I opened my eyes on the morning of February 20th with a tear of relief running down my cheek.
"Thank you, God..."
I jumped out of my bunk and threw my last-minute belongings into my duffel bag; most of it I had eagerly packed the night before. Everyone was still asleep when I finished dressing, but I couldn't have been more ready to finally get out of here.
For the past twelve months I had been staying at an extremist, religious-based camp for "incorrigible" teens. If you observed the clientele there, it was obvious that I didn't belong. However, refusing to go along with my parents' homophobia and talking to my girlfriend behind their backs was apparently defined as "incorrigible."
So they made me somebody else's problem. I was just "too much" for them to handle. Totally justifies sending me to hell, right?
The best way I can describe this place is boot camp mixed with church on steroids. Three square meals of cold mush every day, field exercises, and a three-hour service every night. (No sitting permitted.) Lights out at eleven, up at four. No free days, no calls home, no mail. I don't remember ever being more miserable.
My girlfriend's name isKendall. And for three months before I got shipped off, she was my life. Going to camp didn't change that, despite what my parents hoped. Nothing could. I loved her with all my heart and soul. I still do...
There wasn't a second that went by that year when I didn't think about her. I missed her so much when I left that for the first two weeks I threw up every night. And I spent 365 nights crying myself to sleep.
I wrote toKendallevery day. But I couldn't send a single one of the letters, because like I said before, we weren't allowed to send or receive mail. All I could do was hope and pray that I was on her mind as much as she was on mine.
The last thing I packed that morning was her stack of letters, held together by my favorite sillyband and hidden under my bunk. I picked it up gingerly and tucked it safely away into my bag, out of sight. I then threw it over my shoulder and waited.
Our counselor dismissed us one by one as our parents arrived. It was a four hour drive from my house, and I doubted my mom and dad were in any hurry. But still, I waited, perched at the edge of my bed, anxious and eager.
It was about three hours before the counselor looked at me. "Bent!" he barked. I jumped and stood up. "Get out of here," he said, jerking his head toward the door.
Don't have to tell me twice.
I practically ran out the front door. I hesitated once I was outside, though, wary of what waited for me.
I caught sight of my father's car in the parking lot. My mom was in the passenger's seat but when she saw me she opened the door and stepped out slowly. I tried to read her expression as she looked at me but it was difficult.
We both hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do, before I shoved my hand in my pocket and walked over to the car, head down. Without saying a word I opened the door, flung my bag inside, and plopped down on the seat. My mom looked a bit hurt at my standoffish demeanor, but I didn't care. This was going to take a very long time to forgive.
"Hi,Savannah," my dad greeted my in a flat voice.
"Hello," I muttered in reply.
The rest of the long drive home was silent. I didn't have anything to say to them, and I'm sure they had no idea what to say to me. But when we were about half an hour away from our house, my stomach growled loudly. I kicked myself.
My mom turned around and looked at me eagerly.
"Are you hungry?" from her tone of voice I could tell that she was feeling guilty and hoped to make it up to me. But it was gonna take a lot more than some food for that to happen.
"I'm fine," I mumbled, looking out the window.
She turned to my dad. "Bob, stop at subway."
"I said I'm fine," I repeated, raising my voice a little. My mom looked at me sadly, then turned back around in her seat.
I felt a twinge of remorse, but quickly pushed it away. They send me away to hell for a year, and I feel bad for hurting my mom's feelings? No. Why do I have to feel guilty so easily? I kicked myself again.
As we pulled into our driveway, I took in my house and everything surrounding it. It looked the same as I remembered it, though somehow more welcoming. As many bad memories as this house held, anything was better than that godforsaken camp.
I could hear my dog, Tucker, barking inside at our arrival. I managed a small smile at the sound. I had missed him.
I grabbed my bag and stepped out of the car. The garage door was unlocked, so I trudged over to it and walked in. Tucker wouldn't even approach me; he didn't recognize me. My smile faded.
With a jolt of hope I noticed our home phone sitting on the counter. I turned around quickly to see if my parents were inside yet, then hurriedly took it into my room, locking the door behind me. My hands shook violently as I fumbled with the buttons, punching inKendall's number by memory.
I dialed the last few digits and waited, holding my breath.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Hello...?" her voice was hesitant, hopeful, incredulous. At the sound of it my stomach flipped and moisture welled in my eyes.
"Baby...." It was all I could manage to sputter out before we both burst into tears. We sobbed together in a mixture of joy and grief, happy to finally be able to hear each other's voices again, but mourning all the time we had lost. After a moment, a new fear arose in my mind that I hadn't considered until now. Had I been replaced? Was there someone new in her life, someone who could be there for her while I couldn't? A year is a long time...was I naïve to expect her to have waited for me? Would she even still want me?
