Lily's POV:
I don't really remember, but I do know that at some point during the day, Rumi pulled me out of the house and drove me to the petrol pump where Kitty was waiting for me. I also know she spoke with Kitty before letting us drive away. Mercifully, Kitty did not question me, or well, maybe she did, I might have not heard. However, she did hug me before letting me out of her car.
I also know I must have dragged my feet into my house and then wandered off into my bedroom. I mean, I did find myself in my bed when I woke a few hours ago. I think I skipped my dinner, because the clock struck midnight and the moon's rays danced in my room, casting a silvery hue at the dresser by the window and onto the carpet towards my door.
I don't know why I was even noticing such mundane things; perhaps it was better than driving myself crazy, worrying about Liam. I didn't know where he was, I had no idea if they had reached the first base, or the second. I wondered though, whether he ate my muffins, did he share them with his friends, had they liked it?
I remember wondering if he was in a dessert or in a tropical forest; maybe, he was near the oceans, could he have gone to the poles. I wondered if I packed his case adequately, I mean, did he have the correct clothing for the weather and place? Did I pack enough socks and underwear for him?
I lay there, fretting my life out, knowing he wouldn’t like me in this state but I could do nothing to calm myself. I mean, how can anyone be calm and collected and composed if their loved one has gone to war!
When lying down became a chore, I jumped off the bed and began pacing the length of my room. Our house is old hence our rooms are big, this means, whenever I pace, I can walk more than thirty steps. I knew because I was counting my steps from the balustrade to the door. On my twentieth round, I found myself walking out into the moonlight and staring at Liam’s oak tree. An involuntary smile stretched on my face as I remembered Liam telling me about is escapades.
I didn’t even realize when my soft smile turned into tears and soon, I began to sob my heart out. Damn I was scared, I was freaking out and I didn’t have anyone to run to. Whom could I even share my secret with.
Quietly, just like when I was a child, I slipped out of my room and padded towards Mom and Dad’s suite. I felt like a lost kid as I knocked on the door and wondered if I should be disturbing them in the middle of the night. However, so great was my fear that I couldn’t bring myself to turn away. I stood rooted at the spot as I knocked incessantly, I couldn’t bear to be alone tonight.
“What happened love?” Dad asked as he jerked the door open and saw me crying. I simply jumped into his arms and began sobbing. “Hush my girl, everything will be alright kid. Please let me, what has happened?” He asked as he stroked my hair and then quietly pulled me inside, soon Mom’s arms engulfed me as she soothed me and dragged me to bed, “What has happened love?” She asked and suddenly, the damn broke and I began shivering, “You remember how I would get visions Mom?” I whispered and she stilled.
“Did you get any love?” She asked as her hand froze on my face. “No Mom, this is what’s scaring me, I am feeling just as antsy as I did then but I have no visions, I am really scared.” I whispered as I hid my face in her lap and cried.
“Honey, what has happened?” Mom asked again and for the life of me I couldn’t say his name, couldn’t risk them realizing the intimacy I had with him and his name.
“Can I sleep with you, Mom?” I whispered as I shut my eyes tight trying to stop the storm of visuals as the bombarded me, reminding me of Liam, his nuances, his smiles; God, I wanted him here, please…
“Lily, sleep here love, come, Dad will bunk in your room tonight, alright?” She whispered.
Shit, no, I couldn’t risk Dad in my room, it was my haven, it had been witness to the most private and memorable Moments, I couldn’t bear Dad there, on Liam and my bed. Besides, what if he found something incriminating there; no, Dad couldn’t stay the night.
“No Mom, it is okay, I’ll sleep in my room.” I blurted and jumped off her lap. “I am sorry I didn’t mean to disturb you people. Good night Mom and Dad.” I whispered and turned to leave.
“Stop this instant Lily.” Mom called, in her ‘Mommy voice’, I turned to find her glaring at me, “You have never lied to me, why start now?” She questioned.
Shit, shit, shit. She had somehow found me out, God.
My eyes refused to leave the floor, as I stood stock-still. Please don’t let them suspect Liam and my relation, please God. I prayed as I saw Mom’s feet walk towards me.
