kinda got mad at him for a stupid reason. We should probably talk it out, but I just don't have the energy."
"What did he do?"
"He kept all my childhood memories."
Dinah lifted an eyebrow. "Oh, well how satanic."
"Shut up." I prodded her with my elbow. "I told him to throw it all out, and he didn't. Then he showed Lauren, and they both went through it, it's a long story."
"Ah." Dinah did a slow nod. "That makes more sense. So I assume you got pretty cheesed at her too?"
"You could say that." I shrugged. "So what do you think? I should get this one?"
"I think you should." Dinah met my eyes in the mirror once more. "Your girlfriend seems to like it."
"Yeah, she... wait my girl what?—" Before I could finish, Dinah had me by the shoulders and was turning me around so I was facing a closed stall on the other side of the room. I blinked, watching as the clasp on the door slid open and the girl stepped out. Whatever I was going to say was lost to the sight before me.
Lauren had put on the black dress, and was now making a slow 360 in the mirror. The dress itself was fitted, but billowed out around the bottom to hide her feet and give the number a distinct shape. At the front, it cut down below her chest, stopping a few good inches above her navel to leave just enough to the imagination.
I had to blink a few times to keep my eyes from drying out while I stared.
"Mila." Dinah nudged me. "Close your mouth a little, you're gaping."
"Um..." I shivered. "What?"
"How do I look?" Lauren turned around to face us, reaching up to thread her fingers through her hair. "Does it look okay? It makes me look pale doesn't it... darker colours always do that, I'll change it."
"No." I took a brash step forward, my voice coming out more stern than I had intended.
Lauren tilted her head to the side slightly. "What?"
"I mean... no it's good. I like it." I stammered. "Um, you should wear that one tonight."
"Yeah?" Lauren looked from me up to Dinah, who was nearly swaying back and forth with glee. "Dinah, you think so too?"
"Hey, if your girlfriend likes it then I like it." Dinah shrugged in reply.
I figured that was going to be Lauren's cue to lash out like a tiger, but much to my surprise, she remained where she was. In fact, the only move she made was to turn to me with a soft smile. "You look good in white." She complimented.
I looked down shyly, her words echoing in my head.
When the time is right Camz. When the time is right, I promise I'll be all yours.
Then, I stepped backwards and sat down on one of the waiting room's few round cushions, crossing one leg over the other and resting my chin in my hands. Dinah had migrated over to Lauren, and was now rearranging her hair so it was parted in symmetric waves around her face.
"Mila, get over here so I can figure out the accessory plan for you. There are a few things I want you to try on."
I shook my head. "I'm just going to wear this." I informed her, my fingers gracing the necklace against my throat. "I'm good on accessories."
"Yeah I noticed that earlier. It's really pretty, where did you get it?"
"Lauren." I answered simply.
Dinah looked over at Lauren, who quickly looked away and pretend to study herself in the mirror once again.
"You know, it's like you guys are purposely trying to kill me" Dinah shook her head, then took Lauren's hand and examined it. "I had my eyes on some rings with pretty dark stones that will match the colour of this dress. Let me go grab them." She said before darting off into the store.
"She's really into fashion, isn't she?" Lauren asked me, turning back to glance at herself in the mirror. "That girl knows what she's doing."
"She's always had an eye for things like this." I shrugged from where I sat. "Dinah's helped me pick out my eighth grade graduation dress, the outfit I wore on the first date I went on, and even an entire wardrobe dedicated to church."
"Wow, seems like you guys have done a lot of that kind of stuff."
I got up. "Yeah, my mom was always big on making my sister and I go every Sunday. We never really got anything out of it, but it was fun to go and nibble on the free cookies and apple juice they always put out after the service."
"No." Lauren turned around, holding her hands out and waiting until I took them. "I was talking about the clothes shopping."
"Oh." I released an embarrassed scoff, smiling as she squeezed my hands. "Right. We've done a lot of that too."
"You're cute." Lauren smirked, reaching up and brushing a few loose strands of hair out of my face.
"You look like a princess." I countered, matching her smirk.
"Yeah, the darkest, most depressing princess in the world." Lauren laughed, turning around to look in the mirror again. "Although I'll admit, they probably should have more of those in the Disney universe. Most of them are too bright for my taste."
"Yeah?" I asked, edging her to continue as I watched her move in the mirror.
"Yeah." Lauren chuckled. "I was always more of a Pixar fan."
"Alright." Dinah reappeared, a few rings cupped in the palm of her hand. "Lauren, let's see if any of these work."