"Please..." I whispered imploringly. "Tell me you're still mine..."
"Of course I am," she answered without a second's hesitation. Her voice was soft, shaky with emotion, but filled with sincerity. It broke with the next word. "Always..."
A fresh round of tears cascaded down my face. I was overwhelmed with relief and gratitude. All I could think of to say was "I love you..."
"I love you so much,Savannah..."
For the next few moments we sat there quietly, our silence speaking far more than words ever could. Occasionally we whispered "I love you" again, never feeling able to remind each other enough.
Finally I spoke up, a desperate sudden need overtaking my entire mind and body.
"I wanna see you."
She responded gently, placatingly. "I wanna see you too baby..."
I cut in, my tone urgent. "No. I'm serious. I need to see you. I'm gonna come out there."
"What...? How?"
"I don't know. But I don't care how. I'll make it work.."
Kendallwas silent. I knew she was skeptical and probably thought it was just my emotions talking, but I had never been more determined in my life. This was going to happen.
If you're wondering why this sounds like such a big deal, it's because it is. My relationship withKendallwas long-distance, to say the least. I lived inAlabama, and she lived inArizona. We'd...well, never actually met in person. But don't let that fool you, we had the most intense relationship of anybody I'd ever known. Our original plan was to wait until I turned eighteen and I'd fly out there and move in with her, but that was still six months away. I couldn't wait that long.
Slowly but surely, a plan started to form in my mind. While at camp, I had saved up a little money. If we didn't make any mistakes that day, we got a quarter. Most of the other "inmates" blew it on cigarettes they had somehow smuggled in and traded around, gum and other incidentals to make their stay there slightly more bearable. But I was smarter than that. I never spent a dime of the money I got and hid it all under a loose floorboard my bunk so it wouldn't get stolen. I figured I might need it someday.
"I have money. I can drive. If my parents still have a GPS, I can just take it and leave tonight after they go to bed."
There was silence for a moment, thenKendallspoke.
"Sweetheart...are you sure about this?"
My voice was just a whisper. "I've never been more sure about anything."
Hers was just as quiet. "Alright baby..."
"I'm gonna go wash my clothes and then I'll pack up again...oh, and honey?"
"Mmhm?"
"Don't tell your parents yet, okay? I can't risk them telling mine."
"I know sweetie..."
I guess my parents were sympathetic enough to leave me alone for a couple of hours. I spent them in my room, planning quietly withKendalland packing up my bag again. I couldn't believe I was actually doing this. How would I ever pull it off?
Kendallencouraged me to try to sleep a few hours before leaving, but I knew I'd never be able to. Instead, after I'd made some final preparations and finished packing, I picked up the guitar that I had missed so much and strummed a few rusty tunes, trying to calm my nerves.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
At about ten o'clock, there was a knock on my door. I quickly shoved my bag in my closet and pulled my guitar back into my lap, trying to look natural.
"Come in."
My mom opened the door cautiously. She looked at me for a moment before mumbling, "Just wanted to say goodnight..."
"Goodnight," I repeated, somewhat curtly. She gave me a weak smile before backing out and closing the door again.
I waited another hour for my parents to fall asleep before making any move to leave. My heart was pounding out of my chest with anxiety and I was shaking from head to toe with fear. I didn't even want to think about what would happen to me if I got caught.
When it had been at least twenty minutes since I heard any movement from my parents' room, I very quietly pulled my backpack out of my closet and put some last minute things inside. I then did a mental checklist of everything I needed and when I was satisfied that I had it all, I stood up and threw the bag over my shoulder. I cautiously opened my bedroom door and inched outside, my heart pounding in my ears. I looked around, waiting for a noise and ready to jump back into my room at any moment. When all was silent, however, I carefully began walking toward the kitchen.
My parents kept their car keys on a hook by the door to the garage. Fortunately, they were all still there when I checked. But as soon as I saw them, a new dilemma arose in my mind. How was I supposed to start the car without them hearing it? I stood there dumbfounded for a moment, keys in hand, wheels turning in my head. Finally, a plan formed.
I opened the front door as quietly as I possibly could and tiptoed outside. I mouthed a "thank you" to God when I saw that the Buick was in the driveway and not in the garage. Silently I closed the front door behind me and hurried over to it.
Quickly and stealthily I unlocked the door and slide into the front seat, tossing my bag in the passenger's. Luckily, this was an older car. Without turning the keys in the ignition, I shifted into neutral. The vehicle rolled silently down my driveway and onto the road. When it was a safe distance from my house, I started it up and stepped on the gas.
I only had half a tank, but I was pretty sure I had enough money to fill up enough times to get toArizona. I thought about just jumping on a bus or train, but it was only a matter of time before I was reported as a runaway. It would be too easy to catch me at a station.
