when darkness falls is when I miss you the most
when the world outside is calm and quiet
the only sounds emitting from the nocturnal and the restless
and when the stars are bright and the moon is high in the sky
when I look at the moon,
I imagine you standing beside me
making shapes out of the stars and naming the constellations above our heads
I imagine you
and it's never good enough—
because the you that I know
is far better than the you in my dreams
because the you that holds my hand
and kisses my neck
doesn't seem so far away
but the you in my dreams feels lightyears away from me
and I prefer whichever you feels closer to me
because I'm not me when I'm not with you.
I don't even know who I was
before you—
a ghost of a presence in life
a ghost of a girl
that needed something to latch on to to keep from floating away
I like to imagine that that's not me,
that I'm only me when you tell me the things I hate about myself that you're crazy over
I'm only me when I hold your hand and all my broken pieces reattach themselves to me
I'm only me when I feel like flying,
rather than sinking to the bottom of that old swimming pool—
I'm only me when I'm with you