Identical

"Anne?"

I ignored my kid sister and continued scribbling away at my middle school trigonometry. I'd been struggling with it since right after dinner and here it was past nine and I still wasn't getting anywhere but nowhere.

"Anne?"

I could feel her right behind me like a tiny flame¾hot and intense. But she wasn't going to get to me this time.

No way.

"Anne?"

The pencil dropped from my hand and I turned to face her.

She'd won. She always won. There was something about her¾something that always got to me—always got to everyone. "Listen Hermione, you've got to stop calling me Anne. Sure it was cute when you were a toddler. But you're a big girl now. Now, it just makes everyone laugh at me. My name's Andrew. Do you understand?"

She grinned and said, "I love you," which was a pretty good answer but not the one I'd been hoping for.

"And I love you too."

Don't get me wrong or anything. My little sister is not weird¾just deep¾ like this wise old grandam crammed into the body of a reedy eight-year-old.

Okay, so she is a little weird.

I smiled and put my arm round her frail shoulders. "And you can't keep coming in my room all the time either."

"And why not?"

"It's all part of growing up. Which is something we all do whether we like it or not. I'll be starting high school next year. It's a lot harder there. And it's more than just the schoolwork. I can't be a loner all my life, you know. I'll have to make friends my own age. And I've heard the seniors and juniors can be pretty tough. So I've got to be tough too. And then there's dating. Somehow or other your goofy big brother has got to convince some pernickety girl that he's not as yucky as he is."

I'm afraid I wasn't doing a very good job of clueing her in on the facts of life. I could tell what I was saying frightened her by the way she scrunched her dolly to her. And I didn't blame her. It frightened me too. Point blank, I wasn't ready. But ready or not manhood was right around the bend. "Don't fret, Hermione. You're a very pretty little girl. And by the time you get to high school you'll be a very beautiful young woman. It's a lot easier when you're a woman."

"It is?"

"Sure it is. You'll have tons of girlfriends to gab with. And there'll be loads of sleepovers and makeovers and parties. And talk about boyfriends? Why they'll be falling all around you just like bright red apples from an apple tree. You want one? Why you just reach down and snatch one up. And other than that you don't have to lift a little pinky. All you've got to do is be pretty."

Suddenly, Hermione became very still, her thoughts far away. Then she looked up at me with eyes as dark and wide as any starry-starry night and said, "You'll always be Anne to me."

Then she hugged me and left.

Breakfast

It wasn't like me to be late to the breakfast table but everything that could go wrong had gone wrong that next morning. First off, I couldn't find a blessed thing to wear because my mom had mistakenly put what could only be Hermione's stuff in my closet and drawers. It was all I could do to find a pair of decent jeans and a tee shirt to wear.

My mom and dad are pretty average...I guess. Excepting that is that everyone says they look more like my grandparents.

I'd been a joyous surprise to two late middle-aged professionals who'd given up any hope of ever having kids. When Hermione showed up seven years later they were more overwhelmed than overjoyed.

I guess because of their careers and such—and my being so much older than Hermione—I was the one who took care of her. Not that I'd minded at all that much. But now here I was fifteen and it was time I had my own life.

As soon as I sat down my mom placed a heaping bowl of Hermione's favorite breakfast cereal in front of me. Now she knows I hate anything that's sweet, crunchy, frothy and pink. But before I could say boo the first thing that pops out of her mouth is, "Good morning, Anne."

"Mom!"

"What'd I say?" she squeaked all innocence, like we hadn't discussed my not being called "Anne" anymore like a gazillion times.

"She's very sensitive today," Hermione chirped in.

"She who?" I asked.

"Speaking of 'she who?'" my mom grinned. "How's your girlfriend Kay?"

Kay was the daughter of a client of hers who happened to be in the same grade as me. Anyway, one day out of the blue Kay had asked me to sit with her at lunch. So I did. I didn't say much just listened. She liked that. And so everyday after that we sat together.

Now Kay was most definitely a girl and she was a kind-of-friend but the space between those two words was about the same as you'd find in the Oxford dictionary.

"Fine, mom. She's just dandy."

"It's so groovy that you finally found someone you can bond with. A best girlfriend is very important at your age, you know. She's that someone you'll share all your secrets with and the one you'll build your memories with. Believe you me, boyfriends come and go but a girlfriend—she's for keeps."

