NINETEEN
A number of reasons for why Travis was getting trounced ran through my mind, from minute to outrageous. It was only the second leg of the tournament, so the premise that the opponent was too formidable a competitor was out of the question. Especially since he was a foot shorter, although clearly stockier, his skills were amateur compared to Travis. All show, no bite.
What else could it be? Exhaustion? Did Benny relapse? Jesus, was Travis drunk?
Scarlett bit her nails in my arm to get my attention, breaking me out of my thoughts. I followed her line of sight, immediately recognising Oliver in the sea of bodies, gesturing wildly toward us.
I hurried my way over to him, not giving a care about being recognised, only about Travis' welfare in that moment.
"What's going on?" I asked Oliver in a breathless rush as we stood nearer to the front.
"Benny seems to think he's throwing the fight."
My head snapped back. "What? Why would he do that?"
Oliver shot me a look. "Hell if I know."
My attention went to the cage; startling when I observed Travis in his corner, stalling between rounds. Sitting on the floor, his head reclined onto the steel behind him, his arms resting on his knees that were drawn. Hank was crouched in front of him, wiping the blood away from the cuts on Travis' face. By the scowl on his face, it was obvious that Hank was not happy.
A moment later, a large hand suddenly wrapped my upper arm with a tight grip. I looked down at it, and then followed it to the person it belonged to.
Benny.
Surprised by his unexpected appearance, I blinked at him. The tight lines around his eyes and mouth that betrayed his age were diminished by the darkened room. The lack of light gave the impression Benny was way younger than his years, looking entirely like Travis in that moment. His features boasted the same silky dark hair and striking green eyes.
Confused as to why he'd grabbed me, I tried to gauge his expression but his face was impassive, not giving anything away. Without a word, he preceded me, dragging me behind him, toward the cage.
Tension tightened my shoulders, stiffened my back. In an instant, my mind caught up with what he wanted me to do—what he hoped I could do.
I tugged my arm, wanting his attention. "Benny, stop. I can't go in there."
No answer.
Starting to panic, I struggled to fight his obstinate grip. "Seriously, Benny. He doesn't even want me here. I don't think it would be wise if he saw me."
Benny immediately stopped in his tracks, turning around to face me. Stumbling to an abrupt halt, I reared back and held my breath, hoping he understood that I'd only make matters worse.
He searched my gaze. "What's going on with you two?"
I was not expecting that. Did Travis not tell his father about us?
I opened my mouth to respond. Benny lifted his hand to stop me, shaking his head. "You know what? Doesn't matter. I don't get relationships these days anyway."
He pushed me near the cage. I made a rough sound of protest. "Benny—"
"Just fix it." He demanded in an authoritative voice, his hard eyes fierce in their unyielding.
I frowned, watching Travis over Benny's shoulder carefully. He was too preoccupied to notice me yet. "You think this has something to do with me?"
Benny sighed heavily. "The first fight you're not here, and unsurprisingly, his head isn't in the game." His lips twisted wryly. "You believe there's no correlation?"
Not really, I thought. Because I could never hold that kind of power over anyone, much less Travis Ortiz.
Benny must have caught the lingering emotions on my face because he tipped his head toward the ceiling as if he were praying for patience from the high heavens.
He looked at me again. "Try," he barked.
My mouth quirked uncomfortably. That was an order. Not an option.
Sucking in a breath, I walked to the cage on shaky legs. I couldn't anticipate Travis' reaction to my being here. I crossed my fingers and hoped that he wouldn't be angry.
Once I approached, Hank's eyes instantly sought mine over Travis' shoulder. He gave me a simple nod before straightening.
Opening the door, I stepped through and stood beside Hank, my eyes drifting to Travis. Up close, I absorbed the impact of the vicious bruises forming under his skin, each one turning an ugly colour of purple. I hissed through my teeth.
He knew I was there. The way he ducked his head, promptly staring a hole at the floor to avoid looking at me; the way his reddened knuckles popped as he fisted his hands. No doubt wishing I was anywhere but here.
