Skylar felt guilty when she finally turned from the door, having successfully gotten rid of Niles only to turn and find Ryan sitting on the edge of the bed, his feet on the floor and her notepad in his hand. He wasn’t looking at her as he had done a few minutes ago, before Niles’s interruption. There was a distinct look of anger and curiosity in his eyes that she didn’t want to face just yet, if he could only have waited a little while longer. When he asked what it was, she didn’t know what to say, all she could do was cross over and sit on the bed beside him, well aware that there was no chance of starting back where they had left off. He was angry now, that was it, she either told him the truth or lost him. He wouldn’t settle for in-betweens or her asking him to wait a while longer before she explained, but she was going to try her best shot at explaining.
“I really don’t want to lie to you Ryan…if I tell you part of the reason now, can you wait until I can explain the other part later? It might not be hours or days…more like weeks…?” She asked him to trust her enough to give her time to find a way of explaining it to him and although he was scared that by agreeing, she might just have more time to come up with a lame excuse, he decided he loved her enough to try. It might not have made sense and maybe it was stupid considering his history with women, but she was so different to anyone he knew, he had to put his trust in her and hope she would be honest. He couldn’t even speak, he just sighed and handed the notepad back to her, nodding in agreement. She seemed just as scared as he was, though he wasn’t oblivious to the relieved smile she showed him before shifting to face him, sitting on one of her bent legs and holding her own hand nervously. “I have a…job. It’s very complicated and I’m not allowed to tell anyone about it, but I was given this list of names…” She began only for him to protest that the names were in her handwriting and although she retaliated just as seriously that he wouldn’t know that because he had never seen her handwriting, he surprised her with his answer.
“But I know you.” Ryan sighed, finding the matter all too serious for his liking. He had enjoyed his day so far, this was just bringing a complete downer on it all. He wasn’t sure if he actually was going to like her answer or if he would just end up ruining everything by getting up and storming out. He was scared of losing her suddenly, scared that what she was saying meant that he would hate her but always love her as passionately as he already did. No wonder nothing made any sense.
“Fine, so I wrote it myself, but I was given the names, no matter what you think. I’d never met any of these people when I was given it, I had no idea what they looked like or who they were. All I was asked to do was keep an eye on them, that was all.” Skylar let him believe what he liked, trying her best to explain the situation without going into the complicated details and without lying to him. Sure she said a little white lie that she was only there to observe but it was partly true, she couldn’t help them without observing their lives first. But when he asked if she had been told to be with him, her heart physically ached. “No. It’s not like that. I was just asked to come here and find you all, to introduce myself so that no-one thought I was spying on them and that was it. Everything that’s happened just…it just happened. It wasn’t on purpose.” Tears were coming to her eyes now, in a way that frustrated her and Ryan could see that for himself but he couldn’t help it, he didn’t understand and he didn’t like it. At least he knew that what she felt for him was true. Or at least, he hoped it was.
“So you weren’t sent here to make me love you? What the hell am I saying? It’s like some sordid little black and white spy movie.” He couldn’t help but groan in frustration, leaning over his knees and holding his head in his hands, unable to comprehend it all but knowing that it explained a lot of different things he’d noticed. The problem was that they all came with their own set of questions and he wasn’t leaving the room until she answered every one of them.
“I’m sorry…technically I’m not supposed to go anywhere near you.” When Ryan heard that, he looked up at her with a smile, guessing that that was why she was running away from him and why she kept insisting she didn’t want to be with him when her kisses and the way her body responded to his very touch told him otherwise. She couldn’t deny it thought, playing it cool and passing it off would give him the wrong idea and she was upset enough without having him leave because she was trying to stay strong and resist the only thing she wanted. “Yes, that’s exactly why I’m scared of you. I’ll have to leave at some point Ryan but you…you won’t take no for an answer! To hell with it, it’s you own fault if you get hurt, I tried to warn you.” Skylar was as mad as her words suggested and it only made him smile, which made her feel worse. He had such a beautiful smile and she hated to see it when she didn’t know how their talk was going to end. He was evil and a hell of a torturer if he still intended to be loved up with her after their discussion. She was so mad she just wanted to hit him, if he tried to kiss her and seduce her again after putting her through all of it, then she really would lash out at him.
