"Have a safe trip home honey." Mom said to me, giving me a tight hug before hugging Justin. "You too. Thank you for coming."
"Thanks for letting us come." He smiled, taking my hand from my side.
"Anytime."
"Alright..." I sighed, slinging my duffle bag over my shoulder. "See you soon?"
"Yup, in about a month I'll see you."
"Ok, bye. I love you." I told her, pecking her cheek before standing back with Justin again.
"I love you too. Take care honey."
"You too." I took Justin's hand, following him towards the train and looked back once, but let him pull me away.
We had to go home - and we were practically going in head first without knowing what was coming.
At least I didn't know, if he knew anything he didn't tell me, and we hadn't talked about it much the rest of the week.
I didn't want to fight with him anymore this week, and he was excited about going home to spend time with his family. Bringing up Manny would just bring up the reminder of the constant danger - that we were in constant danger.
"You ok?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as we walked on the train.
"Yup, I'm fine."
"Alright." He let out a small sigh, then kissed my temple, leading me to an empty compartment again and gently took my bag from me, setting it up top and pulled me down on top his lap. "Ready to go home?"'
"No, not really." I admitted solemnly, looking down at his hands and took one into mine. "But we have to go, so it's fine."
"You know you can always stay at my place if you want."
"Yeah, and I want to, but he hasn't seen me, and I think he wants to talk."
"Do what you want baby doll, but when has he ever talked?"
"I don't know." I sighed, biting down on my lip. "I don't know what to do."
"Well we have my dad's first. That gives us a little time, I understand if you want to go home and you know I'll take you, I just don't want you upset...or locked away from me."
"I'll handle it." Reassuringly, I smiled at him, resting my head back on his shoulder. "I'm excited to see your family though."
"Yeah, it'll be nice. Dad is making all this food and stuff for lunch, and we can get in the pool, and I can see you in a bikini again."
"Why is that always such an exciting thing for you, hmm?" I giggled, smiling as his arms tightened around me.
"What isn't exciting about it? Everything is."
"I just don't understand it."
"You get all excited when I take my shirt off."
"But that's different."
"How?" He said in my ear, raising his eyebrows. "I mean the only difference I know of is you have boobs and I don't."
"Shut up!" I blushed, playfully smacking his shoulder. "I barely have anything."
"That's not true. I would know."
"Justin!"
"You're so cute when you get embarassed."
"No I'm not. I look like a tomato."
"Nuh uh." Justin shook his head, kissing my cheek again. "It's cute."
"Alright, you've said cute two times now, are you ok?"
"No, no I am not ok. That is a stupid question." He mumbled with a groan, throwing his head back. "I have not kissed you for four days now and I'm going insane."
"Aw, really? Are you?" I held one hand up to my heart, then leaned closer into him, letting my fingers walk up his chest. "You're the one that said we had to wait three weeks."
"You're the one making me quit smoking."
"You'll thank me later when you're not dead at 50."
"I won't!"
"You don't know that!" I laughed at his face, his face snuggling into my neck where I felt gentle kisses.
"I know when it comes to this kind of thing, you're a lot weaker than I am baby."
"No I'm not. I can do this. You're the one that hasn't seemed to get the idea that no kissing means no sex." I whispered the last part, watching a smirk curl on his lips.
"Honey, if you think that's a problem, you're sadly mistaken. I waited almost six months for you, and even then you wanted me. We all know who's winning here."
"Hmmm, no, I don't think so."
"Really?" He whispered in my ear, pecking my neck again. "You're sure about that?"
"Yes, I'm positive. You think you can win, but you can't. Today in the pool you'll want to kiss me, but you can't."
"I could...but..."
"You'd lose."
"You know, one of these days you're really going to regret even bringing up this bet, and it'll come back to bite you in the ass."
"You're just saying that."
"No," He shook his head, catching my ear between his teeth. "You just think I am."
"You keep doing this and I'll hit you."
"Baby, you couldn't even hit me if you tried - and if you did it would be a turn on and I'd force you to kiss me."
"I'd force you off of me."
"You couldn't."
I pursed my lips, feeling his laughter against my skin, letting go of my hand to slide his along my hips.
"You know, kissing would make this ride home so much easier."
"Well that sucks for you."
"But I've been good." He whined, squeezing my hips in his palms.
"Nope, you still have a little over two weeks."
"This is stupid."
"You're stupid." I grinned down at him, kissing the tip of his nose. "I think it'll be quite worth it."
"Oh it better be."
I just wanted to win.
_______________
*Justin*
"Justin!" Jazzy ran over to me, laughing as I scooped her up in my arms and kissed her cheek.
"Hi princess, how are you?"
"I'm good. You got a boo boo?" She asked, touching the tip of her finger to the small cut above my eyebrow - that was almost healed up by now.
"Yeah, but it's not that bad. It's almost all good."
"Jaxon!" Bella said beside me, running over to him as he jogged down the stairs and hugged him.
"Somebody missed me."