"I'll buy you some time," Hank spoke in my ear, trying to be heard over the screaming, questioning fans. Twisting on his heel, I assumed Hank was heading toward the impatient contender in the other corner so he could run interference.
A moment later, while I was about to crouch in front of him, Travis lifted his head then, calculatingly unhurried. Caught by the sheer ferocity in his green eyes, his gaze completely inscrutable, I froze. At that moment, there was no one else in the room except me and Travis. Everything else seemed to blur, and then fade away completely.
When he gave me an excruciating once-over, a near-tangible caress that almost made me shiver with need, I suddenly found it hard to stick to my resolve. There was a gash next to his eye—an angry slash of red; a bruise swelling on his jaw, and a deep cut on his bottom lip. And yet, that never dulled the impact of his outrageously good-looks.
For a second, memories assailed me—images of the Travis I knew; his smirk that entailed a sexual invitation, the smooth expanse of his skin in bed, the look in his eyes when he stared down at me as he worked me over. They were forever seared into my brain.
My chest expanded on a deep breath. I told myself to reign in my emotions—and ever-simmering desires.
"What are you doing here?"
His question threw me off-guard when I should have expected it.
I paused, absorbing the soft rasp in his voice that did nothing to help curb the obvious attraction I felt toward him, which hadn't waned between then and now.
I kneeled so he could hear me, and caught my lower lip between my teeth. "I've never been one to welch on a promise before. I said I'd be here before...everything so I am."
"Why?"
I frowned. "What do you mean?"
"We're not obligated to one another anymore. And what I said in the cafeteria earlier"—he shook his head regretfully—"I'm an asshole, Maddie. So again, why?"
My next words slipped out without conscious thought. "Because you asked me to."
A ghost of smile curved his lips. His eyes warmed with tenderness, his gaze drifting over my face, lingering mostly on my mouth.
Worried that we were sliding into dangerous territory—not the time nor place—and never my intention to send mixed signals to Travis, I made the effort to strip out any affection out of my tone. "Benny thinks you're not a hundred percent in the game. What's going on with you?"
He glanced away, the muscle in his jaw ticking. He stayed quiet until it was obvious he wasn't going to answer.
"Travis?" I goaded further, my hands twitching with the need to touch him but I suppressed myself.
Twisting my torso, I looked to Hank. He tapped his watch, signalling that we were running out of time. I gave him a wry shrug.
Letting out a frustrating huff, I directed my attention back to Travis. "I don't know what's happening, why you're allowing yourself to get hurt. You're The Outlaw, remember? Undefeated. Still. This is your dream, Trav, are you really willing to throw it away?"
I got nothing.
Sighing inwardly, I chose a different tactic. "This means a lot for you and your family. Especially your father." Aside from the chances of going pro and the money being the rewards, Benny agreed to abstain from alcohol if Travis competed in the tournament. Since his father had gone down the road of a recovering alcoholic before but tried and failed, I figured it was a good enough incentive. "Don't forget what's at stake here."
I waited. He was quiet for so long, I began to believe he really wasn't going to say anything. With the knowledge that I'd at least tried, I unfolded and stood.
And just then—
"I've already lost the most important thing that happened to me." Oh, God. "Nothing else matters right now—the stakes here pale in comparison."
My heart lurched, kick-starting into a precipitous beat. Jeez...I could never fault Travis' way with words.
As I looked down at him, he caught my gaze and held it. He looked so tired and wiped out, and not from the fight. The weariness was because of me—and it was killing me to see it.
I shook my head, my movements rigid. "I disagree," I muttered, with a slight tremor in my voice I hoped he missed. "You're not missing out on much."
With that, I turned to leave.
Only his hand shot out. Grasped my thigh. The pressure of his grip was feather-light—no resistance stopping me to twist out of it—but I couldn't bring myself to move.
