" why are you calling up?
isn't one enough?
giving up all she's got. "
- bombay bicycle club 'flaws'
nora's pov
"A drink at my place to let all that settle?" Trevor suggests as we all shuffle out in the the chilly autumn air, feeling shell-shocked by the amount of information that was thrown at us for the past two hours.
When they had said college was harder than high school, I should have believed them.
"I have to work," I frown, stopping beside Everett as we wait to cross the street to find his car among the others in the parking lot.
"I'll join you guys after I drop this one off," Everett props his arm on top of my shoulder, giving me an irritatingly cheeky grin. How he can still continue to be exuding all this energy after that exhausting class is a mystery to me.
I frown up at him, feeling guilty that he has to tote me around when he could be with our friends. I can't help but to feel as if I were a burden to him; that's all I've ever been to him. Why he still keeps me around is past me.
Everett rolls his eyes and playfully flicks my nose, trying his best to assure me that it's not a big deal to him.
It doesn't help.
"Maybe we'll come visit you at work?" Sidney suggests, looking at me with big, hopeful eyes and a bright smile.
I snort and shake my head,
"Yeah, if you want Jimmy to fire me," I remark, referring to the last time they were there and ended up breaking one of the oldest records in the store. Jimmy certainly wasn't pleased with us all; especially me.
"Worker bee here will stop by after work," Everett grabs my bicep as the walk signal changes, allowing us to safely cross the street.
Waving to my friends, I hurry to keep up with Everett's long strides, holding the skirt of my dress up so I don't fall flat on my face. I'm not one known for her gracefulness. Everett glances at me, an amused expression painted on his face.
*
Everett continues to fumble with the stereo in the car the entire drive downtown, unable to agree on a song to listen to. He always has some sort of explanation as to why he's not in the mood to listen to a certain song. I just nod along, trying to hide my grin from him.
Usually Everett drops me off on his way to work, since the bar and grill he works at is down the road from the record shoppe I've worked at for the past four years. Otherwise I wouldn't just let him drive me around like my own personal taxi, though I'm sure he'd do it if I asked.
He pulls to the side of the road, right outside the familiar shop that still looks as it had back in the 80s when it had opened; I've seen the pictures.
"Have a good day at work," Everett smiles at me, turning the music completely off as I gather my things.
"Thank you," I smile at him, hurrying due to the fact that I'm already a few minutes late.
Holding onto all of my things, I practically throw myself into the record store, causing the bell to jingle loudly above the door, announcing my arrival. Jimmy bursts into the store front quickly, but as soon as he lays eyes on me, he relaxes.
"It's about damn time," He grumbles like a grumpy old man.
At least some things never change.
"College is hard," I whine as I drag myself into the back room, throwing my things onto the table as if it were my bedroom. I can hear Jimmy groaning, hating when I do that.
"And here I thought that annoying teenage angst would be gone once you went to college," He smirks as I take my spot behind him at the front corner. I roll my eyes and stick out my tongue at him.
Jimmy is a family friend of ours. I've grown up around him since I was a little kid. He's Nate's - my older brother - godfather, I believe. And when I was legal working age, he swooped me up and swore he was going to make me the kid with the 'best goddamn taste in music ever'.
When I decided to stay here for college, I don't think I've ever seen him so happy; though he said it was because then he didn't have to train in someone new, though I know it's because he'd miss having me around.
"How's business been today?" I ask as I reach forward and nibble off of his plate of food, trying to snatch something up before he can smack my hungry fingers away.
"Fairly slow," He mutters as he smacks my hands away, just as I knew he would, "There was a man that came in and wanted to buy off all of our Tom Petty..." He goes on to recount today's events, like always, but he trails off, his attention being grabbed by something outside.
Then suddenly his face lights up, causing my face to twist with confusion. I glance in the direction that he's staring and immediately my stomach drops, threatening to spill its contents all over the place.
The messy hair peeking out from beneath a beanie.
The skinny jeans with a worn-in band t-shirt; the sleeves rolled up.
The effortless bounce to each step.
"Shit!" I hiss, my heart pounding loudly in my chest. In a moment of panic, I throw myself to the ground, landing at Jimmy's feet.