My first stop was Wal-Mart. I needed to get a phone so I could stay in touch withKendallwhile I was on the road. There was one just a few miles away, so I pulled into it and parked towards the back. Before I got out of the car, I got the GPS out of the glove compartment.
I turned it on and punched inKendall's address as my destination. I cursed under my breath when I saw the mile count. And if I drove straight through, my estimated arrival time was late tomorrow night.
But I could do it. I could do anything for myKendall...
Before I stepped outside, I reached into my backpack and pulled out a hoodie. I slid it on and pulled the hood up. Just to be safe.
I trudged into the store, head down, towards the electronics department. I had experience with contraband prepaid phones so I knew exactly what to buy. I grabbed the cheapest one off the shelf and paid for it with cash. It came with a week of unlimited airtime, so I didn't buy any extra.
Before I left the department, I realized I was going to need a car charger as well. I looked for one that was compatible with my model and then returned to the counter. I was quite a bit jumpy, and the clerk gave me a puzzled look but didn't say anything. After I paid I headed back out towards the car.
I pulled my hood back up and shoved my free hand in my pocket as I traipsed across the parking lot and climbed back into the car. It took a while to open the plastic package my phone came in but luckily I found a pocket knife in the glove compartment. I had a full battery when I turned it on, so I immediately dialedKendall's number.
It didn't even ring one whole time before answered.
"Hello??" she sounded a bit frantic, but my heart swelled at the sound of her voice.
"Hey babygirl..." I sighed with relief.
"Are you okay? Did you get out?"
"Mmhm... I'm at Wal-Mart now, but I'm about to leave. I just wanted to let you know that I'm alright." I spoke softly, trying to soothe her. "Would you like me to stay on the phone with you while I drive?"
"Yes please..."
"Okay sweetie..."
I got on the interstate that the GPS directed me to and kept the phone to my ear. I could tell thatKendallwas exhausted and I very softly sang to her until she drifted off to sleep. I never hung up, long after she fell into a deep slumber. I listened to her quiet breathing for hours as I drove, desperately needing her to be in my arms. Tomorrow couldn't come fast enough.
* * * * * * * * * *
The interstate dragged on for what seemed like forever. I turned on the radio after a while to keep myself awake, but soon enough the adrenaline of my getaway wore off and exhaustion set in. It became painfully difficult to keep my eyes open.
Just before the sun rose, I had almost started to nod off when something jerked me back into reality. Somewhere in the distance - it could have even been inside my own imagination - a police siren wailed. My heart jumped into my throat, because for a crazy instant, I thought they were coming for me. Fear churned in my stomach.
Once my parents realized that I was gone, it was inevitable that that would report the car stolen. They could also probably figure out exactly where was going, and maybe even the specific interstate I was on.
Why hadn't I thought of this before? What was I going to do?
I wracked my brain. Then I remembered something I read in a book one time. I could try it, but it sounded risky. And I'd need a screwdriver...which I didn't have. I'd also have to do it while it was still dark, so I didn't have much time at all.
I got off at the first exit I came to and pulled into a convenience store. I went inside and bought a screwdriver, simply hoping that it would fit for what I needed to do. The clerk looked at me quizzically, but I just smiled politely and said, "My dad sent me to get one of these. Hope I'm getting the right kind." I laughed casually. He smiled kindly at me and handed me my change, all suspicion gone from his eyes.
When I walked out the door, I examined my surroundings. The sun was rising now, the sky a deep reddish orange color. I would have stopped to admire the beauty of it if I wasn't so agitated with the increasing light.
It seemed that this gas station was the only building around for miles. It was a very rural area, most of the land taken up by cornfields. I was the only customer at this early hour. I guessed that the car parked around the side belonged to the cashier inside.
This was good; it meant I was unlikely to be seen. This was a pretty country store, and I didn't see any security cameras. I could only hope there weren't any hidden from my view. If I was seen, I'd only be making things a hell of a lot worse for myself.
My car was parked next to the cashier's. I strolled nonchalantly over to it and stopped behind it when I was sure I was out of view of the man inside. I took a quick look around then dropped to my knees in front of the license plate.
As quickly as I could manage with my sweaty, shaky hands, I unscrewed the plate from my car, and then unscrewed his. I then switched them, the plate from the other car now on mine.
When I was finished, I stop back up and stuck the screwdriver in my pocket. I looked around again and didn't see anyone, thankfully. I sighed with relief and hurriedly got into the car.
As I drove away, I picked up my phone and put it to my ear again. I could hearKendall's steady breathing; she was still asleep. Before I left for camp, we always used to fall asleep together on the phone. It was the only way either of us slept well. I figured this was probably the first time she had gotten any real rest in a long time.
