Fennhill was a large town, making Greenbanü almost seem as if it had been merely a hobby town for Lialam when he’d been alive. For after all, Greenbanü had been founded by his own grandfather when he fled some unknown city in the east.
Fennhill, on the other hand, was a grand town that seemed more like a city such as Dale had been. Having traded with Dale for decades, many of the residents displaced by Smaug had settled in Fennhill and other neighboring towns. It sat on a lush green hill overlooking the Wilderlands, making it almost seem out of place in an area that had pockets of barren landscapes and patches of green forests. It was guarded on all sides by high stone walls behind a moat. It had its share of goblin raids but most, if not all, had been stopped at the gates.
As we entered the town, it was business as usual for all. No one would have ever known that today was Durin’s day, the most important day for the dwarves for it marked the dwarven new year. Jürgen told me that the ceremony was small and intimate, and only dwarves would be present. He and Bernd would join the rest during the dinner celebration afterwards.
But even the festivities would have been frugal at best if it weren’t for the generous gift from some unknown benefactors who were providing the food and drink.
“Do these benefactors have any idea how much dwarves eat and drink?” I asked, laughing. “They may just need to dive into their coffers a bit more to cover all that by the time they’re done.”
“Yes, I imagine so,” Jürgen chuckled. “But the dragon still lingers in everyone’s minds, so I doubt there will be as much cheer today as there would have been had the wedding been performed in Erebor. But still, there will be some happiness. It is a wedding after all.”
I stopped walking for a few moments. Bernd had gone ahead with most of the guards towards the inn where he and the rest of them, including Jürgen were staying. I was to stay at the Willow Inn, they said, where the king’s family was staying.
“Is it really that bad, Jürgen? Do the dwarves really have nothing?”
The older man sighed. “They fled Erebor with only the clothes on their backs, child. They weren’t able to carry any of their treasures. They were lucky to escape alive. You should know that. You stayed with them when they were camped just outside Greenbanü.”
He was right. But I'd been too distraught then to have noticed anything outside of my mother's tent as she lay dying. “And now they wander the wilderness looking for work where they can find it, not knowing where to lay their heads at night to rest? Is this the future you and Bernd want for me? A future of uncertainty?”
“Frigga, I thought we talked about this. These are your people, and ever since you learned who you really were, Greenbanü ceased to be your home. You know it, and I know it. Everyone knew it,” Jürgen said, sighing.
“I’m afraid, Jürgen,” I whispered. “But if my real mother were still alive, I don’t think I’d be feeling like this. So alone.”
“I only want you to be happy,” Jürgen exhaled wearily. “Do you want us to turn back?”
“I don’t want to turn back,” I said as I shook my head vehemently. “But I’ve got no one to turn to among them, Jürgen, and it scares me to not only be homeless, but to have no one to turn to. I’ve always had you and Bernd. And Inge. With the dwarves, I won’t have anyone.”
“You won’t be alone, Frigga,” Jürgen said. “There are people who do care for you. You do know that, don’t you?”
Before I could answer, Bernd shouted for us to hurry. I forced a smile and began walking hurriedly towards Bernd and the rest of the men, a part of me eager to begin my new life yet another part of me dreading it.
The master of the town, a man named Renner, was standing next to Bernd by the time Jürgen and I caught up with them. They were deep in some discussion that ceased the moment we arrived, though I saw Bernd press a leather pouch into the master's hand. Master Renner escorted us through the winding streets leading up to the top of the hill where the wedding was to take place. He was a lanky man who laughed generously and when I was introduced to him, said with a bow, “At last, we meet, Lady Frigga.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked, earning a pointed look from Bernd. I was tired of everyone seeming to know who I was and I had become quite suspicious since learning the truth about Lialam and Edgard.
Master Renner smiled. “I still remember the parchments announcing a reward for any news of a missing dwarf-child,” he said. “Each year, we’d get another one. So it almost seems as if I’ve known you since you were a child.”
I smiled. “It would seem that way, doesn’t it?”
The Willow Inn was one of the largest establishments in Fennhill, and was owned by Master Renner himself. Its main building had separate structures connected only by an outer walkway flanked by sweet flowers and manicured shrubs. It was where King Thror, Thrain and Thorin were staying till the dwarves’ scheduled departure seven days later.
