"Leukaemia, as in cancer? Is this some kind of sick joke?" I said, dazed.
"I really, really wish it was. But, we have to run more tests. But from what we saw in your bloods, you do have leukaemia. Chronic Myeloid Leukaemia to be precise. I know this is difficult for you to wrap your head around, but we can support you in every way you need it." He said sincerely.
There was a high pitched buzz screaming in my ears and a gigantic lump had formed in my throat out of no where.
"I can't have cancer. I don't have cancer. I feel fine, I don't feel sick at all. I can't die." I sobbed.
"Leukaemia is a different type of cancer. Unlike the rest, where you get a lump or an odd shaped mole, leukaemia is silent. Apart from the odd headache, you wouldn't even know you had it. CML is dangerous because most of the time there are no symptoms, but when you catch it in time, it can be controlled. So thank the person who brought you in to donate blood, because they have just saved your life. Now, listen to what I just said. And take that in, you are not going to die okay? Cancer doesn't automatically mean death. There are tons of treatment plans we can try." He said, turning his attention towards his computer.
I couldn't stand being in this stupid tiny room listening to the doctor tap away at his keyboard any longer. So I did what I do best, I ran.
I heard Logan and the doctors protests, but I needed to get out of that that place, fast. All the way through the hospital, past the slutty receptionist and out the doors. I ran and ran and ran until my lungs were heaving and my legs where burning.
I didn't know where I was running too, but I knew what I was running from. Cancer.
I don't no how long I was sprinting for, but I felt like if I didn't stop, I'd pass out.
I crouched over, resting my palms on my knee's and attempted to steady my breathing.
My phone had been non stop vibrating in my pocket, I'd had missed calls and worried text's from everyone. Logan, the hospital, Renee, Harper, and even my dad. They'd obviously found out by now but I couldn't bring myself to speak to any of them, because that would make it all to real.
I slid down the concrete wall that was supporting my body, not even registering the pain that was caused by my shoulder blades grazing against the rough bricks. The numbness was starting to ware off and feelings was starting to kick in.
I let the tears that had built up start to fall which rapidly progressed into sobbing. My body started to violently shake and my mind began to race.
To top of my wonderful day, the rain started to pour, matching my tears and my clothes soaked through. You no when people say they've had the worst day? Well they wanna try being told they have cancer.
I leaned my head back and rested it on the brick wall behind me, all I could think about was how dirty I felt, the blood inside me was diseased and it was pumping through my veins. And there wasn't a thing I could do about it.
After another hour of sobbing my heart out, a car pulled up on the curb in front of me, but I didn't even have the energy in my body to lift my head and see who it was.
"London, a-are you ok?" Logan whispered as he slid down the wall next to me and pulled me into his arms, causing me to sob even more.
"I'm so scared Logan." I said through my sobs.
"London, I promise you that your going to be okay. Do I ever break my promises?" He said as he rocked me in a child like motion.
"You shouldn't promise me that." I whimpered.
"Stop thinking so negatively. We are going to get through this. Now, get in the car. We're going to see my brother." He said as he pulled me to my feet.
"I don't think this is really an appropriate time to meet the family." I said frowing, all though you probably couldn't tell because my whole face was swollen from crying.
"Remember our first date?" He said as he lifted my into the car.
"How many times, it wasn't a date." I sighed as I clipped my belt in.
"Really London? Are we actually going to have this argument now?" He smirked as he slammed my door shut and jogged around to the drivers side.
"As I was saying," he continued as he started the engine, "I told you about my family when we was driving, do you remember what my oldest brother did?"
I thought back to that night that seemed like a million years ago but came up blank. He had too many siblings with too many careers. I shook my head and indicated for him to continue.
"My brother Craig is a paediatric doctor, or a kids and teens doctor. But he specialises in young people's cancer." He smiled proudly, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
"So why are we going to see him, what's he going to do that Doctor Johnson can't?" I frowned.
"Rhiannon I'm trying here. He's been working with cancer kids for years now, he knows his stuff. It can't hurt to at least talk to him." He huffed as he angrily slammed down on the fuel pedal.
