K A S H M E RE
I woke up and did my usual weekday routine. After getting myself ready for the day I then did the same with Kaliyah. She was spending the day at her grandma's so I was going to go into work alone. Once we were both dressed and fed I drove to Ms. Sheila's and dropped her off then headed to my building. Since I didn't have a class until later on I showed up around 11.
When I walked in my office I was greeted by a large bouquet of red roses in a crystal vase. I inspected them, and found a card that simply read SEE YOU SOON, there was no name or nothing to identify who sent them or where they came from.
I walked out of my office with the card in hand and ran into Judy, one of my employees who instructed yoga classes.
"Hey, do you know where the flowers in my office came from?"
"Yeah. When me and Braeden got here a delivery guy showed up and said they were for you. There beautiful, who are they from.
"I'm not sure actually," I looked down at the message on the card. I doubt that it was August plus it wasn't his handwriting and I doubted that it was Dominic either but I could of been wrong.
"Hey Braeden greeted coming from the back after one of his classes dismissed.
"Hi," I smiled at him.
"So what are we talking about," he asked.
"She's trying to figure out who the flowers are from," Judy informed him.
"My guess is your baby daddy since you and Dominic are done."
"I don't think so," I shook my head.
"Maybe you have a secret admirer," Judy looked more excited about the possibility than me, "It's lunch time, we should all go out and get our palms read."
Judy was very eccentric and superstitious. She believed in psychic's and always talked about how her grandma was one. I wasn't a believer in none of it, I didn't understand how a women looking into a crystal ball could tell me what my future held.
"Yes we should," Braeden shrugged, "We don't have to be back here for another hour and a half, "I went with her last week and I can't lie, the women was on point."
"Since when did you believe in any of that stuff?"
"Since I went and she knew stuff about me that no one else knew. I thought that I was being punk'd."
"You should come, just give it a try," Judy said and they both looked at me and I didn't want to be a downer so I agreed.
After we left the shop and got some food and then we ended up at the shop. From the outside the place looked like nothing special and inside I was expecting dark colors, candles and incense but instead I was greeted by the complete opposite.
The women behind the counter greeted us and greeted Judy by name.
"Back for another reading so soon," she asked Judy.
"No actually," Judy motioned me over and I made my way over, "This is her first time, she wants it all, palm and tarrot cards."
I looked at Judy and she smiled at me.
"Excellent," the women behind the desk smiled, "I'm Shanice, welcome."
I simply smiled at her wondering what was next.
"Let me guess, your skeptical," she looked at me.
"She is but I told her Madam Rue is going to change all that," Judy answered for me.
"That she will," Shanice smiled.
-
Five short minutes later I was in a back room sitting at a small wooden table looking around the room. It was a burgundy and had incents burning and weird types of pictures and décor all over the room. This was some voodoo, Louisiana type shit. It wasn't long before an older women came in and addressed herself as Ms. Rue. She was dressed in a multi patterned dress and had a shawl thrown over her shoulders.
"Hello," she greeted me and from her accent I knew that I was spot on about the Louisiana thing.
"Hi, I'm Kashmere."
She smiled at me and then sat in the chair across from me and wasted no time picking up my left hand and turning it over looking over my palm. She stared at it intently before speaking.
"The heart line," she explained, "Your selfless when it comes to love. Put your partner before yourself and I'm guessing that's led to emotional trauma. You've been hurt or let down."
It wasn't a question and instead of waiting on a reply or even looking up at me she continued studying my palm.
"Your creative but I know that. You dance correct," she finally looked up at me.
"Yes."
"I already knew that bit from Judy," she informed me and looked back down at my palm and paused, "Vitality, your full of energy and tough. Strong yet cautious. You have a problem with opening up with people. Trusting people."
I nodded, everything so far I couldn't disagree with. She looked over my hand flipped it over a couple of times, "Creative, perceptive. You can be emotional, often moody. Your social when you have to be but you prefer to stay in then go out."
I nodded my head again not having a problem with anything she said but I was a bit thrown off at how right she was about everything. It was like she read me like a book. She let go of my hand and then grabbed a stack of cards in the corner of the table and held them out to me.