"Well duh, it's been a few weeks."
"I'm just glad you guys are both ok."
"Yeah, we are." I nodded quickly, giving him a look as Dad walked in.
"Looks like you had a nice vacation." He smiled, looking back and forth between Bella and I.
"We did have fun." Bella told him, smiling up at me.
"Well come in, I have food grilling in the back."
I sat Jazzy down, laughing as she pulled Bella away by her hand to outside, leaving Jaxon and I behind.
"What's up? It's everything ok?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Has anyone been around here? Have you seen anything weird?"
"No," He quickly shook his head, looking out the window. "Why?"
"Dammit. It's too quite. The rumors are Manny's planning something, but he hasn't shown his face here in two weeks, and Hunter called while I was gone to tell me that he heard he's coming back."
"Does Bella know?"
"Yeah, she does. She doesn't talk about it."
"I'm sure she's terrified..."
"I know." I locked my jaw, nodding my head for him to follow me and shut the door behind us.
"...And Justin's done smoking, isn't that right Justin?" Bella asked, her eyes meeting mine as my dad turned his head, a mischievous grin plastered on her face.
"Yes, I am." I cocked my head to the side as Dad turned back around, eyeing up her body so she blushed.
Two could play this little game she had going on.
"That's good, it's a bad habit."
"Yeah, I've wanted to stop for a while now." But instead of looking at him, I looked at her, sliding my hand on her leg.
She rolled her eyes, fidgeting underneath me as I looked at Jazzy, chuckling as she ran around trying to catch a butterfly.
Not kissing was bullshit.
But I could go for as long as I needed to without kissing her, it just wouldn't be very long because I knew she'd cave first.
I could live without cigarettes.
I slid my hand farther up her leg, watching as she squirmed a little underneath me, giving me one of those infamous looks, but I kept smiling.
"Are you going to come in the pool with me?" Jazzy asked, taking my free hand.
"Yeah, after we eat. I don't want to get all wet and then have to get back out." I shrugged, letting go of Bella and picked Jazzy up, sitting her in my lap. "Have you seen Mommy?"
"No, not recently." She shook her head, doing somewhat of a pout. "I miss Mommy."
"Why haven't you seen her?" I asked, looking up at Dad with an eyebrow raised. "It's summer."
"She's just been really busy lately." He shrugged back. "Do you want cheese on your burger?"
"Sure...You know, I'm going with Bella next week...we could take Jazzy."
"No, it's ok. Spend time with your mom, it's been a lot longer for you than them."
"Alright..."
He was acting weird. I knew they went to Mom's every weekend, and more in the summer, but maybe it was something he couldn't bring up in front of them, then he'd just get pissed off at me - and I certainly didn't need that now. Not when things were going so great with them.
I looked oveevr at Bella, and she hadn't even seemed to notice, making Jazzy giggle where she sat.
But I did. I noticed.
______________________________
*Bella*
"Hi." I whispered, sitting my duffle bag down in the living room, looking at my brother, at my dad.
I wasn't angry anymore, I was just hurt. I was afraid to be home, I was afraid of not being around Justin. I was afraid of everything around me.
Dad stood up, walking slowly over to me, like he knew I was scared, like I'd start screaming again and cover my ears, that I'd run away.
I wanted to, but I didn't.
"I'm so glad you're home." He said in the same tone, pulling me into his chest in a bone crushing hug, a sob trying to force its way up through my lungs.
But I was fighting it, I was fighting all of that.
It felt like the worst thing had already happened to me, why cry now? Why hurt now? Did he really want me here? Did he really not want me dead? Did he love me? Was he willing to leave politics for his family, or was it just so I'd come home?
"I'm so sorry Isabelle. I'm so sorry for everything - for what I said, for hurting you and making you feel like you had to run away. I love you more than anything."
"You don't want me gone?" I squeaked, feeling the tears finally welling in my chest. "I thought I was just a burden holding you back, and I love him. He's made mistakes, everyone has, but he makes me happy. I-I just thought you really didn't want me around."
"No Bella, never. You deserve to be happy, and I know he loves you. I've seen how he looks at you, I just want you to be safe."
"He's not a part of it anymore. That's why they came after him. They were going to kill him - I'm scared."
"You don't have to be scared. I know Justin is looking out for you, and so is your brother and I. What can you tell me?"
"I can't." I cried a little harder, shaking my head. "So many people could die if I told you, including me and Justin. It's being taken care of - that's all I know."
"Well I won't let anything happen. You have school soon too and you'll be gone. I promise I'll keep my eye out, and I won't let anything happen to Justin."
"Really?" I sniffed, finally pulling back from the embrace."
"Yes, really. I know you wouldn't give your heart to just anyone Izzy."
I wiped my eyes with the back of my palms, quickly nodding my head, then looked over at Josh, running over to him and gave him a hug.
"I'm not mad at you you know." I told him, kissing his cheek. "I know you were trying to do the right thing."
"Thank you." He said back, hugging me with the same force while I nodded my head.
