Dedicating this chapter to the person who inspired me but will never know.
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Josh.
Josh Stone.
I breathed in heavily, as if trying to take in his scent through the phone. Josh and I went way back. He used to be my neighbour. I remember little five-year old Josh stumbling into our garden, his blond hair messed up over his blue eyes, green and white striped tee covered in dirt and jeans torn at places. I giggled away as I realised the sand trap I made in the garden gave way to him. "It's not funny!", he frowned at me as he flicked away specks of dirt.
I lalala-ed around him, teasing, "Joshie is a cry baby, Joshie is a cry baby!!" He got up and shoved some dirt at me and hence followed a rather very messy fight. My mom had to separate us before we turned into clay pieces like those at Mohenjodaro.
We were the best of friends, and we did almost everything together. The whole neighbourhood called us the Meanie Beanies because we were always upto something mischievous, be it stealing oranges from Mrs. Tilly's garden, or breaking window glasses when we played cricket or ringing random doorbells and running away.
I think we were about twelve when his smile didn't provoke me to punch his teeth off anymore. Instead it gave me butterflies. I realised that I liked him a bit more than just a friend. I dreamt about him all day and when we spent time together, I would cherish every moment.
At school, we were in different classes so we didn't talk that much. I noticed his growing friendship with this girl, Celine, who wasn't the I'm-a-bimbo type. She was really nice, and I was glad it was her he was friends with.
She would laugh flirtatiously at everything he said and flutter her eyes when he smiled back. Oh god, how I wished to scoop those eyes out. There wasn't any particular reason for hating her, except that she was stealing my Josh.
Oh, right.
He was never mine to begin with.
A beautiful evening it was on the roof when he disclosed that he asked Celine out and she said yes.
I broke inside, my heart shattered into pieces. "I'm so happy for you!", I said, holding back tears and cuss words. I hugged him tight and lied through my teeth,"I always knew. You guys were meant to be." "You think so?", he asked, as he stroked the roof pieces,"And I was getting nervous." I eyed him,"Nervous for?". He just shook his head.
One day, we were lying on the slopy grass in the corner of my garden. I pointed at the neelakuranji [Its a type of flower] and said, "In four more years, this lil baby will bloom and there would be blue everywhere."
"How blue?", he pressed. "Blue as your eyes. Not when you're excited though, because they became a gleaming and a lighter hue of blue. But when you're calm and satisfied, your eyes become this bluish-purple colour.",I waved my finger in air, unaware of what I just blurted.
"Wow.", he said slowly,"I didn't know they were so many shades. And the fact that you noticed." That's when I realised what I said and I immediately blushed," Uh.. Yeah, well it's very hard to not notice." I heard him smile and then he sighed.
"Sophie?", he stuttered as he lay on his side, his elbows supporting his head,"I need to tell you something." I looked at him,"Yeah?"
He sighed again, "I used to be in love with you." I gaped, unable to register anything. Did I hear right? This boy was in love with a girl like me?
"Oh.", I found myself say. Is that really the best you can do,Sophie? Dumbhead.
"Well, oh what?"
"That was unexpected. I mean, me?"
He smiled,"Yeah,you. Pretty ass Sophie who's my childhood partner." I blushed, camouflaging with my red crop-top. He called me pretty! Yikeeessss!
"Why?", I asked, trying to keep the excitement away from my voice. "What why?", he squeezed his eyebrows at me. I looked away,"Well, why did you even like me? And even if you did, why didn't you ever tell me? Why now?"
"Those are a lot of Why's", he chuckled and then said in a serious tone,"Sophie, since I first saw you smile, I knew I was a goner. You were like the dream girl; cute and naughty. But I tried getting over it because I realised you were so out of my league and you would never feel the same about me."
I sat up now, cross legged,"Out of your league? Nuh uh. More like under it." It was the truth. I'm not even being modest. He caught me by my hands as he said,"No, Sophie. You're worth a lot more. You don't deserve guys like me. And I'm telling you now because well I just had to get it out, I couldn't keep it in any longer."
"Oh.", that's all my voice said. I winced at my stupidity.
"Will you please stop oh-ing?", he frowned, not breaking eye contact. I sighed. Do I tell him I used to love him too? Correction. I still love him. Madly. Do I? Love? What the heck? Since when did Sophie Hazelwood start to love?
"Well," I started," I like you too."