Lauren nodded holding out her hands so Dinah could equip her with a series of rings. Most of them matched up with the colour of her dress, others were complimentary.
"Dang, I'm a genus. They all look pretty good." Dinah smiled. "Pick and choose whichever you want."
"Great." Lauren held out her hands, turning to look at me. "Camila, what do you think?"
"I like this one." I replied, reaching over and brushing my fingers over the dark pearl that was locked on the ring finger of her right hand. "It's very... you. Dark but beautiful."
"Ugh." Dinah spun around and ran her hands through her hair, heading back out into he store. "Jesus christ it's like the two of you are trying to do this to me on purpose. You're killing me. Killing me!"
"High five." I murmured, lifting my hand and grinning when Lauren did just that.
***
A few hours later I stepped out of the shower, clean and refreshed from being in a crowded mall for the first half of the day. Heading into the bedroom, I saw that Lauren was lounging on the bed with a book in her hands. The moment she saw me, her attention was mine.
"That was quick." She commented, her eyes moving down my body.
"What was I supposed to do?" I shrugged. "I'm saving water because you refused to shower with me."
With a laugh, Lauren got up and grabbed a second towel from behind the door. "You know why I refused." She teased. "If I was there, I guarantee we wouldn't have been showering."
"Little perv." I grinned as she turned the corner and closed the door to the bathroom.
When we had gotten ourselves ready, Dinah arrived with a complimentary ride and a small booklet outlining some of the works we were to see. Lauren was just finishing off her makeup when the door knocked a second time, causing her and I to look at each other in confusion.
I got up and answered, yanking the door open and frowning. Shawn stood in the doorway, dressed in his typical leather jacket and blue v-neck t-shirt. "What are you doing here?" I asked, turning and looking behind me at the others.
"Dinah told me to-"
"I told him to come over." Dinah got up. "He's going to be the hamster babysitter tonight."
"What?" Shawn frowned. "Wait a minute, were you serious about that?"
"Yup." The girl grabbed Lauren's arm mid-blush application and pulled her towards the door. "Lauren and I will be in the car, the two of you hang back and work whatever it is you're dealing with out."
"But I haven't finished my makeup!" Lauren protested, grabbing her clutch just as Dinah yanked her out of the room.
"Girl, you're pale. No amount of blush is going to hide that, let's go."
"Okay alright, hold on." Lauren screeched to a stop right next to Shawn, and just out of the corner of my eye I saw her place a hand on his arm. They shared a few seconds of eye contact, which by the end had Shawn nodding in understanding. I frowned. This was a new development.
The second the two girls vanished, I closed the door behind them, turning to see that the boy had migrated over to the hamster cage and was poking his finger through one of the gaps.
"You know you don't actually need to stay." I told him, leaning back against the door. "Hamsters aren't one of the house pets that need babysitting. That's part of the reason why I have one."
"I know." Shawn straightened up to look at me. "I... I just wanted to apologize for the other day."
"You don't need to do that either." I shook my head. "You meant well. Let's just forget it even happened, alright? I actually had a lot of fun spending the day with you. It sucked that it ended so badly."
"I did too." Shawn smiled. "And... um... also one other thing."
"Does it have to do with that look Lauren gave you?"
"Yeah." Shawn shifted on his feet, looking down at the ground nervously. "I'm sorta done with keeping secrets from you, even if it just shit to do with me. Hiding stuff isn't fun, and clearly it doesn't lead to anything good for either of us."
"Okay." I nodded, edging him on to continue.
"So we've been friends for a long time now... and I think just recently, I might have developed feelings for you. Serious feelings."
As he finished I felt like someone had taken a brick and began whacking me in the gut with it. Because the universe just knew I didn't have enough crazy in my life and it just needed to throw a little more at me like insult to injury.
"W...what?"
"Okay wait." Shawn held his hands up. "The other thing I probably should have added in was that I'm not going to do anything about it. I'll let it fade."
"What?" I asked a second time, nothing but disbelief in my voice.
"That's it." Shawn shrugged. "I'm done. You can go now, they're waiting for you."
I clicked the lock closed on the door and stepped forward. "Okay, you might be done but I'm as sure as hell not. What do you mean you have feelings for me? I thought when I asked you back then you said you thought the wasn't possible."
"I lied." The boy shrugged, sliding his hands into his pockets. "Lauren pulled it out of me... she's got this weird ability to really sneak into your inner thoughts and yank them out of you like a... line of intestines or something."
"Gross Shawn." I muttered.
"Sorry." He lifted his chin to the door. "Those two are probably waiting for you now. I'd get going."