My mom, bless her heart, means well but what comes out of her mouth most often doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

She sat down in her place and got a faraway look in her eyes. "With me it was Blossom Plum. We were as thick as thieves we two. My, the wild things we did! And the boys! Why, we had to beat them off with a stick, I can tell you."

She took a maudlin sip of her coffee with a one-pinky salute.

"And you're so lucky to have one so pretty."

"It amazes me too, Mom."

"Don't sell yourself short. Trust me, in time you'll come into your own. And believe me when you do she'll have to settle for slim pickings."

"Slim pickings?"

"Why yes, Dear. You know, the small fry that you throw back into the lake until they grow up."

"Ah...right." I was about as lost as an Arctic explorer at the South Pole.

"You're just a late bloomer is all. I was one myself. But mark my words just like me you'll blossom."

"Me? Blossom?"

"But you pay close mind to Kay. She can teach you a thing or two. She knows what to wear and how to wear it¾what to say and how to say it. You can't always be a tomboy all your life."

"I am not a tomboy¾"

"Maybe not a tomboy, but if you expect to snag a boyfriend¾"

"Boyfriend?!"

"Speaking of which," my dad rumbled suddenly taking interest in the strife. "You're not still seeing that Billy person are you?"

"Of course I am, Daddy. He is my best friend." I couldn't believe I'd just slipped and called my Dad—Daddy.

"Best friend? Is that what they call them these days?"

"I agree with Anne," Hermione chirruped, coming to my defense. "I think Billy's cute."

"Cute!" my dad barked. "A scalawag like that has only one thing on his mind when it comes to a pretty girl."

"You stay out of this Hermione," my mom giggled. "One boy crazy junior miss in this family is plenty."

"Boy crazy?" I asked, wondering who the heck they were going on about.

My mother got up and said, "Now you two better get off to school before you're late."

Hermione and I both got up and my mother bent down and kissed Hermione on her forehead. When she turned to me I reached out to kiss her on the cheek like I always did. Only even though I puckered and stretched I couldn't quite reach her.

So my mom put both her hands on my shoulders, smiled and kissed me on the forehead as well.

"Now you take care of your sister."

She could have only been taking to me but I swear she never took her eyes off Hermione.

Boys

Hermione and I didn't talk much as we walked to school. I had a lot on my mind.

The morning so far had been just way too weird¾what with my dad and mom playing tag team in trying to harass me.

"Stay out of trouble," Hermione said, surprising me. Somehow we had arrived at school already.

"Listen Shrimp, dad and mom may be all mixed up. But I'm not. You're the little sister and I'm the big brother."

"Whatever you say, Pumpkin." She looked anything but convinced as she sashayed to her homeroom.

I went straight to mine and sat in my assigned seat in the last row, finally starting to feel normal.

"That's a nice outfit."

"Ah...thanks," I smiled even though I didn't have clue as to why I should be smiling.

Anyway, that must have been the correct answer because Bryan, the guy who had just uttered that misdirected politically correct come-on grinned back at me like he'd just won the daily lotto.

"It's a good color for you. It brings out the pretty green in your eyes."

Now, this comment was passing strange as I most definitely have brown ones. It's my sister Hermione who has the green eyes. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Is this geek pestering you, Anne?" Jason the bruiser on the other side of me cut in.

Anne? So that's their game. Somehow these guys had heard about my recent spat of woes and had decided to join the fun. "Look, you guys may as well forget about it. It's not going to work."

"What's not going to work?" Bryan asked.

"Being all sweet to me and making like I'm such a pretty girl."

Suddenly Mr. Wilson my homeroom teacher's voice boomed out. "Anne! If you're done flirting with your gallants I'd like to take attendance."

"Me?" Everyone giggled and I turned beet red. It seemed everybody was in on the big joke.

Girlfriend

"Anne!"

I couldn't believe Kay had called me that in front of the entire lunchroom. I stared at my tray and walked as quickly as I could to where she was sitting.

"Kay, I am like so glad to see you." I plunked myself down next to her. "I've just had like The Morning from Hell."

"Tell, Big Sister," she grinned.

"Well, like my parents for one. It's downright spooky is what it is. It's like they think I'm totally someone else."

"Like who?"

"Never mind. The whole thing is just to embarrassing anyway."

"Speaking of which did you get a glimpse of what Taryn's wearing today."

I glanced over as she walked by. "Can you believe it?" I agreed. "That is just so yesterday."

"So did he ask?"

"Who?"

"Billy, you dunce! I don't know why you hang out with that dweeb. Here it is a week before the prom and you still don't have a date."