"I'm going to take a shower and head to bed, I've had a really long day."
"Ok. Night sweetie." Dad said as I got closer, cupping the back of my head and kissed my forehead, smiing at me.
"Wait - Dad, you didn't drop out, did you?"
"No, not yet...but..."
"Don't. Please." I shook my head, hugging my arms to my chest. "You've been working your whole life for this and you're so close, don't quit...just check your priorities."
"Ok." He nodded, smiling at me again. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
___________________________
*Justin*
Thursday:
8:28 PM
"Hey!" I heard Bella's voice as I pulled on my blue jacket- well blue was an understatement, it was more of an electric blue, but still.
"Hey, I'm coming!" I leaned my head towards the door, turning around to my dresser and picked up my bottle of cologne, spraying once before I checked my hair, ruffling it with my fingers one more time, then turned the light off and walked in the hallway. "If you want we can always-"
My lips stopped moving as I looked up, eyeing her up from her legs to her face, unable to formulate words as she stepped in front of me.
Dammit. Dammit, dammit.
I knew tonight was going to be hard, but this?!
"We can always what?" She asked, tilting her head to the side.
"Nothing," I swallowed, my eyes flickering down to the little cleavage, then back up to her eyes. "Nothing at all."
"I'm ready to go when you are." I took in the black dress, a see through area in the perfect spot, still leaving my mouth hung open. "You sure are staring a lot." She laughed, wrapping her arms around my neck, my hands instantly catching hold of her hips.
"All I'm saying is you are so lucky we're not kissing, or tonight would be very different than what is now, sucks for you."
"I don't believe you."
"It just might unleash the beast in me, too bad you're not kissing me though."
"Too bad." She dramatically sighed, moving her face in ever so slightly. "Would mind holding my phone for me? I didn't bring anything else to put it in."
"Sure." I took it from her, breaking the gaze to try and swallow discreetly, but I don't think it was.
"Come on, lets go. Before you drool all on the floor."
I rolled my eyes, grabbing my keys off the counter and put my arm around her waist, making sure the door was locked before we left.
This bet was ending tonight. I don't care if I win or lose, even if she was like this on purpose, I just didn't care. I was going to shove her against walls and kiss her, I would make her spend the night no matter what she had to tell her father.
She was staying here, and she would not be wearing that dress all night.
"Hello?" She asked, snapping her fingers in front of my face.
"Huh?"
"Never mind."
"No, what is it, tell me." I pouted, tugging on her lips and kissed her cheek. "Tell me."
"No, you weren't listening."
"I was thinking, tell me."
"No."
"Fine, be like that." I frowned, watching her walk in front of me in the garage, then reached forward, cupping her butt in my hand and squeezed before I jogged in front of her, laughing while I unlocked the car.
"Justin!"
"Oh shut up, you're totally asking for it wearing that - and I swear if anyone else but me does that tonight, I am definitely punching them in the face." I spoke up after we were in the car, putting my keys in the ignition and let it come to life.
"I'll be by you, Mike, and Jackie all night. I promise."
"Yeah well who knows if you'll remember that when you're drunk off your ass."
"Maybe I won't get drunk and I'll let you drink a little tonight."
"Nah," I shook my head, looking down at her legs again. "You drunk is like both of us drunk, so it's fine. This way someone can drive us home."
"Maybe I don't want to get drunk."
"Yeah, right." I scoffed, rolling my eyes at her in the rear view mirror. "I know you will."
"Nuh uh, I'll be good. I used to not drink at all."
"Used - as in past tense. I used to smoke, past tense."
"We'll see how long that lasts."
"Hey! Be nice to me. I'm doing pretty well if I do say so myself."
"Yes you are baby." She smiled, planting a kiss on my cheek.
"But too bad you can't kiss me."
"Too bad."
Not for long.
___________________
*Bella*
"Here," Justin laughed, handing me another drink with his other hand still on my waist.
"I love this stuff, I really do."
"I know." He laughed, running his hand down my arm, then kissed my shoulder. "Want to go dance again?"
"Mhm." I nodded, letting him pull me behind him, swiveling so he could pull me back into him.
I was having so much fun, not needing his hands this time for guidance, so instead his hands moved around, my head tilted back on his shoulder.
I felt his breath on my neck, then his lips, my own breathing uneven.
"Are you sure you still don't want to kiss me?"
I let out some sort of whimper in response, holding his hands against my waist.
No. We had a bet. I had to win. I couldn't kiss him for another week at least, especially with going to New York and everything.
But right now I was barely surviving.
"Come on, I know you want to."
I turned myself around, pulling him down by his neck and kissed him, his hands going straight to my back, making it arch as he slid his hands down, catching my butt to give me another tug closer.
"You're touching my butt." I giggled, pulling myself back to his lips for a moment.
"I win."
"I don't care." I mumbled, kissing his lips again, no longer tasting smoke, raking my fingers through his hair and sunk my teeth into his bottom lip.