“What has really happened Lily, you went to meet your boyfriend, you should have been happy after spending a week with him, why have you been crying from the Moment you’ve walked in.” She questioned and I felt my heart shatter, what was I to say to them, I stayed mum.
“The bastard hurt you didn’t he?” roared Dad, “Tell me who is he, where is he?” he questioned in such rage that Mom had to physically hold him back. My heart shattered, I was ashamed of myself, and for the first time ever, I was ashamed of my marriage. I understood how Liam felt; Liam is under Dad’s debt, he owes Dad everything and he, well the both of us have treated them shabbily. Sam and Aamara didn’t deserve this, they didn’t deserve their trust to be broken, especially by the two people they brought up like their own kids.
“He didn’t hurt me Dad, he made happy. However, he had a family emergency and had to travel to Italy, but my fear is not because of him. It is just that I am feeling restless; I am scared and I don’t know why. That’s all Dad.” I whispered as I mentally crossed my fingers and prayed that The Lord may forgive my sins.
“What is his name Lily?” Mom asked softly as she pulled me into her embrace. Her touch burned me, made me want to melt away, I had messed up with her baby brother, I didn’t deserve her love. I whimpered, as I pulled back, “Im sorry.” I whispered as I ran out of their room and into mine. I sobbed and sobbed, wanting my Liam to come and make it better, alas, I had no clue of his whereabouts.
I spent the next few days in a daze- a numb limbo where I felt nothing, spoke to no one and generally lived in a shell. Only white silence filled it, the silence was killing me. It was during this period when, I think I fell ill. It began with throwing up and not being able to eat, but it soon involved blackouts and fainting spells, so much so that one nasty episode involved a severe concussion and a day in the emergency ward when I fainted in class and hit my head on a desk.
I remember waking up in an unfamiliar room to find Mom and Dad hovering over me, looking pasty and worried, as if they had seen a ghost. “How are you feeling love?” Mom whispered and a saw a tear escape her pretty eyes, “Should I call the doctor baby?” she asked again. I don’t know what happened, perhaps I fell asleep.
“Hello Lily, I am Doctor Burton.” A blonde-haired woman whispered as she peered over me. I groaned in pain as I tried to stir but she gently pushed me back, “Don’t move, you should rest. You see, you fainted and hit your class desk, it lead to a minor concussion a few bruises.” She explained and I groaned. “Why don’t I leave you in the capable hands of our matron, she will help you get around and I will see you in another fifteen minutes, okay?” She offered kindly as she walked out.
A very capable matron came around soon and quietly, as gently as possible, she helped me wash up and change. She didn’t speak unless necessary but was always with a quick smile. Soon, I found myself sitting in bed with a breakfast tray in front of me, “Eat well my child,” she patted my head and took left.
The Moment I odors of beef hit me though, I felt sick and I quickly pushed the tray away as I staggered to get off the bed and into the washroom. My head spun as I kneeled by the pot and threw up what little my stomach still held in it. The stench of the pot was equally nauseating and I simply couldn’t bear it. I could actually feel another blackout forcing itself onto me. I tried my damndest to push it off as I began to back off from the pot.
“Here Lily, let me help you.” In the far corners of my mind, I heard Mom whisper as I felt a pair of gently hands pull me up. Mom helped me clean myself and then staggered with me towards my bed. I groaned in agony as I fell on the bed and Mom heaved a sigh of relief. She quietly placed a damp cloth on my face and began soothing me.
“Lily, why have you stopped living?” She asked as I closed my eyes and tried to block her voice. How could I tell her why, I wondered. “Honey, do you know why you fainted?” She persisted and croaked a yes, “Because I don’t eat properly, but I think it’s a bug. I cannot eat.” I whispered knowing that it was no bug but a broken heart and a guilty conscious that prevented restful sleep and the sigh of food.
“Honey, did Doctor Burton tell you anything?” She asked as I groaned again, “I don’t feel well Mom. Please make this bug go away, its killing me.” I whispered, hoping that she had some magic to take my guilt and pain away and cure me.
“I am sorry my love, there is no cure, you will have to bear it.” She whispered and a sob escaped me, “Am I dying Mom?” I asked as flashes of my time with Liam bombarded my heart and the only concern I had was whether Liam would be able to survive after my death.
