K A S H M E RE
Why do good girls fall for the bad boys? It was a question I had asked myself to many times to count in the last two years. Here I was with this perfect guy who was willing to be patient with me, who was there for me but every time I was around him all I could think about was comparing him to my ex.
On paper Dominic was great. He was a businessman. He was smart, college educated, respectable, he was everything I probably needed but he wasn't who I wanted. I was looking for that spark but when I was with him I didn't feel anything.
When I first met August I couldn't deny that there was just something about him. I was drawn to him and I threw all caution to the wind. I knew that he wasn't the ideal guy. I knew that my mom wouldn't approve but I took a chance anyway and I fell in love with him a few months in. He could always put a smile on my face and just being near him gave me butterflies.
When I was with Dominic though, I didn't feel none of that. I didn't get butterflies, my heart didn't race, I felt nothing. When August used to kiss me I used to just feel the connection, feel the love but with Dominic kissing just felt like kissing. He wasn't a bad kisser but I just felt like something was missing.
Granted me and August did have six years of history. I lost my virginity to him He was my first everything and he knew everything there was to know about me. I thought maybe I just needed to spend more time with Dominic and so that's why I changed my mind about ending things with him. I tried to spend all of my free time with him hoping that feelings would develop.
I was dead wrong. The more time I spent with him the more I realized that maybe we were better off as friends. The day I finally got the courage to tell him that was the day he asked me to meet his family.
I choked on my water.
"Are you okay?"
I looked into his hazel eyes and nodded, "I'm okay. Your family, as in your parents?"
"And little sister, well 22 year old sister," he reached across the table and took my hand in his, "I really like you, these past few months have been amazing and I'm almost thirty. I'm not getting any younger. I want my family to meet the girl that has all my attention. What do you say?"
I sighed nervously. I didn't want to hurt his feelings so instead of saying what should have been no I said
"Okay, yes."
So here I was the night before this dinner tossing stuff out of my closet and laying out outfits trying to find the perfect one. My bedroom looked like a tornado had ransacked my closet and I was stressing myself out for nothing.
I was about to call Braeden but didn't want to hear his big mouth. Danielle was out of town so I didn't want to bother her either. Before I could figure out what to do there was a knock at the front door. I made my way out of my bedroom and stopped and checked myself out in the mirror and fluffed off my hair but rolled my eyes at myself and opened up the front door.
In front of my stood August with a sleeping Kaliyah in his arms. I moved to the side to let him in and led him quietly to Kaliyah's room so he could lay her down. I watched from the doorway as he took off her shoes and jacket. I found myself smiling at the scene but my smile quickly faded once I came back to reality.
He pulled the covers up over her, kissed her cheek and walked with me out the room so I could crack the door.
"Your not going to turn on her night light?"
"She doesn't use it anymore," I informed him, "Thank you for dropping her off."
"It's cool. Sorry It's late."
"I told you, you can keep her as long as you want. She's your daughter to."
He nodded his head and something must of caught his attention behind me. He was looking at the mess in my bedroom.
"You moving?"
"No. I was looking for something."
"Something like?"
"An outfit. The perfect outfit."
"For?"
August was always nosy and full of questions so instead of telling him to mind his business I decided to be honest.
"Dominic wants me to meet his family."
He was good at hiding his emotions but I could see the surprise and shock not only in his face but in his body language.
"So I guess shit is getting serious huh?"
I avoided his gaze and lightly shrugged my shoulders, "I wouldn't say serious."
"You don't thinking meeting his family is serious?"
"We weren't serious when I met your mom for the first time. If I remember correctly we weren't even together. His family is just in town and he wants me to meet him. He's not even my boyfriend, I mean he never officially asked me to be his girlfriend."
I don't know why I felt the need to downplay things but for some reason I just wanted him to know that me and Dominic weren't as serious as he thought.
"Yeah but you been talking to him for a minute now. Months."
"It's only been five-six months."
"A lot of shit can happen in five, six months."