I don't know where Jackie and Mike went either, but once again I didn't care. I wanted to leave. I wanted to go home.
"You're so drunk." He laughed, pulling back and tucked one of my curls behind my ear.
"It's your fault. You know, you could take me home and I wouldn't have to drink anymore."
"You want to go home?"
"Mhm," I nodded, leaning into his ear. "Please."
"Alright." He didn't even hesitate, he just pulled me out from the crowd to the back door, scooping me up in his arms so I didn't have to walk through the parking lot.
"I love that my dad doesn't even care now if I stay at your place."
"That's because he knows your safe with me, and if he didn't let you over you'd sneak out anyway."
"That's so true." I pursed my lips, touching my finger to his cheek. "You just shaved."
"I did, for my lady anyway."
"Who's that?"
"Um, you?" He chuckled, sitting me down gently in front of his car, and before he could even open it I kissed him again, wrapping my arms as tightly as I could around his neck to make sure I stayed standing, his hands sliding past my hips again to my butt.
Two weeks of not kissing or doing anything like that in general really messed with your mind.
"I knew I'd win."
"I'm not going to remember anyway." I shrugged, pecking his lips again before he opened up the door and helped me inside.
I laughed as he turned on the radio, glancing out the window with his hand sliding on my leg. I didn't even notice.
"Oh my goodness." I blurted through my giggles, looking down at his hand.
"What?"
"Nothing." Shaking my head, I leaned over to him, taking his ear between my teeth.
"Ow, Bella!"
I laughed harder, running a hand through his hair.
"It's probably a good thing we left when we did."
"A very good thing." Nodding, I sat back in my seat again, tugging my dress down a little. "Mike and Jackie disappeared on us anyway."
"Sometimes, that's not a bad thing."
"True." I slurred, smirking at him, desperate to be back at the apartment, desperate for his lips again.
I could kiss him right now, but that would probably be a bad idea...considering he's driving and I'm definitely not in the right mind set.
"Do I need to carry you in?" Justin asked after he parked the car, giving me the once over with his eyebrow raised.
"No, I'm ok." I let out a breath, opening the door and hopped out, lucky that he had known and had already flown to my side, catching me by my waist.
"Bullshit."
"I'm fine."
"Let me carry you."
"If you insist."
And he did, scooping me right up into his arms like I weighed nothing, sweetly kissing the side of my head.
Normally I'd probably smile, even look at him to give him a peck on the lips after, but no.
That's not what I wanted.
"Don't tell your mom I do these things. I don't want her to not like me." I mumbled, looking down at my feet as the swung.
"I would never tell her. That ruins my fun."
"Your fun? It's our fun. I'm having fun too."
He sat me down then in front of the door, unlocking it with a key and pressed his hand into my back, guiding me inside.
But as soon as the door was shut I pulled him back, feeling his hands slide to my hips, our lips interlocked while I manged to step out of my heels, dropping a few inches so he had to lean down more, but he honestly didn't care - and neither did I.
"God I swear if you do anything like this again, I won't wait as long."
"You tricked me, so don't even try to pin it on me."
"Tricked you, huh?" He grinned, pushing my hair off my shoulder. "I don't think so, you brought all of this on yourself a couple of weeks ago sweetheart. I knew I would win."
"Maybe I wanted you to win."
"No you didn't." He chuckled, rolling his eyes, grazzing his lips along my neck, trailing down slowly while I bit down on my lip, fighting to hold everything inside.
"Oh my god, stop being such a damn tease and come on." I blurted, snatching his hand from his side and pulled him through the hall, seeing that same grin on his face as he shut the door behind him.
_____________________________________
Saturday:
1:23 PM
*Bella*
"Mom," Justin smiled at her as he opened the door, letting go of my hand and flung his arms around her.
"Hey Justin." She laughed, kissing the side of his head, then pulled herself back at an arms length. "Wow, look at you."
"Is that a compliment..."
"Yes honey," She laughed, then her eyes fell on me. "Now, are you going to introduce me to Isabelle Knowle, or should I do it myself?"
"Oh, Mom, this is Bella, Bella, this is my mom, Pattie."
"Hi," I smiled at her, "It's so nice to finally meet you."
"You too." She laughed, both of us pulling back, Justin's hand quick to grab mine again. "Come in, there's plenty of room. We have some catching up to do."
We followed her inside, and her little apartment was cute, little things catching my eye immediately. She had a very good decorating taste.
"You ok?" I asked Justin, looking up at him as he looked at the house.
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just weird."
I stood up on my tiptoes, kissing his cheek before we caught up to his mom, walking into the living room where she still had pictures of all of her kids, the one that stood out to me was of her on a swing with a little Justin in her arms, his face full of laughter in the photo.
I looked up at him again, seeing tears pulled at his eyes, but besides that he didn't flinch.
"So, have you seen your brother and sister lately?" She asked, taking a seat on the couch, where we followed on the other side.
"Yeah actually, a couple of days ago. Dads been letting me see them, so we go over whenever we can. You've seen them, right?"