I looked over at the clock, my heart sinking when I realized he was right. "Okay." I nodded. "But we aren't done okay? I want to talk to you about this."
"I'll be here babysitting." Shawn replied, gesturing to the hamster cage. "And Camila?"
"Yeah?"
"I know you love her." He said with a light shrug. "It's not hard to tell. I think it's good."
"Y— you do?"
"Yeah." He reached up and unclasped the hamster's cage, holding out his hand and letting it scurry around his palm. "I think you two are perfect for each other. If you're happy, then so am I."
I rubbed my eyes with both hands, then reached up to pull my hair out of my face momentarily. "Listen." I started, knowing I had to keep this as brief as possible. "You can love me all you want. You can be head over heels for me, but I swear to god Shawn Mendes... if what I say back ruins our friendship, I will personally kill you."
Shawn smiled, and I stepped forward until I was only a foot or so away from him. Bringing my right hand up, I jabbed a finger hard into the centre of his chest.
"I will not lose you because of this." I insisted. "I don't care how much pain you have to go through, you are stuck with me for the rest of your life."
"I know." The boy shrugged. "I'm okay with that."
I took deep breath, restraining myself from exchanging another word with him before leaving the apartment and rushing down to the car.
***
"You good?" Lauren asked, laying her hand down on my knee as Dinah gave our driver a set of directions from the passenger seat. "You look a little pale."
I leaned forward, ignoring how badly the action alone must have been wrinkling my dress. "He's got feelings for me." I murmured into my hands. "Shawn..."
Lauren moved away, leaning back in her seat. "I'm glad he finally quit chickening out and actually told you." She admitted. "It's been a long time now."
"You were right." I spoke in a hushed tone. "Back then, when you said that he loved me? I swore you had been wrong when I talked to him, but you were right."
"I'm always right." Lauren replied, turning so she was looking out the window.
"Lauren." I straightened up, peering over at her. "Is this the choice you were talking about last night? You knew he was going to end up telling me all this, right?"
"I did." Lauren fiddled with the snap on her clutch. "This isn't it, but it's got a lot to do with it."
"What on earth are the two of you whispering about back there?" Dinah asked, twisting her torso around so she was facing us. "Mila, did you and Shawn get everything worked out?"
"Yeah... kinda." I replied. "Dinah, did you have any idea that Shawn had feelings for me?"
Dinah shifted, draping her arm over the corner of the seat and meeting my eyes. "Camila, it shocks me every single day that this entire city doesn't have feelings for you. I'm shocked that I haven't developed feelings for you. It's crazy that you don't see just how loveable you are."
I blinked at her. "So yes or no?"
"No. But I'm not surprised."
Lauren looked over. "I told you."
"Guys!" My voice broke out into a whine. "What do I do about this? What do I tell him?"
"Tell him how you feel." Dinah answered, her response strikingly similar to what a cheesy preteen would tell another to constitute "boy advice". She paused, then pursed her lips together. "Do you even know how you feel?"
"I..." Bringing my fingers up involuntarily to brush the small charm against my chest, I couldn't hold back from turning to look at Lauren. who was giving off a small, yet infectious smile. "I think I do."
The car came to a slow stop, and I looked out the window to see a series of well dressed couples walk two by two up into a large, elegant venue. Dinah thanked the man and got out first, while I conveniently fumbled with my purse so Lauren had the time to walk around the back of the car and open my door for me. Once I was standing up, my body was pulled into hers, and I was wrapped in a clearly non-optional hug.
"What was that for?" I asked as I disconnected slowly, keeping my hands on her hips.
"I know there's a lot happening." Lauren replied quietly. "Try not to think about it tonight. Just try to have a good time."
"I will." I said, thankful for her dark, calming presence. Taking her arm and giving her a small tug, the two of us began to follow Dinah. "Let's do this."
***
Turns out an art auction was far more interesting than Dinah had pegged it to be. As someone who had seen Lauren paint for hours on end, I had a newfound appreciation for the effort that was put into a single landscape, or still life plastered on canvas. The walls of the ballroom style venue were covered in various styles of acrylic and watercolour, each locked behind a glass frame.
"All of these are really beautiful." Lauren noted, appearing behind me with a small plate balanced in one hand. On it was an assortment of finger food, including a cracker piled high with what looked like some type of colourful salsa. "I got you this." She then added, following my line of sight down to the food and holding the plate out. "But to be honest, I have no idea what it is."
"I'm fine." I shook my head. "You eat it, you're the one who eats everything."
Lauren peered down at her selection before shrugging and setting it down on a nearby table. "Where's Dinah?"