"Whatever, but you no it's inevitable. I'm going to die." I said bluntly, feeling another sob rise in my throat but held it back knowing that if I let it out, I wouldn't be able to pick myself up again.
I saw his whole body stiffen and his clutch on the steering wheel tighten. He breathing became ragged and he snapped his head round to face me despite driving.
"If you ever talk like that agin, I'll take you to Brooklyn Bridge and throw you of myself." He said with the most serious expression I'd ever seen him wear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Logan's family were amazing. They we're literally the most welcoming and delightful unit I'd ever come across.
There house was beautiful too. It wasn't like one of those show homes, it was warm and lived in. And the enormity of the house was mind blowing.
When we first arrived, I was a little wary. For one, I didn't want to give the wrong impression, and with the state I was in, I was pretty sure I'd come across as a hobo.
Two, they were the first humans I'd come in contact with since finding out about the illness, excluding Logan, and I didn't no how to act. Logan had informed me on the drive over here that he'd told them, so I was nervous.
And thirdly, they where his freaking parents. Of course I was wary and a little nervous, everyone is when they are meeting any form of parental figures for the first time.
But as soon as I met Logan's mum Cindy, all my worries and nerves washed away. Her warm smile and the gigantic hug made feel a little better, despite the fact that ten minutes ago I was sobbing.
She looked the spitting image of Logan, literally exactly like him just a female version. He'd inherited her light blue, almost grey looking eyes and her shaggy brown hair.
"Rhiannon, it's so lovely to meet you. We've heard so many wonderful things." She grinned as she held me at arms length and examined me, "Now, how are you doing? Logan told me about the dreadful news." She said in her American accent.
"Mrs Mathews, its a pleasure. I'm not quite sure how I'm doing. My heads all over the place." I replied honestly, trying to hold it together.
"Oh please," she said as she waved her hand dismissively, "Call me Cindy, We'll, you're family now. And family's stick together. We will get through this." She smiled her Logan like smile and pulled me into another bear hug.
"Mum, where's Craig?" Logan's asked as he pried me from her arms.
"He's in the study. Go speak to him, see what he can do." She said with a small, sad smile. The kind of smile that I'd expected I was going get a lot now the news was out.
"Rhi, go call your father and the girls. I'll go speak to Craig and bring him down." He said as he kissed my forehead and left.
I walked out side the house and sat on the white marble steps leading up to the house. I pulled out my phone and nearly had a heart attack when I saw my screen. Eighty missed calls and fourty six messages, crap.
"Hello?" I whispered through the phone, not holding the tears back anymore.
"Rhi." My dad said with a relieved yet upset sigh.
"I take it you heard." I replied back. We both didn't no what to say, resulting in an awkward silence to linger.
"Yeah, Logan called me. I'm so sorry Rhi." He said in no more than a whisper.
"Don't. Do not say sorry. It makes it real and I can't deal with that yet." I said through a cry.
"I'm going to get you on the first flight home and were going to fix you. I promise." He said in a slightly stronger voice, but I could see straight through it. He was scared, scared of the same thing I was.
"No, no way. If I come home, then I'm giving up on life. Just because I'm ill doesn't mean I can't carry on. I'm going to come home in two days like I was suppose to, get my stuff and then I'm going to come back and start school." I was going for a controlled and assertive voice, almost parental, but I just sounded weak.
"Rhiannon, you need to be at home, your life is here. You need to be with me." He said sternly.
"So you want me to quit? Because the only thing that's keeping me going is hope, hope for my future. And if you make me come home then your taking that away from me. I need normality and if I didn't have cancer," a cold shiver ran down my spine as I said the word for the first time, "Then I'd still be coming back here. So just let me have this dad, let me have this hope. Don't let cancer win."
He chuckled, "You're so much like your mother, so stubborn."
"But you love me for it. I'll speak to you soon, see you in two days." I said, attempting to sound happier.
"Rhi, we're going to be ok. You no that right?" He reassured.
"I hope so." I said as a silent tear fell from my cheek.
"I love you." And with that, the line went dead.
I let out a long sigh and wrapped my arms around my legs, resting my chin on my hands.
There were so many un-answered questions swirling round in my head. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Was I going to die? If so, how long did I have? What was the survival rate? Could I live a normal life like I planned?