"Don't leave, Maddie." He laid it all out—his eyes half-closed and heavy; weighted with conflicted pain it hurt to even look at him.
A niggling feeling made me think that there was a double meaning in those words: That he wasn't just referring to leaving the fight.
As if it suddenly occurred to me where we were, I perused our surroundings. Noted the hundreds of curious eyes watching the interaction between us.
I found Scarlett in the midst, a look on her face that screamed, what the hell are you doing.
Not one that preferred being centre of attention, I felt an instinctive urge to shrink away. I should have never come.
When I looked at him again, I knew Travis saw that. He let go instantly.
Here he was, damn near on his knees. Begging for me to stay. Baring his vulnerability. And I'd kicked him down when he was most hurt.
Debating with myself, I murmured so softly he read the words—words I should have told him days ago—more than heard them. "I'm so sorry."
My voice cracked, hating that he was hurting, and knowing I was the only one who could fix it—but didn't have the means to.
I sprinted out the cage without turning back.
*
In the end, I stayed. I had no choice in the matter since Benny practically demanded that I do so—just until the fight ended.
But way later after it had, I found myself lingering.
I stood in the shadows, desperately needing a drink, when I spotted Benny in the corner of my eye. He gave me a subtle nod, no doubt in gratitude, then slipped away quietly.
Seemed like the conversation—well, mostly one-sided conversation—I'd had with Travis did the trick. It was a close-call for a minute, but Travis managed to get his shit together, just barely winning by submission. It was a testament to his will, really, because he still pulled through despite his reluctance.
Oliver appeared from the back room Travis had rushed into after the fight. He looked grim, clearly shaken by the battering Travis had taken.
"How is he?" I immediately questioned, concern colouring my voice.
"Physically, he's fine. Can't get him to talk, though. Hank wanted an explanation for why he almost got his ass handed to him—but he stayed mute." Oliver eyed me. "What did he say to you?"
I pursed my lips, my eyes lowering. "Nothing, either."
"It was touch-and-go for a while there." Scarlett quipped, picking up on my silence. "I'm glad I dragged you out here. Otherwise, who else would have knocked some sense into him?"
"If I were Travis, and had a girl like you, I'd listen to her, too."
I turned, coming to face the voice that had spoken those words.
He wasn't someone I'd seen before. Taking him in with a quick glance, I would have guessed he was about my age. Average height, thinly built but still cut-out in his navy V-neck sweater. He had short-cropped hair, and gleaming dark skin, his eyes a few shades lighter.
He smiled, revealing pearly white teeth, and a dimple that made him irresistible. His stance was loose and easy, displaying an air of confidence. Obviously he was well aware of his appeal—had to be with cheesy lines like that.
I would have commented on it, but I wasn't in the mood tonight. I shook my head. "I'm not his girl."
His smile widened. "Friends?"
I shrugged. "Something like that."
He shuffled closer, so close his arm brushed mine. He dipped his head to meet my eyes. "So does that make you fair game, then?"
I swallowed. Any other time, I would have entertained his advances. Maybe took his number. But I felt a twinge in my belly at the thought of that, something mildly akin to guilt.
"I'm not looking for anything."
"How fortunate." He smirked. "Neither am I."
I laughed outright, I couldn't help it. I extended a hand. "Maddie."
He chuckled, his eyes warm with amusement, and shook my hand firmly. "Lucas."
He loitered, roping me into easy conversation. He subtlety dropped hints of flirtation, but for the most part backed off a great deal. I was grateful for that, even more grateful for the distraction.
"Damn." He whistled a little later, his boisterous laugh simmering. He shook his head, more so to himself. "Travis is a fool."
I sobered. "What?"
He smiled; uncharacteristically shy all of a sudden. "I'm starting to wonder how he could possibly be okay with being just friends with you."
That was a line too, but Lucas somehow made it sound genuine. I swallowed uneasily because he'd misinterpreted our situation, presuming it was Travis' fault we weren't dating. Which was understandable given that he was a stranger.
