"Wanna grab a bite at that new pizza place?"
Tom looked up to see Max's face poking out from behind the door. He shook his head, returning to strumming his guitar.
"So do you want me to grab you anything?"
"Nope." Tom replied with a single answer, creating an awkward silence.
"Umm... You sure?"
Tom nodded, mentally wishing for Max to leave.
"Alright," Max said. "See you later."
The door closed with a silent thud and Tom sighed in relief.
Finally, he thought. Since he had arrived, Tom realised that he was getting too chummy with his roommate and his group of friends. This wasn't supposed to happen! The plan was to get through this last year of college without any friendships or relationships to slow him down. He was so set on following the plan, but now... look at him. So he decided to stop while he still could. He would distance himself away from the others as much as possible so that he could focus on getting through the year. It was going to be hard, but he was going to try.
On the other side of the door, Max was wondering what had gotten into his roommate. After all the progress, it seemed like Tom was returning to his former self, which was the last thing Max wanted. He didn't know what happened. Something had changed in Tom's mind and Max was determined to fix it.
~
The next day, after a lecture, Max went up to Tom and asked, "Hey we're all going to the Lounge afterwards. Wanna join us?" After some thought, he added, "You look like you need it."
With a shake of his head, Tom answered, "You guys go ahead. You don't need me to spoil the fun." And before Max could stop him, he walked off, leaving Max with his mouth wide open.
Why the hell was Tom acting so weird, Max had no clue. He was perfectly fine a couple of weeks ago, and now, this. There had to be something wrong; no one could change so drastically.
Tom, on the other hand, was getting increasingly annoyed. Why could Max just let him be? Wasn't it obvious? He just had to make friends. Now, it would be almost impossible to escape them now. He would have to just keep up this act and soon or later they would have to drift away. He could do it, if he could take all the stress.
~
It was on a Sunday when Tom finally broke.
He was in his room, doing some research when Max, like always, poked his head in around the door. He was just about to say something when it happened.
Tom turned around and threw his hands up in frustration, shouting. "Why can't you just leave me alone?!"
He turned back to his desk, rubbing his temples. He had expected Max to just leave, but he didn't. Instead, Max stormed in.
"What the fuck?" He shouted back, standing right by the desk. "What the fuck is up with you Tom?!"
"Nothing!" Tom could only sigh. "I... I just need some space..."
Max stayed exactly where he was. "Well then, too bad, because I'm not leaving until I get an explanation." He sat down on the bed, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "Why are you trying to push us away?"
"Because I don't need people in my life who are just going to backstab and betray me!"
"What?" Max's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "We would never do that..."
"Really?" Tom scoffed. "Because that's what I always think before they go ahead and do it anyway!"
After a few seconds of silence, Max asked, "Why do you think we would lie to you?"
Another sigh. "It's a long story."
"It's okay. Go ahead."
With yet another sigh, Tom started. "Ever since I was young, I was always a little scrawnier and smaller than the other boys. It also took me quite a while to hit puberty, and even when I did, it was a long and slow process. Of course, you know boys; they always pick on the weaklings, so I was the target most of the time. There were actual dares people had where they had to become friends with me, which always ends up with me getting hurt. As I got older, the taunting got worse. It also didn't help that I was gay-"
"You're gay?!" Max interrupted, incredulously.
Tom gave him a look. Max smiled sheepishly at him. "Right. Sorry. Continue."
"So yeah, I was scrawny and gay. My entire teen life was a complete nightmare. Well, of course, until there was this one guy. He was so nice to me. I actually thought that he was the one." He shook his head, laughing. "Now that I think back, how could I have been so stupid? It was obvious he was faking it. In the end, I found out it was a huge fucking prank created by he and his group of devil incarnates.
"After that, I decided: Never trust anyone. So I started university as a loner. I worked out, got stronger and bigger so that I wouldn't be made fun of again. I kept my sexuality a secret. I did everything I could to separate myself from the rest of the student body. I succeeded for the most part, until I transferred here. You and the other boys make it so hard to follow the plan. You guys are nice people, I know that, but I am so afraid to trust anyone. I want to believe that you will never backstab me, but..."