He pulled me up and made me face him. "What did you say?", his eyes (which were light blue now) locked on me,"Did you say you liked me too, Sophie?" I nodded slowly,"Except that, I still do." I sighed. I didn't know if it was the right thing to do. I didn't want to lose my friend. Am I even sure?
"Wha--", he paused and continued," I didn't know, Sophie. I wish I did. I am so so sorry." He looked at the ground and I watched him droop. "Hey," I caressed him," if you did, then I wouldn't be able to do this." He looked at me,"Do what?"
I smiled devilishly and pushed him off the slope. He rolled down, ahhhh-ing in the process. When he reached the ground, I kicked some dirt on him. "Sophie!", he wailed," Stop!" I guffawed as he got up and ruffled his blond hair.
He came and hugged me,"You're the bestest friend a person can have." I whispered back into his ears,"Show Celine that you're the bestest boyfriend a girl can have. Or guy." He punched me again, laughing. "Why is it that you always smell like lilies?", he breathed into my hair. "Victoria's secret", I winked. He just looked at me for a second as if I was crazy. "Victoria is this shampoo my dad used to get me. Lilies were his favourite."
His face smoothened,"You know sometimes I wish I'd met him. How much I would like to ask him what was he thinking when he picked you up at the pound." I burst out into laughter and pulled away from him,"Promise me something."
"Yeah?", he raised his eyebrows.
"Promise me you'll never forget me?" A smile etched his face as he nodded. "Cross my heart, and hope to die."
I giggled,"Burn my lungs and curse my eyes." He shook his head, smiling slowly,"Everything."
It had been two months into the relationship when Celine grew ever so jealous of the bond me and Josh shared. I noticed how uncomfortable she was when he once joked in lunch that I was so pretty even the gods were in awe. But I guess she easened when he added,"I mean dogs."
Suddenly, during one summer, he stopped talking to me properly. I used to walk up to his house and Mrs.Stone opened every single time, giving excuses such as 'He's studying' or 'He's not at home'. At first I used to believe her but then I noticed his shadow in the kitchen or his legs crossed in the sofa while his favourite show was going on. I don't think he knows, but I've seen him sneaking out of the house, as if hiding from someone and then turn around the bend and walk off normally, playing football with other guys.
Once, I decided to confront him. He was walking home, basketball in his hand. He had on a Miami Heat jersey and was slowly dragging himself across the tar road.
"Josh." I stood in front of him.
I watched as his eyes widened and he immediately looked away. "Hi.", he almost whispered. "Why are you avoiding me?", I squinted at his burly figure. "Am not.", whispering again. "Look at me." I ordered. He didn't, he just stared at the ground. "Look at me!", I screamed this time. He looked up at me, his blue eyes welling up with tears.
"My gosh, what happened?", I went closer to him. "Celine doesn't want me to talk to you anymore.", he said as he slowly backed away,"She says it's either her or you." I folded my arms,"And you chose her." He searched my face for some understanding,"Sophie, listen, come on. I really love her. I didn't want to lose her." Now my eyes were filled,"So...so eight years of our friendship is nothing to you?" He shook his head,"No, no. I don't mean that. Of course they matter. I cherish every moment of it still now."
"Then why?"
"I---"
"I what?"
"She asked me to forget about you. She knew I used to love you. She still thinks I do."
"Well, do you?'
"I don't know.", he murmured."What?", I prodded."I DONT KNOW.", he repeated loudly. "I have to forget about you now, so goodbye."
"Wha-- you're gonna break your promise over that witch?"
"Hey!", he said defensively,"She isn't bad, you know!"
"I don't care about her!", I screamed, crying now,"I only care about you. Or Atleast did." "Sophie.", he whispered, coming towards me, "I didn't mean to--" "Piss off.", I rolled my eyes. He stopped midway,"What?"
"Piss. Off.", I repeated, this time with a grave voice.
He slowly shook his head and walked away. I broke into tears, unable to hold them back.
For two more years our gaps increased, I avoided him, I didn't even look at him. When I was about fifteen, that is last year, I learned that he was shifting. I didn't bother to meet him for the last time. He knocked on my room door for hours and I didn't say a word. At last, he slipped a paper inside which said 'I'm sorry' and walked off. I sighed. I wanted to cry, but I was too angry. I called him after a week or so. I told him I would talk to him but he should know that I've still not forgiven him. He replied that he understood and he assured me that one day he would get me back but I waved him off.
