This was it. The moment I'd been both looking forward to and dreading for weeks. All the other acts, bar one, had performed. The backstage area was a lot clearer than it had been before. I guess that after everyone else had performed they had gone and hung out with their friends at the fair. Fair enough really, what's the point in waiting around. Once I'd got back from lunch with Danny the performances had already started, and even though I knew I wasn't due on until the end, I still stayed backstage. I couldn't quite decide what was more nerve-wracking, listening to the muted performances backstage, or watching them up front and realizing just how many people were watching in the hall. In the end I thought that the latter seemed marginally scarier, and by staying backstage at least I could avoid facing Amy and re-living my indiscretion.
There was no other performers back stage now. I mean Felicity was there, but it seemed like she was just milling around to try and seem involved. Not that she looked to be much help to anyone, everyone else was running around in their own little worlds, getting whatever needed to be done, done. Luckily Matthew was so busy that I'd managed to avoid him following our kiss. I would be so glad for this winter fair to be over, because although I'd still have to see him in our meetings, at least I could avoid him on a day to day basis. The pure amount of awkwardness that would have been involved would have just been too much to handle.
'Jessica, are you ready?' Suddenly Felicity was standing directly over my head. Her somehow cutting tone, interrupting my thoughts.
'Erm yeah I think so.' I replied. 'Is it time?'
'If you just want to come with me then we can go into the wings and you can go on when the band comes off.'
'Okay cool,' my breathing quickened, I was more nervous than I thought I was going to be. 'And my guitar – '
'It's already on stage, waiting for you.'
'Fab, thanks.'
Felicity walked me over to the wings of the stage. We watched on as the band before me finished up their last song.
'Are you nervous?' Felicity whispered to me. God, we weren't really going to talk were we? That's the last thing I needed.
'A little,' I admitted. 'But I should be fine, I've practiced the song over and over again. If everything goes to plan then it should be just like my rehearsals.'
'Oh no,' Felicity chucked slightly in a horribly condescending manner. 'I wasn't talking about your song. I meant are you nervous about Danny finding out about your little moment with Matthew.'
'What?'
'Your kiss? You can't have forgotten it already, Jessie? It just happened a few hours ago. I wonder what Danny's going to say.'
'How did you know about that?' My hands went all clammy, I couldn't breathe, my pulse had never ran quicker.
'Matthew told me, silly.'
'You're lying. Why would he tell you that?' I was still whispering, even though all I wanted to do was scream.
'I guess it's my fault really. You see I was just trying to help and I really did think that you liked him. And I knew that he liked you, God knows why. So I just pushed him a little. I thought I was helping. But I guess Danny's not going to like it, is he? Oh dear, what a pickle you've gotten yourself into.'
'You bitch. You knew that I didn't like him. You convinced him to kiss me just so that I could get into trouble with Danny. Your plan to get Danny to break up with me isn't going to work. Danny loves me, he doesn't even like you.'
'You sure about that?' She pushed her lips together and raised her eyebrows.
'Of course. You're completely deluded. When has he ever shown any interest in you?'
'Did he not tell you?' She cooed.
'Tell me what?' What the hell.
'Oh bless your little heart Jessie. I want to tell you, I really do, but I'm afraid that you have to go on stage now. I guess you're going to have to ask your boyfriend later. Good luck.' And with that she gave me a push onto a now empty stage.
I looked out into the crowd. Most of the people were paying no attention to me, perusing their nearest stall. But there were faces I could pick out in the crowd that were looking right at me. Rachel, Jack and Danny were all staring at me, their faces beaming. Amy and Zac were looking too, Amy's face filled with the broadest smile. I looked at Danny. He wouldn't hurt me would he? He loved me. Didn't he?
Suddenly the hall filled up with Danny's loud voice. 'C'mon Jessie.' He shouted as he began to clap
With that people began to turn around, staring at me, waiting for me to start. The clapping gained momentum, with more people joining in. I heard claps from my right. I looked over and Felicity was standing there, staring at me, clapping to her heart's content. Her condescending smile mocking me as I stood there on the centre of the stage, helpless.
Slowly I wondered over to my guitar at the back of the stage, picked it up, and plugged it into the aux cord. I wondered over to the microphone. 'Hi, I'm Jessica Fletcher. And this is Makes Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless.' And I began to sing.
Take me I'm alive
Never was a girl with a wicked mind
But everything looks better when the sun goes down
I had everything
Opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night
Your eyes, your eyes
I can see in your eyes
Your eyes
As I sang I stared at Danny. I looked into his gorgeous, smiling face. That face would never hurt me. I suddenly remembered what Amy had said to me the night before. Her constant stress on me being careful. I had pushed it to the back of my mind. She was only saying that because he slept with me. He didn't cheat on her with just anyone, it was with me. And we love each other, right? Wrong. We didn't love each other then, we were just both going through bad situations. And we still managed to cheat. What if before, it wasn't just that it was me and Danny? What if Danny really was a bad guy, a cheater? It didn't make the least amount of sense in the world. I kept thinking that he wouldn't do that to me, he couldn't. But I'm sure that's what Amy thought. I'm sure she thought that he could never hurt her in a million years.
I began singing the chorus of the song. But when my mouth opened to sing, no noise came out. My hands stopped playing the guitar. I froze.
I looked out into the audience and there were just faces staring back at me. Slowly, tears started to form in my eyes. I looked over to Felicity. She smiled.
I lifted my guitar over my head, removing the strap from my body and unplugging the cord. My tears flowed faster. I looked out into the crowd again. The smiles of my friends had gone. They looked concerned. Danny wasn't there. He had gone.
I run off the stage, I could see Matthew run up after me. Apologising that I was 'under the weather' or some crap like that.