Already, Master Renner said, the wagons were being furnished with everything they needed for their long journey westward. Most of the dwarves had found work in Fennhill and the neighboring towns, trading their skills for food and supplies. It was going to be a long journey, he said, as the lands beyond Fennhill would become inhospitable at times. To the southeast would be Mordor and to the west would be Rohan. West from there would be Dunland, a region large enough to accommodate such a large population of migrating dwarves.
As he spoke, I could feel Jürgen and Bernd watching me carefully, and I wondered if they, too, wanted to take me back to Greenbanü with them in the morning. Somehow, if I had had any doubts about joining the dwarves, Master Renner had made my worries even worse.
After Master Renner led us to the room where I would be staying, he bowed graciously and excused himself. One of Bernd's guards entered to deposit my meager belongings upon the floor which comprised of two sturdy sacks. One of them contained a sparse number of clothing - two tunics, undershirts and two pairs of trousers all rolled up neatly, while the second was a bedroll wrapped around a dark blue coat. I’d made sure to pack all my sewing paraphernalia as well, even some of the unused fabric that Jerrel had collected from her travels. Packing up the metal needles and thimbles made my separation from Greenbanü much more concrete for it was my connection to the people who had raised me.
I had made sure to wear my best dress to this wedding, even though I risked the dust of the journey from Greenbanü. That way, I didn’t have to pack the heaviest gown I owned for I was better off wearing it. I had sewn it myself, each stitch done with the thought of wanting only to look the best I could ever be for Thorin’s wedding. It was of the richest emerald green brocade I could find in Jerrel’s old stash, and luckily there was enough to make myself a beautiful gown. When I had modeled it in front of Inge, she told me how it brought out my big green eyes and pushed up my ample breasts, something that made us both giggle at the thought of salivating dwarves. Already I knew that I’d made the neckline a bit too low, for Bernd had asked me to draw my cloak over the front of my dress as we traveled. It had been distracting the men around me, he whispered.
“Thorin will see what a mistake he’s making when he sees you,” Inge said as I twirled in front of her, laughing like we were children again. How I wished Inge had made the trip with me, I thought. Then I wouldn’t feel so wretched at the ceremony and the dinner afterwards. We’d probably be giggling uncontrollably the entire time.
Jürgen set down a small leather pouch upon the table as Bernd beckoned for me to come closer. Pushing it towards me, he said, “this is yours.”
As Jürgen pulled open the drawstring, I saw that the pouch was filled with gold and silver coins and precious stones - diamonds, emeralds, sapphires and rubies.
“Where did you get that?” I asked. I’d never seen so much treasure in my life.
“We found it in Lialam’s vault. It was part of the reward that Lialam collected every time he or someone he sent to Erebor gave the dwarves information about where you were,” Jürgen replied. “But it really belongs to you.”
“You could raise an army with all this,” Bernd mused. “Not that I’d want you to raise one, but it’s yours to do as you wish, Frigga. May it help you with your new life from here on.”
I wasn’t concerned about the jewels nor how I was going to use them. I was more afraid for what lay in store for me after we’d leave the comforts of Fennhill and begin the journey to Dunland. But something in what Jürgen said earlier came back to me.
“You both paid for the wedding celebration,” I said slowly.
Both men did not say anything but from the way they glanced at each other, I knew the truth. But I also knew that if King Thror would learn of men paying for his son's wedding, surely his pride would prevent a single dish to be served, nor even a drop of ale to be poured.
“As far as the king knows, the money came from his kin in the Iron Hills,” Bernd said. “But I’d like to think that this is your welcoming party. Silly, I know, but I want to see you smile again before I leave, Frigga. Just once.”
I didn’t speak for a few moments. Instead, I tied the pouch shut and set it aside. How can I smile when I’m attending the wedding of the man I love? I wanted to say to him.
“Thank you,” I said as Bernd gathered me in his arms in a long embrace. But before I could begin crying, he gently pushed me away and forced a smile, pinching my chin as he did so. “You’ll always be my little Aleana,” he smiled.
Jürgen cleared his throat and came forward, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead. “We will say our good-byes tomorrow, child,” he said. “For now, you need to get ready for this wedding, and we’ll see you at the dining hall.”
