[Rence's POV]
It all started when I was in my 4th year high school. I knew her from a social networking site my friends introduced to me. Friends friends. She was so cool. And so is her boyfriend I pressume. Cool ang boyfriend niya. Cool rin siya. They're both cool and they're undoubtly compatible but maybe, that's not just the basis for a good and lasting relationship because later on, they broke up. They broke up because his boyfriend
was flirting with someone else while they are together, so do the math guys, obviously, they broke up, I started to despise her EX-BOYFRIEND. I almost cursed him to death. Neisha is like the definition of the lady close to perfection. Mabait, matalino at maganda. Ano bang naisipan ng gag- niyang ex at linoko lang siya? I wanted to beat him to death if only I can see him personallly. Months passed, mas naging close kame at ang ex naman niya, palipat-lipat ng girlfriend. Tsk! We became closer so I knew a lot more about her, and she did knew a lot more about me too. I knew a lot of things. Her school, her adventures, mga kalokohan niya sa buhay, mga bestfriend niya, yung mga lalakeng namimilit sa kanya na gawing boyfriend niya, yung mga nangyari sa prom nila. I knew also that his ex, his first boyfriend, is also his first love.
Time passed, I forgot the time frame, but we got closer, hanggang sa naging kami.
Alam ko, iisipin niyo siguro na ang korni at cheap.
"Yuck! Sa internet lang nagkita? Seryoso? Kadiri naman!"
Pero anong magagawa ko? Sorry ah. Mahal ko na e. Cheap man kung cheap, andyan na e. Mahal ko na, kami na. Ano pang problema? We planned on meeting pero kahit kailan di natuloy. Tsk tsk tsk!
Anyway, months passed, madami akong natuklasan, I saw evidences of her flirting other guys habang kami pa. Nagbulag-bulagan ako, di ko pinansin, nagpakamanhid ako.
PERO TNG-INA! ANG SAKIT E!
Di naman siya ganyan dati e! She became exactly the opposite of how I knew her. O nakilala ko nga ba talaga siya?
Does she really love me? or naging panakip butas lang ako? Ayos na sana na panakip butas na ako e, pero kailangan pa ba niyang maghanap ng iba habang kami pa? Eto na ako o. Ready ng magpagamit sa kanya. Willing na willing. Why don't she give me the benefit of being the one used? Diba pwedeng ako na lang gamitin niya? Ako lang mag-isa? Nagpagamit na nga ako o !, naghahanap pa ng iba?!
Is this some sort of act to boost her ego? To regain her crushed pride? Huh?! Is this her revenge? Did she use some sort of defense mechanism like displacement kaya ang paghihiganti at galit niya sa g-go niyang ex sakin niya pinapasa? MY GOD! For pete's sake I'm Not Him!
Tell me, is this my karma for the hearts I broke before? For playing with the heart of a girl who loved me dearly 2 years ago? For breaking up with her on our first monthsary by giving her a pink love letter wherein the words "Break na tayo" was written? Is this the kind of karma I get for that girl who loved me and still is loving me even if 2 years had passed and I broke her heart?
Is this the karma I get for unconsciously breaking the heart of my bestfriend 3 years ago by saying we're just friends nung tinanong kung magkaano-ano kami nung 1st year high? Well, I did not know about that. I did not know that she had feelings for me! I just realized it when years passed!
Is this my kind of karma for letting that certain girl embarassed on our 3rd year in high school when I ignored her when she said she likes me? with some of our classmates looking and hearing everything?
Karma. Karma strikes back 3 times. I should've kept that in mind. Because now, I'm hurting and I feel like it's 3 times the pain I made those girls feel. If not, it maybe of just the same intensity or even lesser but still, I'm not used to this kind of pain. I'm used with being the one hurting people. Being the one causing this kind of pain. Not me experiencing it.
Habang kami pa, nagkaboyfriend siya ng isa pa. I did not break up with her, she did not break up with me too. I tolerated her. Ganun na ako kamanhid at martyr. Nakikita ko na ang mga landian nila pero hindi ko na masyadong dinamdam. Masaket. Oo! T*NGINA! BOYFRIEND AKO E! AKO ANG NAUNA! Pero anong klaseng boyfriend nga ba naman ako? Internet boyfriend
Yes. That's what I am.