"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago. Your father gave me a little break, I've had a lot going on."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"Nah, don't be sorry. Are you thirsty? I have snacks and stuff. I don't mean to be rude."
"Mom, the very last thing that you would ever be on this planet is rude. I'll come help you."
"I don't mind either." I finally said, holding onto his hand as we stood up.
"Thank you."
"No problem." I smiled, squeezing Justin's hand as he looked down at me, following him into the kitchen.
It was beautiful, it made me wonder why we lived in such a big house... It was unnecessary.
"Is Dr. Pepper still your favorite?" She asked him, looking back at him as she pulled a glass down.
"Yeah, it is."
"The snacks are on the table, I just forgot to move them to the living room."
"I'll do it." And I lifted them up, walking away to the living room where I sat them on the table.
I wanted her to like me, I needed her to. It was her necklace I wore around my neck. It would be weird wearing it if she didn't like me, but I loved it. The only time I took it off was to sleep and shower.
I heard something break in the kitchen, my eyes widening, quick to walk back where I saw Justin holding onto his mom.
"Mom, are you ok?"
"That's embarrassing, I'm fine, really."
I looked down at the glass, bending down the best way I could and started picking up the big pieces.
"Oh Bella, don't you worry about that. It's really ok. I got it." Pattie said from the counter, holding onto it as Justin let go of her.
"Mom, what's going on?"
"J-Justin, I'm fine."
We were both looking at each other then, silence filling the small apartment.
"We'll take care of this, why don't you go sit down?" He suggested, running his hand on his mom's back.
"You guys aren't cleaning up after my mess, really there is no need."
I saw that the cabinet was open then, and there was more than one glass missing. Hopefully they were in the dishwasher.
"Mom, I insist. Come on, it's not a big deal, ok?"
"Ok."
He looked at me again, his eyebrows together as he looked back at his mom, helping her out of the kitchen.
I found the trash can, dropping the pieces of the glass inside and went back doing the same thing, careful not to cut myself as I got the rest of it.
"Something's wrong." Justin whispered as he walked back in, running his hand though his hair. "Why won't she tell me?"
"Hey," I went over to him, cupping his face in my hands. "It's been a little while since she's seen you, maybe she's nervous."
"Bella, I see nervous people every week, that's not what this is."
"Please don't worry too much, ok? She's so happy to see you."
"Me too."
"It's going to be ok, don't stress, not today."
"Mhm." I kissed him then, giving him a tight hug with my arms around his neck. "I love you."
"I love you too." He laughed, squeezing my hips before he let go of me, peeking his head out of the kitchen. "Hey Mom, what do you want to drink?"
"Water please."
"Ok." I saw him nod, walking back in over to the cabinet. "What would you like Bell?"
"I'm good with water too. I'll carry mine in. You should be spending time with her."
"It's ok." I went up behind him, kissing his cheek again and took a glass, filling it up with water. "Actually, why don't you give that to my mom? I'll bring yours out."
"Ok." And I went into the living room, frowning as I saw his mom crying where she sat. "Hey, Ms. Pattie, it's really ok."
"No, it's not."
"Are you ok? Is something wrong?"
She wiped her eyes then, gently taking my hand from my side.
"You know, when he called me and told me about you, he seemed like my son again. I haven't heard his voice in months. Thank you."
"Thank you?" I was confused, hearing Justin's footsteps leave the kitchen.
"You're wearing my necklace, he loves you."
"Mom, please tell me what's wrong," Justin sat down beside me, sliding his hand on my leg. "And don't tell me that you're fine. You're crying."
"I didn't want you to find out like this."
He stood up then, walking to the other side of her and pulled her into his arms.
"Mom, you can tell me anything. It's ok."
She let out a deep breath, the face Justin wore watching her alone bringing tears to my eyes.
"I haven't been seeing Jaxon and Jazzy lately because I started getting treatments at the hospital. Your father has taken me, he's been really great, but I don't want them to see me like this. I-I just haven't seem you in so long-"
"Treatment for what?"
"I have breast cancer. They caught it early, which is good, I'm just having a few side effects from the radiation, and that's normal- I-I just-"
I don't know what I expected at that point, but she didn't cry anymore, and Justin looked too stunned to move.
"Dad knew?"
"Only recently. I asked him not to tell you guys, so don't be mad at him. That was something I needed to do myself."
He nodded, looking forward to the window.
"I have a chance ok? A really good chance. I don't want you to worry about me."
"But all this time mom...all that lost time."
"You're here now, and that's what matters."
"She's right," I whispered, sliding my hand on his arm. "And if Jeremy can't take you I don't mind. We have the rest of the summer before I'm in New York."
"I'll take you too. Just call me, ok?" He said to her, kissing the side of her head.
"Mhm, now no more crying. I want to hear all about you and lovely Bella here." She laughed, looking at me again. "You gave her my necklace."
"Yeah I did. You told me to give it to someone when I knew, and I know with Bella."
