CHAPTER 46: Where Are You Now?
[A/N] : the lyrics of the songs they are singing are italic and are written in the middle.
P.s. read this chapter to the very end!
[Britney's POV] :
''We are one! Annyeonghaseyeo, EXO ibnida!"
A tape of EXO's memories through their journey was played. Their hard working, their huge efforts, their happy times, their sad moments, their amazing performances, their trainee days, their auditions, their pre-debut, their debut, their lovely showcases, their awkward hoobae moments, their beautiful spirits, everything, everything was shown to their most precious gift, their fans.
[A/N] : please watch the fmv • credits to the editor (MYMASTER)
Then. at last, the VCR was finished with a message from every member to their fans,
"One day,
EXO will be just a memory,
So we hope this memory will be
your greatest."
Baekhyun's fingers danced on the piano delicately. His angelic voice filled the stadium peacefully. Everyone was hearing in cautious, no sound was heard but the humming voice of Byun, Baekhyun the Byun.
The lights shone on Baekhyun's face equally, his eyes closed, and his lips turned red, glowy red whenever he moved them.
Byun Baekhyun, I can't even describe how perfect he is. He is a man that every girl would dream of, a man that can please you and make you smile just by looking at his face.
What is this feeling? What is this feeling that I get whenever I look at your eyes, Baekhyun? Is it love? Or is it the feeling that I get from being loved by you? Is it sometimes the fear of losing this glance of your eyes? Why do I feel like I am gonna lose you even though you are right there next to me, always holding my hand, Byun Baekhyun?
Every second, moment and minute, I fear losing the hold of you. Losing the smile that I wake up everyday for. Byun Baekhyun, can you hold my hand now and tell me that everything is going to be alright? Can you, Byun Baekhyun?
My eyes ran teary without even feeling, just by those continuous coming thoughts, my eyes started to tear. Then what? What if all of these thoughts turned into reality? What if they are real? What I am going to do? How you will be feeling, Byun Britney?
Sh*t.
I am even already used to his surname. I am calling myself 'Byun' and I am not even one. Just these dreams, I turned them into reality in my head.
The screams outside volumed and the voice inside my head started to go down. By now, Baekhyun has finished his performance and he was getting a standing ovation by the audience. Baekhyun kept smiling as his sweat ran down his forehead and below to his neck.
Everybody was repeating his name, he smiled once again before the light on him went off. The lights shone off Baekhyun, and they turned onto other spot, the beautiful Do Kyungsoo.
D.O inhaled a little, his breath was heard through the mic.
D.O's voice sang along with the band behind him his song ''Crying Out''.
Kyungsoo was sitting still on a chair that we have prepared him in the middle of the stage, his best feature is his ''feelings''. D.O is literally the greatest member with this feature, he flows with the rhythm of the song and controls his feelings to do too. I almost teared when I heard him singing ''Crying Out'', he was singing it truly amazing, so sincerely and smoothly. D.O's voice absolutely stunned every audience, his voice was a candy to their ears.
Xiumin, he truly doesn't know how beautiful his voice is, and most beautiful his shape is. Xiumin-ah, you don't know how much I want to tell you how amazing you are singing right now.
I’m afraid that time is running out
I want to hold you
Until I can feel your wrinkles, the traces of aging
Until I’m sure that you’re real
Until all the energy is lost.
For you, I’m willing
Even if I can’t move anymore, I still want to see you
Until I can see that your hair has traces of whiteness
Until my sight has become blurry
Until I can no longer breathe
Let’s never be apart
Even these lyrics are beautiful when they are being performed by your lips, Kim Minseok.
Luhan appeared from Xiumin's back, his eyes glowed under the spotlight.
As sweet as honey
your smile is so sweet as honey
Just like the way flowers bloom
in the spring breeze
in the spring breeze
I wonder where on earth
where on earth i've seen you?
Sweet as Honey. This is how you can describe Luhan's voice, if it wasn't honey, then it's definitely strawberries dipped in sugar.
Luhan-ssi, you don't know how peaceful you look, so aneglic just like a little baby.
Your smile seems so familiar,
But I don't seem to remember where I have seen it.
The fans sang the last verse with him, sweetly sweet as honey.
The cheers grow bigger as Luhan has finished his song, all of them were shouting for EXO.
As Luhan finished his song, the light spot Sehun.
In between your soft hair
Your eyes shine on me like starlight
His pink lips performed.