I kept driving through the early morning hours, making two more gas stops along the way, and one for a cup of coffee to wake me up. I only had a few dollars left after my third stop, and I hoped the gas I had would get me the rest of the way.
Kendallwoke up after a few hours and we talked as I drove again. It was nice to have her company; I was getting a little lonely. I told her about the horrid place where I'd spent the last year and she told me about how much she'd missed me. I was so absorbed in our conversation, I didn't even notice when I crossed theArizonastate line.
The full reality of what I was doing came down on me then. I had just stolen a car AND a license plate and was now driving across the country, a minor, without my parents' permission. What kind of trouble was I going to be in when I got caught?
In that moment, though, I didn't even care. All I cared about was seeing my baby and finally getting to hold her. To know, at last, exactly what it felt like to kiss her, hold her hand, look in her eyes. To listen to her heartbeat for the very first time. It was all I could think about.
I drove through the afternoon to get toPhoenix-Kendalllived in a suburb. The sun had set by the time I pulled into her neighborhood, and though I knew I was exhausted, I was shaking and my heart was pounding with anxious excitement. I'd never had so many butterflies in my stomach. I could barely contain myself.
She was sitting on her driveway when I pulled up to her house. When she saw my car, she stood up, and as I killed the engine and got out, I drank in the sight of her. We'd spent many nights together on skype, and I'd memorized the shape of her face, the curve of her lips as she laughed. I had hundreds of photos of her that I stared at every day, amazed by her beauty.
But I now realized that no picture, no computer screen, could ever do her justice.
She wore a simple black hoodie (one of mine that I had mailed to her, actually), and jeans. Her pair of our matching engraved dog tags hung around her neck, and her dark hair was gelled up into a fauxhawk. The moonlight played on her soft, pale skin and as she stood there looking at me, I had never seen a lovelier sight.
Tears sprang into my eyes. I was so overcome with emotion that I didn't have the strength to approach her. Instead, I simply opened my arms and she ran into them.
We both sobbed as we held on desperately, clinging to each other for dear life. We didn't say anything for a while, both of us overwhelmed. After several long moments, I pulled away to look into her eyes.
All I could manage to whisper was, "Finally..." as I reached up to delicately stroke the side of her face with the backs of my fingers. She smiled warmly.
We stood there for a bit, just looking at each other. I could have gazed into her eyes all night. But, being the sweet gentleman that she is, she eventually began taking my things out of the car and carrying them inside for me. The rest of her family was in bed. And though they loved me and would undoubtedly be happy to see me,Kendallwanted me to herself tonight.
The first thing we did was hide the car. Once my parents put two and two together,Kendall's house would probably be the first place they sent the police. No need to have my dad's car sitting in the driveway like a flashing neon sign.
After we parked it somewhere else, we stepped out of the car andKendalloffered me her hand. I took it, a wave of warmth flowing through me at her touch.
She smiled at me. "Would you like to go for a walk?"
I nodded, returning her smile. We started walking hand in hand down the sidewalk, in the direction of the moon.
We didn't say a lot. We didn't need to. We both had waited so long for this moment, and now that it was finally here, all we needed to do was listen to the quiet sounds of the night, knowing we were together. No words could have conveyed what we were feeling.
"I love you..." I whispered softly after a long time. She stopped and turned to me, keeping my hand securely in hers. Her eyes locked on mine, and I lost myself in them. Somewhere that seemed like far off in the distance, I heard my heart start to pound. My hands began to tremble slightly, andKendallheld on tighter, steadying me. Slowly, she began to lean in closer. My heart skipped a beat. My breathing became quick and unsteady, and I heard hers do the same. I felt her cool breath on my skin before her lips brushed lightly against mine. I let my eyes fall closed at the sensation. My hand absentmindedly slid up her body and into the back of her hair, pulling her closer to me. I pressed my lips to hers gently, an unfamiliar feeling coursing through my body. I could tell she felt it too by the way she gripped my waist, the way she kissed me harder. Soon our lips were moving passionately and perfectly with each other. My hand lodged in her hair, and she pulled my body to hers.
When she finally broke the kiss, we were both breathing heavily and shaking. We stayed silent, simply looking in each other's eyes for several minutes before resuming our walk. After a few more moments, she whispered almost inaudibly. "I love you too...."
I fell asleep in Kendall's arms that night as she hummed a soft lullaby in my ear. I didn't know what the morning would bring, or how I was going to get out of the mess I'd made for myself. But as I drifted off to sleep that night, Kendall's steady heartbeat soothing me, I was entirely content. I wanted to freeze that moment, and live in it forever.
To be continued......