“Calm down. I never said it was a bad thing. But what the hell are you? Are you a spy?” He asked, unable to believe that he was seriously asking her such a question. He couldn’t help it, there was no other way for him to put it and so when she answered heatedly, denying it and saying she was nothing more than a normal, teenaged, damned girl, in almost those exact words, he couldn’t help but approve of the fact that she felt so strongly about it that she was arguing with him. “Not exactly…you’re my girl. Don’t forget that you’re mine.” He tormented her softly, leaning his head on the palm of his head, balancing his elbow on his knee as he looked her over approvingly, glad to finally know the truth about it all. Finally he had a girlfriend who was so willing to be honest with him that it made her cry because she had been forced to keep quiet for so long. He was desperate to brush her tears away but he knew that that kind of contact, after the discussion they had just had, would only make him want things that he was sure she was too angry to give him.
“While we’re on the subject…I know something I’m not supposed to. About Fraser.” Skylar decided there was no time like the present to approach him about the matter she hadn’t long decided needed talked about. She wasn’t supposed to know and no-one else did know but as usual Ryan wasn’t helpful in that area, asking in surprise when she had met Fraser before complaining.
“What am I saying…of course you met Fraser, he’s on the list.” He grumbled to himself, losing the inclination to kiss her for that moment, even as she asked him not to be like that and explained how meeting him had been an accident of his making. When she explained how she had ran to the chapel to think over everything he had said to her, about how he wanted to be with her, he realised there was another burning question he had to ask. “That ‘doctor’ you told me about…he’s who you’re passing all this information on to, isn’t it? Why isn’t Niles on your list? I figure if you spent so much time with him, then he must be important?” He asked, waiting until he had Skylar’s confirmatory nod that the ‘doctor’ was nothing more than her boss before asking about his so called best friend. If she wasn’t just letting him weasel in on her for her job then there was only one other explanation…one he really wouldn’t like to hear. But she slipped up. Instead of just answering no, like she should have, she rambling on into admitting that she added Ruby and Waldo to the list herself because she knew she could help them. “Help them how?”
“They’re only on there for me, to know that I actually did something myself. I got them back together…they love each other.” She reasoned with a smile he adored and found all too romantic of her, getting two once lovers together because she thought they belonged with each other and were suffering apart. Bless her little deceiving heart. She really was a sweetheart. He reminded her about his query over Niles, only to be confused by her answer. “He got me to you.” She smiled guiltily, having to take a deep breath when he asked what ‘the hell’ that meant, having been afraid of that question since he had called her on her little stupid notepad. “Well, being friends with him let me find you…once I did…I…” Skylar had never told anyone she loved them, she had never had anyone she loved enough to say it to but Ryan fitted all the categories of someone she would love. She just couldn’t say it. She was afraid of the consequences if she did. But she didn’t have to, he knew fine well what she meant and could only smile in approval of the very thought.
“You fell in love with me.” He guessed with a smile, not surprised that she looked away in shame, as if it wasn’t allowed. It certainly explained a hell of a lot about how she had let him kiss her and then fought him only to always come back to him. Even if it had only been two days he knew that if he hadn’t have admitted to how he felt, they could have stayed on that roundabout for years. Loving each other, never admitting it, only enjoying a brief moment of intense passion before one or the other got hurt and they started hating each other. Only for them to end up in that heated embrace again. It was vicious and he was glad that it hadn’t happened. “So what do you know about Fraser?”
