K A S H M E R E
I didn't think that me and August would ever be in a good space again but we were. Us being friends was actually working well for the both of us and I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss him being able to talk to him without screaming and yelling. I missed laughing and being able to joke around with him, it felt like old times minus the romance.
Today August was spending the day with Kaliyah and he even decorated the spare room at his place for Kaliyah she was going to stay the night tonight. That left me with a free day so me and Danielle decided to hit up the mall, get our nails done and do a little shopping. Then after we were going to spend the night out on the town, girls night out.
It was Saturday afternoon so the mall was packed but that didn't stop the two of us from shopping. I bought things for myself and Kaliyah and even a top that I knew August's mom would love.
After walking the mall twice we took a seat in the busy food court to sit, chat and relax. After she filled me in on her drama she changed the subject.
"So what's up with you and your baby daddy?"
"Nothing, were just friends."
"You keep saying that but I'm just waiting for that cookie to crumble or for you to give up the cookie forreal this time."
"I gave him the cookie and he wasted it," I reminded her.
"Well you should of gave him another one."
"This time is different and that was a lapse in judgment. They'll be no sex, no kissing, no intimacy."
"Once upon a time you said you would never speak to him again and now look."
I thought back on all the shit I said I wouldn't do. I did say when he got out of jail that I wouldn't speak to him, I said that I wouldn't hang out with him, I said that I didn't want to be his friend or have anything to do with him but in a way August was my weakness.
"Do you think I gave in to easily," I asked her, "Thinking about everything he did to me, everything he said. I don't know I just feel like I forgave him to easily, that apart of me should still be mad at him and that I should hate him."
"I've known you for over ten years now and your aren't the easy person to get along with or get to know. Your stubborn and you can hold a grudge like no other and sometimes you can be bitchy-"
I gave her a look like Excuse Me?
"You know I'm right and let me finish. When you say your done with something your done but you know despite everything you still love him and he still loves you, that's why it was so easy for you to forgive him plus I think Kaliyah played a major part in the situation."
I played nodded, she was right and if it wasn't for me having to see him because of Kaliyah then I'm sure things would probably be different right now. I didn't want to be one of those grumpy baby mama's. For Kaliyah's sake so I played nice and I got roped back in.
"So is he still messing around with that chick umm...Deja I think her name was?"
I shrugged feeling a tinge of jealousy just being reminded of her and hearing her name,"I'm not sure, why?"
"Because she's right over there," she nodded to the left and I followed her eyes and recognized her as she walked with another girl. She wasn't hard to miss, she was ligth skinned and looked like a mix between black and spanish, had long black hair and she could give Kim Kardashian, Nicki Minaj, Blac Chyna and every other fake bodied celeb a run for there money.
"She's cute," Danielle observed, "But her ass if fake. There ain't no way anyone can convince me otherwise."
I rolled my eyes and looked away. She was okay t if you liked your girls fake and over the top. I don't even know how she sat down on that thing, it looked liked it would pop if you put to much pressure on it.
"What do you think," she asked me.
I looked at her again and looked back at Danielle, "I don't care. I could care less about her and I could care less about August messing around with her. He's not mine so he's free to do whatever or whoever he wants."
"Whatever you say girl," Danielle gave me a look as if she didn't believe me and I didn't even bother to defend myself.
"I think we've been spotted. There looking over here."
"At us," I frowned sitting up in my seat, "Why?"
"Maybe because you're the baby mama of her whatever August is to her."
I sighed. I was ready to leave because I didn't want the drama. I didn't bother looking over at them, there was no need. Once Danielle said they walked off we chatted a little while longer before getting up and leaving the mall. We had to go home and get ready to meet up later and it was already after five.
"So where do you wanna eat," she asked me.
"I don't care, anywhere I'm starving."
We finished putting the bags in the back seat of my truck and just as she was about to respond she was cut off by someone yelling out my name.
"Kashmere!"
