(Dallas' POV)
I stared, tears dripping every second onto his forearm and wrist. "W-Why, babe?" I said, choking on tears as I spoke.
"I'm sorry." he whispered. I wiped my eyes, and brought my lips down to his scarred arms. I let my lips linger over all eight cuts. I sat back up, and turned my head to the window.
"Dallas," he began, sounding hesitant. "I'm sorry." I closed my eyes, more tears sliding slowly down my cheeks from under my eyelids. "Please believe me when I say that." he said, sounding desperate.
I nodded. "Please come here." he said quietly. I didn't budge, I knew that if I laced my fingers with his, kissed him gently, and cuddle him tightly like I wanted to, I'd start crying like a baby. Why did he do that? Does he not know that when he's hurt, I hurt too? Did I not tell him enough? Am I the reason he's cutting?
"Please?" he trailed a shaky hand down my back. I looked down and scooted backwards slowly. He came behind me, and sat, chin on my shoulder. He tilted his head and kissed my cheek. "Are you angry with me?" he whispered.
I shook my head, "I can't be. I've tried, believe me." I said. He chuckled lightly and I could feel his cool breath hitting my cheek, raising goose bumps on my arms.
We sat in silence for a moment. I wanted to ask him why he did that. I turned around and put my legs around his waist, securing my balance. I grabbed him arm, focusing on his wrist. "Why'd you do this?" I asked. He shook his head. "Tell me, Andy. I at least want to know why." I said, tears welling in my eyes again. I hated seeing him so... off. So down, and out. So... depressed.
"Please?" I wrapped my arms around his neck, and nuzzled my nose on his cheek, puckering my lips and pecking the skin. "I'm sorry." was all he said, no explanation.
"Is it me," I began. "Please tell me if it is, I can leave. Fall break is almost over, you know? I can go to my parents' house instead, I-" he stopped my rambling with his lips, taking mine in. He placed his hands on my hips.
Once our lips parted, he pressed his forehead to mine. "Please don't say things like that. I'd never ask you to leave." he nearly whispered. My cheeks heated up, and my eyes stayed locked with his. I absentmindedly reached for his wrist again, running my fingers over the rugged skin.
"Can you.. at least tell me why?" I asked hesitantly, not wanting to upset him.
"I'd rather not." he looked down, breaking eye contact.
I sighed, disappointed. "Okay." I got up, pecking his cheek. I walked to the door, throwing my hair in a bun, tears still sliding down my cheeks.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"I don't know. I need some air, I guess." I didn't dare look at him. My voice was already wavering, and I didn't want for him to see that I was still crying. I didn't want to admit that he had hurt me, by cutting.
He paused, "Don't leave, okay? I need you here, with me." I nodded, pulling the door open quietly.
~
I walked outside, glaring up at the stars. I knew what I had to do.
"Nick," I said, my voice weak and quivering. "I need your help, buddy. I need your advice. Really bad." I said, choking out a sob. "Listen, I don't just need you. Andy does too. I think you'd like him." I blushed slightly, looking at the grass.
"Just... help me get through this. I hadn't talked to you for so long, and I knew you could help- you always do. So thanks, love. I miss you so much, Nick." I whisper, a stray tear staining my cheek.
"Who are you talking to, Dallas?" I heard a familiar voice, and I jumped. "You fucking scared me!" I slapped Jake's arm as he came beside me.
"And, I was talking to Nicholas. My brother." I looked down again. "Is he... you know?" he said touchily. "Um, yeah." I sighed. He wrapped an arm around me, "Sorry." he whispered. I nodded, taking the hug gratefully.
"Is something wrong? It's freezing out here and you don't even have a jacket on." he tilted his head. "Yeah, um, actually there is. I'm having a tough time with something. Like, someone is doing something and they don't realize that when they do that, it hurts me too." I looked away from his studying gaze.