I take sanctuary behind the tall counter, getting close and comfortable with the worn-in wooden flooring.
"What the hell?" He exclaims, stepping back to give me an incredibly confused expression.
"Shhh!" I bring my fingers to my lips as I try to make myself as small as possible, wishing I could just evaporate into thin air.
Bringing my knees to my chest, I flatten myself against the counter as much as possible, squeezing my eyes shut. The bell dings above the front entrance, sucking the air right from my lungs. My pulse quickens to a hazardous speed, making my panic reach a new high.
"Ashton," Jimmy greets, causing me to wince in pain just from hearing his name; the name I have been avoiding all these months.
Why is he here? Why is he doing this to me? Does he not realize how much pain he's put me in and he's only making it worse by showing up out of the blue. I've worked so hard to just forget he ever existed.
I mutter prayers through my breathing, that Jimmy will keep my location a secret. No matter how childish and immature it is to be hiding from him.
I just can't do it.
"Jimmy," Ashton's voice slaps me across the face, forcing me to bite down hard on my knuckle. His high-pitched accent rings out, sounding so much like home.
It's been so long since I've heard that voice; I can still remember the last words he ever said to me. Words that have replayed in my head ever since that day like a broken record.
But unlike a broken record, I can't throw his words away.
"What's new with you, son?" Jimmy asks, his voice sounding just as warm and friendly as it always is.
Like me, Ashton had been like a son to Jimmy. He was always here, bugging me of course, that Jimmy couldn't help but to care for Ashton as well.
Ashton has a tendency of making people fall in love with him no matter where he was; that's always been the case. He's the only one I've ever known to make my father smile upon first meeting him. I can count on my fingers the number of times my father has smiled at me.
"Busy, busy as ever," Ashton says, and I can practically envision the humble smile on his face just by his tone of voice, "I'm back in town for a while and I decided to visit some old friends," He explains, causing my eyes to widen.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
I shove my arms through the holes of my jacket, burying myself in the warmth of it. It still smells strongly of bonfire from a few nights back. A smile settles onto my face as I recall that pleasant evening, glad to have memories like that.
Clutching the keys tightly, I shuffle across the hardwood floor of the shop doing one last sweep of the place. This is the first night Jimmy has trusted me to lock up the store and I'm not going to mess it up.
After giving myself a satisfied nod, proud of the work I've done while he's on a business trip, I turn off all of the lights, gripping the door tightly.
I open the front door, the bells jingling loudly, causing me to jump startled. I can't help but to chuckle at my own nerves. I'm sixteen and I still get scared when I'm all alone. I don't think that's something I'll ever outgrow. I still sleep with my glow in the dark stars glued to my ceilings, for god's sake.
As I step outside, I can't help but to gasp, the chilliness of the winter's evening sucking the air right from my lungs. Letting out a shiver, I burrow myself deeper into the depths of my winter coat, zipping it all the way up so my upper lip scratches against the collar in an uncomfortable manner.
Acting quickly, I jam the keys into the front door. I hop from foot to foot, absolutely freezing, as I lock up the store, just as Jimmy had showed me a million times before he left.
My frozen fingers wrap around the handle, giving it a firm tug to be sure that I properly locked up. After I'm met with a sturdy door that's not budging in the slightest, I smile proudly to myself.
Just as I'm about to turn around, a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist. Chills run up my spine as my eyes widen, seeing the outline of a burly figure in the reflection through the window in front of me. As soon as my breath is returned to me, I open my mouth to let out a blood-curdling scream.
Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I swing around, my hands curled up into fists and begin striking my attacker as hard as I can. I feel my fists connect perfectly with his nose, sending him to the ground with a loud yelp of pain.
Panting, struggling to regain my terrified breath, I look down at my attacker as he writhes in pain on the cold, snowy ground. Instantly my eyes widen as recognition punches me in the gut, causing my hands to cover my mouth in a state of shock.
"Ashton!" I shout, hurrying to get on my knees beside him. Guilt fills every pore of my body as I watch him groan in pain, blood seeping between his fingers as it drips from his nose, "What were you doing?" I ask, my brain buzzing at a million miles per hour to try and figure out how to fix this.