“He’s hurting. He needs someone to talk to and I’m kind of busy. I thought maybe…” She didn’t want to ask him outright if he would take care of his friend, finding it unusually cruel when he had no idea what was going on, so she decided to explain instead, trying to find the right words that wouldn’t upset him. “It’s Mara. She’s sick. Really, really sick and I know more than he and Mara do about it. Her doctors think she won’t make it six months. They think she’s going to die and they don’t even know.” Ryan wasn’t surprised when the suppressed tears made an entrance, he felt pretty choked up about it too. He had known Fraser and Mara for years and Mara…god she was a beautiful girl, smart and sweet. The nicest girl he’d met before Skylar showed up. Neither of them had to say anything before she went on, it wasn’t necessary, he wanted to know…he needed to know so he could help Fraser work it out. He could only imagine what it would be like to suddenly hear that Skylar would die any day within the next six months. She already scared the hell out of him with her weak pulse and her blackouts, he couldn’t have handled her being sick. “She thinks she’ll get better and Fraser just hopes that everything will be okay. He sort of knows that I know, I said I was a patient at her clinic. I can talk to her but not Fraser.” She was relieved when Ryan automatically offered to take care of it for her but his next words caught her off guard.
“What about Zeke…the blackouts? Is that real?” Skylar had thought the whole interrogation had been over and the fact that it wasn’t, hurt her, a lot. She couldn’t help but let the tears flow and feel sad, what Ryan didn’t expect was the pleading tone of her voice that begged him to understand. He hadn’t meant to be cruel about it but if she could lie about everything else then it wasn’t so far a stretch for her to make up Zeke and the blackouts to get close to Pepper and give herself an excuse to escape every now and then. Even though he knew that when he had found her lying unconscious, it couldn’t have been faked. He’d never forgive her if it had been. Even if it was just for scaring the shit out of him with it so often. He worried about her. He loved her, damn it.
“I swear, I never lied about anything. I have transferred here and everything you know is real. I just have a job that sucks.” She insisted, looking utterly distraught and he couldn’t help but sigh and wrap his arm around her, urging her to fall into him as she was so good at doing only for her to burst into tears and hide her face in his shoulder. Her heart was breaking and what was he doing? Questioning her like a criminal. The award for arse of the year most definitely went to him.
“Okay. I believe you for now. But when you can tell me the whole truth, then I want to hear it.” The words ‘for now’ didn’t make Skylar feel better, but worse. He didn’t trust her at all, he was just accepting her word until he could prove her wrong. Well, he could try all he liked but he would never have proof. And when he heard her sobbing even harder, he couldn’t help but sigh and hold her close, leaning his head against hers. “Don’t cry. I’m not mad at you. I just wish you’d have told me but I know why you didn’t. I won’t bring it up again unless you do. I promise.” She looked up at him then, trying to push the tears aside, looking oh so vulnerable and he could only imagine that that was how she looked when Niles first saw her. Terrified out of her skin, staring up at him in the darkness like a little lamb who just needed to be loved. Except she wasn’t terrified of Zeke now, she was terrified of him not wanting her, or him leaving her. There was nothing else for him to do but reassure her that that would never happen, gently brushing the fallen hair from her ponytail behind her ear. Her hair was a mess but he could only smile at it, having done most of the damage himself, throwing her back onto the bed the way he had, constantly running his fingers through her chestnut hair. He absolutely adored her with every fibre of his being, how could he ever leave her now? “I still love you, Skylar, I always will.” Ryan was just happy to know that she believed him, nudging her head towards his as she kissed him tenderly, each of them enjoying the seriousness of the kisses that followed, neither caring about anything else but each other. Without even thinking, they allowed themselves to be caught up in the most important emotions they had discovered that evening until Skylar was sitting over him, his hands caressing her until they were back where they left off…lying on her bed, quietly adoring each other in the only way they were willing to after already having fallen so madly in love with one another after two short, very hectic and stressful days.
