I unlock the door to my home and step in, immediately smelling the amazing smell of my mother's tacos. I have missed them all. A grin spreads across my face as I see Cronan and my father playfully playing karate, while my mother scolds them in the middle of making dinner.
"I'm back!" I announce loudly, grinning as Cronan gasps and runs over to me, engulfing me in a big hug.
"I thought you'd never come back." He mumbles as I wrap my arms around him.
I look confusedly at my father who rolls his eyes and points to my mother, silently telling me that she told Cronan. I sigh, tightening my grip around Cronan and placing a kiss on his cheek.
"I'm not going anywhere, buddy." I assure him.
"Good." He pouts.
"Ah, cheer up," I say and then whisper in his ear, "I'll get you Cheetos tonight."
"I don't want Cheetos; I want to stay with you." He says, resting his head on my shoulder.
My heart breaks a little for leaving him and for his words. It has been a long time since we both spent time together, and I haven't given him that much attention lately because I was too wrapped up in everything else, but I will make it up to him.
"We will spend the night together, don't worry." I tell him with another kiss to his cheek before I put him down.
"How was your stay?" My father asks after I give him a hug and a kiss.
"It was good, really good. He has a lovely wife and children; they were so kind and humble with me." I reply, smiling gently.
My father smiles. "I'm happy you enjoyed it."
"Thank you, father," I tell him. "For everything that you have done so far. For whatever you sacrificed for my mother and me, and everything that you will sacrifice and do. I cannot tell you how grateful I'm that I have you, as my true father." I blink away the tears.
"You're my family, honey," He smiles. "I'd sacrifice whatever it takes to keep you."
"Oh my," A broken voice is heard and I turn around to see my mother wiping away her tears. "You two will turn me into an ocean of tears one day."
We both laugh slightly as she walks over to us and engulfs the both of us in a hug, kissing both of our heads before muttering, "I love you two so much."
After dinner, taking a shower, and changing into my pyjamas for today, I'm about to sit down on the bed when I hear a knock on the door. Groaning, I get up to open the door since that everyone else is taking a nap. I'm greeted by Esme and Wren when I open the door, who scream and hug me tightly.
I laugh, patting them on their backs gently before they break away and invite themselves inside the house. We all sit down on the couch and Esme is the first to speak, "What happened? Tell us everything."
"About Louis or my father?" I ask, smirking slightly.
"Uh—oh," Wren says, her eyes wide in alert. "Leave Louis to the end, tell me what happened with your dad."
I sigh, "Well, I met his wife and two of his three children, and they're incredibly humble and kind. Like, it's so surprising because I thought they would treat me badly because, you know, I'm his old love's daughter and all that but the complete opposite happened," I shrug. "I even got incredibly close to Kiara in a matter of days. It was amazing, everything about it."
"That's good," Wren says, smiling widely.
"I honestly thought she'd be this awful step—mother, too." Esme says, scoffing.
"No," I laugh. "She is not."
"Thank Lyara," She rolls her eyes. "Okay, what about Louis?"
"Oh, shit," I begin with a laugh. "He found out."
"He found out what?" Wren asks stupidly, while Esme gasps and says, "Fuck, no!"
Wren seems to realise what Louis found out as she drops her jaw and says, "No way... What happened?"
"He turned out to be their family's friend. I mean, I knew that already, but I didn't think that they are close," I sigh heavily. "I was at the house with Kiara alone and he just... He kind of randomly showed up and stupidly enough, it was me who opened the door."
"Dear Lyara." Esme whispers.
"We kind of had a small fall out," I shrug. I'm not going to tell them about Sir Artair and Liam, I'm in no position to say so. "Of course that day he left, and I was nothing but tears—literally."
"And...?" Wren urges while Esme bites her nails—a habit that she does when she is hiding something.
I furrow my eyebrows at their strange attitude and continue, "I went to him before I came here and explained everything, and he surprisingly forgave me. Like, he listened, objected, understood and then he forgave me."
"What?" Wren says, almost in disgust, as if she can't believe that he actually had the nerve to forgive me.
"How?" Esme asks, having the same expression.
I furrow my eyebrows again at them before asking, "What is wrong with you two? Why are you acting like that?"
"Because Tallulah, Conall is after you and Louis and us, are you not thinking about that?" Wren questions angrily.
