Chapter 32 - I Beat Jenna Hamilton
As soon as what I said was finally comprehended by my brain, a loud clinking sound came. Sasha's fork dropped on the floor. With my eyes still closed, I slowly opened my eyes to take a peak at the boy who was in front of me.
Alec was looking at me with wide eyes. I wanted to take it back. Not because I didn't I love him, but because I was not ready yet. But certainly I couldn't just do that, it would hurt his feelings. I absolutely didn't want to hurt Alec. But saying those words was freaking me out. It was definitely not yet the time. Even I was caught off guard.
Clearing my throat, I stared at my custaroon and added, "...this custaroon. I love you... custaroon."
Well that was a nice save. Oh, WHO WAS I KIDDING? That was awkward as hell. My sentence was poorly constructed and I wavered. I was awkward. I was definitely the most awkward person in the planet. I beat Jenna Hamilton and that girl has her own television show.
"What the hell?" Sasha snapped at me with confusion in her eyes.
Why, thank you for pointing that out, Sasha. On the outside I was keeping my cool, but inside I was panicking, like white flag waving panic.
"Well that was the verdict. My custaroons is a work of art," Alec announced with a wide smile on his face.
He bought it? Both Sasha and I stared at the boy in front of us as he took a bite from my custaroons. He closed his eyes, and for a moment nothing happened, but then he moaned as if the cupcake pleased him.
"I should be a baker or something," he said, lightening the mood.
But it was obvious that what I said was definitely not forgotten. Alec far from stupid. He definitely caught that and didn't buy my excuse. He was just simply letting it slide. For me.
"Is my custaroon that good that you two aren't talking?"
"It's to die for, Alec. I could marry you right now."
I discreetly glared at Sasha for that. I get what she was doing. But what the hell, at least she had the guts to say it.
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After what happened in the kitchen I took a nice warm looong shower. I didn't know why I choked or why I didn't just stood up for what I said. Loving Alec was something I was sure with. I mean, I've been in love with the guy since I realized that there was a higher version of crush. Maybe because I wasn't ready for love. No, no one can ever be ready for love. I meant, I wasn't ready to accept it. I'm not yet ready to take the risk and go back at it again. I know I was giving us a chance again, but it scares me. The whole idea of sticking with him through thick and thin was scary. What if, he leaves me again?
And there it was. I was afraid to be left by the man I love again. He did it once, that means he could do it again.
No. I shouldn't be thinking like this. I should trust Alec that he wouldn't leave me. He was just afraid. But what if he gets scared again?
"Stop it, Tori!" I snapped at myself.
A knock came from the door.
"Tori? Are you all right in there?" Alec's voice came from outside the door.
I turned off the shower and noticed that my fingers were starting to look like prunes. Just as soon as the water stopped, I felt the cold air and I started to shiver. Stepping out from the shower and wrapping myself in my towel, I stared at myself at the mirror and noticed that my lips were turning blue.
Alec knocked harder on the door and this time it was more frantic and panicked.
"Tori? You've been there for an hour. Are you all right?"
And there it was. But simply hearing his voice, I could hear that he was afraid. What if I scare him away again.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered and opened the door.
As soon as he caught sight of me, relief flooded in his face. But soon enough worry covered his face. Alec immediately pulled my shivering body in an embrace.
"Oh, love, you're shivering," he muttered as he slowly guided us to my room without breaking the hug.
When we got to my room, he settled me on my bed and wrapped my comforter around me. I didn't even notice that I was shivering that badly and was that cold. My teeth were chattering and my whole body was shaking uncontrollably.
"You're so cold," he said as he touched my cheeks.
Alec got up from my bed and took a spare towel from my closet. He came back and wrapped my drenched hair with it.
"You'll get sick you know."
"I'm-m, s-s-sor-rry," I managed to say with all the shivering.
He chuckled then embraced me again. "Just don't do it again. You worry me, you know? A lot, in fact, that it makes me crazy."
Even when my shivering already subsided, Alec was still holding me. From my window, I could see that it was already dark. We managed to be in a spooning position with me facing my back at him. I wanted to lay like this for as long as we can.
"Is that date you have in mind still on?" I asked him.
Alec pulled me tighter against me and hummed in appreciation.