I blushed, quickly ducking my head down as I reached up to the necklace, remembering the day I opened up the box and saw the necklace with the note.
"You look really happy."
"I am," He smiled at me, then back at her. "I'm taking four classes this semester, I'm not really sure what I'm going to do yet, but I have some time."
"Dad gave you the stuff to your savings account right?"
"Yeah, he did. Thank you by the way, I didn't know..."
"You're very welcome." She kissed his cheek, putting a smile on his face - but it was a different smile.
"I love you Mom, and I'm so sorry about everything."
"It's ok."
They were so cute, and I knew how much he missed her...now I just didn't know what was going to come of it.
____________________
5:43 PM
"It was really nice." I said as we got in the car, watching Justin carefully as he stuck his key in the ignition and pulled away.
"Yeah, it was."
I heard him sigh, and I reached over, running my fingers through the ends of his hair.
"She's going to be ok."
"But she doesn't know that? I don't know that." He swallowed, letting out another breath.
"Justin, you heard what she said."
"I know, I'm just scared."
"That's ok." I put my hand on his leg, looking at the road he turned on. "This isn't the way to your house."
"I need to see my dad real quick."
"Justin, it's not his f-"
"I'm not mad at him." He spat, looking up at me in the rear view mirror.
I pulled back, folding my hands in my lap and looked out the window, leaning my head against it as we passed houses.
"I'm sorry, I just need to see him."
"Yeah."
"Bella..."
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry, just bare with me here."
I felt bad, biting down my lip and saw him hold out his hand again palm up, mine sliding on top of his.
"It's ok, I just don't like you upset like this..."
"Babe, I know you don't, but this isn't something that's going to go away, I'm going to have to let it run it's course."
"I know, but you don't have to snap at me like that."
"I know, and I'm sorry."
"It's ok."
He lifted up my hand, pressing his lips softly against it at a stop light.
"I'll just be a few minutes, then we can go back to my place for a little bit."
"I understand if you want your space, I can go home."
"No, that's the last thing I want."
"Ok..."
We pulled up in front of the house, both getting out of the car at the same time, biting down on the inside of my lip.
He knocked on the door, my hands moving slowly along his back through his dress shirt, feeling him let out another breath as Jeremy opened the door.
"Justin?"
"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute, in private?"
"Sure..." He cleared his throat, looking at me behind Justin. "Hey Bell, Jazzy is in the living room, I just don't want her to get into anything."
"Don't worry about it, I got it." I smiled at him, stepped inside the house, walking into the living room, looking at Jazzy who was sitting on the floor coloring.
"Bella!" She smiled, pushing herself up and ran over to me, catching her in my arms and pulled her up in a hug.
"Hi Jazzy," I laughed, kissing her cheek. "You look so pretty. What are you coloring?"
"Princesses."
"LIke you." I tapped her nose, making her laugh in my arms.
"Where's Justin?"
"He's outside talking to your daddy for a minute, so I came in to watch you."
"Come look," She wiggled, my cue to sit her down so she could take my hand, dragging me over to the coloring book. "I gave Sleeping Beauty blue hair."
"Oh my goodness." I laughed, sitting down beside her. "You did a good job."
"Thank you." She giggled, resting her head against my shoulder.
"You're welcome."
___________________
*Justin*
6:07 PM
"Come on," Dad patted my back, holding me at an arms length as I wiped my eyes. "I want to show you something."
"Alright."
That was probably a good thing, I didn't want to have to go get Bella right after I had been crying. I never cried in front of anyone. I hated crying.
I followed him to the garage, running my hands over my face as he punched in the code, hearing the sound of it lifting before he ducked under, then followed again.
"I got this a few weeks ago from a buddy of mine. It was in an accident, so the engine needs rebuilding, and it needs a new paint job, but it was reasonable. I thought if you wanted to fix it up, you could have it."
Meanwhile my eyes remained locked on the old Ducati, a hung open mouth as I squatted down, looking at the engine, but I've had experience. I could fix this.
"I wouldn't even mind helping, if you wanted."
"I could have it? You don't want to keep it?"
"When would I ride it?" He laughed, holding onto the handle. "It's yours, honestly. I thought for school, and I thought Bella would dig it, you know how girls are."
"You did not just say that." I laughed, still admiring the bike. "This is honestly badass."
"I thought you'd like it."
"Do you think I could come over tomorrow and work on it?"
"Sure. I'll get out my tools and stuff."
"It looks like it used to be blue and black...but I think red and black would look better."
"With a little bit of gold." He nodded, pointing to a separate black stripe. "I'll talk to some other guys and see if I can get you some stencils, tape, you know stuff like that."
"Thanks Dad."
He gave me a side hug, patting my shoulder before he dropped his arm.
"You're welcome. Bella's still inside with Jazzy, I don't want to leave her in there any longer then we have."
"Right." I sighed, walking with him to the garage door back inside the house to where I heard Bella and Jazzy laughing.
"There he is." Bella said to Jazzy, her eyes lighting up as she saw me.