You came to me at the end of a hard day
The desperate prayers of a small boy have reached you
Without color, scent or sound, you came into my heart
Like the color of the clear street after the rain
You resemble that freshness, my goddess
A flower rises in the sky, spring blossoms on the ground
You can’t stop it, it’s been decided since the start
My heart is pulled to you (love)
The moment your breath touches me, your scent colors me in
Beautiful Beautiful
Your body movement resembles a flower petal
Oh You Beautiful Beautiful
I worry that you will break
Oh You Beautiful Beautiful
So I can’t even hug you all I want
Oh You Beautiful Beautiful
My dazzling love
Sehun was dancing while Suho sang the song. Maknae and Leader, what a perfect match!
I looked at Anna as she was watching Sehun,
"Don't tear up Anna, everything is gonna be alright. Don't worry." I patted on her back.
She smiled at me, "He is so beautiful, Britney. My eyes can't take off his beautiful face."
I smiled at her back, "Who even can? He is Oh Sehun indeed."
She laughed at my statement, I laughed back, tssh, our Oh Oh boy has grown up really well.
The tuning of the guitar followed. Play it for me, Park Chanyeol!
Grabbing his mic, Chen's smooth voice started singing.
How lucky I am to watch your performance live,
"Noona, I get the feeling of being annoying for some of my members, I even feel that our fans don't appreaciate me also.."
"Chen-ahh!"
"Noona, is it possible to get loved again?"
Chen, all of these people cheering for you right now, I don't think you aren't a bias for them. Chen, I wish you could see this amount of people enjoying your soothing voice. Chen, you don't know how amazing you are.
The keys of the paino followed dancing in my ears. Ahh, this is so comforting!
Kris' accent flowed in the stadium. As Lay was playing the paino for him, Kris was dressed in a black suit, holding the mic under the spotlight, Kris was singing his favourite recent; All Of Me along with Lay joining him.
To be honest, I was determined to add this performance to show people that Kris is a great singer, not just a rapper. Also, Lay really did want to play the piano live so we thought of combining them together to get this great performance.
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drowning me in and you kicking me out,
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
The spotlight turns to Lay and he starts singing.
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright
My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
They both end their performance by singing the chorus together, beautifully together.
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh oh
"Annyeong~" Xiumin pops at the end of the stage, acting like a cutiepie.
A huge wave of "AHHHH~" was heard.
Sehun appeared pouting at the other end of the stage.
Xiumin looks at Sehun, "Sehun-ah! What's wrong?"
Sehun stares at him, "Hyuung~ people say that you are cuter than me, does that make sense? Tell me, does it?" Sehun asks with aegyo filling his sentences.
"Hey!" Someone suddenly taps my back.
I turned around startled, "Who is it!"
"It's me!" Kim Jongin, Kai no other taps my shoulder.
"Ah! Kai! You frightened me!"
"Why? You weren't expected a tap?"
"Why would I? Huh~I was watching the performances!"
"Ooh~how are we doing so far?"
"Jjang! But-hey! Wait! Your solo is next! What are you doing here?"
"That's...noona!"
"Hmm? What? Does your waist hurt you?"
"No no no! It's.." he gulps, "wish me some luck!"
"Wish you some luck?" I stared at him.
"Yes! Come on! Quickly!"
"Ahh-ah, okay.." I clipped my hands together, put them infront of my face, closed my eyes and wished with an open heart;
I wish Kai shines the brightest tonight.
"D-Did you wish?" Kai looked at me.
"Yes, Kim Jongin!"
"Then, thank you!" He smiled with his sharp jawline and ran over to his position.
I looked at him before disappearing of my sight, no thank you Kim Jongin.
The dancing machine jumps off the stage. He starts dancing his solo stage, Deep Breath.
I kept praying that he doesn't feel pain but until his last breath, as usual, the dancing machine never failed to amaze me. He was fiercely dancing with no fears holding him back.
I had a long sigh as my first fear has been blown off, now I am afraid on Tao, who got injured earlier.
Tao appears next to the idols' tables. He starts rapping some Chinese lines.
Yeah I am officially missing you,
You know how I have been though,
Love holding me so,
I am telling every little thing for yo'!
Everyday, everynight,
I am feelin' like a psycho,
Eventhough I was all okay before yo',
All the celebrities were cheering and swagging on his rapping. He neared the mic to BTS as they enjoying his stage, "Do you guys want to see some Wushu?"
J-hope replied, "Y-yes! Sure!"
"Okay Hong Kong! Let's fire it up!~ Woohooo!" Tao shouted then he threw his mic and caught his Wushu stick.
My heart started trembling as he held it. Please..be alright...just..please be alright..