I thought about my mum. I don't no why, she just kind of waltzed into my mind, which was odd. I guess I was just thinking about all the unanswered questions I needed to ask her just incase something happened.
I heard the door swing open and a light patter of footsteps which interrupted my train of thoughts, but I didn't look up.
"He loves you, you no that." The female voice said as it got closer.
I heard a shuffle next to me as the person plonked down on the step causing me to lift my head slightly and examine the person.
She had the same grey blue eyes, so I assumed it was one of Logan's sisters. Unlike Logan and Cindy, she had light blonde hair, the natural type. But just like them both, she wore the same crooked grin that only a family member could pull off.
"I'm Jessie by the way. I'm assuming your London." She said as she outstretched her hand.
I mentally groaned. Another person to add to the list of 'People Who Call Me London'.. wonderful.
"Pleasure to meet you Jessie." I smiled as I shook her hand.
"So do you love him?" She asked as she started of into the setting sun.
The earlier storm had cleared the sky and a beautiful sunset had been plastered across the entire openness, made up of swirls from every shade of orange and red.
"I don't no. I don't no if I'm capable of loving someone. But if I was, then he's the closest thing I've came to it." I said, confused at my honesty with this stranger.
"You no, he's never brought a girl home before you, you must be special." She replied with a chuckle.
"Your kidding?" I said as my jaw dropped to the ground.
"Nope, not even spoke about a girl before, we all thought he was gay. And then he met you. I see people get married every day, and most people, despite making a commitment of forever, never have the sparkle that he has in his eyes for you." She smiled that grin I'd gotten so use to with her brother.
"Ah, so your the wedding planner." I said, thinking back to our brief conversation about his siblings.
"That is I." She grinned.
"I heard your getting married, Congratulations." I said warmly. There was something about her, just like her brother, that was so easy going and loveable.
"Thank you. I heard about your cancer, that sucks. Sorry about that." She said as she nudged her shoulder with mine.
"Yeah, sucks big time." I sighed.
And that's all that was said. We sat in a comfortable silence, watching the sun disappear, being replaced by a creeping darkness. It reminded me of yesterday when letting of the lanterns.
I was so happy, and to think that was less than twenty four hours ago. It's strange to thing how much has changed in so little time. I had so much at my finger tips and now, it kind of felt like the rug had been pulled from underneath me.
"You wanna no something?" I frowned, breaking the silence.
"Hit me." She asked as she captured me in her ocean deep eyes.
"Your brother. He saved me, from myself. If he never convinced me to take a chance on him, then I wouldn't of stayed in New York. If I didn't stay in New York, I wouldn't of got a tattoo, if I didn't get a tattoo, then Logan wouldn't of known about my bucket list, and if he didn't no about my bucket list, then I wouldn't of got my blood tested, and if I didn't get my blood tested, I would of died eventually, from the cancer." I replied, but I was talking more to myself.
She looked confused, but nodded along with me anyway. The door opened again and Logan stepped out, followed by another guy.
"London, meet Craig, Craig, London." He said as he nodded from me to Craig.
Once again I found myself staring at the same pair of milky grey eyes, with a hint of blue shining through. Just like Jessie, Craig had blond curly hair that was messily pushed back like Logan's. His eyes were tired like he hadn't had much sleep lately and his smile was small, but still as welcoming.
"London, it's so good to finally meet the girl who my brother talks non-stop about." He grinned the famous Mathews grin.
Logan let out a groan and a blush highlighted his cheeks. "Really? And you wonder why I never bring people home."
I laughed at the scene unraveling before me. It was so normal, just what I needed.
"The pleasures all mine." I grinned the infectious grin as I stood up and extended my hand.
He looked down at my dainty hand and pulled me into a hug, whispering in my ear so only I could hear, "I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I owe you a lot."
He pulled back and gave me a friendly wink. I looked at him, confused, but smiled back never the less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Are you ok?" Logan asked through a set of headphones.
"Logan, nothing has changed in the ten seconds since you last asked me." I sighed.