"Soph, still there?", his voice snapped me back into the present. I realised I spaced out, too many memories rushing in. "Yeah, sorry. What's up?"
"Uh, nothing." I could sense that he was nervous.
I cracked some joke to lighten up the mood. Well, a joke to me because I kept teasing him that he wasn't straight.
In no time, we were gossiping, just like before. He used to do this thing on the phone when he would become totally quiet and he wouldn't reply until I said 'I hate you'. That time I used to blush, smile because I knew my heart thought otherwise. But when he did it now, all I said was "Ey you bloody bastard." I heard him laughing," Wow that was out of nowhere." I laughed back,"Yush." Sigh.
"You've changed so much, Sophie."
"I guess."
"I wish I had a chance to get to know the new you."
"Yeah."
"You know I'm not that far away right, we can still meet. I'm like ten blocks away."
"It's alright, I'd rather not."
"I broke it off with Celine."
"Whaaa??" Now that was out of nowhere.
"She's a bad influence on me. I lost so many things because of her, I lost myself and most importantly, I lost you."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm the one who should be."
"Haha."
"Are you free tonight?"
"I don't think so. I have a lot of homework."
"Tomorrow?"
"Nope. I'm meeting my friend."
"Are you avoiding me, Sophie?"
Yay, he caught me. Pff. "No...", I bit my lower lip.
"God, aren't you a bad liar. Anyways, I do not care if you're here or orbiting outer space, I'm coming to pick you up on Friday night. Alright?"
"I'll check and let--"
"Shush. I'll see ya then, Sophie. Bye!"
"Okay."
And I hung up. God. I'm so NOT excited for Friday.
After catching up on some homework, I heard the door bell ring and I ran downstairs just in time to greet our guests. A man, probably in his thirties, in a red and blue striped shirt and ripped jeans walked in first. He flashed a smile at us, and then opened the door to make way for his wife, who was this little woman wearing a flower-patterned gown. She had something in her hands, in a glass rectangular box. She came towards me,"My, my. Aren't you a beauty!" She caressed my cheek and I smiled weirdly, trying to hide the awkwardness. She handed me the box and exclaimed,"It's tiramisuuuuuu!!!!" I laughed and took it. I almost didn't notice the girl who walked in. She looked my age.
The lady pushed the girl forward,"This is my daughter,Ophelia."
I examined Ophelia. She never once did look at my face, her eyes were fixated on the ground. She had hazel-brown hair and she kept pulling her solid green long top down on her white leggings. Her mother pulled her chin up to me and said,"Come on, don't be so shy! You two can be the best of friends!" That's when I noticed her eyes. They were a strange green. She flashed a smile awkwardly. Her teeth were so...strange. I don't know.
My mom introduced us, " Sophie, this is Mr. and Mrs. Rowland. They just moved in a week ago. And this is Sophie." She nudged me forward to shake hands. "Call me Ron.", the man said, shaking my hand. The lady pulled me towards her and hugged me tight,"I'm Tammy for you. If you need anything, anything at all, you can always come to me okay?", she spoke into my ears and I could feel her saliva on my pinna.
I led them to our backyard garden where we had our spare picnic tables. I set the tablecloth and heard them gasp. Ahhh, I smiled. The neelakuranji had flowered, it's blue petals forming the illusion of a blue tsunami. It flowered last week and I remember swimming wildly through the heaps of fallen petals, laughing and rejoicing. This flower flowered only once in 12 years and my, the wait was worth it. 12 years. God, why did it have to be 12 years.
I thought I was gonna break down when Tammy rushed in,"Honey, sit down. Let me do all the work, okay?" I shook my head and went on arranging things as my mom brought in the lasagna, pasta, waffles and pancakes. Wow, this was quite a spread. My mom joked,"Let her do it. It's not like she's pregnant or something." Everyone laughed at that (obviously except Ophelia who just politely smiled) and I shot mom a I-hate-you look. Tammy exclaimed,"Well you never know. Kids these days!!" I drowned in shame.
God. I hate people.
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Author's Note :
2000 words baby!! B|
Whew! Longest chapter till now! I did it, yay! :D
Fun fact: The names Morpheus and Ophelia aren't random, they actually mean something for the story! ^~^
How're you people liking it? :)
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Dedications, people!!
Cheers! xoxo
Affi ❤️