He sighed, "You know you can tell me, Dallas." I nodded, "I know." My voice was nearly a whisper, but I didn't bother to raise it. A tear slid down my cheek for the umpteenth time tonight, and Jake wiped it away. "Hey, don't cry, yeah?" he tugged my into a hug. I excepted the hug completely, not daring to pull away, knowing I needed it.
"I thought he knew. I thought he knew." I kept repeating. "Who, love?" he asked. "A-Andy. I thought he knew I loved him. So, so much." I sobbed.
He stroked my hair gently. "Want to tell me what happened? We can go inside." he offered. I nodded, but knew I wouldn't tell him everything.
~
We sat on Jake's bed. I sat against the headboard and pulled the covers to my waist, sniffling. He climbed in and did the same, facing me. "Want to start?" he asked.
I nodded slowly. "I thought he knew how much I loved him. Maybe I didn't tell him enough... But, I obviously didn't. Because it hurts-" I choked. I wiped my eyes and continued, Jake rubbing my back. "It hurts so much." He wiped the stray tears but didn't say anything.
I caved, planting my face in his neck, and letting out all the tears I had left- which wasn't much.
"He knows, Dallas. He knows you love him." he whispered. "I don't think s-so." I wiped my nose on his shirt, not fucking caring anymore.
He didn't seem to care either, he just continued stroking my hair and telling me-
What I needed to hear.
Oh my God. I knew it. Nothing was alright, like he said. Nothing was going to be okay. It was just as fucked up as I thought. He was only telling me what I needed to hear.
I pulled away from Jake, getting off the bed, sniffling. I forced myself to stop crying, and wiped my eyes. He stared at me, puzzled. "You okay?" he asked. I shook my head, "I think I know what I need to do."
"And what is that?" he asked, sliding closer.
"Leave. Should I-" He cut me off, "No. You definitely don't need to do that. It'll kill Andy." he shook his head. "O-Okay. Well, I have no idea what to fucking do, Jake." I sat back down, putting my head on his shoulder for support.
"You'll be okay. I promise. Go cuddle with Andy- isn't that what you do, cuddle?" he chuckled. I smiled and nodded. "That's our thing." I whispered. "Obviously. Every time I turn around, you're fucking cuddling." he laughed.
I laughed along with him, knowing he was right- we did cuddle a lot. "Go ahead, Dallas. I think it'll help." he gently pushed my up. I turned to face him again, bending down to wrap my arms around his neck.
"Thanks you, Jake, I owe you." I grinned and walked to Andy's room.
Where I belonged.
~
I crept into Andy's room quietly, glancing over to the bed. He laid there, staring up at the ceiling. "Andy?" I said quietly. He picked his head up, looking at me. "Yes?" he said. "Can I still sleep with you?" I asked nervously.
"You don't have to ask." he chuckled, laying his head back down. I smiled, blushing, and walked over to the bed. I climbed up and laid beside him, snuggling closer to him. I laid my head on his chest and sighed. I wrapped an arm across his torso, thankful he was here with me.
"Sorry about earlier." I said. "No worries." he sighed. "Hey, Andy?" I said. "Yes?" he asked. "Please stop cutting, okay? Please? For me? For the guys?" I asked quietly. He didn't reply, only kissed my head.
"Let's get some rest. We have a show tomorrow." he whispered. I sighed and nodded, pecking his lips. "Goodnight." he whispered. "Night."
I snuggled back into his chest and knew I was close to sleep. "Hey, Andy?" I said again. "Yes?" he asked, sounding sleepy too. "I love you too." I sighed. I looked nervously up at him, hoping her remembered. He smiled widely and kissed me.
"I'm really glad you said that. But also a little embarrassed." he blushed. "Why?" I chuckled. "I didn't think you heard that." he said sheepishly. "I'm glad I did." I pecked his lips. "I love you." he whispered against my lips.
I smiled and put my head on his chest, running nails over his black tee. Maybe all this work out. Maybe Tony would leave me-
I knew that wasn't true, he'd never stop until I was dead. But I think things with Andy with eventually work out. I sure as hell hope so.