Much to my astonishment, Mom actually started laughing, “You are not dying Lily, you are pregnant and no one has managed to find the cure of morning sickness.” She explained as her eyes bored into mine.
The only thing my heart and mind registered was pregnant. I was actually holding Angel in me. Liam’s dream of having his own family was coming true. We would now live together as a family, just Liam, Angel and me. I smiled as I imagined Liam’s face when I would break this news to him, I could imagine his grin, his proud pose and the love that would shine in his eyes as he would softly rub my tummy.
“Who is the father Lily?” Mom suddenly asked and all my dreams shattered as I realized I was still in the hospital bed and I had no idea where Liam was now. I did know this though, that I could not share my baby’s true parentage with my family.
“Who is he really, Lily, where is he now?” Mom persisted as I lay quietly trying to find a suitable reply for her. Could I continue with the charade of an Italian lover or perhaps feign illness and avoid the question.
“I am sorry Mom,” I whispered as I tried to find the correct words to say. “I have a man, and I really love him. Unfortunately, he had to leave, I told you about him right. He is the father and I don’t want him to know anything about this baby now. When the time is right, when his grandfather recovers and he returns, I will tell him then. Please.” I begged, praying that she understand.
“Please tell me the truth lily, has he hurt you or cheated on you, infact, did he force himself on you?” Mom asked a little too severely and I cringed, God, this was awful. “No Mom, he has done none of this. He loves me as much as I love him. But, the timing is such that I cannot tell him now. Please mom, Im sorry for being this careless, but please, please handle Dad. I don’t want him hurting my guy.” I whispered as I began to cry, the repercussions had only just began to sink in.
“Handle Dad?” I heard Dad yell from somewhere behind mom, “Handle Dad, Lily, while some son of a bitch hurt my baby daughter and ran away? Is it that easy? Please tell me who he is, I swear; I will have him kneeling at your feet in under twenty-four hours. I promise my Lily bear.” He whispered in anguish and my heart thundered, what on earth had I done.
“You will not hunt him or try to find him dad, please, I beg of you. I will introduce you to him when the time is right, I swear.” I begged, “Please don’t hurt him; I am really sorry for all this. Please, please swear you will not hurt him.” I cried as Mom held me, and Dad breathed fire.
“I love him Dad, and he loves me too. Only, given his family situation, we cannot be together at this moment, but as soon as its possible, we will be together. I swear he wasn’t playing around. Please believe me.” I continued to sob as guilt raked my heart and the coals of my sins flared to life as I looked on at the people who gave their all to keep my brother and me safe and bring us up.
“You should never have convinced me to remove the surveillance, look what has happened Aamara,” Dad snapped in anguish as he ruffled his hair and closed his eyes in despair.
“I am really sorry dad.” I whispered but, he shook his head and turned to walk. “I promise you I will leave, please don’t be angry with me.” I begged and he stopped short, “Leave? Leave and go where Lily?” He asked as pain coloured his voice and burnt my heart.
“I don’t know,” I whispered, “I am sorry I out you in this dilemma, I love you guys and I am really sorry, but I also love my child and my man, I cannot be ashamed of them. Please believe me when I say he would be over the moon when he hears this news. I swear.” I begged as my father gave me a lost look.
“I have to find him Lily.” He replied apologetically and my heart gave way, I almost jumped off the bed and yelled, “I swear Daddy, if you so much as pick a phone to find him, I swear, I will leave you, I swear I will never return.” I yelled as Mom tried to restrain me.
“I swear Lily; your Daddy will not hunt him, or contact him. Infact we will not even ask you about his identity again, but please calm down, you need to rest.” She whispered as she restrained me and held me down, “Please leave us Sam, she needs to calm down.” Mom yelled at Dad who ran to leave.
“How far along am I?” I asked Mom who simply indicated two fingers without speaking, it seemed I had knocked her abilty to speak, she was too choked and too much in pain because of me.
I closed my eyes and cried as I realized that our baby must have been conceived during Liam’s last stay at the family vacation home. I smiled at the memories as I quietly cuddled my Angel in my tummy.
“Angel, mamma and dad love you sweet girl.” I whispered in my heart as I lay there, alone in bed wondering to how handle the situation. So engrossed was I at your plight, I failed to notice mom quietly leaving the room and heading after daddy….