I was about to offer him a polite smile. But then—
"You'll be lucky if that warms what's left of her heart. Don't waste your time. She won't give you an inch."
I stiffened, hearing Travis' voice behind me.
Rounding my shoulder, he stood across from Lucas. He'd dressed into a gray Henley and loose-fitting jeans. The injuries on his face were taken care of—cleaned and bandaged where needed. Despite that, there was no mistaking the bitter animosity on his face.
"Unless you take her to bed, then she gives you everything." The words were meant for Lucas—but Travis stared at me, the look in his eyes cold as ice and remote.
I recoiled, my stomach twisting with a kind of pain I hadn't known existed. I'd never guess that Travis could be so harsh—especially after admitting to being an asshole in the cage, and then unraveling a vulnerable side to him.
How he switched off his feelings in such a short amount of time, I didn't know.
I might have been to blame for his behaviour, but his words wounded me deeply. Travis wasn't someone who would outwardly show his anger, but it rolled off of him in waves. I'd partly figured he was hurting, but not beyond that he'd lash out.
I glanced helplessly at Lucas, who cut an imposing figure as he glared at him.
Flushed red with embarrassment, I quickly fled without excusing myself, afraid that if I talked, I would start to cry. And I hated crying in front of anyone.
It wasn't until I cleared the doorway I realised, not only was it unsafe for me to be totally alone in the dark outside a dodgy building, with even dodgier people possibly lurking around, but that Scarlett had been my ride here. In an agonised rush, I'd left without informing her.
Cursing silently, I went to pull out my phone.
"Maddie."
I cringed when I heard Travis' voice. I walked faster with renewed purpose. The whole night had been a mistake—and I yearned for my bed so it could be over.
"Fuck." He muttered. "Don't walk away from me, Maddie."
"There's nothing to say, Travis." I tossed over my shoulder.
"Fine. Then I'll talk." I jolted, hearing him right next to my ear. Catching my elbow, he spun me around. And then dragged me under a nearby alcove.
The darkened space brightened the salient green of his eyes, making it seem as if he were staring into my soul.
I tried to squirm free. Ducked my head so he couldn't see my face.
"Stop," Travis said, without heat. As soon as I stopped wriggling, he cupped my jaw, and tilted my face to meet his eyes. Whatever he saw softened his gaze. "Let me explain. Say I'm sorry."
The feel of his close proximity jarred tingles down my spine, my body responding to his touch, and the distinctive smell that was his alone. I'd become resigned to the fact Travis would always affect me—no matter how much I'd tried to deny it. I fought the urge to lean into him, to melt into him and let him take whatever he needed.
If I didn't believe we'd both end up getting hurt, I would have.
I squeezed my eyes shut. And then, wrapped my hands around his wrists, tugging on them so they'd fall down to his sides.
"Don't bother," I took a step back. "I deserved that."
His hands clenched into fists. "You don't really believe that,"
My eyes lowered to the floor. "I keep turning you down—"
"Maddie."
"You deserve someone so much better than me—"
"Shut up, Maddie." The bark in his voice startled me. Before I could say anything else, he went on. "I was mad, okay? You don't know what it does to me—watching men covet you, looking at you, wanting you. Just imagining what they're thinking when they see you puts me in a blind rage. Because even as I respect your decision,"—his voice was soft; sadness underlying his tone—"I still want you to be mine, Maddie."
I titled my head, my frown deepening but said nothing. What could I say?
His mouth thinned into a grim line. "I can't even look at a woman without thinking of you. Really, it's quite pitiful."
I froze. After a moment, my mind registered the thought of Travis with someone else. I wasn't stupid, I knew he had been with more than his fair share of women; I was aware of his well-documented track record. But still, picturing someone else touching him, being with him. Having the privilege I'd once had. The mere image sent me into fits of jealousy—along with a pain that was as consuming as heartbreak.
As if he read my mind, Travis reached for me again. Gripping my upper arms, he shook me a little. "You can't stand the thought, either."
