Once again the sun has come to a set. Again I've waited for nothing. For years I've been waiting for him to come along, to come along this street we usually meet. Where we usually walk, talk, laugh...
And the streets were we've last seen each other. I know he never meant to hurt me that day.
It was never his choice to leave me.
It was for some circumstances, he had to.
And I understood all of this.
Because I love him and I always will.
And I know he feels the same way too.
At the very least I know.
But if he does, why hasn't he come back by now?
He said he'll come back, he'll see me again.
Was it real? Or am I too crazy to believe and hold on to a promise made five long years ago.
My mind tells me he has probably forgotten me by now, but didn't want to believe it.
I didn't want to open my eyes to reality.
I didn't want to listen to what people say.
That I was too much into fantasy.
Deep in my heart I knew it was all true
I finally walked home.
Hugging myself tighter as I felt the cold wind blew.
Doing it only made me remember the days, when we were still together.
Another tear dropped from my eye.
Another wound was cut from my heart.
And never was I healed
Why did you have to leave this broken?
KEITHE
Yes his name was Keithe.
I met him when I was in my third year in middle school
He was handsome, tall, and smart. Probably anything a girl wants.
I could still remember the scent of the newly repainted building of the seniors.
Where we met. Where we made memories
I was walking my way towards room 403 when a guy running suddenly bumped me.
It appears he and his friends were chasing each other.
I was expecting a sorry from him, but to my dismay I didn't hear anything. He just looked back and smiled at me.
As if his 'angelic ' smile would do.
I smirked at him though deep inside me I knew his smile was more than enough.
I proceeded to my room, and waited for my class to start.
Everybody else had groups to talk to and since unfortunately I'm new here and got no friends, so I was left with no choice but to sit on a vacant chair at the back keep my head down on my book. And hope no one would notice.
After few moments the class started.
Of course as usual introduction, and all.
While I was in the middle of introducing myself, a guy suddenly rub it in to class.
"hey guys I'm Tee Ramirez. I'm from..."
"good morning miss so so sorry I'm late" someone said
I looked at where the voice was coming from, it was from him. The guy was the one who bumped me just this morning.
"That must be an Impression don't you think so Mr. Keithe?" our teacher asked him
He just hung his head
"but it'll be fine for now. Though you can sit their beside ms.Ramirez"
He smiled, I died
I guess he notice me from a while ago
"would that be fine miss Ramirez?" our teacher asked me
Of course I was left with no choice but to nod, so I did
I saw him walk through and sat on the chair right beside me
"shit" I whispered to myself
"yes ms. Ramirez would you like to add anything? "
She asked me
"none miss that'll be all" I answered
I went back into my sit and saw him there
I sat then saw him stare at me for a moment
I can probably say he recognizes me
"you were the girl earlier, weren't you?" he innocently asked
'obviously' I just whispered
How pathetic could it be?
He noticed I never said a word
He smiled a little though
"look I'm so sorry" he said
"it's fine" I said still without looking at his direction
I heard him laugh a bit though
What in Hades is wrong with him? ...
Or rather what in Hades is wrong with me?
Whatever
To be real, never did I looked into his direction the whole period.
Til he asked me,
"hey" he said
I did not answer.
"hey?" he said waving his hands in front of me.
"what?!" I said in an irritating tone.
"You're making me feel like I'd have to buy you snack, because til now you haven't said a single word to me"
I faced him.
"look here, it was nothing okay, it's no big deal. If I haven't said a word to you, then that only implies one thing. I don't like talking to you."
I said straightly
I knew I got into his nerve, since I saw him clenched his jaw then looked away
Til then he never spoke a word to me, the whole day
Til school was over
While I walked down the street, there was nothing inside my mind but him
Why did I ever tell him that?
It wasn't true I didn't want to talk to him I never said a single thing because I was damn shy
Hell why do I even care right?
