It took Nova almost a week to recover to her normal self after Thanksgiving, and by that time we were effectively buried in preparation for finals.
Somewhere, high up in the ranks of public education, someone had decided that Junior year needed to be as tedious and stress-inducing as possible--you know, to prepare us for the real world or something. Winter vacation was only two weeks away by the time I had managed to rise to "B" level in math for the first time since starting high school (with Nova's help, of course) and I was struggling madly to keep it that way. The school's one guidance counselor, a sweet old lady by the name of Ms. Maybelle, had chosen this time of year to also start cramming information about college down our throats, too.
Final exams eventually rolled in like a blizzard none of us were really prepared for. Elbright's final was the last thing standing between us and freedom on a surprisingly pleasant afternoon in mid-December. The prompt, written in blue chalk on the blackboard, was as vague and painful as Elbright could have possibly made it:
Plato's "Allegory of the Cave" explores the idea that "perception is reality."
Use a work of literature we have studied this semester to debate or reinforce the concept.
We struggled and sweated at it for ninety minutes while Elbright sat at the front of the room with his feet up on his desk, bouncing a little foam ball from his desk to the wall constantly, making it impossible to concentrate properly. Unsure of what to write about, I just charged ahead to defend Plato's allegory, using The Great Gatsby to help me (I mean, if anybody in literature lived in constant delusion, it was Gatsby, right?) Elbright called time just as I crossed my last "t" and we all let out a halfhearted cheer, just thankful that the nightmare (both the exam and the semester) was finally, blissfully over. Nova had a little extra spring in her step as she hauled her backpack onto her shoulder, dropped off her essay on Elbright's desk, and practically skipped out the door.
Elbright stopped me as I handed in my essay. "You're writing has improved a lot in the last month or so," He mused, looking over the beginning of my essay with interest. "I'm looking forward to reading this, you know."
"Um... thanks," I said unsure of the praise. I started toward the door.
"Oh, Andy?"
"Yeah?" I stopped in my tracks.
"How's Natalie doing? She's seemed... oh, quieter than usual these past few weeks."
"I think she's fine," I said, surprised that he had noticed. "She had some, um, family issues, I guess you could say."
"Ah." He smiled and rubbed his forehead. "Do me a favor, Andy?"
"Sure," I said automatically. "Uh, what kind of favor?"
"Just keep an eye on your friend, will you? People like Natalie are rare in the world, and I know you can appreciate that as much as I do." He said, furrowing his brow.
"Yeah, I'll do that," I said, perplexed. Elbright dismissed me with a wave of his hand and I wandered off to find Rick's truck, deciding not to mention the conversation to Nova.
"Did you get lost in the bathroom or something?" Nova said from the middle of the bench seat when I finally made it out to the parking lot. I threw my backpack in with a grunt and climbed in after it, not in the mood to bicker at the moment.
"Nah, he probably fell in," said Rick with a laugh. "You've got to put some meat on your bones, Puck. how have you not blown away with the snow yet?" I smiled half-heartedly, lacking the proper brain function for anything more.
"Aww, come on, Elbright's final wasn't that bad," Nova said, patting my head dramatically. "Hey, I volunteered us to go to your house and kill some aliens on the TV to help drown our sorrows!"
"I'm down," agreed Rick, pointing the truck toward my house and gunning the engine (as always). "You better have food, too, 'cause I'm starving"
We arrived to an empty house and Rick immediately began attacking my pantry. Nova invaded my bedroom (as always) and brought my now-ancient XBox up to hook up in the living room. In short order we were drowning in zaps and screams, just like the old days. Nova shrieked every time she died and started throwing things at Rick when he began showing off.
I leaned back into the couch cushions and dropped my controller, content to just watch for a while, happy that everything was returning to normal. I watched Nova laugh and yell in fascination, still haunted a little by the ghost of the girl who was sobbing into my shirt. I would never be able to figure out how she went from zero to one hundred with each of her emotions. Elbright was right, I decided. Nova was indeed a rare gift, something to be treasured.
Then again, I considered, how does one treasure a cyclone?