*****
Danny was surprised that Paige was going to let him spend the night in her room, even if they weren’t going to do anything other than sleep in the same bed, beside each other. But he really felt it was an important step for them, like a transitional thing, between taking things one step further and letting them get comfortable with each other again after the disaster of a night they’d had. At least she didn’t have to sit through another pathetic attempt of a proposal from Angelo again, because more than just upsetting Paige, it would have pissed him off to no end. But no, things were as they should be. Danny was with his girl, in nothing but his boxers as he lay onto of the covers, waiting to see what ‘surprise’ Paige had concocted for him this time. Her last surprise had been that very sexy little number she’d been wearing at her mothers birthday party, so he couldn’t wait to see what it was. Then again, he quite liked the anticipation. It gave him time to get rid of that awful picture of her with Angelo from the bedside table, laying it face down on the wooden surface, not appreciating the happy smiles they shared as she sat on his knee. It was bad enough knowing what he knew without having to see it. “So…are you ready for your surprise?” Paige’s soft, warm voice called from the en-suite bathroom, a smile reaching his lips as he held his hands behind his head and waited patiently to see her.
“Ready when you are.” Danny teased, curious as to what the slight scratching noise was until the bedroom door opened and his smile fell, knowing that he’d deliberately locked it to keep any unwelcome guests out. The last thing he needed was Angelo popping in in the morning before his flight to say goodbye, only to find them in bed together and jump to conclusions. He knew that he was so attached to Paige that he’d either go berserk all by himself or he’d go snitch to Julius and have him kicked out, or worse, sacked. And he didn’t know what else to do when Julius suddenly walked in, shooting daggers at him, looking seriously pissed off and all Danny could think to do was jump up out of bed and protest his innocence. But before he could speak, lifting his jeans from the chair at the side of the bed, Paige called through again.
“So, how do you like it?” She asked with a slight sexy warmth that he could only cringe at when Julius went bright red and stared at her as she emerged from the bathroom in nothing more than a sexy little teddy that barely reached her knees. “Papà…” She exclaimed in surprise, biting her lower lip nervously.
“For god sake Paige, put some bloody clothes on.” Julius fumed, lifting the white cotton dressing gown that lay across the dressing table stool and throwing it to her in disgust. “I want to see you in the hall in two minutes, and you better be wearing something.” He growled, leaving her room as he slammed her door shut behind him, swearing in such an extreme disappointment that there was nothing for Paige to do but do as he asked.
“Don’t worry honey, I’m sure when your mother talks to him…” Danny began, stopping in his train of thought when he saw the warning glare from his girlfriend, telling him that if he went on with one more word she’d kill him herself.
Silvia had no idea what to do when she saw Paige emerging from her bedroom, wrapped tightly in her white dressing gown, after hearing Julius’s disgusted explanation of what she was, or wasn’t wearing. And she couldn’t believe that she had been so reckless as to risk disobeying her fathers rules, while he was in the house. It was one thing to contemplate turning her back on everything they had taught her, everything that she had grown up believing in and respecting, but to do so when she knew it would break her fathers heart, to make sure that he was in the house when she did such an awful thing. That was unforgivable. Silvia knew that Julius would never treat her the same from now on. It was just how he was. He had always felt, just as she, Dino and Simone, Angelo and Raya felt, as well as everyone else who had chosen the same rules for their children, that for one of those children to turn their back on what they had been taught, on what rules they parents instilled in them, then it was just as heartbreaking and treacherous as turning their back on their entire family. “Julius…” Silvia sighed, hoping that before anyone could speak, she could impart a little wisdom for them all and show some reasoning.
“No Silvia. You wouldn’t just agree with me when I wanted you to, so now…” Julius huffed, holding his hand up to her, not even extending the curtsey of turning to face her as he glared at his daughter. “Now you have to let me do my job and take care of this family.”
“Mr Donna, is there something wrong?” Joey’s voice cut in suddenly, everyone but Paige and Danny turning to glance at the young man at the bottom of the stairs, holding onto Raya’s hand. He was such a nice young man, sincere and happy, well presented and respectful. Why couldn’t his daughter have chosen a man like him? Why couldn’t she have chosen Angelo? “I was just on my way out and I heard raised voices. Are you alright?” He wondered, a genuine concern in his voice as Raya held onto his arm in quiet fear that someone was about to tell her something awful had happened.
“Thank you Joey, everything’s fine. Goodnight.” Julius forced a smile at the young boy, staring in curious wonder when he turned to his girlfriend and smiled at her, kissing her forehead.