He looked at me and I looked away from him again remembering the fact that when we first started dating we only dated five months before shit hit the fan. And in that time I fell in love with him.
"Do you love him?"
His question threw me off guard and I looked up at him and opened my mouth but nothing came out, "I-I like him. He's a great person and he treats me well."
My answer was so lame. He nodded his head and looked back towards my bedroom I assume at the mess I had made.
"As far as you meeting his family, ain't nothing for you to be worried about. Your every moms dream. Your sweet, caring. You can cook, classy, educated and you don't have to depend on no man for shit. You know how funny acting my mom is but she loved you right away. I'm sure his family will to."
I looked at him not knowing what to say but he took a step back from me, "It's late so I should go. Good luck."
I walked him out and one he was gone I felt even more conflicted than I did before. It was late but I needed to talk to someone and I went to my room and scrolled through my contacts until I came upon the name I was looking for.
"Hey best friend."
"Hey. Are you busy, I need to talk to you?"
"No. I always have time for my best friend, whats wrong?"
Even though she was so many miles away up in New York, me and Julianna still stayed in close contact. I kept it honest and told her everything that's been going on and what I've been feeling. I didn't stop talking until I got it all out and it didn't take her long before she was telling me like it was.
"It sounds to me like your settling. You think this Dominic guy is the ideal guy and your waiting it out hoping that one day you'll feel something for him or eventually fall in love but that's not how it works. Not everyone falls in love at first sight but you've been dating for a while now and your telling me that you don't feel anything?"
"No. I mean he's a great guy. He's perfect in every sense of the word but he's-"
"He's just not the perfect guy for you."
"Yeah."
"Your not doing anything but leading him on and wasting your time. Let him down easy and move on."
I sighed, "Dating is so hard. I don't want to keep going on dates with men, getting to know them hoping that they may be the one. That were a perfect match."
"Have you ever thought that maybe you've already met your perfect match?"
"Don't. You know everything that me and August have been through."
"How do you know I was talking about August?"
"Who else could you be talking about?"
"Okay I was talking about August. I know I wasn't there for everything, from what you told me I know he fucked up and he hurt you. But people make mistakes. Sometimes we take shit out on the people who love us the most. He's obviously sorry. The old August wouldn't of let you hold hands with another guy but he's letting you do your thing."
"Because he doesn't care. He doesn't love me anymore. He couldn't even-"
"Tell you he loved you that day you went to see him in jail," she finished my sentence for me, "Did you ever think that it was just as hard for him to walk away as it was for you? Despite all the bullshit deep down he's still the same guy that you fell in love with. The same guy that would do anything for you."
"So you think I should give him another chance because I don't think I can do that."
"I'm not saying jump back into a relationship with him but just let your guard down a little. Give him a chance to prove himself to you."
"He doesn't have to prove anything to me. He has a girlfriend by the way."
She laughed, "I live thousand of miles away and I've never laid eyes on the girl but even I know that she's just a distraction. Does he even claim her?"
"He told me when I asked that she wasn't his girl."
"Well there you go. If you was really into her then he would have no problem claiming her."
"Your right."
"I know I'm right. He's using her to get his mind off of you, just like your using Dominic to get your mind off of him."
I ignored her last comment and decided to finally change the subject, "So what about you, what going on in your world?"
"Work, work and more work. I have a shoot tomorrow for a magazine spread for this up and coming rap group. Should be fun."
"That's great. Soon I'm going to be seeing your pictures all over billboards. Just watch."
She sighed, "One day."
-
All that night and into the next morning I had been thinking about me and Julianna's conversation. She made a lot of good points but I had to get another point of view so I called Braeden and Danielle and convided in them both and they pretty much said the same thing.
I decided that I would go with Dominic tonight to meet his family, smile and play nice but after his family left town I was going to be honest with him. Something I should of done weeks ago. I still wanted to be his friend but no more than that.