I sucked in a breath. I knew where this was heading. "Travis—"
He kissed me. He moved in quickly; before I'd even realised his intent. Stunned, I resisted for as long as I could. The cut on his lip didn't hold him back, kissing me as if he were dying of a thirst only I could quench. Eventually, the urgency in his coaxing lips surged chaotic emotion inside me until it became too painful for me to contain.
Not too long ago we'd kissed whenever the mood struck us, but it felt more like years than days.
As I softened for him, relenting, Travis moaned, a pure erotic sound that made my core tighten with vicious need. He licked at my mouth desperately, his tongue stroking deep. I shoved my hand in his hair, clutching him tighter. As if I possibly couldn't get any closer. The kiss turned sloppy than it did sweet, noses bumping, teeth clashing—I didn't expect any less than explosive after going a long time without.
When the intimate familiarity became too much for me to bear, I wrenched away with a gasp.
Travis immediately gripped me; one hand curled around my hip, the other caught my nape. I couldn't move away. Couldn't shove him away.
"Travis—" I tried again; only time I was breathless.
He tipped my head back. "Remember over a week ago," he interjected, "when you came to my apartment in the early morning?"
Confused by the abrupt turn in conversation, I swallowed noisily. "Yes."
It was just after Cameron had confessed his wish to move to New York to be with his girlfriend. Thrown off by the sudden disclosure, and struck with the feeling of loneliness, I found myself at Travis' apartment. His comfort, that I hadn't known I'd needed until he gave it to me, soothed the restless anxiousness.
"I've been going over the past months in my head, but I couldn't stop thinking about that specific moment. You were running away from something—and you came to me, Maddie. Because that's where you wanted to be. Tell me you know that."
I stared at him, pinned by the unwavering conviction in his eyes that told me he wasn't going to let me get away without answers.
What he'd so accurately implied spurred that familiar gnawing feeling in me. He was making me feel that sense of dependency, of needing someone else so much they were as necessary as air. I'd been in that position before—and it had led me into getting hurt to the point of no survival.
But that reaction came from within, and not because of Travis.
Abruptly it struck me then: Travis would never deliberately hurt me.
My eyes closed tightly against the revelation, letting it wash over me briefly. Travis' grip of me slackening had them flying open again.
His lips tightened into a thin line, his eyes wounded in their acceptance in which he believed he wasn't getting a response. Again. I was over letting him down.
So I did the opposite of running.
"Having real feelings for you scares the shit out of me."
The words hung in the air. Lingered. Until they registered. Travis went still, his face gaping in astonishment I saw it in slow motion.
I consciously tried to slow the racing beat of my heart, and pressed on. "I've been almost alone my whole life I've never really felt a sense of belonging to anyone. Until you. But I pretended that you didn't mean anything to me because I knew that when it ended between us, I could tell myself I didn't care, and that I don't feel the pain."
Travis smiled sadly, the curve of his mouth hopeful. "I know."
"These last few days," I breathed deeply, feeling utterly exposed I looked away, "I've never felt so miserable—"
"It's been the same for me,"
I bit my lip to hide my wan smile. "I didn't want to get used to being with you... but it happened anyway." I glanced at him, finding him studying me carefully. Hesitating a bit, I just went for it. "I'm warning you now it's not going to be easy—"
Travis inhaled sharply, his chest jerking, and then he made a quick grab for me. "Nothing has ever been easy for me. I can handle it,"
My chest constricted at hearing that. I gingerly touched the bruise under his eye. "I have major issues with trust, so you have to be patient with me—"
He growled softly. "We have each other, Maddie. That's all that matters. The rest will fall into place eventually."
Brushing my hair back, his hand cupped the back of my head as he pressed his lips, so firm and warm, to my forehead.
He spoke with his lips in my hair, whispering the words of reassurance. "If we were to break up, which is virtually impossible"—my mouth curved—"it won't be because I suddenly decided to up and leave."
