First Impression: nice cover
I like the summary that is posted, it's very intriguing. You also have some good descriptions of their physical appearances. Also, it's called "martial arts," not "marshal arts." There are a lot of grammar errors and verb tense errors. For example, you write "I was seating in my father's office" in Chapter 1, but it should be "I was seated in my father's office." Also, you write "Since the incident that happen a week ago..." in chapter 1 as well. This should be "Since the incident that happened a week ago." You tend to do this a lot, where the verb isn't in the right tense. Make sure to watch out for that because it made the story really hard to read and understand. You also have some incomplete sentences that are fragments. Try to also vary your sentence lengths, because you sometimes have really short sentences that combine to make a huge paragraph. You also need a wider range of vocabulary, especially for creating imagery or painting a mood. The words you use now are pretty basic, and I would love to have more detailed words for descriptions. Finally, the conflict or major action should arise by Chapter 3, or else you will lose the interest of your reader.
Remember that these suggestions are just my opinion, and this is your story, so make sure to write it the way you want it to be! If you don't agree with any of my suggestions, then ignore them :)
If you are feeling nice, I would greatly appreciate it if you give one of my stories a read, follow me, or give me a shoutout! If you enjoy making art, I would love for you to make something for one of my stories, and I will post it! Message me if you have any questions.
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- bluecrayonlady