I checked myself out in my full length mirror. The dress I had on would have to do. It wasn't the fanciest dress but it was good enough for where we were going. Dominic was picking me up and we were going to meet his family for dinner. I wasn't to surprised to hear that we were going to another over prized restaurant, high class restaurant.
When Dominic picked me up he gave me another run down on his family. His dad was some big shot lawyer and his mom was one of those stay at home moms. His sister had just graduated from Brown with a psychology degree. I thought I was ready, that this was going to be a walk in the park but I was wrong...
-
His mom didn't like me. I could tell as soon as she looked at me, it was written all over her face. His dads reaction to me was much more neutral, I really couldn't read him. His sister was quiet and polite. I knew his family would be high class but I never expected them to be so...bougie.
His family was picture perfect. Both his parents were very fair skinned, his dad was dressed in a expensive suit that mirrored the one Dominic wore and he was obviously who Dominic inherited his eyes from. His sister and him could of almost passed for twins and I could tell she was very soft spoken. His mother on the other hand appeared to be the epitome of high class. With the way she walked and talked you would of thought she was the first lady or someone as equally as important.
"So Kashmere," his moms pronunciation of my name was over the top and wasn't appreciated, "Are you African?"
Her question threw me off guard by how random and out of the blue it was. I knew the only reason she asked me that was because of my dark skin.
"I didn't mean anything by it, it's just that your skin is just so...dark."
She claimed she didn't mean anything by it but it was the way she said it and the way she looked at me.
"My mom was Jamaican and my dad was just black as far as I know."
"As far as you know? So you didn't know your father then?"
"I didn't mean it in that way. I meant it as my father didn't have much family and neither did my mother. They met when they were in college and soon after got married and then had me."
I said that all to her so she could know that I wasn't a statistic like she was trying to insinuate. I knew who both my parents were and I wasn't born out of wedlock.
"I can't help but notice you talk about your parents in past tense," his dad looked at me.
"Both my parents passed away," I told him.
His mom let out a audible gasp and did the most by putting her hand to her heart, "I'm sorry to hear that."
I nodded my hand in thanks.
"How if you don't mind me asking," she had the audacity to ask.
"Mom," Dominic cut in.
"What," she shrugged her shoulders with a smile, "It's not like they were shot, were they?"
I could see that she tried to make a joke while trying to still be nosy but she didn't know that she was right on. I didn't find this the least bit amusing. Dominic knew that both my parents were dead but even he didn't know how they died.
My silence must of spoke volumes because everybody all of a sudden got quiet and I could feel all there eyes on me as I looked down.
"Let's change the subject please," Dominic spoke up. They started talking but I excluded myself out the conversation. Dominic was lucky that my parents taught me to respect my elders.
"Kashmere your awful quiet. Tell us a bit more about yourself. What do you do," his dad asked me.
"I own my own dance studio."
"Oh," his mother looked at me in disdain, "So you didn't attend college?"
"Did you," I wanted to snap at her but before I could snap Dominic spoke for me.
"She went to college. Majored in business."
"Majored in Business and out of all things you decide to build a dance studio," his dad questioned. His tone was condescending, as if he thought my decision was a dumb.
"Dancing is my true passion. I've been dancing since I was a child and since I was little girl it was always a dream of mine to own my own dance studio," I told him trying my best to keep my attitude in check.
"Surely with something like that you don't make a lot of money."
"Money isn't my focus. I wanted somewhere where people of all ages and colors could come and enjoy themselves. I try to make the classes as affordable as possible but I still make more than enough money to live comfortably."
"Well if you want to live more than just comfortably you should invest your time and energy in something else. Get your money's worth out of your degree," his dad went on and turned his attention to Dominic and basically dismissed me.
After the food arrived I had lost my appetite and was ready to go but I nibbled on my food for appearance. His dad never looked back in my direction since he basically dismissed me earlier and for the most part my eyes stayed focus on my plate. I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of here.
"Is something wrong with your salad," I looked up and noticed his mom staring at me and her question put everyone's attention on me.
