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⠀⠀⠀Trembling, shoulders scrunched, Yuichiro let the words sink in. It was horrifying, sinister, and it left him wondering what could happen. He should've known what Mikaela was capable of doing, but now he had no clue. It was long ago when he was tortured, beaten, and locked away, and he could assume that everything would be the same as it was back then, but would it really? Perhaps, he could do more, could do worse, could do more damage than he has? He didn't know, and because of that, he was paralyzed with fear.
⠀⠀⠀The unknown was a terrifying thing.
⠀⠀⠀Yuichiro didn't know what else to think in that moment in time, eyes flickering in confusion and mind swirling with panicking thoughts. His heart beat wildly amongst his chest, breathing erratic as though there was a lack of air in the small space he owned. He couldn't put the puzzle pieces together, couldn't connect the dots. One thought filled his mind: why was this happening?
⠀⠀⠀Mikaela should've been healed, he swore. If he wasn't, there was no way in Hell that he could be able to walk around the streets, no way that the psychiatrist would let him leave in spite that he was fine. There was no way; so why, why is he doing this, why is he acting this way? Why? Why? Why? He should be okay, normal, cured, but he's not! Yuichiro let out a shutter from the utter shock he was experiencing. He could feel a strange feeling rise inside of him, like a claw was jerking at his heart strings and causing shocks of pain. He could feel a sinking feeling in his chest, being unable to breathe, and it was as if an anchor was dragging him down in hopes to drown him.
⠀⠀⠀He immediately recognized these feelings as anxiousness and desperation. The anxiousness that all of this was just some sick joke that he could sigh in relief about, maybe shove the blond away in slight frustration, and they'd return to normal lovers. The desperation that if things were really as it seemed, that he wouldn't have to go through the same agony as he had in the past. He was letting these emotions take over, attack him, feed on him alive, and he wasn't sure how much he could take.
⠀⠀⠀"What's wrong?" Mikaela chuckled. "You're shaking helplessly more than usual, love."
⠀⠀⠀"You're doing this again... this goddamn thing we spent so much time trying to fix! Why is this shit happening? Why are you acting as if all the things we did were for nothing? You are suppose to be different, sane, normal, but you're acting like the monster you were a long time ago!" Yuichiro muttered, emphasizing some words to insert the rage he couldn't hold. "You liar! You knew you weren't okay! You swore you were healed! So how, why, are you acting the way you are?"
⠀⠀⠀"Oh, Yuu-chan," Mikaela purred in his ear. "You're so gullible and credulous; you believe things more what you know. I won't leave you in the dark, so I'll tell you all you'd like to hear, but let's keep this vague: I will never be truly healed from this illness. I have learned to accept this fact; have been for a long time. There will be times I can't help but become this monster, be possessive, inflict pain— I don't decide when, and I don't decide if I can, nor can't."
⠀⠀⠀Yuichiro soaked in the information like a sponge. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. His hopes have never depleted so low. He couldn't accept anything that was being said, so he began to sob into his own hands. The tears stained his palms, slipping between the gap of his fingers and towards the floor. He was so exhausted. He wanted everything to be over. Why couldn't he live a happy life with the love of his life? Why couldn't he be happy with the person he wanted most? What did he do to deserve these misfortunes?
⠀⠀⠀But he refused to leave it the way it was.
⠀⠀⠀The raven's hands found its way to firmly grasp the collar of Mikaela's shirt, careless if he was doing something reckless that would lead to something he was going to regret. He tried to push the tears away, but they kept falling. "You... I love you so goddamn much I can't run away even knowing something awful is bound to happen!" Shaking, pale hands reached to carress Mikaela's cheeks, emerald irises burning into the crimson ones. He didn't try to cease the tears anymore. "Snap out of it, Mika! Don't let the illness win! We can handle this together... we'll find a way to make you better... so please..." Yuichiro let out a choked sob. "... please snap out of it... I love you so much..."
⠀⠀⠀Mikaela's breath hitched, and his face softened. "Yuu-chan... it's not that easy."
⠀⠀⠀"I never said it was, but we can do this—!"
⠀⠀⠀"Don't make promises you can't keep. Things like this can't be cured within the snap of two fingers or a blink of an eye. If things truly were that simple, I'd be trying to change, and I possibly would be changed today. Reality has other plans, Yuu-chan, it just so happens that I'm less insane than ten years ago, but that means nothing." The blond gritted his teeth, hands propped up upon the wall turning white as pressure was transfered to the tips of his fingers. "Listen well— I love to hurt others, even if it is you. I can't stop, won't stop. You can't run away from me because wherever you go, I will follow, and I will stop at nothing to have you as mine, and mine alone. You were foolish enough to take me back."
⠀⠀⠀Speechless, Yuichiro closed his mouth. He was lost in a maze he could not escape from, no matter how many twists and turns he took, he was forever wandering. But for some reason, a gut feeling told him he hadn't made a mistake taking Mikaela back. He was still hopeful. "I won't run. I don't regret my decision."
⠀⠀⠀Mikaela chuckled huskily, and he shifted both hands to lightly wrap around Yuichiro's neck as if prepared to strangle him within seconds. "Is that so?" He inquired. "So, you're saying if I were to throttle you right now, you won't run? You won't resist? You'd endure the pain just to help me?" As he spoke, the raven could feel his throat tighten, oxygen limited as the fingers wrapped around him were constricting him firmer and firmer.