"I'm glad you brought that up." This was it—my big chance. I knew Kay didn't have a date either.

"What do you think of the new guy¾Eric?"

I looked over at someone who already looked like he should be in high school.

"I guess he's okay," I said, not really understanding why she was making such a fuss.

"Okay? Every girl in school gets wet just seeing him and you think he's okay?"

"Well, I mean—I never¾"

"Tell the truth. Even you have got to find him attractive."

"Well he is rather¾"

"Go on. Admit it."

"Okay. He's good-looking." And now that I thought about it, he was.

"Thought so. But just remember I got first dibs, Anne."

It wasn't funny¾none of it. It wasn't when my mom and dad called me Anne. It wasn't a lick funny when the guys in homeroom called me the same. And I'd be darned if I'd let Kay do it.

"Look Kay. I've had it up to here. So you're in on it too. Well it's not funny." And I got up, making to storm off in a real honest to goodness hissy fit.

Only I wasn't really mad. What I was—was scared¾crazy cared. I looked at my hand to see if it was trembling. And it was trembling alright. Only it wasn't my hand that was dong the trembling. It was way too small and way too delicate.

It was some girl's hand.

"I'm not feeling so good..." Suddenly everything was spinning around and around.

I turned to run and ran right into some guy that was standing behind me. He grabbed me by both shoulders and steadied me.

It took forever for my eyes to travel from his belly button, over his broad chest, up his thick neck and onto his chiseled face.

"Sorry," Eric growled. "Anne, right?"

"Today."

"I know this is kind of sudden...but here goes...would you be my date to the prom?"

"Of course she will," Kay squealed in delight for me.

"Great! Later." And then he lumbered away.

"You are so-o-o-o lucky."

I didn't think I was so-o-o-o lucky at all. What I wanted most was just to be out of there. I stumbled out of the cafeteria, rushed down the hall and ducked into the Boys' Room. I stood with my back against the door, hearing the boom-boom of my.

When it finally calmed I stepped up to the cracked white porcelain sink and gazed into mirror above it.

"On-My-God," I said. But it wasn't my mouth that said it. It was someone else's. Someone that looked like a spitting image of my baby sister only a little older. Same everything.

"This can't be happening."

I stepped back a little and gauged myself from head to toe. I'd shrunk and looked so frail that a breeze might have blown me away. And under my shirt were two little lumps pushing out either side. And between them was a little soft valley that rose and sank with each panicked huff.

"No. No! I can't have breasts! I don't want to have breasts. I don't want any of this."

Just then the bell rang for the start of the next class. I needed help bad. I needed someone I could talk to. The only one I could think of was Billy. He'd been my best friend since kindergarten.

Surely he'd know me.

Best friend

I caught him just as he was about to go into biology class.

"Billy I've got to talk to you. You're my last hope."

"Now?"

"Right now."

"Where?"

"Meet me behind the bleachers."

"Right."

While I waited I stared at two tiny feet that made little circles in the dust. Feet that should have been mine but weren't.

"Now what seems to be the hubbub, Bub?" Billy asked.

"It would better if you sat down." When he did I stood and started pacing. "You know who I am, don't you?"

"We've only been best friends like forever."

"And you remember the time we skipped school and went fishing on Charles Creek?"

"Yeah, and we caught so many fish we had to let them go because we couldn't figure out how we were going to explain how we caught them."

I stopped right in front of him. "Look at me. Do I look any different to you?"

"Sure you do."

"I knew it!"

"When did you get so pretty?"

"Thank God! Someone beside me has noticed. Last night I went to bed my old self and today...well today..." I couldn't believe it. I was falling apart right in front of my best buddy. I was actually crying.

"It's okay. It'll be okay."

"No. No, it won't."

"And why not?"

"Because look." I unbuttoned my shirtfront. "I have breasts!"

"Oh my God." He scanned about¾as embarrassed as I was¾but there was nobody about.

"Those can't be real."

"They are."

"Do you mind?" He timidly reached out a hand.

I closed my eyes and shook my head no. His touch was very gentle and wonderful. I couldn't believe how weird that made me feel¾all alive and tingly.

It's not awful. It's awfully nice.

Then he took the right tit in his hand, squeezed it firmly and then pinched the nipple.

I could feel my teat getting fat and hard to his ill-mannered touch. My head was filled with a wild whir that elbowed out everything else but his caress.

"They're real alright," he pronounced. "And beautiful."