He started doing some ninja moves that are absolutely awesome! At the end, he held his right arm as he kneeled.
Is he..hurting?
He gave a smile and finished his performance. He is seriously a super-talented person, who wouldn't love Tao?
Tao went down the stage, he was sweating so hard.
Wh-what happened? Did he get hurt? Where did he go?
I started stressing as the last performance was the main event; their group performance. And Tao wasn't there. It's meant to be OTP 12. They can't do it without him!
I inhaled again some oxygen, trying to keep concious.
The stage went dark and silent.
I ran to the director of the stage asking him if we can delay their final stage a little bit. But he said no because their performance can't take more than 20 minutes.
What should I do...
A few seconds and 12 lights went on. A light on each member, but the last light was shining on an empty spot, Tao's spot.
Sh*t! As I expected!
EXO started performing a remix of their hit songs starting from their Mama era till their Call Me Baby one.
The first a few minutes, Tao didn't appear. Then, when they made the tree pose, Tao was right there.
He even danced and sang normally, as if nothing has happened to him.
I sighed again. Thank god!
EXO fired the stage with their incredible performance, MAMA HK was lit because of them!
EXO got separated into OTPs and were playing around on the stage. They were smiling and laughing as they sang their song Lucky.
So lucky my love, so lucky to have you, umm I am~ This line hit me so much. I am lucky to have you guys, EXO, in my life. I felt so cherished about being able to manage your schedule and train you for this amazing stage. EXO, you are my prettiest experience and my greatest memory. EXO, if it's time to say goodbye, then, I will do it sincerely just like the time I wanted to manage you, goodbye my sweetest blessing and thank you for every little you guys have been giving me throughout these months. Thank you, EXO!
A warm tear streamed down my cheek as I realized that this is the end and this is one of my last days I will be watching them this near.
"We are one! EXO ibnida!"
EXO then stood all together, next to each other, the 12 of them together smiling and they had their bow.
I shrugged while clapping for them for the amazing effort they have given tonight and all these months. They were the brightest, I swear.
-
1 hour and half and the awards get presented. My hands started getting wet as if I was one of the contestants, my body was shaking and I froze in the coldness my body has been producing.
Not now.. I whispered as my head started aching. Please not now..
I felt as if a wrecking ball was smashing the inner part of my head. I held my head tight, trying to resist the pain cancer has been causing, but I was too weak to.
"You know that if you delay your treatment then cancer will grow in your body, don't you?"
"But doctor! Just a few days! I promise! A few days and I will start getting my treatment!"
"Ms. Britney, the pain you have been feeling, your weak body and everything, it's cancer effects. If you keep delaying your treatment, then, those effects will grow bigger and will turn into something more dangerous...it can even lead to death if you are not careful enough!"
I splashed water on my face as I wasn't able to resist anymore. I leaned my head to the WC door, falling down on the floor.
I ripped a piece of my tule that was on my jacket and wrapped it around my head tightly. I bumped my hand on the floor trying to hold on a little more, "you..c-can do it Britney..for E-EXO's sake.."
My breath started to grow heavier, and as my sweat filled my head, my body started to feel weak, it felt like pain has shut guns into my bones. By now, I realized that I am not able to fight anymore, and I have just lost my vision. Everything turned black again.
-
"Britney!" Anna shouted when she saw Britney laying on the floor of the WC.
She hurried and carried her to the staff room of BIGBANG with the help of a crew.
After 1 hour
I woke up not to find the sinks of the bathroom that were in front of me earlier but to find the beautiful face of Anna worrying in front of me.
"Anna.." I whispered as my voice barely could be heard.
"Britney!" She hurried and sat next to my laying body. "What happened to you! Are you okay?" She asked with the same worried face that she showed 6 years ago.
It feels like whenever I faint, I start to remember things of my past.
"I..am..okay.." I coughed, again lying.
"You are not! Tell me what is wrong with you?"
Should I tell her? My mind started thinking. If I tell her, then many others will know, starting with Sehun, then Baekhyun, then the whole EXO members and also SMTOWN and in the end, the news will reach the UK, my sister, Sidney.
So if I let out my secret for one person, it won't be a secret anymore.
"Britney! Where are you blanking!"
"Uhh..nothing,"
"Tell me then, what's wrong with you?"
"I..." I whispered. "Anna, I have been training EXO so hard and I have used up all of my energy, that's why I fainted." I lied.
Believe this lie...please..
"Britney...Oh..darling! You should rest a little bit!"