"I came to surprise you as you got off work," He explains through a clenched jaw, causing my stomach to drop yet again.
I look around down the empty downtown streets, trying to figure out someway to help him. I let out a distressed groan, wanting to just cry.
What a good girlfriend I am...
Ashton shakes with shivers as he lays on the freezing cold ground that soaks the knees of my jeans. That's when an idea hits me.
"Here, let's get you out of the cold and wash you up," I wrap my fingers around his arm, helping him to his feet.
As he gets to his feet, still holding his bleeding nose, I brush the snow off of his backside, holding him tightly to me.
"Just because I'm wounded doesn't mean you can take advantage of me," He teases as I brush the snow off of his butt.
My cheeks turn a deep red but I look at him and roll my eyes, a small smile appearing on the ends of my lips.
"You must not be that hurt if you're making stupid jokes," I smirk at him as I pick my keys off the ground where I had thrown them in my terrified state.
Ashton's laughter is muffled by his hands covering his face. I don't loosen my grip as I unlock the shop, keeping my wounded man close to me, never wanting to let go.
We both hurry into the warmth of the shop, both letting out a pleased moan for the heating that begins to dethaw us.
"You stay here," I push him down on one of the stools behind the main counter as I hurry to the back room.
My eyes desperately scan the back room that's cluttered with a bunch of crap that's been here since before I was born. I let out a relieved sigh as I spot a clean rag folded on the counter. I soak it with warm water from the bathroom sink, nearly stumbling over my own two feet as I frantically hurry.
I re-enter the main store, wearing an apologetic frown as I approach Ashton. He doesn't look half as phased as I am at the moment. Gently I take his hands away from his nose and delicately wipe away the blood that's nearly started to dry on his face.
Ashton's eyes watch me carefully, not saying a word as I work carefully, like a nurse tending to her patient and not a girlfriend that brutally attacked her significant other. The corners of his lips are barely pulled up at the ends.
My hand cups his face carefully, my eyes set in a serious tone as I concentrate on cleaning his poor face. The warm washcloth presses his face carefully, clearing any traces of the accident now that the bleeding has stopped. Even after his face is entirely cleaned, I continue to wash it carefully, feeling awful.
Tears start to well in my eyes; guilty tears. That causes Ashton's smile to grow in size as hands grab my hips, holding me close to him. His chilly fingertips barely skim across the bare exposed skin beneath my jacket.
"Hey," He whispers softly, pulling me close to his chest. I lower the warm rag, burying my face into the crook of his neck, the guilty tears spilling over. Ashton's laughter vibrates against my body, "Hey, it's fine."
"I'm the worst girlfriend ever," I sob, reaching my arms out to wrap around his neck, praying that he'll forgive me.
Ashton laughs yet again, gripping my body even tighter against his own. He gives me a loving squeeze before pulling me away from him, forcing me to look him in the eyes.
Embarrassed and ashamed, I wipe my tears and look down at the ground. Ashton brings his hand up to grip my chin gently, forcing me to actually meet his gaze.
"You are so so silly," He grins at me, "It makes me feel a million times better actually, knowing that you can defend yourself. You're bad ass," He smiles, causing me to chuckle slightly, shaking my head at his ridiculousness.
"You don't hate me?" I ask, sniffling as I look at him with desperate eyes.
Ashton's amused expression turns into one of sympathy, giving me an adorable smile as if he had just heard the saddest news ever.
"I could never hate you; it's literally impossible," He whispers, "I can promise you that there will never come a day that I will ever hate you. I swear it on my life," He says, even quieter as he brings his face closer to mine.
I can feel his warm breath heating the tip of my frozen nose as he looks me deep in my eyes. I start to feel rather weak at the knees, grateful to be holding onto him. Ever-so-slowly, he presses his lips against mine and gives me the most tender kiss I've ever had in my entire life.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
"Nothing has changed here since you left," Jimmy speaks up, causing me to bite back tears, "The same ol' shop."