“See, I told you there was nothing to worry about.” He assured her, walking her over to the door as he tried to focus on how great their night had been and how nice Julius and Silvia were to let him stay after the party to be with Raya just on his own. At least thinking of that would keep out the thought that everyone was staring at him, waiting to see what he would do. “Now if you need me, for anything, you just call my mobile and I can be round here in five minutes. Alright?” He promised faithfully, his dedication making Raya smile as he opened the front door and waited for her answer with a smile.
“I promise.” Taking a step forward, Joey couldn’t help but kiss her goodnight, gently brushing his lips against hers in a lingering kiss that told her how much he didn’t want to be leaving.
“I’ll come by tomorrow before Angelo leaves.” He smiled, delaying his exit for as long as he could, until finally, he gave in and realised that he was probably making an idiot out of himself. “Goodnight princess.” Raya knew that as soon as Julius told Joey everything was fine, he was really lying so as not to put a damper on their night. But she knew better. Climbing the stairs, she felt that there was nothing else to do but to kiss her fathers cheek and hug her mother, thanking her for such a wonderful night, before saying goodnight to them all, trying desperately to ignore the guilty look on her sisters face as she retreated to her room. But the screams that ensued in the following few minutes as she sat on her bed in tears, were too much to block out. It had started off quietly enough, Paige begging their father to listen to her and hear what she had to say, but then Danny had butted in and Julius had exploded in some rather harsh and unfair words of criticism for them both. He told Danny that he didn’t respect Paige enough to do as he asked and wait for the wedding night, he claimed that he didn’t respect her at all because he refused to do what was best for her and what would make her happy by letting her go and allowing her to marry Angelo. And then it had only got worse. Paige screaming that it was her life to do with what she pleased and that he had no right to make any kinds of demands on her, or try to force her to marry someone she didn’t love, only for Julius to go into the most awful eruption of anger.
First of all Paige didn’t respect herself enough to respect her families rules, or to keep away from ‘no-good riffraff’ like Danny was. She didn’t respect herself enough to object when his unruly friends made inappropriate advances to her or to see that Angelo would love her and care for her as no other man ever could. And what Raya knew would be the worst thing of all, wasn’t that everything her father said was in fluent Italian, which Danny wouldn’t understand a word of, but that she could clearly hear the breathlessness in his voice and the random coughing he did between words, sounding only as if he were clearing his throat. She knew that, if it was anything like what her own father had gone through, then his throat would close up so much with dryness and tension and the utter stress of the situation and all his cough would feel and sound like was little more than a slight clearing of the throat. It was never a good sign either way. Nevertheless, he went on to scream at her, telling her how he felt like she thought he was a bad father, because she felt that her idea of how she should live her life was better than the life he wanted for her, when all he ever did was for her, to give her a better life, a happier life.
It was nothing but chaos. If Julius wasn’t screaming at Danny or Paige, then Paige was screaming back at him. If she wasn’t trying to tell him how she should live her life, Silvia was begging for them all to stop arguing and Raya knew that it was only a matter of time before one of these fights, which were happening between Paige and their father more and more, gave him a fatal heart attack. Then, almost half an hour after the arguing had begun, everything went quiet and Raya felt an all too familiar sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Julius had cut himself off halfway through a sentence and had gone very, very quiet for a long time. It didn’t seem to make sense, until she heard the heartbreaking sound of someone being sick. And when she plucked up the courage to open her bedroom door just a little, taking a careful step out into the hallway, the first thing she saw was her father being sick into the plant pot on the corner table. She could clearly see the spots of blood on Julius’s shirt sleeve as he wiped his mouth and leant back against the wall beside him, trying to catch his breath, but it didn’t seem to be working. And as Silvia looked up at her two daughters, frightened and upset by all that had happened, she didn’t even need to say a word before Raya ran over to the stairs, in her pink pyjamas and pigtails, taking charge of everything. “I’ll call Angelo.” She called back, making her way down to the downstairs phone in the living room, as everyone stared on in shock and confusion.