"Yeah and that's what I am thinking of too.." I replied in a low tone.
"Then, here..eat this and just sleep.." she put a tray full of dishes in front of me.
"No..Anna, I have to go...I can't leave them now!"
"Hey, Britney, calm down. You have to eat and rest, you can talk to them later."
"But Anna-"
"Come on, if you are acting like this then I am gonna tell them what happened!"
"Okay..then..." I put my hands on the chopsticks and started eating.
-
"Chaa..now, we will announce the winner of MAMA HK best live performance in it.." the MC, Yoo Jaesuk announced.
"Yeah, that's right! We are now announcing the last and the most precious award of MAMA Hong Kong 2015!" Replied his co-MC Lee Kwangsoo.
"So tell me Kwangsoo, are you nervous about it?"
"Do you want me to be honest with you?"
"Yeah..."
"I am trembling. Even though I am not one of the contestants, my whole body is shaking!"
"Oh god Kwangsoo!" Jaesuk laughed. "Why are you nervous then?"
"Because I am the one who is announcing this special award.."
"Oh god!" Jaesuk burst in laughter as all of the audience joined.
"Cha, now, tonight, after a few moments, we will announce the group that will bring pride to its entertainment," Jaesuk's words made my heart beat so fast. "We will announce the name of the group that will fill the newspapers headlines and reports.." he continued, "which group is the one that got the most votes of MAMA's audience live? Which group is the one that will surpass everybody? The question is which group is the one?"
Please...just say it already..
He started opening the envelope that he has just got with Kwangsoo slowly, his eyes giggled when he saw it.
"Woah..daebak!" He said with a head's tilt.
"It's seriously unbelieveable!" Kwangsoo replied with amusement. "I can't even believe it!"
"Right? Even me.." Jaesuk said. "Look, Kwangsoo, how about saying it after counting to 3?" Jaesuk looked at Kwangsoo's eyes.
"Really? Do you think so? Then let's do it.."
"1..2....3.." Jaesuk counted, they both stood still not saying a word.
"Oh god! Soo! Why didn't you say it!"
"I wasn't ready...I was so nervous.."
"Okay let's do it again, 1..2..3.."
"CONGRATULATIONS EXO!" they both shouted in unison.
My heart has stopped for a while, did they really win? EXO really made it? They beated their seniors and made it? OH GOD! THEY DID? OMG THIS IS REAL! THEY DID!
EXO stood still as they couldn't even believe they did it. Then they started moving to the stage as the MCs called them to say their thanking speech.
Chanyeol was looking at himself, still not believing, while the other members kept doubting their win.
EXO got up off their seats, hugged each others in a circle and walked towards the mic, together, holding their hands.
Suho burst in tears as soon as he held the mic, "First...I would like to thank our head-director, Mr. Lee Sooman, our director, Mr. Lee Sooran....our manager-nim, Ms. BRITNEY, our music team- team EXO 00, our trainers..Mrs. Ellie, mr. Kang, Mr. Kim, our vocal team, our managers, our dancing choreographers, our editing and our make-up team, plus our hairstylers and our outfit designer for the beautiful look today..our family, parents and friend for supporting us till here.. also our seniors and juniors for cheering us and enjoying our stage today and also MAMA HK audience..and second: the biggest thank goes to our most precious gift, our fans, EXO-L, thank you very much for keeping with us through happy and hard times! EXO, Saranghaja!!" Suho shouted in happiness and then handled the mic to the other members.
"We, would like to thank our most-hardworking manager and trainer, Ms. Britney Youn! Thank you Britney noona for giving us so much and working so hard with us to show such a perfect stage, you are seriously the best! And thank you EXO-L from all over the world, I love you all so much!!" Kai smiled. All of the fans cheered for EXO.
I smiled in a relief, gosh! I am so happy as if I was the one who has won the award!
Thank you EXO for not letting me down, thank you so much.
-
"So you guys won 4 awards and the special one, is there any more amazing thing?" I smiled as I saw EXO at the end of the room.
They ran to me making a group hug, all of us together.
"Woah seriously daebak! Aren't you guys!" I broke the hug.
"So noona, are you going to buy me wine?" Sehun winked joking.
"Oh Oh Sehun!" We all laughed at him.
"So, shall we go?" I smiled ready to leave.
"Yes!" They cheered bringing their things together.
-
"So, how are we celebrating today?" Luhan asked while we were going downstairs.
"Should we play games?" Xiumin suggested.
"Maybe eat in an expensive restaurant?" Tao said while leaning on Kris and Lay because of his earlier injury.