"Shuffle."
I hesitantly grabbed the deck of cards from her hands and began to shuffle them. They were large cards so it was kind of hard but I managed.
"Now think of a question, any question but don't say it aloud just think and the cards will answer."
I thought about it an of course I thought of my love life, or my lack of as of late.
"Do you have a question in mind?"
I nodded.
"Now cut the cards."
I thought about my question and did as she asked sitting the deck of cards down on the table. She took them over to her and started to arrange them out on the table. She then asked me to choose a card from each position that she spread out and I did.
First one I picked was a person tied up and blindfolded surrounded by swords. I sat it down in front of me and she nodded.
"Past. Eight of Swords...you recently felt trapped and alone. Something or someone was keeping you down, keeping you from moving or so you thought. Look at the card."
I looked down at it, it was kind of creepy, shit all of this was suddenly starting to creep me out.
"The women is tied up, blindfolded but her feet are not. Neither are the swords blocking her path. You were free to go all along but you gave your oppressor to much power. You gave away your power."
She motioned for me to flip another card and I did and sat it down. This card was two people surrounded by vases it seemed like with them exchanging one.
"Present. Six of Cups. You may have encountered a past friend or lover recently that you haven't seen in many years. The child holding the cup indicates that this meeting was positive in nature. The home in the background represents you value your family, your home. Both are very important to you."
She motioned for me to flip another cared and I was so creeped out by the last one and what she said that I hesitated before doing so. I grabbed another card and flipped it and sat it down.
It was a picture of a sun with a face and dogs looked up at it, they were on land but surrounded by water. This pictures were confusing as hell.
"Your future, The Moon," she looked up at me and back down at the picture, "It indicates a time will come where things will not be as what they seem. Deception is what is indicated, by one's self or by someone else. You should be cautious, extremely cautious when dealing with others. Information will come to you, whether it is told or even by dreams or possibly even visions. Accepting it and dealing with it will bring you peace, denying it will only cause you more harm than good."
I thought I was creeped out before but that was nothing to how I felt now. I wanted to ask her what that even meant but apart of me didn't even want to know.
She told me to gather the cards up as she set my three aside and then told me to shuffle and flip the cards over. When I did that she told me to take the one off the top and place it down in front of him. I did and now I was staring at a card with a heart on it with three swords going through it.
"Three Swords. Represents unexpected pain, turmoil, heartbreak, betrayal, loss, separation and grief. Be prepared for what's to come. You will hurt psychically as well as emotionally but the pain will only motivate you. You will go through challenges but each one will help you grow stronger. The pain will cloud your mind, your spirit for a time. You have strength and courage to conquer any pain that comes your way. You will sacrifice a lot, you will feel broken and you may have to make some tough choices. Life may seem meaningless at that time but you will overcome. It will take time, forgiveness, and self love but you will get through it. You have love, support, someone to talk to and confide in. Someone who loved you and knows you more than you know yourself. You also have someone who motivates you, someone who you look out for, someone who gives you a reason to fight above anyone else."
By the time I walked out of there I didn't really know what to think. I was silent for the whole ride back and I'm sure Judy and Braeden noticed but they didn't comment or ask me what was said during my reading.
After my class August called me up and told me about his and Liyah's plans for dinner and he insisted that I come out with the both of them and Liyah was pleading in the background. So after I got home I dressed in something simple and waited for August and her to pick me up.
The last place I expected to go to dinner was Chuck e Cheese but Liyah was so excited and wanted to skip to the games but I told her she had to eat first. Once she was done eating she was begging and whining and August got up with her and took her to go and play while I sat and relaxed. Every so often I would spot the two of them laughing and having fun and I would smile and wave.
It didn't take long before Liyah ran over with a wide smile on her face.
"Come mommy," she tugged on my arm.
From then on I was roped into playing almost every game inside the place. I was having fun with the both of them and felt like a big kid. August was keeping me entertained and I guess after the past two years I forgot how fun I used to have with him. Slowly but surely he was redeeming himself in my eyes and a part of me was scared because I was starting to see that cocky but lovable guy that I fell in love with.
We stood side by side as Kaliyah played in the ball pit and I snapped a few pictures of her.