"Hey sis." I smiled at her, scooping her up in my arms and kissed the side of her head. "How are you?"
"I'm good," She giggled, hugging my neck in her arms. "How are you?"
"I'm alright." I told her, sitting her back down. "How about we go get some ice cream tomorrow?"
"Really?!"
"Yeah, I'll come pick you up a little after breakfast. As long as it's ok with Dad."
"Yeah, it's fine." He nodded, smiling down at her, then me. "I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"
"Ok."
I took Bella's hand, watching her wave at them before we left, going out to my car silently.
I didn't know what to say, and I wasn't sure she did either.
I just held her hand the whole way home, paying a slight attention to traffic, but mostly thought to myself.
I knew if she said anything I'd just be rude, or if I said anything I'd get upset again.
How could she not tell me, how could she let me be so horrible and let me come back in her life.
I've wasted all this time and I can't get it back. She could be dying - she's dying and they don't know if they can save her...and here I've been wasting the life I was given... I could have been with her, but instead I chose drugs and parties...God I was such a disappointment to her.
I was supposed to be the brother Jazzy and Jaxon could look up to.
You're just a fucking screw up. You think they wouldn't get rid of you if they could? Oh wait, they did.
That's why you were kicked out the moment you could be.
"Hey...are you ok?" Bella asked as I parked the car, touching the back of her palm to my cheek.
"Fine." I mumbled, snatching my keys out if the ignition and hopped out, walking towards the entrance of the apartment building.
"Justin, come on." I heard her heels behind me echoing through the garage, then felt her hand catch my arm. "Don't do this to me now, and don't shut me out again."
"I'm not shutting you out, I'm just in a bad mood."
"Obviously."
"Thanks for being such a help." I snarled, walking through the hall and quickly to my apartment, fiddling with the keys to get it into the lock.
"Justin, you know what I meant."
"Uh huh."
"Stop."
"Stop what?!"
"Just let me be there for you!"
"Be there for what Bella?!" I asked, letting the door fly open and stormed inside. "Can you take the cancer away? No."
"It's ok to be mad."
"You don't even understand."
"Ok. I don't understand. Fine."
I groaned, throwing my keys through the hall into my room.
"Fucking hell you don't! It has been three years of my life that I've lived without a family and not even the slightest relationship with my mother! You've never been on your own, you don't know what any of that is like, so yes, you don't fucking understand!" I scrambled around, opening up drawers in search for a box of cigarettes, I needed one, and I didn't know if I had any left.
But I needed one.
"Justin, calm down."
"Stop fucking telling me what to do!"
"What are you looking for?"
"A cigarette! I need a cigarette! I don't have any. Fuck!" I turned around, clenching my fist and punched the wall, feeling the sting shoot up my arm afterwards, but I didn't care.
I just didn't care.
I let myself collapse on the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees, my face shoved into them.
A few seconds later ice was already on my arm, and I felt Bella's hands, gently running her fingers through my hair.
I'm being such a douche to her and she's still here.
"She's going to be just fine." She whispered, kissing my head.
"You don't know that so stop! Just fucking stop!"
"You stop. Let me in. You always do this."
"You don't understand Bella! You just don't!" I felt my hand starting to burn, tears welling in my eyes.
"Then help me to." She whispered, scooting closer and held my arm in hers, holding the ice there.
"I've wasted three years of my fucking life when I could been with my family, going to school! I could have saved myself from being a disappointment and the drugs, but I didn't! I let myself fall into all these bad things because I'm selfish and stupid and I just didn't fucking care! Now she's dying and I'm never going to be able to make up that time!"
"You can try baby. You have time now, and your family. You have me. Everything will be ok. I promise I'll be here for you whenever you need me, but being angry won't solve anything."
"It does for me."
"No it doesn't. You hurt yourself."
"It helps with the pain."
"There are other things you can do Justin."
"Like what?"
"Anything but this." Her voice was still soft, her fingers tracing patterns on my wrist.
"Anything?"
"Anything." She nodded, leaning over and kissed my cheek.
I turned my head, crushing my lips on hers and held onto her cheeks, pushing her over and let myself hover over her, sliding my hand up her leg to her waist.
"Will you let me love you?"
"Yes." She nodded her head, meeting my lips again as I ran hand farther up her body.
Forgetting was something I was good at.
_______________
*Bella*
9:19 PM
I looked at Justin, his body curled up into mine where he laid, tousled hair from my fingers, his arm wrapped around my waist while he slept.
He seemed so...innocent. Looking at him you wouldn't think he'd done half the things he had.
I knew he was upset - that he was angry, but he couldn't change the past. It's all led up to this point and that's why we're here.
It's why I'm here.
I let out a breath, brushing his hair off to the side and kissed his forehead, then slowly slid myself out from underneath him and scooped up his shirt from the floor, putting it on and buttoned it up to my chest.
What if he fell back into his old ways because of this? What if he lost himself again through everything and forced me out?
I wouldn't let him force me out.