⠀⠀⠀He let out a choked sound, partly because of the fact he was being strangled, but the main reason why was the animalistic, overly-delighted, teethy smirk the blond was creating while doing so. It was petrifying, pupils shaped into thin slits as the fangs shone brightly despite the darkness. "Yes-s," Yuichiro sputtered out, "I will."
⠀⠀⠀With those very words, the pressure was released, and the raven took in a large inhale. He coughed violently, chest aching as he held his throat. Mikaela watched, and as Yuichiro lifted his head to look at him, he was met with a dull expression. One moment, he seemed as though he was having the time of his life, sending pain, infatuated with the agonized face he made along with the revolting choking sounds; now, he looked lifeless, oceanic eyes dull and grey. He could see the slight tears brimming his gaze, and if he looked close enough, he could pick up the slight trembling of his frame. Yuichiro parted his lips, but the blond had beat him to it.
⠀⠀⠀"I don't understand you," Mikaela rasped.
⠀⠀⠀"What?"
⠀⠀⠀"Why are you so kind?"
⠀⠀⠀"Because, I love you, Mika."
⠀⠀⠀"You can't possibly, not when I'm like this. Not when I'm a monster, a beast, insane. Why did this have to happen to me, to us? I want to be normal, Yuu-chan. I can't control what I want, who I am anymore. My hands act on their own, my mouth speaks on their own, my mind controls what I think, and it's driving me mad." A pause. "No one can help me. Krul can't save me from the demons inside me. But no matter how wrong I know it is, I can't find myself to part from you. I have to be next to you. Just me... only me... only us... no Kimizuki..."
⠀⠀⠀"No, no, no, Mika, stay with me, stay with me!" Yuichiro cried, grasping the blond's chin more firmly and bringing it closer towards his nose. "Stay with me, okay? Please..."
⠀⠀⠀"Yuu-chan, I can't—"
⠀⠀⠀"YOU CAN!" Yuichiro shouted in full-out desperation, voice straining. He trembled, frame uncontrollably twitching as he shut his eyes and flinched visibly. His teeth chattered like he was in the center of a blizzard, spine frozen and sending chills every now and then. His bones were stiff as if paralyzed and unable to move, legs defeated, and arms glued to his sides. The raven felt out of breath, breathing heavily as his heart hammered in his chest rapidly like a stampede. He refused to look up at Mikaela, terrified of the expression he'd see if to do so; he gulped.
⠀⠀⠀"I'm going to save you, okay? You're going to be Mika, not a person with an illness." Yuichiro whispered calmly, though signs of fright and trauma visible in his tone.
⠀⠀⠀Hesitance and hopelessness plastered Mikaela's facial features, and it wasn't until the sudden tears started to fall that Yuichiro realized how more human he had become. A long, ten years ago, tears weren't apart of his dictionary; it only consisted of pain, danger, blood, torture, murder, but now that he had somewhat changed seven out of the ten years, he knew was crying was. He was human, that was all that mattered. He wasn't who he was in the past— a statement he's known for a very long time, and it wouldn't change.
⠀⠀⠀After a brief moment of standing in the darkness, radiant blue gaze bright where Yuichiro could see them, he heard the blond surpress a shaky sigh. "I can't promise anything, Yuu-chan, you know that. Your work to save me may be in vain. I've told you before, and this'll be the final time; I will never truly be healed from this illness." Yuichiro felt arms wrap around his waist and pull him into an embrace. "But if you're determined to do this, so willingly to try and change this, then so be it."
⠀⠀⠀"Illness or not, you're human, and you're the Mika I love so dearly."
⠀⠀⠀"I'm a monster, nothing more, nothing less."
⠀⠀⠀"Please, Mika, control it..."
⠀⠀⠀The blond breathes heavily, eyelids shut as tightly as he could as he tried to steady his lungs to an average breathing pace. Sweat tricked down the side of his neck, warm breath hitting Yuichiro's cheeks. He gulped inwardly. He felt absolutely trapped, like a rabbit under the glare and claws of a vicious, man-eating wolf that had every intention to pounce and tear the poor animal apart. He knew he was taking a risk— and if it didn't go well, he'd surely be devoured.
⠀⠀⠀But he loved him so much, he didn't care.
⠀⠀⠀When Mikaela didn't say anything, Yuichiro tried to block out the words of knowingness that he'd been told. The voice was scratchy, tone drowning with dullness with every word spoken, and no matter what primary mood he was in, rage overflowed. Kimizuki's words ran through his mind; him calling Mikaela a monster, him explaining that he was still psychotic, and that he would get his revenge soon enough. The raven was frightened, and of what, he had no real idea. Was it Kimizuki's words, or Mikaela?
⠀⠀⠀Should he have taken Kimizuki's words seriously? Should he have listened?
⠀⠀⠀Perhaps, Mikaela truly was incurable and deserved to be locked away?
⠀⠀⠀Or, was there hope, even if it was just the tiniest shine of light through the abyss of darkness?
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Hi there, Lovelies~!
Sorry for the shortness, but I already have this whole ending planned out, and I'm excited about it! Eeeeeek!
I'm starting to be more active on Instagram! I'll be posting previews of chapters and other updates on there, so if you would like a sneak-peak on certain stories— that's the place to go!
Instagram — @ ScarletPetal
Comment your thoughts! Suggest things you might want to see in future chapters; I might just add them in to make it interesting for some!
Vote / Comment / Enjoy
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See you next chapter!
— Scarlet <3
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