"I think about that every damn day, but Conall is after Louis because of me, he is not after you because of me." I tell him, standing up in frustration.
"What are you saying, Tallulah?" Esme asks.
"I'm saying that I don't have to carry everything on my shoulder," I hiss frustratingly. "You guys are trying to throw this on me when I have so much burden on me already. Conall is after you because you, too, go to the city and you have friends there. He is not after you because he only wants to hurt me."
"Wow." Wren blinks in disbelief.
"I cannot carry your safety on my shoulders because of something I have no hand in. You placed the danger in your life when you came with me to the city. You always knew that my purpose and priority was to see Louis, and I never, ever, forced you two to come with me. You went there willingly because of your friends and because you two love it there, so you cannot put the consequences of your actions on my shoulders, because I have too much of them already."
They both stare at me in disbelief before Esme asks in disgust, "You're losing us because of a guy? You're putting his safety before ours?"
"I'm not losing you two for him, nor am I losing him for you!" I snap. "And yes, I'm putting his safety first because I was the one who put it in danger from the beginning and it's my responsibility, but yours? You put yourself in danger and that's your responsibility, don't make it mine." I reply tightly, my voice raising a bit.
"I can't believe you." Wren whispers.
"I chose to live in danger because I'm in love with him, and I'm willing to sacrifice everything for him. Don't let your choice of decisions fall upon me, because I'm tired of facing everything alone, and even if you blame your choices on me and I accepted that, you will not stand with me to protect yourselves or Louis. All that you will say is that I'm risking everyone's lives, and that I should stop seeing Louis—even though you know I can't—and all you'll do is bring me down, and I'm not ready for that." I try to explain, my voice breaking a little.
They just don't understand. I'm willing to protect them from any danger anywhere and at any time, but I have reached my point. This point where I can no longer bare facing everyone's consequences on my own. I'm choosing to protect Louis and risk my life for him because it was me who put him in danger in the first place, it was all my actions and these are the consequences of them.
Never have I ever told Esme and Wren to even just come with me to the city. I never even offered it, I swear, for I knew the danger and the consequences of it. They both came one hundred percent willingly, and by their own choices, so why do I have to take the blame? Why is it always me who faces the troubles and does nothing but cry and grief?
I'm not selfish, I never was and I never will, they just don't understand and I can't fully explain. They are analysing my words according to their mind, when my intentions are nothing but pure.
"I'm leaving." Wren announces coldly, standing up and leaving without another word.
Esme stares at me emotionlessly as I run a hand through my hair and sigh heavily, trying to figure out why did Lyara decide to pour all the troubles over my head at the same time.
Esme shakes her head slowly before asking, "What happened, Tallulah?"
"What?" I ask in confusion.
"What made you change?" She clarifies.
"Change?" I let out a laugh of disbelief. "I never changed, Esme. I just never spoke those words out loud, and when I did, you just didn't like it."
She seems to be thinking about my words as she sighs and runs a hand over face. However, five minutes later of pure silence, she stands up and mutters, "I will see you later."
I watch as she, too, leaves the house without another word. Feeling my chest tightening, I fall down on the chair with my eyes stinging with tears. Why is all of this happening? It seems that whenever I solve a problem, another one pops out of nowhere. It's like I'm never meant to relax and be happy for just one day.
With my thumb, I wipe away that single tear and take a deep breath. This is just how life goes; I can't have a life full of blessings, I have to taste the bitterness of the bad days so I can cherish the sweetness of the good days.
I glance at the wall clock that reads six—thirty and sigh for the hundredth time before getting my ass up. I walk back to my room and just as I sit down on the bed, the door is creaked open and in enters Cronan with a sleepy face and his stuffed elephant in his hand.
"Hey, buddy," I smile and pat on the bed next to me. "What woke you up?"
He covers himself with the blanket and rests his head on my lap as he brings his elephant closer to his body. "I thought you left, again." He whispers.
My heart breaks a little from his words as I frown and gently run my hand over his messy hair. "I would never leave you. You're my brother."
"But you have other siblings, too." He pouts.
I smile gently and say, "They cannot be compared to you, you're my sunshine."
My words don't affect him, he just keeps pouting as he mutters out, "Tallulah?"
"Yeah, buddy?"