I was used to being recognized out in public since I ran a pretty popular business but I had a feeling that this person wasn't someone interested in a dance lesson. I stopped walking and turned around and immediately knew that this wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.
Deja approached me with her friend by her side and she didn't know it but she was already on strike one with how loudly she was yelling my name throughout the parking lot like she knew me. Her friend was already on strike three with the way she walked up hands on her hips and rolling her eyes.
"Oh shit," Danielle mumbled under her breath and I sighed and stood behind my truck waiting for her to finish approaching. She looked me up and down and I wasn't faze by her obvious attempt at intimidating me. I looked at her and her friend with a blank face waiting for one of them to speak.
"I know you know who I am," Deja finally spoke.
"Only thing I know is your name. Deja correct?," I decided to take the high road.
"Yes," she nodded her head.
"Well Deja what can I do for you?"
"I just wanted for us to formally meet I already met your daughter and since I'm the new women in August's life I figure we would be seeing a lot of each other."
I knew she was trying to get to me but what she said only made me shrug, "Well nice to meet you but I highly doubt will run into each other again."
"And why is that?"
"Because if you and August are together like you claim then that's great but it also has nothing to do with me.
"And that's where your wrong. It has something to do with you when he's ditching and dodging me."
I smiled, "Last time I checked August was a grown man. I have nothing to do with why he's not getting back in touch with you. You need to take that up with him."
"So you and him don't have anything going on?"
"I don't think that's any of your business-"
"Well I'm making it my business," she cut me off raising her voice and even taking a step towards me. My eyes widened because I didn't think she had the balls but I was far from intimated. In fact I cracked a smile and looked at Danielle who was just shaking her head.
Yes I've calmed down since I've had Kaliyah and I prided myself on that. I had no reason to fight and get belligerent because I was a mom and I was trying to set an example for my daughter. Plus I was 26 now, I was to old to be fighting and I had to much to lose and to much to live for.
But she was taking me back to a time in my life when I had nothing to loose. When I wouldn't think twice about cussing somebody out or putting my hands on somebody. August must of not told her about me.
"So is there anything you want to tell me," she asked.
"Not really," I shrugged lamely.
"Are you two still fucking," she asked and I glanced at Danielle and she shook her head just as much shocked by the audacity of this hoe like I was.
"Why don't you ask August since you and him are so close?"
"I'm asking you," she called herself getting loud and took another step to closer to me and I crossed my arms across my chest to stop myself from pushing her out of my face like I really wanted to.
I sighed and shook my head. She was pretty I couldn't lie but instead of spending money on body enhancements she should of spend money enhancing her brain because is he was smart she would of known I wasn't the one to step to.
"You kind of remind me of a little chihuahua, small, cute and feisty but don't get fucked up trying to be big and bad. I have no problem putting you to sleep so I suggest you watch your tone and take a step back."
"Or what bitch? I'm not going nowhere you tell me what I want to know."
I didn't have to put my hands on her to hurt her, she wanted to know the truth and so I would tell her the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
"Yes we've messed around since we got out of jail," I held up two fingers, "Twice. The first time he came over to my place and was asking me what he could do to make things right and I let him eat my pussy. It wasn't planned it just happened but I didn't regret it, not at all. While he was eating you kept calling back to back, you probably called like eight times. Anyway after I had my full and he had his I sent him on his way. He actually answered the phone for you, he probably told you he was handling business which wasn't a complete lie I guess you could say."
She looked mad but I simply smiled and continued, "He probably told you that he doesn't eat pussy but that's a lie, a big one. Now the second time he showed up out of the blue while I was out on a date. It was a bad date and he drove me back to my place and one thing led to another and we had sex. You wanted the truth that's the truth."
"So your one of those babymama's who thinks it's cool to fuck around with your baby daddy while he's in a relationship with another women?"
"No because as far as I know and as far as he told me you were nothing but something to pass them time and get his mind off of me. His words, not mine. I mean what has he done for you to even think that he's your man? Because he has sex with you, because he gives you money and buys you shit?"