"No. It's fine I just had a big lunch is all."
"Well it's good you just ordered a salad then," she picked up her wine and sipped it and put it down and looked at me. I ignored her comment, my weight fluctuated a lot since I had Kaliyah. It was hard for me to put on weight before I had her and now it was a task to keep the extra pounds off.
"So tell me more about yourself. Did you grow up here," his mom asked. It was obviously she didn't like me so I didn't know why she cared to know more about me but for Dominic's sake I played along.
"I was born in Washington D.C and when I was 14 I moved here."
"Washington D.C," his mom looked surprised, "You must of moved because of the high crime rate. I heard it's one of the worst in the country."
"Actually I lived in one of the most prominent parts of D.C where there wasn't much crime, so." I gave her a fake smile. After that she barely looked in my direction for the rest of dinner. We were now onto dessert which I refused to partake in and I watched his mom guzzle down three glasses of wine and she was currently on her fourth.
Dominic's sister had only spoken about ten words in total and looked as miserable as me.
"So how does it feel to be done with college," I asked his sister wanting to make conversation. She looked surprised that I had even noticed her but answered me none the less. We talking about college and about our experience's when his mother cut in our question.
"What college did you attend," his mother asked me and I didn't hold back my sigh.
"Community," I answered. I didn't even have to look to see that her face was twisted up in disgust.
"All four years?"
"All four. What college did you attend if you don't mind me asking," I looked at her waiting for her to answer.
"I met my handsome husband in high school and not to long after I had my handsome son. I was more of the nurturing type so," she smiled at Dominic and her husband.
Bitch just say you didn't go to college. I held back the urge to roll my eyes and nodded as if I really cared.
"Surely once you settle down you'll cut back on work. After you get married, your husband comes first. Making sure he's happy should be your first priority."
"That's true but I don't think I have to cut back my hours. But since I'm my own boss that shouldn't be a problem."
"And what about when it's time for kids? Surely you'll stop working then?"
"Actually I have a-"
"I'm sure she will," Dominic cut in answering for me once again, "But it's not the 1950's mom. Some women actually like working."
"I guess. I guess I'm just old fashioned," his mom shrugged her shoulders.
I gave Dominic the side eye. I found it funny that just when I was about to tell his mom that I had a daughter he cut into our conversation and answered for me. He gave me a nervous smile and took a sip of his water. His reaction just confirmed my suspicions.
I sat back in my seat refusing to say another word. To hell with Dominic and his uppity ass family. I knew that I was making the right decision by cutting him off. Even if I did have feelings for him putting up with his family wasn't worth the headache.
When the waiter came by I asked him for refill on my glass of wine and downed the whole thing not caring how I looked in front of his parents.
I listened to Dominic and his dad discuss business while his mom and sister sat by idly and silently. The only good thing about this restaurant was we were sitting outside and so I wasn't forced to look at there faces or the other faces in the restaurant.
I was debating taking out my phone and calling somebody, anybody to come and rescue me. I was about to excuse myself to the bathroom and call Braeden. He owed me for all the times I bailed him out. Just as I was about to excuse myself I felt a tap on my shoulder. Looking to my right I turned around and was faced with probably the one only person who could put a smile on my face right about now.
"Hi mommy."
I smiled at her, "Hi baby. What are you doing here?"
I was happy, it was like my prayers were answered but I was also confused. She answered my question by turning her head and pointing behind her where August stood not to far away. I looked at him noticing that he got a hair cut, something he was in desperate need of. He was dressed in jeans, a blak polo and black Giuseppe sneakers.
He had on a diamond watch and matching chain and from where he was standing I could smell his cologne and it made me dizzy. It was like cupid himself came down and shot and arrow at me and I was in some kind of trance.
I was brought back to reality by the clearing of someone's throat in a rude and obvious manner. I looked back at Kaliyah and I knew that this was I knew that this dinner was over for me.
"Who is this beautiful little girl," Dominic's mom asked with a tight lipped smile. I knew she had to hear Kaliyah call me mommy so I don't know why she was asking stupid questions.