"Yo, Puck, you with us here?" Rick looked over at me and his character was decapitated with a triumphant yell from Nova.
"Yeah, I'm just... burned out, I guess," I said with a yawn. "It's been a long semester."
"Don't even get me started," Nova said, picking up a pillow and hurling it at Rick as he effortlessly slaughtered her once again. "I was so buried I couldn't even go to Carsonville with my uncle to buy you guys' Christmas presents!"
Rick and I looked guiltily at each other--every year, Nova got us each a thoughtful little Christmas gift and we, being the idiots we so often were, completely forgot to do the same every single year. Carsonville was the only town in a hundred miles with something even remotely resembling a strip mall, and was the only decent place to buy something interesting.
"Hey, what if we went to Carsonville today and just got it out of the way?" Rick suggested, pausing the game. I supposed he felt as guilty as I did about the whole present thing.
Nova jumped up immediately, declaring it a wonderful idea and snatching away the keys to the truck. Half an hour later we were pulling into the parking lot of the only department store/sad excuse for a strip mall. Nova wasted no time at all getting lost in the store, which was practically empty, while Rick and I began hunting around for gifts for her.
It only took me about five seconds to realize Nova was impossible to shop for. What on earth would a girl like her want, anyway? More books? Another journal? Socks? My search led me into the store adjacent to the one we began in, a little knickknacks shop called "Shenanigans", slightly bigger than an outhouse with a surly-looking guy behind the counter who smelled like he hadn't taken a shower in a week. After wandering around for fifteen minutes, I was finally desperate enough to ask him for help.
"A Christmas present? For a girl?" He scratched his head, as if the female species were entirely foreign to him (I wasn't too surprised). "I don't know, man... what's she into?"
"Um... writing?" I suggested. The guy shook his head, looking at me as if I had suggested "animal sacrifice" or something. "Uh, she likes music, I think."
"We just got in some new death-metal albums, I think," he said. I shook my head again, trying not to roll my eyes. "Look kid, this store is for, like road-trippers from back east or something. Are you sure she isn't into, like, t-shirts or anything?"
"No." I said with a sigh. I was about to leave when a mug shaped like a whiskey bottle caught my eye. "I mean, she likes drinking, that's for sure."
"Why didn't you say so?" The guy's eyes lit up instantly. "Dude, we just got in a box full of some real cool stuff that I haven't even shelved yet, check it out!" He pulled a battered cardboard box out from under the counter and started pulling out boxes full of shot glasses and the like, spreading the merchandise out all over the counter. I was about ready to call it quits because all the stuff was campy and lame when something caught my eye.
"You sure?" When I asked to see it, the guy looked at me skeptically.
"It's perfect," I confirmed, a smile instantly spreading across my face as I imagined Nova unwrapping it.
"Whatever dude. You sure she doesn't want the moose shot glass?"
"Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure," I said, pushing said glass, which featured two cartoon moose fornicating, to the other side of the counter. After paying an arm and a leg for the item, I wrapped it carefully in some newspaper the clerk gave me and tucked it under my jacket, gleefully leaving to go find Nova and Rick.
"Where'd you wander off to?" Nova looked up from her browsing in the women's section when I walked up. She had a big white bag dangling from one arm, which she deliberately shifted to keep me from seeing the contents.
"I went to Shenanigans" I said, raising my eyebrows and nodding toward the raunchy sign on the opposite wall. "What'd you get me?"
"You'll find out in two weeks, and if you ask again I'll break it over your head on Christmas Eve," she threatened with a smile. "Hey, how do you think this would look on me?" She pulled a lacy black bra off the rack and held up, instantly giving me a heart attack. She just laughed as I tried to stammer something out like an idiot.
"You probably shouldn't answer that," Rick said as he appeared out of nowhere. "Oh, get a room, by the way. You two are embarrassing me here."
"Oh, please. You do that perfectly fine all by yourself," Nova said, patting him on the cheek and taking the bra with her. "Your lack of taste--or tact--isn't going to keep me from looking my best!" With that, she waltzed away toward the register.
