I was on the couch watching TV replaying everything again in my head. Keri's been texting me nonstop since last night, it's quite aggravating. I still can't believe him. How can he say he's trying to win me back and still go out and cheat. I'm just glad that nice man was there to help me.
Phone Rings
"Keri stop calling me,"I answered.
"Open your door,"he said.
"No,"I said.
"Please,"he said.
"Fine,"I said getting up and walking to the front door.
"Hey,"he said holding chocolates and a bouquet of flowers with a I'm sorry please forgive me card,"Can I come in?"
I rolled my eyes and stepped to the side letting him in.
"You look beautiful,"he smiled.
"What do you want?"I asked.
"Well I was thinking you, but I can take Bentley if you want me to,"he said picking my dog up.
"Look I really don't have time for your games,"I rolled my eyes.
"Toni baby I love you and I'm sorry I hurt you I was being foolish, but I know that I need you in my life you mean the world to me,"he said.
"You cheated on me more than once,"I admitted,"How can you say you love me and still cheat?"
"Same way a man can love God and still sin, it's a working progress baby I'm working on it,"he said.
"Don't bring God into this please,"I said.
"Do you love me?"he asked.
"I did,"I said.
"Well I love you,"he said grabbing my waist.
I put my head down and one little tear slipped my eye. It wasn't because I was hurt, but because I'm still in love with this jerk. He lifted my chin up and stared me in my eyes before kissing my lips. He kissed me so softly and sensually I wanted to believe him. I opened my mouth allowing his tongue to slip through my mouth. It felt nice but I wanted to stop.
"Keri,"I started.
"Shhhhh,"he said kissing me once again.
He wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled me closer as we shared a very passionate kiss. He backed me up into the kitchen swiftly lifting me up on the counter rubbing my thighs. He took his jacket off and tossed it to the side. He placed my hands under his shirt as my palms grazed over his semisolid six pack abs. He began licking my neck pulling me to the edge roughly tugging at my hair, grunting in my ear as he nibbled at it. I must admit as much as I didn't want to, I moaned. Oooing and Ahhing with every kiss. I actually love this man and my love might be the only reason my body is allowing this to happen.
"Ker-ahhhh,"I moaned as he loosened the tie on my joggers,"Keri."
"Mmm yes call my name baby all you want,"He said taking his shirt off and sliding my pants down a little.
"No, Keri stop please,"I begged even though it felt so good.
"I don't want to lose you again,"he said kissing my lips,"I'm in love with you."
"Mmm,"I moaned enjoying his constant begging,"Mmm baby listen mmm this can't and probably will never work out for me, I do love you, but I can't stand the rain when all you ever brought me were black fog and cloudy skies Keri..... It's time for me to chase the sun and find happiness."
"You were supposed to be my wife, we were supposed to be chasing kids by now T, I know I fucked up uber bad, but I'm going to stop for real this time,"he pleaded,"You're my main focus now."
"Keri please just stop and move okay,"I said hopping down pulling my pants up,"I think it's time for you to go."
"You're really serious about this huh?"he asked grabbing his shirt.
"Don't,"I started,"Please cut the bullshit Keri...When are you going to realize? I loved you and wanted everything with you, but it's not all about you cheating on me because the truth of the matter is that you didn't just cheat on me, you did far more than just broke my heart...You messed it up for the both us. YOU ruined our future and I'm tired of getting hurt by you. You don't love me Keri you love yourself because people who love each other, a MAN who loves his woman doesn't destroy her and all that she stood for to make sure her relationship worked out or her man was taken care of and her love was strong. That's why I'm serious about this. I don't want this and I don't want you. Not anymore so get out...!!!"
"Baby,"he started.
"Move Keri,"I said pushing him aside before he grabbed my shoulders.
"NO LISTEN TO ME!"he said shaking me scaring me,"Okay, I'm so sorry that I hurt you baby please just forgive me and give me another chance, I really do love and care about you."
He got on his knees and held my waist against his face softly sobbing and begging me to take him back, but I wasn't having it.
"Baby, please,"I said watching as he looked at me reminding me why this is over,"Get the fuck off of me."
I pushed him off and walked to my front door grabbing his gifts
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"I yelled throwing his sorry ass gifts out the door.
"T,"he started.
"Get out of my house now before I call the police,"I said calmly as he grabbed his belongings.
"You know what, maybe you are right,"he smirked,"I did all I could to make you satisfied for years, I actually saw something for us and I was stupid. Probably why I did kept cheating on your ass...because you wasn't enough and guess what I only came for a quick fuck anyway, but since you not handing out the pussy like you used to I guess I should just leave."
He walked out of my house and slammed my door. As soon as I seen him drive off I fell to the floor crying.
I Hate Him So Much! I don't even know how or why I fell in love with him. He used to be so sweet and loving not to say he isn't he's just sex blinded. I used to do everything for him,please his every need sexually but it was never enough....I was never enough.
_________________________________
Phone rings
"Hello,"I answered sniffing a bit.
"Hey baby,"I heard my Mommy say.
"Hey Mommy,"I said trying to sound happy,"Umm how are you?"
"I'm fine baby what's going with you?"she asked.
"Nothing much really,"I said.
"Where's Keri?"she asked.
"Ummm he just left actually,"I said a bit annoyed.
"What's wrong baby you don't sound too good?"she asked.
"I just been um sick a lot lately,"I lied afraid to tell her the truth about Keri and I.
"You sure?"she asked obviously not believing a word.
"Yea,"I said,"So what's up?"
"Well I called to not only see how you were doing but I really wanted to see whether you're coming to your father's birthday bash?"she asked.
"Yea of course,"I said,"I should be free then."
"You better be, you know he'd be happy to see his only daughter witness him turning 60,"she said.
"I will make it Mommy I promise,"I said.
"Alrighty then,"she said,"I guess I'll chit chat with you later baby."
"Okay then Mommy love you tell Daddy I love him too,"I said.
"I will,"she said,"Bye."
"Mommy you know I don't like that word,"I said,"It's talk to you later."
"Whatever you say sweetie,"she said before hanging up.
I put my phone down on the table and decided to cook me something. Sometimes I hate being alone. It gets boring sometimes especially when you're so used to this lifestyle. I have no siblings no children no husband no anything and the one person I thought I knew I had just proved to me that he never gave a damn about me in the first place. He took me for granted and played me like a violin and I let him because I'm so used to being alone and I never had a love and he made me believe feeling this way was apart of life. It's apart of love and sometimes "love" has it's ups and downs but there's never a clarification of what the downs may be. I done went down too deep. Everyday I'm waiting for the rain or maybe a tree limb to fall down thinking that one day I could maybe climb or float or swim my way out of this hole I've been stuck in too long. My downs. I just want to feel great one day. I want to feel free and unbothered. I want to feel..... I don't even know exactly what I want to feel, but I know I don't want this. Not anymore.