Ben
I never fully understood why people enjoyed silence, peace and tranquillity. Sure, collectively they helped you think about the past, the future and the present, they lend you time to reflect on your life and question your decisions, but they also give you time to ask questions like 'what if' and 'maybe if', which only add to never ending dilemmas. Silence was the worst out of the three, it was a constant reminder of the reality of loneliness. Peace was a reminder of what I once had, which was now gone now and tranquillity, was a liar. There was no such thing as tranquillity in my silent and peaceful life. 'It will get better' and 'time heels pain' were the two most common phrases I heard these last couple of months.
They were wrong ... they were so wrong.
"Ben?"
I heard my name being called bringing me back to reality. Diverting my gaze from the kitchen counter to the familiar voice, I was met with a pair of crystal blue eyes that I could never get tired of looking at. They reminded me of the water, the beach, where I had first met them. "Yeah?", I said, hinting for her to repeat the question.
"I asked you if this was the last box?".
It was just now that I acknowledged the large box in her hands. Only she could distract me from reality. She was like a dream, and just like all dreams, it had to end.
I gulped and nodded. It had just dawned on me, that this moment, right here, right now, could be the very last moment we had together.
"Let me help you with that", I said, attempting to snatch the box out of her hand. Atleast,that was my intention, until my hand touched hers in the process. I knew I should have just shrugged it off, and carried the box to her car, but my fingers just couldn't help themselves and so I caressed her hand.
"Ben", she warned lowering her head. I loved how she said my name. It was subtle and soft. She made my heart tingle. Even after five years, she still had that effect on me.
"Please don't make this harder than it already is", she said, still looking at the ground.
I sighed. She was right. I had no 'upper hand' in this situation. I shouldn't be making this harder for her. She needed to move on, find someone better, someone who treated her right and gave her all the joyous things in the world, she needed someone stable and loyal.
She needed someone who wasn't a cheater.
"I'm sorry", I started. I paused not knowing fully what to say, "about everything", I continued. "I didn't mean for all this to happen Lisa, believe me, if I could go back in time", I stopped to let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding.
She bit the inside of her cheek and finally looked back up at me. "What's done is done". She shuffled the box in her hands, preventing it from falling and gave me one last gaze before saying, "take care of yourself Ben and don't be a stranger". With that, she walked past me without giving me a chance to reply. I could hear the sound of her favourite Louis Vitton shoes clicking through the hallway, until the front door opened and they, along with those crystal blue eyes, vanished.
____________________________________