"So, are you two officially...?" Rick tried to find his word with series of hand gestures that made my face heat up.
"No," I mumbled. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Oh, come on. You two are practically all over each other--"
"Drop it, Rick," I said with a bit of edge in my voice. "It... it's complicated, I guess."
"How complicated could it be? You just put your--"
I stepped on his foot as hard as I could while we followed Nova out the doors, cutting him off abruptly.
"Hey, guys, they have a hot chocolate stand!" Nova pointed to a couple kids across the street who were selling steaming cocoa in white foam cups. "Please, please, please can we get some?"
Rick shrugged and I had no reason to say no--not that I ever could say no to her anyway--so we arrived back at Rick's truck with a scalding cup of warm chocolatey goodness. Nova dropped the tailgate and hopped into the bed, crossing her legs petitely and patting the spot next to her. I was cold, yes, but the freezing metal suddenly looked a lot more appealing. Rick grumbled about "freezing his nuts off" and climbed into the cab to turn on the heat. I settled down next to Nova and we sipped our hot chocolate in pleasant silence, breath forming little clouds above us in the frigid air.
"Hey, Puck, what'd you write your final essay about? Did you agree, or disagree with Plato's Allegory?" she spoke finally, shivering a little. I unconsciously leaned a little closer.
"Kind of hard to disagree, wasn't it I mean, everything we see is just a shadow of our own perception?"
"I disagreed." She said, pursing her lips. "I'm not buying into that 'perception' bullshit!"
"Kind of ironic, huh?" I pointed out. "You're the one who sees... I don't know... insightful stuff everywhere."
"What do you mean?"
"Remember the first--second, sorry--time we got drunk? How we laid up there on Rick's roof and talked about the darkness and stuff?"
She smiled at me. "Yes, of course I remember that. What about it?"
"Isn't all of that just a perception thing?" I asked. "Aren't the things we see, the things we feel, aren't they diluted by our own personal experiences? And no two people have the same experiences... so it's all just made up in our head, right?"
She waited a while to answer me. "That night, did you see what I was talking about, though?" she asked finally. "Did you see the colors? The light? Was I wrong?" She suddenly sounded a sad. Small. Afraid.
"Yeah, of course I saw it," I said quickly.
"Did you really see it, though?" She looked at me long and hard. saw something in her eyes that I couldn't quite pinpoint.
"I... I'm not sure."
"Did you lie to me that night, Puck?"
Betrayal. That's what I was in her eyes. My stomach twisted into a knot.
"What? Of course not!"
"You know; you don't have to pretend. I aware that I'm... I'm... different. Weird. Alone..." She trailed off.
"You're not weird, Nova." I said quickly. "At least not to me. You know that, right?"
"I think so. We're not the same person, you know. You have your life, and I have mine." She glanced sideways at me. I definitely didn't like where this conversation was going at all.
"I'm aware of that," I said a little defensively. "Obviously."
"Is it so obvious, though?" Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and, though she was bundled up in a jacket and a scarf, she still looked incredibly attractive. I tried to banish such thought from my head.
"Are you saying that I... I don't know, copy you, or something?"
"Sometimes, yes." Her answer was blunt and brutal. I turned away from her, trying to fight the lump in my throat. "Look, Puck, I like you for who you are, not because you're like me or anything."
"I don't even know how that's possible," I said bitterly. "I don't even know who I am."
"You're the boy who drinks with me, smokes with me, laughs with me, and cries with me." She said simply. I turned to her and she had a small smile on her lips, which she brushed briefly against me cheek. "If you see what I see in the stars, it's proof that it's not perception, it's fact." With that she drained the last of her cocoa and climbed out of the bed of the truck, joining Rick in the heated cab.
I sighed, suddenly very afraid that I had disappointed her somehow.
I lingered on the tailgate for a moment, staring up at the sky and wishing the clouds would part and darkness would fall so I could try to see what she could see. Would I ever really see it, or was I just fooling myself into thinking I could ever see things through her eyes?
Could one ever really see the color of darkness?