So as you may know, Maya is a slippery trickster and is NOT thankful for the wonderful life she has with the UPS guy. In fact this is like what, the THIRD time she's cheated on him? The first time she cheated on him with the ground, then it was Voldemort and NOW it's an actual person???? Wowow Maya welp, sorry Abby and Emma. Guess you gotta wait a little longer for your sequels becaaaauuusseee we have ANOTHER STORY HERE!
Once upon a CMS there was a four-square wannabee smart dude who doesn't deserve to be in QUEST. You all know his name so how about I just call him CPCG. You know, just in case he finds this and decides to hunt me down before I have the chance to put him in a giant blender and sell a CPCG smoothie to a nuclear waste company.
Anywaaaaay...this dude is very egotistical.
Like very T.T
He does a bunch of weird stuff and break dances and raps and like does weird funky dance moves just to make himself seem cooler than he actually is.
WELL YOU KNOW WHAT CPCG? YOU THINK YOU'RE 50% PRETTIER THAN YOU ACTUALLY ARE BUT YOU'RE A B.A.N.A.N.A
Big
Absolutely
iNdescribably
Awful
persoN
who thinks he's so Awesome but he's not
Anyway, this dude asked the non-cliche Maya to the fancy All-Overalls dance. And well, a dance where you can wear only overalls and nothing else is pretty fancy so that means that yours truly will probably kill everything eat all the food and throw it in the blahs' hair and torment them all night and bother the caricaturist and assemble a HUGE reading list based off of Ms Celmer's recommendations.
And ofc her wundrfl frendz would helppppp and be weird.
And Maya would go with the UPS guy and it would be all fine and dandy
But nooooppeee Maya saids "sure y not cpcg"
And the UPS guy was standing right next to her. And she totally ignored him even though he totally asked her first.
Wowowowowo Maya muy popularr.
Anyway, he was so distraught. How could Maya forget about him. He went straight home and didn't even tell Mr Villar that he was leaving. He rode his UPS truck so fast...at light speed so no time passed at all (what do you say to THAT, CPCG??? Did you know basic stuff noooooo you didn't because you jsut play the stock market game and pretend you know stuff and say complicated stuff so you sound smart)
He collapsed on his bed and cried until tears flooded the house and poured out the window like a waterfall and he washed up on the front porch.
He opened his eyes and OMG! It was....not Ross Lynch sorry leech, but you'll get your 5 million fanfictions soon I PROMISSSEEEE DDD:
It was Abby and Emma and Justine and Tamara omg!
"wut" he say "wut u doin here? u kno where i live?"
Then Justine reached into her pocket and whipped out her magical piece of technology as the ahhhhhhhhhh-super-holy-object sound effect played for 5 hours.
"It's a...GPS DUN DUN DUUUUNNN" she say and smirk, "but anyway, we here to exterminate something that needs to be exterminated..."
"ME?!?!?!" the ups shriek and almost die.
"No...." emmalamadodo say, "CPCG!"
"O right," he say and cri some more.
"NO NO CRI!!!!i" abby yella nd flail around "TAMIS HAS A PLANNNNN"
"Yiz" I say and UPS no cry, "It is a muy good plan for exterminating the CPCG, solving all our problems, yours, and getting maya to stop cheating on you"
"Ooh" he say with uber large anime eyes "what ur plannnn dude?"
"Okay" I say sooooooo we gotta go go goooooo to Franklin + Marshal....it's in *wind howl* *thunder* *happy children noises* PENSYLVAAANNNIIIAAAAAAA very dangerous because it's not *Mr Salt voice* the laaand where people get along, noi stoopid tamis it's Penn's Woods. We not going to canadah so we gotta be careful. Ross Lynch could jump out and turn us into leeches at any moment"
"Ahhhh" ups yell "then what?"
"Thennnnnn" tamis smirks "We sneak into SCHNADER HAAAAAAALL and we go collect all of the mold. And you being the UPS guy you MAIL IT TO CONN--I MEAN CPCG and he opens it up aaaand"
"He throws it out?"
"NOOOO" I smirk "He eats it of course. He eats the mold because he genius and he gets...."
*justine plays the sound effects*
"THE SCHNAAAAAAAAAAADDEEEEEEEEEE"
"Ahhhh" ups guy melt into puddle.
"So he is sick and Maya no want to be contaminated so she come back to yuuuuuuu! It is so genius"
The UPS guy frantically nodded and tamis, tol cat, emu, and prodigy hopped into the UPS truck and they blasted off to F+M
3
2
1
BLLLAAASSSTTT OFFFFFFFFFFFF
It was v fun they circled the earth 3 times in one second and played blammo the whole entire time while I cri because I want nerd camp back. So anyway, tehy finally arrived and ofc ofc there wa a huge sign and a mob in front of Schnader hall
They were holding up a sign that saids "THIS IS SCHNADER HALL GUYZ IT RIGHT HERE #MUPSISOPT #BRINGBACKMUPS #MAYAWAYISTHEWRONGWAY"
So they zoooom into schnader and pull on their Hazmat suits. Finally they get a million pounds of mold and leave. UPS guy puts it into a box and he put cpcg's address on it:
1234 Jellyfish Road
In a Blender
Somewhere in Japan
Being blended by dudes
to solve the jellyfish problem
Bad Idea 4456
SO anyway, he woosh there so quickly even Ross Lynch couldn't run that fast. He smiled at CPCG and placed the package on his doorstep. CPCG did some stupid dance to show off
"Yooooooo MAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY I AM SO CRAY ABOUT MAYA SHE DITCHED YOU BOOOOO"
The UPS guy resisted the urge to cry, but ran back to his truck and wooshed away, almost running over CPCG's mailbox. A few days later, everyone went back to school and o noi!
CPCG was enraged. He had no hair and his skin was peeling away and he looked exactly like Malko Sai.
"AHHHH WHY DO I LOOK LIKE PALPATINE???????"
"uhhhhh...." everyone looked at the UPS guy who shrugged, "Oh whoops I accidentally sent him the wrong package. But don't worry, Martian bacteria aren't nearly as dangerous as THE SCHNADE!"
"YAYYYYY" Maya scream "So I can go to the dance with cpcg?"
"uM NOI" ups guy shrieked "YOU PROMISED MEEEEEE I ASKED YOU FIRST AND YOU SAID '*shrug* sure' PLUS I AM A DOCTR LIKE MALKO AND THAT WILL SPREAD TO YOUUUU MAYA AND YOU DON'T WANNA RUIN YOUR FTW!!!!"
Ahhhhh that was the final draw
"Nooooo don't give me germs ew disgust" Maya shuns and jumps into the UPS guy's arms.
"Aw" cpcg say "Then I guess I'll have to go with....
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...Emma Petrich!"
And so EP jumps into his arms and he whisks her away, doing his stupid dancing stuff. They both lived happily ever after and so did we because none of them attended the dance and were never....seeen....aaaggaaaiiiinnnn
THE SCHNAAADE END