"But nothing." Max stopped him. "Tom, we're not going to lie to you. I know that's hard to believe, but I've gone through the same thing. I know how you feel."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do. Not exactly the same, but similar." Max said firmly, his eyes dark with seriousness. "I'm the son of a CEO of a huge corporation. My whole life has been lies and gossip. The minute I was announced the heir to my father's business and fortune, everyone wanted to get to me. All the guys and girls I've been with just wanted to use me for the money or the fame. There were outrageous tabloids and gossip about me made by people to bring me down. I had no idea who was genuine and who was fake.
"So I acted out, only because I knew that my dad would send me away and I could get away from all of it. That's what happened, and now I'm here. It took a while, but I found people I could trust. That I could be around with and wouldn't sell my secrets. I felt safe, safer than I had ever felt."
He sighed, looking straight at Tom. "Look, I know that what I've been through is nothing compared to what you've been through, but you have to know that... I understand. I understand what's it's like to be criticized and picked on your entire life. I had trust issues too, but believe me, that gets you nowhere.
"Tom, we're not like them. We're not going to sell you out, we're not going to lie, betray or backstab you. We're your friends, whether you like it or not, and you can trust us."
Reaching forward, he placed a calming hand on his shoulder. "I know it's gonna take a while and I know you're afraid, but I'll help you, only if you let me. You'll get over this fear and then... then we'll see where it goes from there."
It was a while before Tom nodded. It was a slight and hesitant nod, but still a nod.
This brought a smile to Max's face. "Good! Now come on, we're going to the Lounge, and I'm not taking no for an answer."
~
When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold
When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale
Max watched as Tom poured his heart out on the small, brightly lit stage. He had a hunch that this was going be the song that he picked, and he was right.
I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
He could get a sense that Tom was giving him a chance to back out. To say that that there were things he should never know.
Curtain’s call
Is the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl
So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you've made
We've all got demons, Max thought. Especially me.
Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
A loud applause and a shy thank you later, Tom was back at his seat. He wanted to say something to Max, but he was already out of his seat and on the stage.
"Hi everyone! This song is dedicated to a friend of mine, to tell him that he's not alone, that he has people who are just as screwed up as he is."
I don't know where you're going,
But do you got room for one more troubled soul
I don't know where I'm going,
But I don't think I'm coming home
And I said, I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead
This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end
Say, yeah
Let's be alone together
We could stay young forever
Scream it from the top of your lungs, lungs, lungs
Say, yeah
Let's be alone together
We can stay young forever
We'll stay young, young, young, young, young
Uh, uh, uh, uh-oh
Uh, uh, uh, uh-oh
Uh, uh, uh, uh-oh
Uh, uh, uh, uh-oh
Cut me off, I lost my track
It's not my fault, I'm a maniac
It's not funny anymore, no it's not
My heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broken
Do you wanna feel beautiful, do you wanna, yeah
I'm outside the door, let me in
So we can go back and play pretend
I'm on deck, yeah I'm up next
Tonight I'm high as a private jet
'Cause I don't know where you're going,
But do you got room for one more troubled soul
I don't know where I'm going, but I don't think I'm coming home
And I said, I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead
This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end
Say, yeah
Let's be alone together
We could stay young forever
Scream it from the top of your lungs, lungs, lungs
Say, yeah
Let's be alone together
We can stay young forever
We'll stay young, young, young, young, young
Uh, uh, uh, uh-oh
Uh, uh, uh, uh-oh
Uh, uh, uh, uh-oh
Uh, uh, uh, uh-oh
My heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broken
Do you wanna feel beautiful, do you wanna, yeah
I'm outside the door, invite me in
So we can go back and play pretend
I'm on deck, yeah I'm up next
Tonight I'm high as a private jet
Yeah
Let's be alone together
We could stay young forever
Scream it from the top of your lungs, lungs, lungs
Say, yeah
Let's be alone together
We can stay young forever
We'll stay young, young, young, young, young
I don't know where you're going,
But do you got room for one more troubled soul
I don't know where I'm going, but I don't think I'm coming home
And I said, I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead
This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end
Cheers and claps all around the room. Max took a bow and went back to the booth where Tom was waiting with a slight smile on his face, shaking his head.
"What?" Max asked, smiling as well.
"You really want to go through with this, don't you?"
"Like I said, we screw ups have to stick together."
~
Songs:
Demons - Imagine Dragons
Alone Together - Fall Out Boy