I expected the next day to be really just like yesterday
But it wasn't It was the total contrary
When I arrived, I saw nothing but a smiling face
"Good day isn't it?" he said, looking outside
"it is." I managed to say,
"hey look," I said as I looked at him
"hmm?" he said
"I'm sorry bout yesterday," I said and hung my head
"oh, that, that was nothing. I get it a lot, since I annoy people a lot." He explained smiling
"oh no really I wasn't annoyed" I said
"yeah?" he simply said
"you know what?" he asked
"no I don't know what." I said hoping he'd get the humor
"hahaha that was funny" he said sarcastically
I looked at him, like looks could possibly kill
"okay okay, well here's what I want to tell you, why don't we eat together, you know during breaks?" he said, and curved his lips into a smile
My heart skipped a beat
"oh." That was what I managed to say
"so..." he said trying to assure if it was a yes
"s.sure" I said hesitantly
Though I knew it was a great idea
Since I had no friend so far
"why don't we sit there?" he asked while pointing to an old wooden table with chairs for two, just under the shade of a big mango tree.
And just like what he said, we are now taking snack together
The sit was obviously isolated from the crowd, it's seems to be hidden
"yeah sure" I said smiling
"so, to start, what topic would you like to talk about?" he asked as he started munching his sandwich
"anything" I gladly replied
"oh, let's see, " he said as he acted like he was thinking
"I know" he said and swallowed his food
"what school did you came from?" he asked
School
Memories seemed to rush through me like waves
What fuckin' school did I came from?
I came from a school like hell
I was bullied there, stepped on and belittled by the once who doesn't even know how to measure their capability of thinking properly
Just last school year I was forced to stop schooling, it was when I couldn't take any longer
Enough has been enough
They've told me a lot of things, that somehow managed to get through my walls slowly making me believe they were true
And so I stopped schooling
"hey?!" he slightly shouted, and I slipped into reality
"oh, I stopped schooling last year" I sadly said
"oh, why?" he asked
Guessed he noticed me breathing so deep
"look if it's too personal I won't have to force you" he seriously said
"oh no I'll have to let this go though, just promise me this stays between us" I said sternly
I guess it's what I needed. Since I didn't told my parents about it
I just told them I'm so pressured, and I wanted to rest for a while, in which they supported
Or they simply never cared, since they're busy with nothing but business
So I told him everything, in which he listened
"so, I guess that's all I've got" I said after I've told
"some just don't see true beauty that are sometimes hidden behind nerdy glasses" he said sincerely
It sent happy cells to my brain and made me smile
He smiled as well and continued,
"but I do and I see it in you" he smiled again, and I nearly died at what he said
So this what it feels like having butterflies in stomach?
"we've gotta get back to class" he said smiling and offering his hand
"oh yeah right" I said
So that was the first time, and it went on and on and on
I started to feel so comfortable with him
We shared partner works, snacks, and lunch
People often mistaken us as couples though
"hey tee" he said, casually one morning
"hey" I answered back, and then focused into the book I was trying to finish
I noticed he was so silent
"hey" I waved at him, he seem to get back to reality
"yeah" he said, still looking away
"Something bothering you?" I asked
"nope, it's nothing " he answered
He said it's nothing
Is he even fooling me, I've known him too well.
"no , you're not," I said closing my book.
"spill it I'll listen, I swear" I said waiting for him to spill it
He thought for a while
"okay" he bagan
"my parents wants me wed" he said
"and?" I mean I see no problem with that
"and what? " he said unbelievably, staring at me
"look tee I don't like her, and besides I never wanted to marry for money"
"oh, why don't you ask them? To cancel the marriage since you never wanted it at all?"
"believe me I did that a million times and never did they listen" he said anger in his voice was clearly evident
"so, what are you going to do?"
"I don't know" he simply said
"I know you do, I know you, I know how your brain works" I said in-a-matter-of-fact tone
He playfully smiled
"you know me too well don't you?" he said
"I do"
"what!? Why does it have to be me? I mean why me?" I asked
He told me about his plan, he plans to tell his parents that were engaged since we also have a great business, he said his parents will surely accept his offer, since it's the money they are after for. Then we'll have a divorce after 3 years or so.
"Because you're the only person I'm close with. And besides, people mistaken us as couples so... yeah I guess you get my point don't you?" he said
"I do get your point" I said and thought about the whole idea.
I knew deep deep inside me this was too risky, what if this feeling I have inside grows til one day I wake up realizing I can't let him go and besides I wouldn't like to ruin our friendship.
"I know it's too risky and it might affect our friendship, but I swear it won't I promise, just please help me" he said, he really could read me like an open book
I sighed
"okay" I know something might happen, but he's got no one now.
"really? thank you! Tee thank you so much" he said and hugged me so tight.