Jimmy steps to the side and accidentally on top of my fingers. My mouth shoots open in a wince as I frantically try to pull them from beneath his clunky shoes. Now I'm really fighting against the tears as I cradle my fingers close to my chest.
"You haven't hired anyone new?" Ashton asks, surprised. Though I think we can all hear the struggle in his voice to sound nonchalant.
"Nope, just Gary, Nora and I," Jimmy replies.
The moment my name is spoken aloud, I hear a record clattering to the ground. Frantic footsteps and fumbling is heard directly following it.
"I'm sorry Jimmy," Ashton mumbles, sounding rather embarrassed as he bends down to pick up the record that he had dropped.
"No harm done," Jimmy replies, his eyes glued to him.
I look up to watch Jimmy carefully. Sympathy washes over his face. It's as if he were watching a sad, wounded little puppy. It made me feel sick to my stomach.
Footsteps approach the counter, growing louder and louder. I bring my knees in closer, trying to flatten myself as much as possible against the counter to avoid being seen.
"How is she?" Ashton speaks softly and quietly, as if it were a secret.
I feel sick to my stomach yet again, fighting against the impulse to do something stupid. I want to get up and rush out of here. I don't want to hear another word come out of his mouth; never again in my entire life.
"Nora's fine. Started college today. Got dropped off by Everett; nothing out of the usual," He says, saying Everett's name in a peculiar way, as if I weren't here at all.
He knees me in the head, warning me to keep my mouth shut. He knows me too well, knowing that I'm stuck here wishing I could stand up for myself.
"Everett?" Ashton asks, his voice much more serious and harsh than I just was, "Are those two... you know..." He trails off, his tone sounding grave.
"Dating? I believe so," Jimmy nods, causing my eyes to widen.
I want nothing more than to jump up and assure him that Everett and I are not dating. But what good will that do? Perhaps it's better that he thinks that we are, so that he won't come barging in my life again.
"I just saw Everett and he never mentioned..." Ashton replies, his voice sounding off, as if he were going to be sick.
"Why would he? Think about it, Ashton," Jimmy speaks gently, but still in a firm manner.
"I suppose you're right... I still remember how those two used to hate each other," He says and I can hear a bit of acid behind his tone, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut, fighting off another trip to memory lane, "When's her next shift?" He asks, a lot quieter and gentler now.
It's obvious this was his intention all along.
Me.
I hold my breath, waiting for something to happen. Something miraculous that will save me from everything.
"Ashton, don't," Jimmy advises him, sounding rather sad himself.
There's an awkward silence that seems as if it lasts an entire lifetime. But after awhile it's broken by footsteps heading in the direction of the door.
Jimmy glances down at me, giving me a sad, apologetic frown. I can see the internal struggle in his eyes. I simply stare up at him; lost and absolutely terrified.
I never thought we'd be in this situation. Not a year ago, not a month ago.
"Tomorrow after school," Jimmy says loudly, causing the footsteps to stop mid-stride.
My stomach drops as I close my eyes yet again, letting out a deep exhausted breath. Ashton hasn't been around longer than five minutes and I'm already emotionally drained.
"Thanks Jimmy," Ashton says quietly before causing the bell to ring, announcing his departure.
As Jimmy and I are left alone, I come crashing down into the reality of the situation. I stretch my legs out and do the only thing I've been able to do the past several months when it comes to Ashton.
I start to cry.
Jimmy bends down so he's at my level. He reaches out to place his hand on my shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.
"Why are you avoiding him? Can't you two still be friends?" He asks, using a soft tone so not to upset me even more.
Could we? Why did I go sprawling to the ground to avoid him? I don't hate him; I could never hate him, no matter how hard I tried. Perhaps that's the problem. I can't imagine myself not loving him. But just as I started to push him into the back of my mind, he's back.
It's like removing stitches before the wound has had time to heal.
I've never not loved him, from the day I met him, from the day he left.
"No, we couldn't," I admit to Jimmy and myself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
an:
hope you guys are enjoying this as much as i am! fdksal;fdsa please let me know if you are in the comments below.
the song is 'flaws' by bombay bicycle club
ily guys
-fivesecondsofwinter