"I¾"

"Shush." Then I felt his lips tug at my nips and the tip of his wet tongue twirled them round in teeny circles.

This was not the kind of help I had in mind at all. I should have been completely humiliated¾and I would be¾only not just then.

Then I felt snap of my pant top snap unsnapping.

"Billy...please."

And then I heard the soft growl of my zipper being unzipped.

"I¾"

"We have to find out exactly how far this thing has gone."

He tucked his finger between the waistband of my underwear and my belly and slid it down further and deeper until it was between my legs.

"Oh¾oh," Billy whispered, shaking his head sadly.

"What?"

Suddenly his finger was inside me, all slick and slippery.

"I need a second opinion." He slid in a second stiff digit.

I had to say something at this intrusion but all that came out was a low kind of meow.

"You're a girl, alright."

Suddenly I had to have him in me deeper and I pulled at his wrist. The sudden jab of his fingers snapped something taunt and ready inside me. I found myself rocking, my insides clenching on his stiff fingers. Sounds like I'd never heard from anyone before came from somewhere way down inside me.

He held me tight, my head buried in his shoulder until I could talk again.

"I'm sorry," was all I could think to say. "It's horrible.

"No it wasn't."

"What's happening to me?"

"You're just growing up. You're starting to get the wants and needs of a grownup. It's not horrible. It's wonderful."

Then he kissed me and said, "I love you, Anne."

"What?"

"I guess, I always have."

"Why did you call me that?"

He scrunched up his forehead as if I had said something that was supposed to be funny but wasn't.

"Because it's you name?" he answered finally.

"No, it's not. My name is Andrew."

"Andrew?"

"Andrew."

He worked his mouth around as if something didn't taste quite right. "But Andrew is a boy's name."

He was right of course.

"I've got to go." I yanked up my fly and snapped it shut. It didn't make it go away though. Inside I was still steamy and squishy and my underwear was soggy.

"But¾"

"I'm sorry. But there's a certain pipsqueak I have to throttle some sense into."

As I hurried off I heard him echo, "I love you."

Hermione

"Hermione!" I screamed as soon as I got in the house, not in anger but in desperation. "Hermione!"

"In my room."

I rushed upstairs and into her bedroom. She was enthroned on the pink bedspread of her canopied four-poster the way she always was, surrounded by bevies of beautiful dolls she was forever dressing and undressing. "What have you done to me?"

Without taking her eye off her dolly she said, "Just what you wanted."

"What I wanted? What did I want?"

"Don't you remember, Silly? You said you weren't ready yet. And it was easier if you were a girl."

"I didn't mean I wanted to be a girl!"

"And what's wrong with being a girl."

There was a note of deep concern in her tone that scared me. I knew I had to at least look calm.

"It's just that I don't know anything about being a girl."

"You'll learn."

I took a deep breath, trying to figure out some way I could reach her—make her understand.

"It's not that easy. You've been a girl all your life. And you're only in seventh grade. In high school it gets a lot more complicated. There are things like...like boys for instance."

"Boy's are icky."

"Yes. But they make me feel—funny—make me want to do things I don't—"

"Like what?"

"Please, Hermione."

She put down her doll and gave her full attention to me. "You don't like being my big sister? "

"It's not that. It's just that there's no time. I don't know how."

"Okay. You don't have to be the big sister."

"That's it?"

"Yelp."

"Thanks."

I stayed in my room until dinner and then went right to bed. I didn't think I'd ever fall asleep but I did.

Morning

My first surprise when I woke up was I wasn't in my room. I was in Hermione's.

"Darn."

I hopped out of bed and raced to my own room.

When I opened my door I got my second surprise. For an instant I thought I'd got twisted around somehow. But no this was my room¾or at least where my room should be. It looked exactly like the room I'd just left only Hermione sat on the bed smiling.

"I-- You--Wha--"

"Hermione! Anne!" my mother called. "Come on girls. You don't want to be late for the school."

Hermione grinned. "Now there's all the time in the world."

Twins¾identical twins—that's what we are now. Well, almost. I'm maybe three minutes the younger. Which doesn't seem like much. But in the Wonderful World of Twins that makes Hermione head honcho. She picks what we wear, how we wear it, who we talk to and who we play with.

And we're always dressed in matching little cartoon outfits. So cute it's disgusting.

I often think of trying to reason with her ¾explain things. But every time I just choke up.

I mean--there are a lot of things worst than being an eight-year-old girl aren't there?