He wouldn't let himself cry, it took everything I had to pry it out of him, and even then he was vague, I just gave him what he wanted and saw how he calmed down, how he was ok again.
And if I had to do that every time he got upset, I would - in a heart beat.
I looked down at him again, running my fingers through his hair and saw his arm reach out farther, resting on my leg as if he was awake, but he wasn't.
I now noticed his cheeks were tear stained, the look that was on his face solemn.
He had been through so much to have to go through this too...He didn't deserve it.
No one did.
But for him to pack all of this into his head, to hold it all in, how long would it take until he exploded? Until I possibly lost him for good.
I snuggled closer to him, pulling his arm around my waist in the dark and kissed softly kissed his lips, hiding in his neck.
"You sure love cuddling, don't you?"
"Mhm." I nodded, kissing his skin against my lips. "Go back to sleep."
"I don't wanna."
"Oh well." Giggling, I shifted so his head laid on my chest, massaging his scalp. "You need it."
"What are you trying to say?"
"You know what."
"But stay with me." He curled arm farther around my waist, snuggling his face into my neck. "Please."
"How's your arm?" I asked, lifting it slightly and tried to see through the tattoos.
"It's fine. It wasn't that bad."
"Stop hurting yourself when you're angry."
"Well you have taken away my cigarettes, what else am I supposed to do."
"You're so funny."
"Besides that."
"Nothing." I grinned, brushing his hair off to the side again and kissed his forehead.
"You know I can't resist you when you smile like that, I just can't. And you're in my clothes."
"I was cold and you were sleeping."
"Not anymore." He chuckled, squeezing my hip in his palm. "And this honestly isn't doing much for you."
"Oh stop it. You just want me to take it off again."
"Maybe."
"I'm comfortable, thank you."
"Fine."
"You look so tired. Go back to sleep."
"I don't want to sleep." He mumbled, slowly shaking his head. "I don't want to do anything."
"You know that's not what she wants."
"Oh well."
"Justin, it'll be ok. It really will."
"Can we talk about something else, please?"
"Alright, like what?"
"How about New York." He lifted up his head, moving his thumb along my waist. "We can talk about that."
"What about it?"
"I don't know. I've never been."
"We'll go together before I leave then." I smirked, leaning myself down and pecked his lips. "We have most of the summer left. Pick a day and we'll go."
"Really?"
"Sure. We could probably go for a night and then the morning or something. We could see a show and I'd take you to all the big shops. We'd have so much fun."
"Sounds like it." He chuckled, kissing me on the lips again. "I'd love to go with you...as long as you don't lose me."
"I might lose you on purpose." Giggling into his neck, I felt him gasp, but I nibbled at his skin, running my hand down his chest.
"You wouldn't be able to lose me on purpose because you couldn't do this."
"Shut up."
"It's true." He tugged me closer so our bodies were touching, playfully wiggling his eyebrows as I slid my arms around his neck and kissed him again, but slower than before - tenderly, making sure I gave him what he needed to feel, making sure he knew I loved him.
"I love you." I told him, rubbing my nose against his, still keeping my eyes closed as he pulled me closer again, nestling his face in my neck.
"I love you too. I'm sorry for what I said early."
"It's ok, don't beat yourself up about it. I'm not angry."
"Good."
"Are you tired?"
"I don't know." He shrugged, planting a soft kiss on my neck. "We can just lay like this and talk."
"What do you want to talk about?"
"I'm not sure...you know we should go to Mike's soon. I want you to meet his sister, and we could hang out as friends and stuff. We haven't done that in a while."
"What about Manny?"
"I just - I don't know. He's still not back. I'm starting to wonder if he's even going to...why?"
"I don't want anyone else getting hurt."
"Baby, I'm not going to let anything happen."
"I know, I know." I sighed, looking down at him and traced my thumb over his lips. "I'm just scared."
"I'm scared too, but I'm going to do anything and everything I can to protect you."
"I know you will."
"I think I might go to Mom's again this week too. Maybe I'll take her to lunch. I think she'd like that."
"I'm sure she would. She misses you. You guys should spend some time together one on one."
"You'll come with me tomorrow to take Jazzy out for ice cream, right?"
"Sure, if you want me too. I thought you were just going to take her."
"We both know she'll be asking about you the whole time anyway. Come. I want you to."
"Alright, I'll come." I smiled again, letting myself lean down for another kiss and carressed his cheek.
How could another thing like this happen to him...everything just kept coming...
___________________________________
IM SORRY IT TOOK ME LONGER TO updaTE BUT IVE BEEN SO BUSY PLEASE FORGIVE ME!
POOR POOR PATTIE AND JUSTIN! I CRIED WRITING THIS EARLIER AND NOW YOU GUYS HAVE TO PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION. ANOTHER STORM IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE PLEASE SHARE WE'RE ALMOST AT 60K THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! <3 I LOVE YOU ALL AND YOU'RE INCREDIBLE!! AHHH! I'm looking forward to the comments!