She was quiet and it was because she knew I was right.
"Let me give you a tip from someone who knows August and guys like him. No man likes an easy women, a convenient fuck. They call and throw some money at you and spit game and you come running. Real man like a challenge, so what I advise you to do, women to women is take some time for yourself and get right. Start chasing after your dreams and make some money and stop chasing after niggas with money. Don't chase them, let them chase you. You coming up to me in the mall parking like trying to be all big and bad and confront me about a nigga who doesn't' even claim you is pathetic. Stop being pathetic."
I knew she was mad by the way she was huffing and she had her fist balled up but I knew she wasn't going to touch me.
"You ain't shit bitch but a baby mama. Trust me I get money you can believe that?"
"And what do you have to show for it? A fancy car and some Gucci and Prada? Ass shots? Better yet what do you have to do to get it? Don't' you feel pathetic looking for handouts from niggas in exchange for pussy? You may as well go stand on a corner."
She took another step towards me but this time I did the same thing and got in her face, "I'm warning you now if you put your dirty ass hands on me your momma is going to have one less child so don't even try me. Take your sad sloppy plastic ass and get the fuck out of my face."
She glared at me with her eyes narrowed but she took a step away from me, "This isn't over bitch."
She turned around and walked away and looked back giving me a mean mug and I smiled at waved bye to her and her friend as they walked off.
I turned to Danielle who had a smile on her face, "I think you hurt her feelings."
"She's lucky that's all I hurt."
A U G U S T
The more time I spent with Liyah the more I wished I could take back the last few years. I willingly missed out on important stuff in her life because I wanted to be stubborn and do what I wanted to do. Then I went to jail and missed out on a whole year of her life. I could have been a better dad but instead I was out being selfish. I couldn't change the past, all I could do was make up for the time I missed.
First stop was Sky Zone and then Toys r Us and after that I took her to Dave and Busters. I couldn't help but sit and stare at her. Despite everything she was always happy and I owed a lot of that to Kashmere. Every time I looked at her I saw hints of me but I mainly saw Kash. Kaliyah was smart as hell, she was only four but she could count to 100, knew how to read,write and spell.
She was beautiful just like her mom. I was definitely going to have to keep a close eye on her when she got older.
"After were done can we play more games," she asked.
"We can do whatever you want to do."
She smiled and I smiled back at her.
After we left there we headed back to my place. I got a two bedroom and had her room all nice and set up. I changed her into her pajama's being careful not to wake her and sat with her for a while and just watched her sleep before getting and kissing her forehead and leaving her room.
Everything was getting back on track and Kash was opening up to me more but I still had a ways to go.
-
The next morning I woke up to her poking me and telling me she was hungry. So I walked with her to the kitchen and grabbed two bowls of her favorite cereal and we sat in the living room and ate and watched cartoons.
After breakfast I gave her a bath and dressed her for the day and attempted to do her hair. Once I was done with her twists there was a knock at the door. Kaliyah who was in the bathroom looking at her hair tried to beat me to the door but was to slow.
"Hi," Kash smiled walking in. As soon as her eyes landed on Kaliyah she looked at her hair and looked back at me.
"Who did her hair?"
Before I could answer her Kaliyah did, "Daddy did it!"
"Really," Kash smiled looking at me, "You did that?"
"Yes. Daddy got skills huh?"
She rolled her eyes and turned her attention to Kaliyah, "Are you ready to go?"
She nodded her head, "I have to go and get my bag."
She left the room and I looked at Kash.
"So what did you do yesterday," I asked her. I already knew she went out with Danielle but of course I couldn't tell her that.
"Me and Danielle hung out, did some shopping, then went out last night to have a little fun. Oh and I had a conversation with your girl."
"My girl?"
"Deja."
I hadn't spoke to Deja in about two weeks. I thought me not hitting her back would be the hint she needed but I guess not. She did the one thing I told her not to do and that was don't catch feelings. Shit was cool at first but then she started nagging me and begging me to spend time with her. Calling me non stop, she was supposed to be a distraction but she turned into yet another problem.