Ganun lang ako.Pang-internet. Habang yung boyfriend niyang isa, kakilala niya talaga. Nakikita niya sa personal. Nakakasama niya, Nakakalambingan niya. E ako? Kausap lang sa call, katext at kachat lang. HAHA! Ang unfair diba?
Moving on, also a couple of months passed, they broke up.
"Yey! They broke up! Ako na lang ulit! Wala na akong kaagaw. Sa akin na siya ulit, mine and mine alone."
Pero langhiya lang you know? Tng*na! It's not that easy. It's not just as easy as that. It's bullcrap you know? It's bull-sh-t! When I thought it was the start of another beginning, never thought it was the other way around. Never knew it's the beginning of our end.
We lost communication. For how long? I don't even remember how long that was. As far as I remember? It's for 6 fck-ng months! IT'S FOR 6 FCKNG MONTHS1 BULLSH-T! I was so devastated, frustrated, I was nearly going insane for pete's sake! Nakuha ko ng mag-graduate ng highschool at maging college wala pa rin kaming communication! I tried calling her, texting her, searching for her account on social networking sites but I got nothing. Nothing at all.
It was also in that time span of about 6 fck-ing months when I met my new bestfriend. Kash Mendez.
We were in the same class. We clicked together in just a short time. We were close, too close, too close that people mistake us as couples.
She rests her head on my shoulders when she wants to sleep or when she's tired, we wait or each other outside the cr if one needs to go to the comfort room. We 're both addicted with food tripping. And we still have a lot more in common, we have dissimilarities too but what we have in common are more.
There was even a time, when we were having our PE, her head was rested on my shulders while she was playing my hands. Our girl classmate asked us, "Are you guys. . . ummm. . . bestfriends?" I looked at her and she looked at me too. Our eyes locked. "Kash? Are we bestfriends?" "Certainly." She smiled at me so I smiled back. I turned around to answer our classmates, still her head resting on my shoulder, and answered them, "Yes, we are."
They just smiled at us disbelief evident on their faces but we did not mind that anymore. We did not ind what others would think. We both know what we are. We maybe more than friends but we are certainly less than lovers. I've been with her through her heartbreaks. From her suitor who happened to have a girlfriend already while courting her, from her boyfriend who cheated on her by making out with another girl IN FRONT! of her.
I tried forgeting about her. Her? Neisha, my missing in action-- well not literally missing in action kase di ko naman siya nakikita talaga, pero, seriously, yes, I tried to forget her. You know why? I just knew that we were already over by her friend who happens to be my acquaintance. In that time span of 6 months,she's still communicating with others while me, her boyfriend-- or was I really one?, she never tried communicating with me. No single call or even a single blank text. None. She's become a b-tch. She just left me and announced to whoever or what the f-ck?! I don't know how to call it, that we're already over without even saying it TO ME! She should've told me that we're already over so I did not have to wait in vain and so I could've just been with my bestfriend because I think I liked her! I could've moved on and be happy.
Then just one day, an unknown number texted me. Just by the way the text was constructed, I knew it was her. Yes . That's how lovesick puppy I was fo her. When I had the guts to text her back I texted:
"Who are you?"
Her reply:
"Neisha."
My heart started beating abnormally. F-ck this! I'm trying my hardest to forget her and she just suddenly text me like nothing happened?! I mean-- What the f-ck is that?! I did not reply for minutes so she texted me again.
"How are you?"
I don't know what came to me and why? Did I want revenge?
"I already have a girlfriend."
. . .
"Oh. Congratulations to both of you. Goodluck."
And that's it. Her last text to me. She never did try to communicate to me again. Why? Why did she not even try to reach out to me? Wasn't that what I did for her? I lowered my pride for her and yet she can't even fight for me? Is she scared? or is it that I'm just not worth the fight for her? I thought.
Time passed by, napagisip-isip ko, I want her back.
Once again, kahit mukah na talaga akong tanga, I mean tanga na talaga, hinabol-habol ko siya, sa mga pinupuntahan niyang social networking sites, lahat pinuntahan ko, I bugged her on fb pero you know what she told me. ..
"Why do you keep on popping out on my brain cells?!"
And that's my cue, to stop this stupidity, to stop being lunatic, to realize that she's not worth it. I may have been a jerk to other girls in the past but I believe I don't deserve that kind of treatment. I said my sorry to her and I stopped bugging her, I stopped talking to her, I stopped everything that concerned her.