Today was the party day, the party to say goodbye to Renee and Harper so I could start my journey on my own, but instead I was lying in a hospital gown, in an odd looking tunnel whilst lasers shot around me scanning my brain and body. Leukaemia officially sucked.
"Two more minutes London." Logan's brother Craig said through the headphones behind a screen of glass.
"Finally." I muttered.
I was beyond bored, and irritated, and well, bored. I had to lie still for over an hour so this machine could make a scan of my body to check my major organs, such as my heart and lungs.
Lets just say watching paint dry sounded like a trip to Disney land in that moment.
Yesterday I'd met the rest of the Mathews household who were equally as kind and welcoming as the first few I'd met.
My favourites were the twins, Tyler and Danny. They reminded me so much of Logan that it actually scared me. They was so cheeky and mysterious, they had that shine in their eyes that warned me they was always up to something. And unlike the others, they didn't bring up the C word once, which I was ecstatic about.
I had a chat with Craig who had agreed to take over my case from Doctor Johnson. He's insisted that doing the normal tests before I left to go home for a week was more than necessary, so I gave a slight shrug and agreed.
Craig was wonderful. He was such a diverse person, switching from big brother to doctor mode in an instant. He took control of the situation and reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We planned that I got tested the next day to see how far gone my leukaemia was and what stage I was at, so in a weeks time when I got the back from London, the results from my test would be ready to tell all.
"So now that's out the way, all we have left is the bone marrow biopsy." He said as he came out from the glass side room and released me from the technical scanning machine.
I half gulped half groaned at the words. Bone marrow biopsy, that didn't exactly sound like a walk in the park.
"Don't be scared," he said with a sad smile as he helped me of the slab I had to lie on, "You'll be fast asleep throughout the whole thing. It's quick and painless."
"Right, lets get this out the way." I said as I grimaced.
An hour and a half later, I had my canular fitted and was lying in the operating theatre with wires handing out of my body. Logan was stood next to me clutching my hand for dear life,
I don't think I've ever seen him so young and childlike. His eyebrows were knotted together and his eyes were glassed over.
"Ok London. I'll see you in thirty minutes." He whispered, but his face started to dissolve with the anaesthetic that raced through my veins and caused blackness to take over.
"Anaesthetic, is amezin." I slurred.
He chucked and I briefly recall him pressing his lips to my forehead, but I was too heavy under the black waves of anaesthetic , so who knows, it could of been a figment of my imagination.
I stopped fighting completely and let myself be completely consumed into the nothingness.
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Please take a few moments to read this part, it's kind of really important to the story.
Thirty chapters and two hundred and something reads so far.. wow, what a bloody amazing, exhausting, brilliant journey so far.
Well, let me just say. THANK GOD THAT CHAPTER IS NOW OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE WAY!
Round of applause for me!
So, what do you think so far? Did you expect Rhiannon to get blood cancer? How do you feel about it? LET ME NO! I'm writing this story not only for me to let off steam, but I'm writing for you guys. And nothing means more to me than hearing your feed back, good, bad and even the ugly.. Come at me!
Lastly I wanted you all to get a better understanding as to why I'm writing about leukaemia and what made me/inspired me to throw that in there.
Firstly, when I read story's I love to be like 'no way did that happen!' or 'you can't do that!'. I love for things to get shaken up and surprise me. I don't like cliché story's so I thought this would be an unfortunate but meaningful curve in Rhiannon's journey.
Secondly, I like to challenge myself when writing. It's fun to see what I can and cannot do. And what better way to learn than by actually doing it?
Lastly, I was inspired to write about leukaemia because four years ago the closest person to me found out she had the disease. She has always been like a sister so me, despite being only my cousin and it's a crappy thing to go through. I wanted to help other people, let them no what there in for, what to expect and things like that, so I thought this would be a good way for people to learn. And I wanted to be truthful, even though it's harsh, everyone deserves the truth. Doctors like to butter things up and you react worse when you don't no what to expect.
So this chapter dedication goes to my wonderful cousin who manages to inspire me every day, and to anyone else who's life has been effected by this crappy disease. Lets hope one day we will rid of the word cancer!!!!
Comment, Fan, Vote!
Love always,
Alice.
❤❤❤❤❤