Is cereal soup?
I have long debated the matter as I looked at my bland bowl of cheerios and milk. Not having the appetite to eat one of my favorite breakfast meals, I tossed it aside and went to the living room.
Staring at the window, I looked at the beautiful blue sky. It was a cloudless day and the trees were green and full of leaves. The birds chirped in the distance as I listened to their wonderful music.
After the day at the cemetery, Thomas had decided to stop talking to me, much less on making eye contact. Although we were partners in psychology class together, he only talked when necessary and avoided looking at me all together. I didn't know if he was embarrassed about what he told me that day or if I did something wrong. Although I tried to act normal, I couldn't help feeling slightly hurt. It had been two weeks, and I was debating on asking him how long this would go for.
On the living room table next to the couch, were several letters about college admission. Mine sat neatly in a pile while Stephanie's were already opened and scattered around the table. She applied to a couple of colleges around the area but I didn't ask her exactly where she got in. I hadn't bothered looking at mine yet, but I would go it later.
I didn't know where Thomas got into, but maybe if he stopped being a lazy bum and actually texted me, I would actually know. Realizing my thoughts I cursed myself silently. Why was I letting myself get upset over a boy? A completely replaceable one to be more specific. As much as I tried telling myself that, what I felt was the opposite and I hated myself for it.
Taking one last look through the window, I grabbed my combat shoes along with my jacket and put them on. Maybe a walk through the park would clear my mind. I sound like a lovesick teenager.
I hated lovesick teenagers.
As I left, a note on the floor caught my eye. Fearing the worst, I apprehensively opened the note and began to read it, however, what was on the note was far from my expectations.
I'm sorry.
Confused at the words, I looked everywhere for a name. Ryan did not apologize, he was the type for blaming everything on others. Someone else wrote this.
Looking around and finding no one, I decided to keep walking. Halfway through my walk, however, I realized that my phone was missing. Remembering that it was left on the counter in the kitchen, I started to walk to my house again. When I arrived, Thomas was sitting down on the steps.
Surprise was etched in my throat as to why he was here I moved closer and so I asked, "Do you need something?" It sounded a bit curt, and based on the way he flinched, he could tell too.
"I left you a note but I regretted it after so I came back to get it. It seems like you already took it through." His gaze landed on my hand where the pink post-it was. I raised one of my eyes and twirled the note around my fingers, making sure to catch his attention.
"I'm sorry." I read the note sarcastically before ripping it to pieces and throwing it in the garbage. "There you go. Now you don't have to regret it anymore."
"I'm sorry for shutting you out these past few weeks. Things happened and I had to deal with them." He seemed oddly vague about his excuse but based on the way he was ruffling his hair nervously and looked sincere, I believed him. Nodding slowly, I spoke,
"It's okay. I was really busy this week anyway, I barely noticed anything anyway."
Lies.
Now that we were semi-okay and most things were in the air, added to the fact that I was extremely bored, I decided to invite him to the Smoothie Shack.
Before I had the chance to speak, however, something caught my eye. Thomas wasn't wearing his contacts like he usually chooses to do. Instead he was wearing his glasses, which were a little too big for his face. It was adorable.
"You're wearing glasses." It came out as a statement rather than a question.
"Yeah, so?"
"You look nice."
He smiled and replied, "Thanks."
~*~
As I was drinking my mango smoothie I remembered that I didn't ask him what college he got into.
"Thomas?"
"Hmm?"
He looked up at me and I tried not to get distracted by his milk mustache.
I pointed to my own upper mouth and said, "Clean your mouth."
Grabbing a napkin, he wiped the milk out of his mouth then smiled at me before saying thanks. He had a wonderful smile.
This was starting to get disturbing.
Knowing that I was getting distracted again, I steered the conversation in a different direction. "What college did you get into?"
"Got into Penn State. It was actually my first choice. Where did you get into?"
I shrugged and replied, "I actually don't know yet. I didn't open my letter yet, however most of the colleges I applied to are in Maryland so it's most likely that I'll end up there."
"What are you waiting for? You only have a limited amount of time to respond to the college before they take your offer away."
"I still have a month or two to respond. I'm not that worried about going to college anyway."
"Did you apply to any colleges in Portland?"
"One or two but I don't think I'll stay here longer than I have too. Too many bad memories."
Thomas thought about what I said for a while, taking a minute to decide what he was going to say next.
"Do whatever makes you happy. At least we have a couple more months until we both have to leave. Until then we should make the most of it."
I managed to chuckle at this statement. "You're acting like I'm dying. You're not getting rid of me that easily."
"Same for me."
~*~
Thomas and I were in one of our favorite spots, well mine for that matter, which was the isolated spot in the park. I just loved the serenity of the place while he just loved that it was quite of the traffic noises and city lights.
It felt nice to be able to talk to him again, finally free of all the craziness of the outside world even for just a little moment. Here we were in our own little bubble that no could pop even if they tried.
"So how are you? I mean really, don't bullshit me." I asked.
Letting out a sigh, he responded. "I'm good. Thanks for being there for me a couple of weeks ago. I wasn't really in my right mind. Ignore anything that I said."
"Don't worry about it. I know you weren't in the right state of mind while you were there. If I went to my mother's cemetery, I wouldn't be so kind either."
"Did you find out who wrote that note in your journal?"
I didn't want to tell the truth because everything was going so well right now, and I didn't want to ruin anything. Instead I told him a half-truth.
"You don't have to worry about that. It turned out it as just some guy from my class who thought it would be funny to write a note pretending to be my ex-boyfriend. Things ended badly, hence why I reacted that way."
I thought it was a pretty believable lie since I did tell the truth in one aspect. It did end badly. By the look on his face, I knew that he didn't believe me but deciding not to press further, he let it go.
I laid down on the grass, which was something I seemed to do a lot lately. It served as a cushion so it wasn't as uncomfortable as one would think. Repeating my actions, Thomas also laid down on the grass a couple feet from me.
Enjoying the quietness of the place, I found myself relaxing and enjoying the view of the birds sleeping and the leaves rustling. Seeing as this was the right moment, I told Thomas something I've been thinking for a long time.
"I want to go back to Maryland."
"I think we figured that out when you only applied to colleges there."
Rolling my eyes, I explained further. "No, I want to go now. I can't wait until September."
At that moment he sat up from his previous position and looked me in the eye. "You're leaving now? What about finishing the rest of senior year?"
"No, it would only be for a day or two. I just want to see my home again and maybe see my mom. I need some closure. I never really had time to process the death because I moved almost immediately after the funeral."
Seeming to understand where I was getting at now, his shoulders visibly relaxed and he smiled.
"You should go. God knows how much you need this. Besides it would be nice to get away from the chaos that is going on over here."
He waited a second before adding his second statement.
"It would do you good to see your mom again, even if it's in a coffin. It would really help you."
Knowing he was right I stood up from my previous position as well and replied, "I know what I have to do. Thank you, I missed this."
"I missed this too."
After saying goodbye to Thomas at the park, I arrived home to see dad and the rest stocking what they bought at Cosco.
My dad smiled when he saw me, a sight I rarely got to see now. "Good to see you, Zoe. Can you help us restock? We have bags of groceries on the floor and it'll take us forever to get through them."
Knowing this was the right time to say it, even if it was in front of everyone else in the house, I told him what I've been dying to say for days.
"I want to go back to Maryland."
Everyone looked right up at that moment and stared at me. Even dad dropped his box of mac and cheese. I gave a sheepish smile as I stared back at them.
Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all.