My ears rang. All I could hear was a high-pitched whine, and my own heart beat – running three times fast than normal. My vision was blurry, my abundance of tears glazing over my eyes. As I stood motionless backstage I saw him. Danny stood there, right in front of me.
He ran over to me, and tried to embrace me. Normally that was all I would need to feel okay again. But not today. I pushed him away from me as my mind slowly began to regain clarity.
'Jess what's wrong?' He looked concerned. That bastard.
'Is it true?' I asked, my voice shaking as I spoke.
'Is what true? Babe, what's the matter?' He stepped closer to me again, I moved backwards.
'Don't call me babe. You and her.' I looked over to try and find Felicity. Sure enough, she was standing right next to me. Her smile wiped and a look of faux-concern spread across her face. 'What did the two of you do?'
'Jess – '
'What did you do?' I raised my voice. There would be only straight talking right now. 'Did you sleep with her?'
'What – '
'Did you sleep with her Danny? It's a simple yes or no question.'
'No, why would you – '
'Did you kiss her?' Suddenly Danny's face changed. He went from looking confused, to suddenly completely competent. His eyebrows un-furrowed , his face muscles un-tensed. That son of a bitch. 'You kissed her.'
'Yes but, it was before we were going out Jess. We weren't even going out when it happened I promise.'
'Then why didn't you tell me?'
'I didn't think it mattered Jess, it was before. It didn't mean anything, she kissed me.'
Felicity chimed in abruptly. 'Surely you can understand that Jess?'
'Stay out of this.' I didn't even look at her as I spoke, my face still locked on Danny.
'Don't you think Danny deserves to know about you and Matthew, though? I mean, I definitely think he does.'
'Babe, what's she talking about? What happened with Matthew?' Danny regained his confusion.
'Aren't you going to tell him Jess? Aren't you going to tell him what you and Matthew got up to in the empty classroom?'
'You bitch.' I turned to Felicity now, not baring to look at Danny's face for another second. 'You planned this, you planned all of this. Just so that we would break up.'
'What happened with Matthew, Jess?' Danny repeated.
'You planned all of this. Why are you so intent on me and Danny breaking up?' I stood closer to Felicity, the devil incarnate.
'How could I have planned it Jessie,' her voice was high pitched and impossibly grating. 'Danny and I kissed before you were even going out, like he said. How does that make you feel? How does it make you feel that Danny and I kissed before the two of you even held hands? I got there first Jessica Fletcher. I won.'
'You didn't win.' I stepped closer to her, yet again. 'And you didn't get there first.' My anger built. 'Me and Danny had slept together before he had even met you.'
'Jess, stop – ' I could hear Danny start talking in my periphery, but I was too mad now, nothing was going to stop me.
'Do you hear that, you bitch?' I looked Felicity directly in the eyes, everything else around me was blurry. I could see only her. 'I slept with Danny months before I even came to this dumb school. Me and Danny had sex way before he ever had the misfortune of meeting you. Months before Felicity. So no, you didn't win. And you never will win.'
'Wanna bet?' She said. As she spoke she looked to her left, my right. I followed her gaze. I followed her gaze to see Amy standing by the door of the backstage, staring at me. We locked eyes for a fraction of a second before she ran out the door. Ran away from me.
'Amy!' I called after her. I ran as fast as I could, following her as she went. 'Amy stop, talk to me.'
I finally got closer to her. She was standing at the top of the stairs to the classrooms. She stopped and looked at me. 'It was you.' She spoke softly, tears welling up in her eyes. 'You slept with my boyfriend, Jess. You broke my heart and then watched as I cried over him. You were there to see how heart-broken I was and you never said anything. How could you? How could you possibly be such an awful person as to do that to me?' She was rambling now, her rant gaining more and more momentum. 'You are my best friend in the whole world. Were. You were my best friend. I have nothing to say to you. He was my first love, and you took him away from me. I loved him, Jess. I think a part of me still does, always will. And you – ' She stopped talking. Her tears taking over all other facial functions.
'I'm sorry.' I said honestly. What more could I say. 'I'm sorry I slept with him, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you.'
'But it wasn't enough, was it? It wasn't enough with you to break up my first real relationship, you had to go out with him afterwards didn't you? You had to rub it in just a little bit harder. As if you hadn't hurt me enough.'
'It wasn't like that – '
'Stop. I never want to talk to you again.' And with that she ran down the stairs, her tears still flowing freely. And all I could do is watch. Nothing I could say would ever make what I did okay. I stood motionless, mourning the loss of my friendship. And then I heard her scream.
I ran down three flight of stairs, hoping to find the source of the ear-piercing screech. And there she was.
Amy lay at the bottom of the third flight, motionless, unconscious. She had fallen. She had fallen and hit her head. Had the tears I'd caused obscured her vision? Had the pain I'd caused fastened her step? Had the awfulness I'd caused stopped her from thinking straight?
As turned around to run back up to the hall I saw a teacher. 'Call 999,' I pleaded with her. 'My friend, she's hurt herself, she's –' But I couldn't finish my sentence. It was me. I'd done it. 'I hurt her.'
//////////////
So. There we go. This is the chapter that I've been the most nervous and excited to post. I have no idea whether you're going to like it or not but this is the chapter that basically the whole book has been leading up to. And if you have ever wanted to reread the prologue, now might be a good time!
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In the comments please put your thoughts on the chapter - how would you feel if you were in Jess's situation right now? Or Danny's, or Amy's or Felicity's for that matter? I think everyone is in a pretty bad place right now, except Felicity. Will she get her comeuppance before the end of the book? Add Only Fools... to your reading list to find out!!!
Thanks for all the support recently guys, it means so much! Love you all <3
~LunaCresta x x x