Hey guys,
This is just a little thing to explain why I haven't been updated a lot or why I have been putting in such sloppy effort for my stories.
So... I'm not having the best moment in my life right now. It's been a bit of a rocky road for me this past month or so. I'm not sure how to explain it but I've just been in a really sad mood lately. And there is a reason for that...
I've never been the most popular person amongst my group or friends. Sure, they seem to enjoy my presence but, they aren't treating me like a real friend. They're always going places without me, they offer me to go but they know I have things to do. Then, every single fucking day, I have to hear about a funny moment that I wasn't invited to experience... They always say to me, "You should've cane with us."
Its not that simple. I have after school and my after school runs from Monday through Thursday. I always create Fridays as a specific day I get to hang out. They always invite me when they know I can't go and they pay no mind when I feel lonely when they leave me.
I probably sound like a little kid complaining about petty little problems but it's means for than just a little problem for me.
This has happened my whole life. Every single group of friends th at I've had have left me out of things. They told secrets to each other but then when it came to me hearing the secret they would never tell me.
I'm always meant to be a happy fucking bright person and bring other people up when people never bring me up!
They always come I'm braging about how much fun they've had, it just seems like they're saying, "We had so much fun without you." and then when I do go to the park with them I'm always the one who never knows whats going on or who certain people are.
This issue has caused me to hate myself as a person and to always think I'm doing something wrong. I always feel like I'm the one doing something wrong, so I change... I change for people who don't even give a damn about me and who have the best moments when I'm not around.
This all has caused me to relapse... I relapsed on self harm, I was clean for about four months but then this all happens. I ruined it all. And then next I need to hear my parents fight and everyone I'm my family argue at home.
There is so much stuff going on in my life that people pay no mind to... People treat me like I mean nothing to them! I'm always the one to bring everyone up and then I get hit with this bullshit. It's not fair sometimes. It's really not.
So, I'm sorry that was a bit of a rant, and I'm sorry if there are some mistakes in this but I just needed to let that all out. I'm not meant to sound like a little bitch crying over some bullshit but that's probably what I sound like. Anyway, if I'm slow on updating this is why and if Im putting sloppy effort into these chapters, trust me, I'll get around to being more happy. I'm working on everything right now.
There's a new update coming soon, I'll probably publish it tonight but, yeah... Thanks for reading this story, it means a whole lot to me you guys are honestly the best :)
~Alex/Tatiana