Chapter 5
My mind wanders to my first time dreaming of the future. It was September 4th, 2001. I remember it so vividly, even now, and recall how I could feel the earth shaking.
In the dream I was standing on the street, I was staring at the tallest building around. It was miles higher than all the others when suddenly a plane hit it. It crashed into the top of it, causing the entire thing to collapse.
When the force of air from the explosion reached me and knocked me over it was like someone hit the repeat button, it happened again and again and again, and all I could do was watch as the plane collided with the beautiful building. I remember my mother shaking me awake.
She told me later that I had been screaming for help, something about a plane and a skyscraper. Then a week later it happened again, but for real.
I walked down the stairs the morning of September 11th and gasped when I saw what I had so vividly dreamed. After that it happened more and more often, whether it was my mother spilling her coffee or a murder was happening on the news.
I can remember looking in the mirror everyday and just thinking it was my fault. I’d stare at my stupid green eyes and tell myself that if I hadn’t dreamt my mom spilling her coffee on herself then it would never had happened and she never would have been late and her clients wouldn’t have fired her.
I’d sometimes pull at my short brown hair, yanking on it so that maybe it would pull the dreams out. When I got older I quit hurting myself as I realized that it couldn’t be my fault, although I still sometimes wondered that if I hadn’t dreamt it maybe it wouldn’t have happened?
I grew out of my shell when I hit puberty, but I still stayed home a lot and didn’t go anywhere for the most part. Thinking about myself made me think of my father. He was often gone and I could never tell him anything.
I loved him to death of course, the few hours of the day that I was awake to see him during. We didn’t talk about anything serious. He was always the person who brightened my day, and now sitting here I wish so badly that he were here and not across the country, thinking I'm dead.
I roll over in the bed, burying my head into the white pillow trying to stop myself from even thinking. Perhaps if I just slept now I'll dream of nothing. Perhaps I'll dream of something pleasant, like the beach, or maybe my own bed at home in New York. I let out a heavy sigh and closed my eyes tight.
Then I hear a knock. “What?” I mumble, the noise muffled from behind my pillow.
“Are you okay?” asks Alexia from the large doorway. The light streaming in from the windows seems bright from having my head stuffed in a pillow and I blink rapidly.
“Yah, I'm just tired is all,” I say to her. She walks in and sits on the soft sheets. She smells like grass and I assume she’s been outside in the yard. It’s a very contrasting smell from the dull smell of cleaner and metal inside.
“So, Brian freaked out,” she says, not looking at me, but instead looking at the off-white ceiling tiles above our heads. They remind me of the ones my high school used to have. “You’d think if someone was mentally unstable they’d know before he was 21 years old.”
I looked at her, shocked she was say that. “What do you mean?” I ask, “Are you saying he’s mentally unstable? He’s not crazy, he’s… I mean it’s just his power. Urgh, not power, his talent.” I say frustrated.
“Sorry” she says quickly, “I didn’t mean to insult him, it’s just that it was a bit weird, you don’t think anything is wrong with him, do you?” I turn away from her and stare at the belt sitting on Willa’s bed, next to mine. “We all have something wrong with us, that’s why we are here, isn’t it?” I feel her stiffen up.
“Well I wouldn’t know, I’ve never thought of myself as someone with something wrong with them. Unlike you, I accept what can do.”
I look back at her and glare. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I say, bewildered.
“Well you’ve never really been comfortable with what you can do, you think there is something wrong with you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me!” I counter quickly, insulted that she could say something like that, “Well, besides… well, no! Can you please just leave me alone?”
“As soon as you agree that the reason you are here is a gift, and not some horrible anomaly. You treat it like it’s a curse.”
“That’s because it fucking is!” I shout at her. Now I’m pissed off and I sit up on the bed. “Could you please just leave me alone? You don’t know what it’s like to have guilt for causing accidents! For causing murder! You make things fly around rooms! Whoop- di- freaking- doo for you! Your life has never been hard.”
“But the problem is, you didn’t do those things. None of them are your fault. You are living with guilt that isn’t yours! Just because you see it before everyone else doesn’t mean you caused it. Now me? I’ve caused problems with my ability!”
I sit in silence, not looking at her, wanting her to just disappear. I hear footsteps coming down the hallway, rushing down it. Figgie looks In the doorway, “Are you guys okay? Who’s having another melt down?” she asks, looking worried.
Alexia reaches out her hand and shuts it into a fist causing the door to fly closed. Figgie bangs on it, yelling and asking if we are alright.
“The time for fighting yourself is over. Accept what you do and deal with it. No one has a perfect life. She looks expectantly at me and I meet her eyes and nod.
“Yeah, whatever.”