"uhm... can't breathe here?" I said
"oh sorry" he said
So we did the plan he introduced me to his parents
"mom, dad? This is tee the woman I love and the woman I want to marry" he said like it was true
I just really hope it is, I hope he love me too
I just hope he love me the way I loved him
Till now, the way he looked at me that night is still vivid in my memory.
He looked at me like he was so into me, like all of it was real, and like he really loved me more than a friend.
Honestly, I almost believed in all of it, but I kept reminding myself this was just a mere act.
And that I shouldn't involve any feelings here, or else I'll end up losing everything and gaining nothing but pain.
"So when shall we meet your parents dear?" his mom said.
We've planned everything so well; I even made my parents believe I was engaged with him, to which they agreed, knowing he was wealthy.
"Surely a week after now tita" I said smiling.
"Oh dear you need not to call me that, call me mom." She said slightly laughing
"Yes mom"
"What are your parents name again ija?" now his dad asked
"My mom's Rose Ramirez, and my dad's Ro..." I paused so suddenly, having noticed the way his mom's face looked like.
"Is there anything wrong in what I said mom?" I asked politely.
Shock is evident in her face so as in Tito's
"Is your dad Roberto Ramirez III" she asked liked there was some kind of history that happened between them and my parents.
"Y.Yes mom" I stuttered, my heart raced so fast It felt like bursting at any moment.
Good thing he held my hand so tight like he was trying to tell me he was going to be there no matter what happens.
"mom , dad, is there anything wrong?" he asked.
"Yes " his mom said sternly
"What mom? Is there anything I should know?" he asked
"This whole thing is wrong." She said
He was obviously confused, startled and shocked so was I
"w.why ?" he stuttered at his question
"if not because of your mom I wouldn't lost my other child" she said looking at me
Leaving me shocked
What? How? Why?
How could mom be connected to his family?
How could she be the reason?
How could it be possible I've never heard anything about this?
Though I wanted to ask a lot of questions, nothing seem to become words and come out of my mouth , It seemed like I was running out words.
No, rather, I was losing voice
"If your mom didn't have an affair with my husband I wouldn't have lost my child."
"what? Mom this is impossible." Keithe said, looking at his dad, like he was asking for help.
But his dad just hung his head, like he knew the whole thing and regretted it.
"it is, I, I lost your brother because of her mom " she said as tears rapidly fell down her face.
"b.but how? W.why?" again Keithe asked.
"that isn't important now, what is important is that we stop this foolishness"
She said like she was telling Keithe to leave me
"n.no mom. We've got nothing to do to whatsoever happened before " he said sternly
"But her mom killed you brother!" she shouted
Hearing that swirled again the anger inside me I've been keeping for years against my mom
For years I've hated her, for countless times I've found her with another man
But all I did was lock myself up inside my room, because I knew dad would never listen to me.
He was too blinded by the fact that he loves mom
I once tried telling him but he never listened he even cursed me for saying those 'lies' as he would put it up
But deep inside me I knew all I said was real, that all of it I saw with my bear eyes.
I felt like I was drowning with my own emotions, and that I couldn't hold It any longer.
And so I let go of his hands and ran.
He followed me
I even heard his mom called him
But he continued to run after me
I stopped out of nowhere and found myself in a dark alley on my left was just an abandoned lot,
Actually it was a park before. And then the government officials decided to transfer it, leaving the lot unattended.
I sat on an old bench, and covered my face with my hands
I don't know what to do now.
Now that I've learned mom was not only a woman involved with so many man, mom was also a killer
She was a ruthless woman.
Never did I understood her
She said she never loved dad, for they were only arranged.
But that doesn't give her enough reason to do this.
I felt his presence as he sat beside me
He hugged me and I just couldn't stop myself from also hugging him tightly. I cried
And even though he spoke no words to me,
I could feel that he comforted me with such silence
I never knew silence could be this loud, silence could be this beautiful
For hours the tears never stopped falling from my eyes.
Was I really fated to be in such rich family?
People say I was damn lucky to have such
But I never did considered it as a good thing
My family is literally a broken one.
It may seem to be so happy on the outside, on the spotlight
But truth is, it is deeply shattered on the inside.
It was hopeless, my family was hopeless
And no one know it except us
Though my parents, never accepted that fact among themselves
I eventually stopped thinking and tears eventually stopped falling.
It was as if my mind understood I could never hold such pain inside me
All I did was stare blankly at nowhere, feeling his hands on my head.