"Tao-ssi, are you paying?" Suho laughed.
"Look who is talking! $uho papa, I think you should be the one who is paying! We all know you've got so much money!"
"Aish! You guys are always looking at what I've got, seriously~"
"Well, isn't this what makes you special?" Kris smirked at him.
"Whatsoever~"
-
"Guys! There is nothing to drink! What to do!" Sehun slammed the door of the fridge as he was looking frustrated.
"Ah! Sehun!"
"So, who is going to buy our drinks?" Sehun sat down on the couch where we were all sitting.
"You?"
"Ah! Kai hyung! What makes me the one to buy it?"
"Then, who?" Kai's eyes started making checks around him.
All of us started looking around us, trying not to get pushed to buy the drinks, I mean, who would volunteer to buy drinks at 1:37 am in the cold night of Hong Kong?
"Then, let's play rock paper scissors?" Lay suggested.
Again, with this game.
I just know my luck will never work and it will be me who is buying the drinks.
"Rock paper scissors!"
"Rock paper scissors!"
"Rock paper scissors!"
"OH MY GOD!" Xiumin jumped in happiness after beating me. "Noona, your luck just never works!" He laughed as he celebrated his win.
Ah~ I knew it was me^
"Alright.." I whispered and went upstairs to change my clothes.
"But guys, how are we sending a girl alone? Isn't it a little bit..." Baekhyun stared at me as he was uncomfortable about it.
"Uh whatever! Remember what noona said: I am not a girl but a manager! So we are not sending a girl to buy our drinks, we are sending our manager." Sehun replied.
I gazed Sehun for a while, this guy seriously never forgets a word! Then changed my sight to EXO, "Do you guys want to drink something in specific?"
"Ah..no..anything you find is okay.." D.O smiled at me.
"Okay, then, goodbye!" I smiled for the last time before the door was closed.
"Ahh.." I let my breath in the cold air. "This is so unfair.." I sobbed a little and walked to the nearest shop rubbing my hands to get some warmth.
I entered the supermarket, "Hmm...what should I get them?" I said as I found myself in front of a big fridge full of different types of drinks.
The first thing my eyes landed on it was the orange juice, the one that Baekhyun loves.
"I am going to get this!" I started cramming many bottles in my basket.
I hurried to the cash as my arm felt so much weight, gosh~ wasn't going to the restaurant better~
"230 HKD please!" The cashier said.
"Here," I replied handling him 250 HKD, "have a good night!" I said and went outside.
"Okay Britney, we better comeback home early before something happens~" my mind told me.
"Yeah, that's also what I thought of~"
I hurried my pace so I can arrive home so quickly.
"Ms!" Someone suddenly called.
Do they mean me? I thought as I continued walking, not daring to turn around.
"Ms!" The person landed his hand on my shoulder.
"Who the hell are you!" I threw the bag and twisted his arm putting it behind his back, while putting my other arm around his neck tightly.
"Ms...Britney-calm..down.." he said as he barely could be able to speak.
I stared for a while...how does he know my name? He even speaks Korean..
"Who are you!" I shouted still grabbing his neck tightly.
"I..will-tell..you ev-erything..but can you..p-please leave my neck.."
I removed my arm of his neck and looked at him gazing. "Tell me now! Who are you!"
"Ms. Britney Youn, or in other way, Byun Britney, would you come with me please? There is someone waiting you. He will tell you everything."
Byun Britney? How does he know the nickname Baekhyun calls me?
"All of your questions are going to be answered there, Britney-ssi."
"But-where am I going?"
"Just trust me and you will see."
-
I entered a place that looked okay but was more deserted. It seemed like a building that used to be an old factory. Alright things are getting weird.
"Come on now...tell me what is going on.." I said as I started shaking in fear.
"Hello, our little sheep, Britney Youn." A man with a husky voice talked from my behind.
I turned around to see an old man who seemed creepy, wait! I know these eyes! These..these are Baekhyun's....
"Pro-bably..Baek.." I stammered.
"Bingo! I am Baekhyun's father. Well, our little sheep is pretty smart, isn't she?" He laughed with sarcasm as his guards laughed with him too.
Baek...Baekhyun's father?
"Ah~ how much I have wanted to see the daughter of my wife's love affair.." he started to near, I had no choice but found myself seated on a dusty chair. "Your eyes are just the same, exactly your father's eyes." He whispered as he removed my front hair of my face.
Lo-ve...affair? Baekhyun's mother...is the one that my father left us for? His mother-is the o-one that dad ran with?