"Talking with her mom." I gestured over to where the girl was chatting avidly with a group of haughty looking people with her mother at her side. "She can be pretty persuasive if she tries."
"I don't know what Dinah's mom has to worry about." Lauren looked around. "I could never pull off something like this, these paintings are gorgeous."
"Oh stop." I made a noise. "Of course you could, your talent is insane."
"Nah, this is professional stuff." The girl looked around. "What I do is a hobby."
I rolled my eyes, not wanting to stir up a mock argument that I would likely lose. Instead, I pranced away and began to write my name down on a number of paintings with a nice low bid to get off to the races.
Halfway through the night Lauren disappeared to another corner of the venue while Dinah and I hung around to try and talk up some pretty high end looking art critics. Everything seemed to be going pretty well.
Until it didn't.
Midnight hit the clock, and slowly but surely the crowd dissolved away until only a few people were left hanging around. Dinah's mom Milika had dropped by a few times to thank me, while at the same time ensuring I would give my regards to Lauren.
"Where is she by the way?" Dinah asked as her mother hurried away when her name was called. "I haven't seen her for a while."
"I dunno." I shrugged. "I actually thought she was with you."
"You know, for someone who runs away about three times every day, you really have a hard time keeping tabs on your date."
"She's not my date."
The blonde girl took my hand, sighing.
"What are you doing?"
"We're going to find your date." Dinah replied. "Come on Short Round."
I frowned, slinging my purse higher up my shoulder. "Short Round? Who's that?"
"Indiana Jones' small asian boy sidekick." Dinah explained with a smug grin over her shoulder. "That's you."
***
Indie and Short Round scoured the room, checking behind every partition at least three times before coming to a confused stop.
"That girl is like the night." Dinah muttered, hands on her hips. "She's dark, mysterious, and a fucking annoyance when you're trying to be productive."
I jammed my phone back into my purse. "That's three times I've called now. Where the hell could she be?"
Dinah looked up. "I guess we could try and check out the upper floors." She suggested. "I thought most of that was locked, and there are a bunch of security so I don't know why she would even be able to get up there."
"It's worth a shot." I shook my head. "I wouldn't put it past Lauren to flirt her way up there."
We hurried out the exit, turning and eying the massive spiral staircase that led to the building's second floor. As perfectly advertised by Dinah, a burly looking security guard hurried over the moment he saw us. "Sorry ladies, we can't have anyone past this point." He informed us, his fingers linked in the loops of his belt. "All the art for this event is on the first floor."
"We're looking for a friend." I explained to him, Dinah nodding vigorously beside me. "We think she might have wandered up here a while ago, can we just go and take a quick look?"
The man looked up the steps, then back down at us.
"Please?" Dinah put on the most hopeful smile she could. "We'll be really quick. Promise."
"You two seem like nice girls." The man shrugged. "I'll give you five minutes, if you don't find anything come right back down here or I'll have to find you, okay?"
"Okay." I gave him a thankful smile as Dinah grabbed my hand and we hurried up the steps. "I fucking hate stairs and heels." I muttered grouchily as we ascended to the second floor. "They just don't go together."
"Wow, with all complaining you're starting to sound more like Garfield than Short Round." Dinah chuckled, coming to an abrupt stop. I did the same behind her, and we both looked around.
The second floor was considerably more open than the first, consisting of a single long hallway and a series of doors on either side. Dinah stepped over to try one, pulling at the handle only for it to not budge. "These are locked." She said, turning back to me in disappointment. "She must not be up here."
"Wait." I felt a warmth against my chest, one that began at the base of my throat and was rapidly spreading to the rest of my body. "Let's check all these doors just to be safe. She's either up here somewhere, or she left, and I don't think she would leave without telling me."
"Alright." Dinah took off towards the next door, her heels clicking on the shiny marble floors. "We do have five minutes, I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a little look around."
The two of us began to make our way down the hall, tugging at each door as we did so. None of them opened, and with each rattle of a closed lock, I felt a larger pang of disappointment. It wasn't like Lauren to just take off without a word the way I did; something was wrong.
Then, as if the universe had read my mind, I approached a door that wasn't locked. In fact, it wasn't even closed. My breath caught in my throat, and I called for Dinah to come and take a look. When she appeared behind me, we both waited for two seconds before reading each others minds and pushing the door open.
I knew I couldn't speak for Dinah, but what we saw caused my blood to run cold.
***
A/N: I've decided recently that this book is going to be split into three parts, each of them basically follow a pretty set in stone section of the story. The first part stretches from Chapter 1-20, and it's called "We Are the Crowd"