I knew he wasn't asleep
"tee?" he finally broke the silence
"hmm?" I answered weakly
"All that I've said tonight... it was all... real" he said
I was too occupied, to understand what he just said
"what do you mean?" I said tilting my head.
"the things I've said out there, that you're the one i...love. The one I want to marry, it. It was all real." He said
He left me shocked
"I want to marry you Tee. I want to grow old with you."
He said and lifted my head, our gaze met.
"the moment I saw you I knew you were the one. I wanted to be your boyfriend, but it turns out we became only best friends. Because every time I try to to tell you how I feel, I loose strength. " he explained
I never answered; it was like all that he said never settled in.
"i...I'd understand if..." he started talking but I interrupted him
"I love you too Keithe. I always have" I said smiling
And though no words was spoken, we both knew what we want
We kissed
His lips touched mine, he was so gentle it was like he was full of passion.
Everything suddenly slipped away.
Like none of it ever matter
Like the world was only me and him and no more.
We never knew how long was that. We stopped the moment we found ourselves grasping for air, still we smiled.
"be mine" he whispered. And it sent chills on my spine.
"I do" I said smiling.
Now I will never care about anyone else except myself
For once I want to be selfish
For once I want to have something I've always wanted
"if only we are in a different situation..." I blurted out
"I don't care now about what others has to say" he said seriously
"so as I" I said
Now it's final
It's us against the world
"you've gotta hold on real tight it'll be a great storm we'll be going through"
He said as we were staring at the stars
"I will. I will never let go" I said
"and I will never let you go" he replied
"iloveyou" he said
"iloveyoumore"
"iloveyou the most"
"iloveyou to the moon and back"
"iloveyou to the sun and back"
"iloveyou more than the sun loves the moon"
"iloveyou more than life loves death" he said
"i..." I was about to says something but he zipped my mouth with a kiss
That was the worst yet the best night I've ever had
"miss? Uhmm the papers?" my professor said
"oh sorry sir" I said
It's been five years since fate decided to tear us apart and bring us away from each other
I've never heard of him since then, my mom said he was already married. I never believed her
I haven't forgiven her. I told her everything, and as usual she fed my father up with her pathetic lies.
She tried to do the same to me but I wasn't stupid enough to believe her
Now I'm currently studying Business Management
"seems like you're too drowned in your thoughts miss Ramirez" he said
"I'm sorry sir " I said and hung my head
"loosen up, I was just messing around" he said and smiled
I smiled a bit. And shrugged
Actually I never wanted this course
But mom and dad wanted it
And left me with no choice but to take it
Given the condition they leave me here... Alone
In which they agreed
Since they never really cared
And luckily I survived. So this year I'll be graduating
I never thought I could stand this long
In the recent last five years, I never have opened my heart to love again
For... For I have already given it to someone
To him. To Keithe
Though I don't know if til now he has kept it
"hey!" Anne waved her hands in front of me.
She's my bestfriend/cousin
Since I told my parents the only condition I have (leave me alone)
They told me to have at least a companion. And so they chose her, and also supported her studies.
"thinking about him again huh?" she asked. Course she knows everything
"look Tee I know I know and I believed he hasn't forgotten about you just yet. But let it go for a while"
"what do you mean?" I asked
"have fun a little. I mean look at you when was the last time you've pampered yourself?" she asked
And then I remembered. The time he took me to the salon to get a haircut. That was the before they took him away from.
"before that day" I said
"oh. sorry" she said, I could say she noticed how I reacted
"it's fine. I need to rest" I said and went upstairs
I locked my room and closed all the lights.
Now here I am sitting in my bed watching the moonlight.
Anne seems to be right.
It's been years, since he left it felt like I left too.
I never cared about anything else, Yes I never even cared about myself.
I've forgotten how to live.
I think I must try to live a little.
I must take care of myself as I wait for him.
And so I decided to take a bath.
From this day I promise I'll take care of myself
For him. When the day comes, when he comes back.
He'll see me all well
I dipped my body into a milk bath
I felt so good. It's been years since I last felt this.
After takin a bath, I sat in front of my boudoir
I stared at my reflection
I must say I missed myself
I've grown skinny and pale though
I brushed my hair
And went to sleep. I decided tomorrow I'll pamper myself up.
TO BE CONTINUED