maybe in a few years i'll regret this
when i'm alone behind a bar
although i've been trying to get sober
for us
i've been trying to get sober
for you
maybe in a few months i'll regret this
when i'm crying and i can't stop
and my friends are asleep
and my old therapist is probably awake,
but she'll call me in if i call again this week
i locked my feelings my emotions in a wall safe
threw my judgement in a crawl space
and signed a lease for a new place
all within a weekend
and my conscience is trying to reason with me
telling me i must avoid treason with my thoughts
a couple days in and i already regret this
you only stuck around 'cause you liked toying with my emotions
and now that i don't have them
we can't hold a conversation
remember when i was getting sober?
fuck it, i'm drinking again...
i never thought that hours later i'd regret this
i say monotonously to my best friend,
"how'd you let this happen?"
instead of having panic attacks i just stare at the ceiling
pretending i have anything left
i'm ruined!
goddamnit!
but that's okay
i'm not one to care anyways
i locked my feelings my emotions in a wall safe
threw my judgement in a crawl space
and signed a lease for a new place
all within a weekend
and my conscience is trying to reason with me
telling me i must avoid treason with my thoughts
but i can't,
i had to do it,
cause when i'm happy i'm too damn haplo damn happy it overwhelms me
so damn happy i start crying
and i start crying and that makes me angry
because i can't stop fucking crying
and it looks like i've been thinking about dying
and i'm not suicidal anymore
i locked my feelings my emotions in a wall safe
threw my judgement in a crawl space
and signed a lease for a new place
all within a weekend
and my conscience is trying to reason with me
telling me i must avoid treason with my thoughts
i thought she liked it when i replayed mindless jokes
i thought my friends would have saved me
i get why they hate me
but how can i complain
when i feel nothing?
i thought my parents would start to notice i was missing
i'm literally living fifteen minutes away
and they haven't come to visit
or told me to come home
but who am i to care
if i could love,
i'd love being alone