"So how's work," he asked.
I shrugged, "Good. Not really much to tell but business is doing well."
Out of the corner of my eye I seen him nod his head and I didn't really know what to say. It was funny because we used to stay up talking about any and everything and now things were a bit awkward.
"Did you send me flowers," I asked almost forgetting about the big bouqet that was still in my office and on my desk.
"Flowers," he looked confused and I knew that he had no clue what I was talking about so I decided to change the subject.
"It's raining super hard outside," I looked outside. It was dark out but under the light of the street lamps you could see that the rain was pouring down.
"And they bout to close soon," August added.
I looked at Kaliyah who was oblivious to it all and looked at August with a arm full of tickets.
"You should take her to go cash in her tickets now before everyone else decides to do the same," I recommended.
"True," he nodded.
"While you do that I can go and bring the car around," I smiled at him knowing how he was with his cars.
"Nah," he started shaking his head.
"What do you mean nah?"
"Nah if you think I'm just gonna hand my keys over to you."
"And why not? You act like I'm asking you to borrow it, all I'm doing is bringing it around to the front."
"I just got a fresh paint job and-"
"Just give me the keys," I held my hand out not wanting to hear about his paint job or whatever else he was telling me.
He chuckled, "They in my pocket, you want 'em you gon' have to dig em out, my hand are full."
I rolled my eyes at his antics but patted down both his pockets. I started to be petty and graze my hand over his crotch but decided to keep things PG. I found the pocket that contained his keys I reached in and pulled them out.
"C'mon Liyah," August called her out the pit and I watched as August helped her out.
"Where we going," she asked.
"To go get some prizes," I smiled at her and she smiled. I walked with them over to where the ticket exchange. Kaliyah looked at all the different things and she was pointing at all the things that she wanted.
Once it was Liyah's turn we had about 450 tickets and so she started picking the different things that she wanted.
"I'm going to go get the car," I told August.
"Aight," I started to walk off, "And turn on the heat."
"Okay," I nodded.
"And don't touch my radio," he called out again and I turned back giving him a look. He just smiled while I rolled my eyes. I put on my coat, zipped it up and put my hood on before I ran outside. I hurried across the street to where his truck was parked. Before I reached it I hit the push to start button and sighed. I needed one of these for myself.
A U G U S T
Once Liyah got done picking out all the stuff her tickets could get her the girl behind the counter handed me over the bag with all the stuff that Kaliyah picked out. I grabbed her hand and we walked over to the front. She was to busy staring in the bag at all of the stuff she had picked out.
She reached in it and pulled out a piece of candy.
"Nah, it's late you know ya momma don't like you havin' candy this late," I reminded her. She looked up at me with a pout on her face.
"Just one, please?"
I sighed, "Fine but if ya momma find out don't say it was me."
She smiled and wasted no time unwrapping the candy and putting it in her mouth.
I smiled and bent down to her level so I could button up her coat and fix her hat and hood on her head. Once she was bundled up we walked over to the front and I looked out just as Kash pulled up to the curb.
"C'mon," I reached down and picked her up.
A few minutes into the ride and Liyah was knocked out in her car seat. The only thing you could hear was the sounds from outside and the rain and the radio. I glanced a few times I glanced at Kash and she was looking out the window.
I wanted to talk to her but apart of me didn't know what to say so I decided to not say anything and let music do the talking for me. I grabbed my phone and found the song I was looking for and once it was connected to the Bluetooth in my car I pressed play.
This what happen when I think about you
I get in my feelings, yeah
I start reminiscing, yeah
Next time around, fuck I want it to be different, yeah
Waiting on a sign, guess it's time for a different prayer
Lord please save her for me, do this one favor for me
I had to change my play of ways got way to complicated for me
I hope she's waiting for me
Everywhere she go, they playin' my song
That's why I say the things that I say that way I know you can't ignore me
I heard this song on the radio one day and it was like he was describing how I felt about Kash to the T. I looked over at Kash who was sideyeing me like 'really?' I ignored her and continued singing along.
So gimme all of you in exchange for me
Just give me all of you in exchange for me, for me
"That was cute," she laughed, "So I take it that little performance was supposed to be for me?"