"This is my daughter," I answered looking at Kaliyah with a smile and back at her.
"Daughter," she looked and then at Dominic, "Oh. I was under the impression that you didn't have any kids. Dominic, honey why didn't you tell us she had a daughter?"
I looked at Dominic wondering the same thing and waited for him to answer the question.
A U G U S T
"I honestly didn't think it was important," the sucka looked at his mom and then at Kash.
"You don't think my daughter is important," Kash looked at him like she wanted to slap him.
"No, not like that. I didn't mean it like that," he tried to explain as Kash stood up from her seat, "Kashmere, I'm sorry. Where are you going?"
"Home. I can't do this."
"I'm sorry. Don't leave," he stood up with her.
She looked at him and at his family and sighed, "I didn't want to do this now. I was going to wait until your parents left town."
"Do what?"
"I don't think that were a good match. I'm sorry if I led you on but," she looked at his family and back at him, "I don't think that us being together is going to work."
I could see that the nigga's feelings were hurt and he didn't say anything and just looked at her like she just spoke a foreign language.
"Your a good guy but-"
"But I'm not good enough for you, is that it?"
When she told me yesterday that he was meeting his parents I was surprised. I thought that it was to late for me, until I asked her if she loved him. It was obvious she didn't and that she wasn't really feeling him.
I let her play her little games and let her see if the grass was greener on the other side but after tonight all of that shit was done. She was mine and she always will be.
I had my security follow her an luckily for me they decided to sit outside in plan view. He told me that she looked miserable and I told him to snap me a few pictures and he was right. Kaliyah was with my mom so I swung by over there picked her up and popped up on her.
Now I was watching all the this unfold.
"Is it because of him," Dominic asked her looking over at me.
"It's not about him, it's about me."
"If my mom offended you, I'm sorry. She's sorry."
"You don't have anything to apologize for Dom honey. She doesn't want to be with you and you just take that as a sign. She already has a child, obviously out of wedlock and a thug as her daughters' father," the lady looked at me like I wasn't shit and all I could do was smirk cause I found this shit funny as hell, "You can do so much better, she's no good for you. I could tell that just by looking at her. She's trash-"
The lady turned her attention to Kash and that's when my smile faded and I decided to step in, "You don't know me and you don't know her so I suggest you sit yo old, u-"
Kash put her hand over my mouth and gave me a look to shut up. I wanted to keep on cussing her out but for her I shut my mouth.
When she took her hand away from my mouth she turned back to face the old bitch.
"I was raised to treat my elders with respect but you've crossed the line . You can make all the snide comments you want. Maybe I'm not good enough for your son and that's fine. You think your better than me because you have money but at the end of the day it's obvious deep down behind the expensive clothes and diamonds that your miserable. And you know what, I feel sorry for you."
Kash turned her attention the young girl at the table who hadn't said nothing since I been here.
"It was nice to meet you Darlene."
She took Liyah's hand in hers and with that we all made our way over to my truck. After she strapped Liyah in she got in the passengers seat and didn't say a word the whole ride to her place. I asked her if she was okay but she said she was fine but I could tell she was pissed the fuck off.
Once we got back to her place I put Kaliyah to bed and walked back to Kash's room where she was pacing back and forth. She stopped to check her phone that started ringing and rolled her eyes before putting it back on the dresser.
"Is that him?"
She looked at me and nodded, "Yep."
"Your not going to answer?"
She looked at me like I was crazy and kept on pacing back and forth.
"You want to talk about it?"
"Yes, and you can start off with what you were doing there in the first place."
I chuckled, "Me and Li were just in the neighborhood."
She frowned and I could've given her a better excuse but to be honest I ain't have one, "Were you spying on me or something?"
"Nah I wasn't spying on you."
"Well whatever you were doing there I don't even care. Thank you for coming when you did. I couldn't take another minute of sitting across from that old-," she caught herself.
"Old ass uppity bitch?"