"Can you tell me that story you used to tell me before bed?" He gently requests.
"Of course," I smile and lean down to press a kiss to his head. "There was once a kingdom, buried between the lands of humans. Old as the Pharos and beautiful as a red flower. There lived a girl who sought freedom, but not the normal freedom; she only sought the freedom of love......"
Cronan falls asleep two minutes into the story, but that doesn't stop me as I stare forward at the blank wall and keep telling it. My story—the one that I want to have so badly. At some point, I fall asleep in my position, too. My back against the headboard of the bed and my legs crossed as Cronan's head rests on my lap.
I barely open my eyes when my mother adjusts Cronan next to me and forces me to lie down on the bed and sleep. I'm tired and drained, and I have to be up in a few hours to go and see Louis. Cronan's small body is pressed to mine as I sleepily press a kiss to the back of his head and fall back asleep.
Mixed dreams disturb my sleep for the very first time; dreams of people after me, dreams of a simple life, dreams of Louis and I and dreams of Aaliyah. Three hours later, I'm woken up with the sound of my phone ringing on the desk.
Groaning, I lazily get up and nearly trip over my feet as I reach for it and answer without checking who, but knowing that no one ever calls me, it must be Louis.
"Hello?" I answer, my voice thick with sleepiness so I clear my throat.
"Are you asleep, Angel?" He softly questions, and I nearly trip over my feet again because of that nickname.
"I was, but I'm awake now." I say, smiling to myself. "How are you?" I ask.
"I'm fine," He sighs heavily. "How are you?"
I ignore his question. "What's wrong? You don't sound fine."
"Just stressed, Angel. Don't worry." He speaks.
I frown and ask, "What happened?"
"When are you coming?" He asks instead of answering.
"Uh..." I trail off, looking at the clock on the wall. Ten—thirty. "In two hours, I guess."
"Can you come now? I need you." He begs.
The sleep has already vanished and I'm already picking out an outfit as I say, "I will, okay. Just... Is there something wrong?"
"My mom was here and we just... we had a little fight but I'm so mad, and I fucking need you, Tallulah." He breathes heavily.
"Alright," I softly reply. "I'm going to change and come as soon as I can."
"Thank you. Be careful, yeah?"
"I will," I promise. "Bye."
"Bye."
After taking out a black skinny jean, a light blue tee shirt and a purple hoodie, I leave my room and walk to the living room. Seeing only my mother reading a book, I sigh in relief and ask, "Where is father?"
"He's in a meeting at work," She replies. "What's wrong?"
"I'm going to Louis," I inform her. "He is... Uh... He just needs me."
"Alright, go on then. I'll cover for you." She smiles.
I blow her a kiss and say thanks before disappearing in the bathroom, quickly washing my face, teeth and brushing my hair. In a matter of seconds, I'm dressed and already out, and as I'm about to climb over the Midnight gate, I hear ruffling behind me.
In a swift move, my head turns around as I search for any sign for anyone but find none. Gulping nervously, I take a deep breath and climb over the gate quickly.
An hour and ten minutes later, I'm nearing Alfredo. It's crazy how fast I can get when I'm meeting with Louis.
"Tallulah?"
I jump in surprise as a squeak leaves my mouth, though my heart immediately calms when I see that it's only Louis. I take a deep breath to calm down before I walk towards him, giving him a short hug before asking, "How are you?"
"I can't do this." He says, not meeting my eyes.
"What?" I ask, dumbfounded.
"I can't do this," He repeats. "I cannot continue being with you when I know that you're different. I thought I could, but I can't and I'm sorry. We're from different worlds and it angers me, but I can't do this, baby. I'm sorry."
In a matter of seconds, he is gone with my heart and brain as I stand in the middle of the forest, lips slightly apart and body stiff. I don't know how to think, how to move and what to say. However, I do know that taking off my skin, inch by inch would be less painful than standing alone, in the darkness with no heart or mind.
The journey that I took in an hour is somehow extended to four hours on the way back. I don't even know how I'm walking or functioning, but everything in me is numb as I enter the house and walk towards Cronan's room.
My hands finally show some movement as they shake terribly in the darkness before I fall to my knees in front of Lyara's statue. My lips tremble and my wide eyes sting with tears. I fold my hands together as the tears finally fall and I begin to pray to a God that I don't believe in.
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