I swallowed hard. He knew me so well.
I fisted his shirt in both hands. "I don't want to hurt you, Travis. I could push you away. You might want to think about that."
He smirked in that way I loved so much. "You're more than worth the risk."
So was he.
Standing there, tucked into his embrace, I breathed in his unique scent. Let it permeate every fibre of my being. The overwhelming anxiousness slowly skittering away, I allowed the sense of safety and security I felt in his arms ease some of my insecurities.
Nuzzling my neck, he spoke hoarsely. "Come home with me tonight. Stay with me. Wake up with me."
I hummed. It was tempting, I had to admit.
"Travis," I said, my voice evenly sure. He pulled back unhurriedly but I caught the tension that gripped his frame. I gave him a big, smacking kiss to alleviate his uneasiness. His returning smile stuttered the beating of my heart.
"We have to take this slow," I mumbled against his lips.
"I just got you back, Maddie. There is no way I'm agreeing to backing off."
"I've been thinking a lot about the past few months, too." I admitted. "You know, before you, my life was pretty uncomplicated. Easy. Stable. I had quiet, if not then contentment."
I ran one hand through the silky strands of his dark hair, the other slipping under his shirt for skin-to-skin contact, so that he'd feel the connection in every way.
"Being with you..."—I shook my head—"take out the mind-blowing sex, I'm left with all these emotions. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy when I'm with you. But I have to figure it all out now. What this means. By myself."
And maybe a therapist, like Cameron had suggested. But we weren't really that far ahead to be dipping into that topic just yet.
Plus, he was physically hurt. As much as I yearned for him terribly, with the desperate need to touch him, I had to allow him to heal first.
I waited for him to say something.
I laughed. "Baby, you're pouting. You don't like it."
His eyes warmed at the endearment. "No, I don't," Travis agreed, sifting his fingers through my hair, "I've spent one too many nights picturing you in my bed. It was torture."
I leaned into his soft embrace. Travis had such a flagrantly male physical exterior, but still could touch me with such reverence.
Knowing first-hand how virile he was, I countered, "Think about how worked-up we'll be. How explosive the sex will be when we do it."
He grumbled. "I already am thinking about it. Have been since I met you."
I had to stifle a laugh.
My fingertip traced his lower lip, carefully brushing the split. "Please do this. For me,"
I had things to figure out—give time to put the pieces together. Trying so hard not show how terrified I still was, I'd pushed it aside for now because I wanted this with Travis. No more running away.
But I knew it wasn't going to be easy from the get-go. So obstinately stuck in my ways, with walls guarded around my heart a mile high, Travis would learn the hard way it will take work for me to open up.
Besides, Travis needed to get used to the idea of an us, too. I was afraid that he was too busy only thinking about being with me, he was forgetting that he'd never been in a relationship before.
His face softened, making him even more irresistible. "You know I would anything for you. So I'll put my pride aside and be supportive. Take all the time you need. Just make sure you come back to me."
Would he ever know that his words were enough to steal my breath? He fried my brain. Sent me into a meltdown.
"Thank you," I whispered. I could tell it wasn't an easy concession for him to make.
Travis smirked deviously. "But I won't be too far away,"
Catching his hand, I smiled and squeezed. I felt as if weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. "Didn't doubt that for a second."
"And I'm telling everyone you're mine,"
I nodded. "That's what I was planning on."
"If anyone tries to flirt with you again, I'm decking them."
I laughed. "Same goes."
Travis took my hand. Kissed the inside of my wrist. He smiled so boyishly, my heart hurt in the best way. "God, I'm crazy about you."
"I know the feeling."
-
if only I updated this fast all the time, right?!
just a heads up, I'm sorry to say this story will be ending in a couple of chapters or so (haven't worked it just yet). I never really intended on it being long since it's my first story in the first place. Hadn't really expected people to read it either, lol!
anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Don't forget to tap the vote button if you liked it!!
as always, thank you so so much for reading. And your support.
<3!