Just then, the door opened and two dwarf-children came rushing in, screaming in delight as they engaged each other with blunt wooden swords in a mock battle. They were about four or five years old, much the same age when I’d been taken. Outside, I heard a familiar voice calling out a pair of names.
“Kili! Fili! Where are you two off to now?”
The boys giggled as Arna stuck her head through the door. She saw Jürgen and Bernd first, apologizing profusely. But as she craned her head to look about the room, she saw me and gasped.
“You’ve come back,” she said and ran towards me, taking me into her arms. “I never thought I’d see you again.”
Both little boys kept giggling behind me, now playing a game of hide and seek with Arna from behind my skirts.
Jürgen and Bernd excused themselves and left the room as the two little boys began to run about, their mock battle commencing again. They were dressed much like Thorin, with a reddish tunic on one of them, and a greenish on the other. They wore brown leather boots over dark trousers. I could not tell who was who but one of them was blonde, and the other had dark brown hair. And like all dwarf children, they had short beards, which made me giggle. They spoke in Khuzdul, each one teasing the other with silly taunts and jabbing each other with their swords playfully.
“Fili! Kili! Behave please. This is not your play room!” Arna said but both dwarves ignored her as they ran around us gleefully. It made me smile, for I realized then that I’d almost forgotten the laughter of children.
“You’re here the wedding, yes?” Arna asked and I nodded.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said, trying to sound as happy as I could manage for I’d really rather be somewhere else but here. “Thorin must be very happy.”
Arna smiled. “Of course he’s happy. Why wouldn’t he be?” She ran her hand along the light beard that had slowly begun to grow along the sides of my jaw. “Your beard is finally growing nicely.”
After not having a beard for as long as I could remember, I still wasn’t used to it and often wished I could shave it. But the beard was part of who I was now and though it took all of my wilpower each day not to shave it off, I knew accepting who I was had to begin with me.
“Oh, Arna, I wish my mother were here,” I said.
Arna nodded. “I do, too, and Lady Lyssan would have loved to be here. She loved such celebrations, though I have to admit that this wedding is not the grand affair it would have been had it been held in Erebor,” she said. She turned to look at the boys running in circles around us and smiled. “These are Dis’ little boys.”
At the mention of Dis’ name, I brightened. I’d always wondered when I would run into her, though I had often thought if I had seen her during the day I had spent at the dwarven camp, but I simply had been too grief-stricken to notice her.
“Where is she?” I asked excitedly. “I’d love to see her again.”
Arna looked at me, frowning. “Thorin didn’t tell you?”
Suddenly, Thorin’s voice boomed from the hallway. The little boys broke out in hysterical giggles as they ran behind me and hid just as Thorin stepped through the doorway.
My breath caught in my throat as Thorin turned to look around the room for his nephews, his gaze finally moving up from my dress and towards my face. It was as if all the air had left the room and I was left breathless. Thorin did not speak. He stared at me as Arna quickly gathered Kili and Fili by the backs of their tunics and led them out of the room.
“I wasn’t sure you were going to come for the wedding,” Thorin said softly. His eyes traveled towards the two bags on the floor that comprised all my worldly belongings and his brow furrowed, perplexed. He doesn’t know I’ve decided to travel with the dwarves, I thought.
I picked up the bedroll from the floor, set it on the table and untied its bindings. I had packed Thorin’s coat within it and I pulled it out, fluffing up the pelt around its collar and trim, and smoothing the leather with my hands the best I could.
“You left this at Inge’s,” I said nervously as I handed it to him. “I cleaned it up and fixed it just as I had promised when you first left it with me.”
Thorin accepted it and held it up before him. The dark pelt was as shiny and silky to the touch as if it were brand new. I had re-embroidered the trim representing the line of Durin along the sides of the coat, and I wondered if he thought it too presumptuous of me to have done so. It made the coat look even more regal than it already was.
Thorin ran his fingers upon the luxurious pelt that graced the collar before slipping it over his tunic. He looked magnificent in it, and in my mind’s eye, I saw him standing within the great halls of Erebor, the vision fading into dust as I forced myself back to the present.
“I hope you like it,” I said, too nervous to keep myself still as he walked towards me.