She sighs and opens her fist again, sending the door back into it’s open position. Figgie stops banging, “Are you guys okay? Don’t freak me out like that, Brian got me all jittered up with what he said."
“I believe him,” I say quickly, looking at her. “I think we should get out of here.” Alexia and Figgie look at me, shocked that I would say something so unexpected.
“Why?” asks Alexia, warily.
“Because if I have this ‘gift’ I’m not going to just give it away, and besides I don’t think he’s crazy. I told him to try to read more minds, it’s my fault he heard any of what he heard at all.” I look determinedly at Alexia.
I’m still not sure if I believe him, but getting out of this place could make me forget about what I can do. Where as here, I am surrounded by it everyday.
“I think we should wait before we do anything.” Alexia says gently.
“Why?”
“Not to say I don’t trust him, but that’s just it. I don’t want to run out of here for no reason, and waste this chance at knowing more about what we can do. I mean if I stay here longer maybe I can do more things. I mean, look at Evan. He found out about how he can turn invisible. And York found his strength."
“Fine, but I’m asking if I can leave tonight when they come get me for the night testing.” I roll over on my bed, facing away from them. I bite my lip and hope they’ll just leave.
I feel Alexia’s weight leave my bed’s mattress and I hear them whispering down the hall. I know I shouldn’t say things I don’t mean, but the way they think of Brian gets on my nerves.
I don’t notice I’m asleep until I feel someone shaking my arm. “Hey,” they say, flicking my face. I open my eyes and see Pan standing over me. I groan and sit up.
“They want you down in room 315 now,” she says with a grimace. I nod and stand up, scratching my head. I walk down to the room and lay in the bed I lay in once a week.
They attach the usual sensors to my head, arms and body. I hate night testing and dread it every week. It is uncomfortable to sleep in and the mattress is no where near as comfortable as the cots in the bunk rooms. I close my eyes and try to fall back to sleep, I can already feel myself drifting off.
--
I’m running, somewhere, I can’t see anything and my mind is racing. Where am I? I see a figure ahead of me and I run to it, but my sight is suddenly obscured by a cloud of dust.
I’m in the desert, surrounded by sand. I see a mirage of water and suddenly my throat is burning for water, I need it or I will die. I run to it hopelessly, reaching out as if my arm could bring it to me.
I hear a voice come to me from behind. It yells at me to look out. I spin around and see a car, speeding toward me, I throw my hands up, covering my face.
--
My eyes snap open and I suck in a breath. Dr. Dillard comes in in a hurry. “Are you okay?” he asks, his voice is strained. “ You were asleep for a moment before your heart rate rose and you woke up. Are you alright?”
I shake my head and I can still feel my burning throat. “I need something to drink, please, something cold. Dillard turns around and through the two-way mirror he nods at the men that must be sitting just on the other side.
I young man with a hard face comes in and hands him a bottle, which he hands to me, a concerned look on his face.
“Now I know you dreamt something more interesting this time,“ He says.
I drink deeply from the bottle before answering him. I nod and look into his eyes, in a moment I know I can trust him, if anyone else. “I was in the desert, I was looking for water and then someone called out, I turned around and a car ran me down. Then I woke up.”
“What sort of car?”
“Why does it matter?”
“Well if it’s a nonsensical normal dream it would be something unusual in the desert. If it is something that fits to the environment then it could mean more.”
I hesitate. Was it a jeep? Or maybe it was a racecar, one of the kind in the Indy 500. I didn’t know. “I don’t remember, I covered my face,” I tell him.
He looks disappointed, “Not even a clue?” He says with hope.
“No” I say letting him down. I feel bad because I know he really wants to know to interpret more. “But if it is anything it can’t be anything soon,” I say, trying not to think about my wanting to run away. “actually, “ I say, lowering my voice a few decimals, “I have been thinking of leaving”
He looks at me, aghast. “But we’ve just begun to harness your power, you couldn’t leave now.”
“But it was said to me that I could leave at any time” I say, a little strained.
Dillard looks a little unsure, “Well of course you can leave at any time, but it really would be beneficial, for you, to stay here ad continue and test. Any way, this is enough talking, I think it time for you o try to sleep again, unless you have any more details from this dream.”
I shake my head no and he rushes out of the room, though not before saying, good night.
I lay back down on the thin bad and keep my eyes open. So, Dr. Dillard didn’t want me to leave. Brian would say it was suspicious, but I want so badly for all to be a conclusion randomly jumped to.
I feel so confused. I doubt him, but at the same time whenever any body talks bad about him I can’t help but to defend him. I wish that it didn’t need to be so difficult. I close my eyes and let myself drift off to sleep.