"Hmm, I wanna stay like this for awhile," he muttered as he snuggled closer to me with his head on the crook of my neck.
That was probably the best answer I could get. And his actions were just making my heart stop yet beat fast at the same time.
"So that's no?"
Don't ask me why I still keep on asking him questions like I wanted to go on the date. It was just part of me wanted to be assured that we were gonna stay like this for quite some time.
"Unless, you wanna go."
I snuggled into him closer and made his grip tighter against me to answer him.
He chuckled.
"Let's take a raincheck. I'm cuddling with the sexiest," he stopped to kiss my neck, "most beautiful," another kiss, "kind," kiss, "amazing," kiss, "funny," kiss, "awesome girl in the world. Nothing could be better that this."
And let me tell you this, there was definitely something in me that exploded in the best way possible.
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We weren't rabbits who spends almost all their time into sex or something like it. Yes Alec and I made out a lot. I mean come on, hot boy in your room with him cuddling you? That's like a free pass to make out. But we did need time to do something else other than that or things would be more than just making out.
Alec was on top of me. His upper body was supported by his arms. My legs were wrapped around his waist as his lower body was pressed against mine. From that position I could feel how excited he was.
His lips left mine as he traveled from my cheeks to my jaw to my neck. His slow sensual assault to my neck was enough to make me moan his name. My hands were on his hair, pulling it slightly.
"Alec," I moaned as I kissed his temple.
As I was about to pull his shit off, he pulled away from me with his chest rising up and down.
"Are you okay?" I asked panting like the way he was.
The boy on top of me smiled. "I'm beyond okay, Tori. That was amazing. It's just, if we continue I'm afraid I wont stop. And I don't want to pressure you."
He was right. I wasn't even ready to do it sober with every senses in my body perfectly in tact. Alec doesn't even know what happened to me. Telling him was something I absolutely dread. It just felt like if I open it up to him, I know for I fact that it will cut him deep. That event happened two years ago, it should be buried and forgotten.
"Hey," Alec said snapping me from my thoughts.
"Sorry, I kinda spaced out," I apologized.
He got off of me and laid down beside me. His arms were immediately around my body, pulling me into a hug.
"One minute I got your full attention the next I lost you. You sure you just don't want me for my body?"
I wiggled out of his hold but his arms only tightened around me making me giggle. In a normal day and if this was not Alec, I would have been having some serious PTSD. But things were different when I was with Alec. I was just me. Every heartbreak I felt just seemed to fade whenever I was with him.
"Nope. You're not going anywhere, love. You're mine," he whispered.
Not getting out of his hold, I twisted my body to lay where I could perfectly see his face. My breathing was uneven from the effort I exerted just to merely twist my body.
"And are you mine?" I asked as I swept some of his hair that was too close to his eyes.
"Always have been your's, Tori. Always."
This time all humor he had was gone. His eyes just held seriousness. It's ridiculous that I felt panicked when I saw the seriousness. I mean I should be jumping for joy because Alec and I were practically been together for so long that these things should have come a long time ago. But then things were different between us. It wasn't easy.
In hopes to try to bring back the playfulness, I snorted and lightly tugged on his hair.
"Yeah right. All those girls you've been with, huh?" I joked.
What I said was meant to be a joke, but Alec certainly didn't take it lightly as I hoped he would. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on mine.
"I've never been with anyone besides you, Tori. I didn't even get friends that are girls. I just fooled around with them in hopes to get you out of my mind. Which you were always in, let me tell you. Thinking back, I wish I never fooled around with them. Better yet, I wish I've never left y-"
I pressed my lips on his to stop him from talking. Hearing him says those words hurts me. It was obvious that what he did was something he truly regret and that hurts him. I didn't want that. I hated the fact that he was hurting.
"Stop. Stop bringing up what happened. I hate the fact that it hurts you, okay?" I whispered against his lips.
He nodded his head and went back to cuddling me.
"I love you, Tori."
Just when I was to panic and hyperventilate, Alec pulled me closer to him and kissed my neck soothingly.
"I didn't say that just to hear you say it back. I just needed you to know. I love you. So much."
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Filler chapter! Exciting ones are coming.
You all know how much I love making everything happy then ruining it with spilled secrets and more disasters... oops.
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