Curling his hand, Thorin brushed the back of his fingers against my face. A smile graced his lips. “You did this for me?” He asked, his voice hoarse.
“I made a promise to fix it,” I stammered, the smell of leather and cloves overwhelming me as I felt him draw even closer. I took a step backwards but my back met the edge of the table behind me.
I began to babble. “I really hope you like it. It will look good for the wedding. It’s my gift to you, so you don’t have to worry about paying me anything. Really, you don’t.”
Thorin cocked his head to one side, his expression unreadable. “Why are you trembling?” He asked. “Are you afraid of me, Frigga?”
I shook my head, my body shivering uncontrollaby though I was not cold.
He lifted my chin up and I found myself staring at him, his eyes framed by thick lashes that mesmerized me as I stood before him. “There’s so much unspoken between us, so many things misunderstood,” he whispered.
“I think it’s pretty plain to see what’s going on,” I said. “How can there be any misunderstanding?”
Thorin drew back. “Oh, but there is,” he said. “Are you really so afraid of me that you tremble at my touch, Frigga?”
For a few moments, I couldn’t say anything though my mind was swirling with so many things that I did want to say to him. Or do to him.
I dragged my eyes away from his face. The need to hold him overtook every rational thought inside my brain. “I’m not afraid of you, Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror, king under the mountain,” I whispered, my hands boldly reaching for the collar of his coat and caressing the pelt that now lay over his chest. I pulled him towards me though I kept my eyes downcast for I was afraid of losing myself in his eyes, more than I already was. “I’m afraid for myself - for all the things that I want to say to you… all the things I want to do to you - but can’t.”
I heard him take a deep intake of breath, and I brought my hands back down, pinning them between my back and the table.
“Look at me,” Thorin said hoarsely.
It took every ounce of strength in me to do as he asked, my eyes travelling past the golden cuff of his beard and up to his lips, lingering there as I remembered how it felt to be kissed by him. I dragged my gaze upwards to move up along the proud curve of his nose till I reached the bluest depths of his eyes, losing myself once again. This was the Thorin I knew, the one whom I vowed to love till my last breath even if the moments we shared together had all been stolen and had only been mine to keep in my dreams.
Thorin closed his eyes, lowering his head towards me as his warm lips met mine, the tip of his beard tickling the skin along the hollow of my throat. His fingers left my cheek to curve along the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him as his kiss deepened, my lips opening to welcome the velvety warmth of his tongue. His other hand circled my waist and pulled me against him.
My hands left the table behind me as I brought my arms around his neck, clinging to him for my knees turned weak and I feared that I would fall. The butterflies fluttered wildly in my belly and for a moment, I gave myself up to all the emotions that arose from deep within me. The smell and feel of his body so close to me left me wanting so much more than what he could ever give me.
But I did not care. I wanted only to kiss him one more time, and feel the softness of his lips against mine. I wanted to taste him one final time before I had to let him go. My mind screamed for me to stop, for certainly this was folly. But my body betrayed me. I ran my fingers through his hair, tracing the outline of his ears, and curling my finger tips to linger along the skin behind his ear lobes as I felt him growl against my mouth, his kiss deepening even more. I let him taste me, his teeth nibbling against my lower lip and my tongue, feeling his hands gather my hair in his fingers to gently pull my head back so he could kiss me lower, his mouth trailing kisses along my neck.
A shadow passing by the door startled me, and I pushed Thorin away from me as quickly as I could. But it was too late. I stared at the dwarf standing by the doorway, my heart beating like thunder inside my chest. My face burned red with shame.
Thorin turned to look behind him, his hand still around my waist.
“The ceremony is about to start, Thorin,” Thrain said, his gaze traveling from Thorin to me, and back to his son.
“Father-“ Thorin began.
“I need to speak to Lady Frigga - alone,” Thrain interrupted as I pulled myself away from Thorin’s grip.
“Of course,” Thorin said as he walked past his father. But Thrain’s hand upon his shoulder stopped him before he reached the door.
“We shall speak about this later,” he said as Thorin left the room, his footsteps echoing in the hallway.
As Thrain approached, I wanted to fade into nothing. I knew then that even though I may have been wrong about many things, there was one thing that I was right about.
Right now, I never felt so alone.