"Yes," she pointed a finger at me with a smile.
Her phone started going off again and this time she pushed talk before giving it a few seconds and hanging it up.
"The whole dinner his mom and dad were questioning me, judging me and looking down on me. It was obvious they didn't like me and they were being rude and not once did Dominic stand up for me. And then he acted like he didn't want his parents to know about Kaliyah," she shook she head and she paced, "I don't ever want to speak to him ever again."
She walked over to her dresser and grabbed her phone and when she was done the ringing stopped.
"And now I won't have to."
I assumed she blocked his number.
"It's that easy for you to cut him off?"
"It's not like I was in love with him. We went on a few dates and we kissed a few times, that was it."
The last thing I wanted to picture was him or anybody else kissing her.
"I think you could of done better anyway," I told her.
"Really, what's your definition of better?"
"Somebody who you actually like for one."
"I did like him."
"You liked him as a friend maybe but I could tell you weren't into him."
She looked at me like she didn't want me to know that, "How could you tell?"
"Cause I know you and I remember like it was yesterday how you were when we first got together."
"And how was I?"
I smiled thinking back to our early days, "You were always looking away from me and blushing."
She twister her face up, "Blush, me?"
"Yeah."
"Whatever," she smiled.
"You were bold as hell to for a virgin though."
"How?"
"You were the one that made the first move. You kissed me out the blue and I didn't even like kissing."
"Yeah but you kissed me back and if I remember correctly when I pulled away you kissed me again."
"But you were the one acting like you ain't like me."
"I didn't want to, especially after the way you approached me in the club that night."
I smiled, "Man I was high and I had been drinking."
"I thought you were rude as hell, cocky, a complete asshole but then I got to know you and I realized you weren't all that bad. All of that bad boy crap was just an act. You were really smart and funny and sweet and romantic."
"And how do you feel about me now?"
She looked at me for a while before finally answering, "I don't hate you despite what you may think. I thought I did, I thought I should but I don't."
I was happy to hear that but I knew that I still had a lot to make up for and I knew just because that lame was out the picture didn't mean she was going to come back with open arms.
I had accomplished one good thing to day and so I was good. I looked over at the clock on her nightstand and it was late and before I popped up on her I had plans to handle some shit.
"I should head out."
She looked at me, "You have plans with little girlfriend?"
"Like I said before she ain't my girlfriend. It's getting late so I figured I should leave."
"Or," she looked at me hesitantly, "You can stay."
I was trying to figure out if she was just fucking around, that was until I watched her unzip her dress. She was standing there in a pink lace bra and matching panties. I stood there frozen in the spot I was standing in. I watched as she sat on the bed and looked at me as if she was waiting on me to make the next move.
Deep down I was thinking that she was fucking with me again. Like last time she was going to get me all worked up and send my ass packing.
Something was telling me that she was still upset about what went down tonight and she wasn't thinking right. I didn't want to do anything that she would end up regretting.
All that went out the window after I approached her and was I was in reach she started tugging down my jeans and boxers at the same time.
Once I sprang free she eyed it and I could see the lust in her eyes as she bit her lip. She stood up from the bed and pushed me backwards on it and wasted no time straddling my lap.
She lifted her hips and wasted no time sliding down on my d!ck. It took a while for he to adjust so she just sat there and I was glad cause I was so used to using condoms that I forget how good it felt without one Once she got herself together she started moving her hips so I laid back and let her do her thing.
She moaned and I bit my lip to keep from moaning along with her.
I was never a one minute man but was trying my hardest to hold off. I grabbed her hips to slow her down but she was in her own little world. It was over before it barely started. The way she was bouncing up and down I knew I wouldn't last long but I was expecting for it to be over that quick. Not on my part at least. Her movements slowed down and full on stopped and when I opened my eyes she was staring at me like 'seriously?'
It was the same exact thing I was trying to figure out my damn self.
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**Lol. Really long chapter, hope you guys like it. Thanks for reading. :)