"You could say that."
"My turn," she snatched up my phone and unlocked it without me having to tell her what it was. It had been Kaliyah's birthday ever since she was a few months old. She was messing around for a few minutes until music started to come through the speakers. I didn't recognize the song so I simply sat back and listened to the lyrics.
He trying to roll me up, I ain't picking up
Headed to the club, I ain't thinking 'bout you
Me and my ladies sip my D'USSÉ cup
I don't give a what, chucking my deuces up
Suck on my ---, pause, I had enough
I ain't thinking 'bout you
I ain't thinking 'bout
------- fingers up, put them hands high
Wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye
Tell him, boy, bye, ------fingers up
"I aint thinking bout you," Kash sung along and pointed at me while flipping her hair and dancing in her seat.
Sorry, I ain't sorry
I ain't thinking 'bout you
I ain't thinking 'bout you
Sorry, I ain't sorry
I ain't thinking 'bout you
I ain't thinking 'bout you
She continued singing along and I didn't even know Kaliyah woke back up until she made her presence known by singing along to. I looked in the rear view at her while she sang along and moved her hands around. "Boy bye," she waved her hand around and danced in her car seat and I looked back at Kash who was smiling at her in approval while still singing and dancing in her seat to and reached out to turn up the radio and continued acting out the song.
Looking at my watch, he shoulda been home
Today I regret the night I put that ring on
He always got them flipping excuses
I pray to the Lord you reveal what his truth is
I left a note in the hallway
By the time you read it, I'll be far away
I'm far away
But I ain't messing with nobody
Let's have a toast to the good life
Suicide before you see this tear fall down my eyes
Me and my baby, we gon' be alright
We gon' live a good life
Big homie better grow up
Me and my whoadies 'bout to stroll up
I see them boppers in the corner
They sneaking out the back door
He only want me when I'm not there
He better call Becky with the good hair
Kaliyah started clapping when the song was over and Kash reached in the back seat and high fived her and then looked at me. I didn't know if she played the song because she was serious or if she was playing around but I hoped she was just playing.
Once we got back to her place I parked and helped Kaliyah out the car and held her hand while she still hummed the song from earlier. Kash led the way and once she opened up the door I got Kaliyah ready for bed which took longer than usually cause now she was riled up. Once she was out I walked out her room and Kash was in the living room looking over bills.
"You need some cash?"
She looked up at me and frowned, "The last thing I need is money."
"You looking at me like I'm crazy. Most niggas out there would be paying child support."
"You do what you have to do for Kaliyah so there's no need. You focus on being a good dad and spending all the time you can with her and I'll worry about my bills."
She stood up from the couch and walked me to the front door. Before she could open it I looked down at her before licking my lips.
"Did I tell you how good you look tonight?"
She smiled and crossed her arms over her chest, "No."
"Well you do."
"Thank you but whatever your trying to do isn't going to work so you can stop looking at me and you can stop licking your lips."
"What," I played it off, "I wasn't doing nothing."
"Sure you weren't August."
"But on the real, you seriously want me to leave?"
"Yes I do. If your horny then I suggest you call up that odd bodied little chihuahua of yours because-"
"I ain't just interested in sex. You know I love you so I don't even know why you keep pushing me away."
"I'm not pushing you away," she opened up the door and started pushing me out proving my point even more.
"Are you ever going to forgive me," I asked her when I was on the outside of the door.
"I forgave you but I haven't forgotten anything you said or did. This isn't about what you've done in the past this is about what your doing right now, in the present. Your not keeping up your end of things."
"How am I not?"
"Are you out of the game yet?"
I scratched the back of my neck, "I mean not yet but-"
"No buts. If you want another chance then I told you I need to see actions. And I advise you get on your grind because If you think I'm going to wait around for you to get your act right then you thought wrong. Until your ready to be a man, the kind of man that I need then we don't have anything further to discuss. Goodnight August."
With that said she closed the door in my face.
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**Songs are Bryson Tillers Exchange and Beyonce's Sorry as I'm sure all of you know. I had to edit out the curse words in Lemonade because Kaliyah was in the car, lol.