"She ain't my girl."
"Maybe you should tell her that because I think she's under the impression that she is."
"What did ya'll talk about?"
"You obviously. She called herself questioning me and getting in my face but I kept my cool and kept it honest," she had this mischievous smile on her face.
I knew how Deja could get and I also knew how Kash was and if it's one thing you had to watch out for it was her mouth. She knew the right thing to say to hurt your feelings and push your buttons. It was no wonder that Deja was blowing up my phone last night but her talking to Kash was crossing the line.
After Kash and Liyah left I sent Deja I text and told her that I would be by her place later on because we needed to talk. She was to happy to answer the phone for me and agree but she was
Once I handled some business and got over there I barely knocked on the door before she was pulling it open wearing nothing but pink lingerie.
She smiled and moved to the side to let me in and I walked past her. Once she closed and locked the door behind her I shut whatever she thought was gonna happen down.
"We need to talk so you need to go put some clothes on."
"Really?"
"Yes really, I didn't come over here for that."
She rolled her eyes and walked over to the couch and grabbed her robe and put it on.
"Better?"
"Much. I came over here to tell you that whatever it was you and me had is over. I told you what it was when we first started messing around and now I found out you approached my baby mama-"
"I saw her in the mall and we had a conversation yes, so what? I guess you could pick up the phone for her but you couldn't pick up the phone for me," She looked at me and sighed, "I don't understand you."
"What don't you understand?"
"Why you insist on pushing me away, yes it started off as just sex but cant you see I'm down for you."
"I told you from jump what it was, you the one who said you could handle it and wouldn't catch feelings and now here were are."
"I just thought by now things with us would of..."
"What," I looked at her, "That I would feel something for you?"
Judging from how quiet she got I knew that's what she thought.
"Who else do you have," she asked me, "Your mom, your baby mama?"
I rolled my eyes, she claimed she wasn't jealous of Kash but that was obviously a lie.
"We've known each other for years. I've known you before that bitch even came into the picture."
This was another problem with Deja, she had a mouth on her. I knew her since I was 17 and back then we used to mess around but all that ended when I met Kash.
"Yea I known you longer, your point?"
"My point is we were good before you met her."
She was only good for one thing and I didn't have to say out loud what that was. Naw, maybe two cause when we wasn't fuckin' around only other shit she was spend money, my money.
"I don't understand what you see in her," Deja went on.
Everything, I wanted to say but kept my mouth shut. I couldn't give her what she wanted. I wanted a women who could stand up for herself. A women who made me work for her. Deja gave it up the same night I met her. I could talk to her anyway I wanted to and she would go with it.
I needed a women who had her own, someone who demanded respect and that wasn't Deja. My thoughts shifted to Kash. I knew that wasn't a coincidence. She was who I wanted, the only one I ever wanted. With other chicks it was just lust, all I wanted was sex but with Kash our relationship was deeper than that.
"Hello," Deja snapped her fingers bringing me out of my thoughts, "I know you hear me talking to you!"
"Look I shouldn't have to say it no more than I already have. I don't want you. I told your ass what it was, you caught feelings and that ain't my problem."
I turned around to leave because I was done.
"So I'm good enough to fuck but not good enough for you to want to be with me," she called after me.
"You said it not me."
"I'm the only one bold enough to put up with you. That uppity bitch aint got shit on me! Fuck you! I'm done, don't call me no more, lose my number nigga!"
She yelled after me but I was already out the door. Once I was outside and in my car I shook my head. I picked up my phone called the one person I knew who could put a smile on my face..
"What?"
"Is that how you answer the phone for your baby daddy?"
"What do you want August?"
"What if I said I wanted you?"
"Then I would say you can't have me."
"You know can't ain't in my vocabulary. What you wearing?"
"Goodbye August."
She hung up on me and I leaned back in my seat and smiled.
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