What seems like forever I'm still seated in Aidens lap, watching as his eyes stare deep into my own. Looking back into his perfect set of blue eyes a thought runs through my mind before I drop my smile,
It'll never work...your bad, he's good...your too broken
Sighing I close my eyes and stand up fast but not to fast, watching as he frowns he looks up at me with a new emotion swimming in his eyes.
"What's wrong?.." Aiden asks with disappointment laced in his voice,
Me...that's what's wrong.
Then as I look into his dad puppy dog eyes I give him a look of emptiness before picking up my shirt and slipping it back on just as the school bell rings.
"That was a mistake..." I say turning my back before he could say another word,
The last thing I see is the look of pure rejection as I leave..
Reaching the bottom steps I see Ava waiting down the bottom of the bleachers with a frown.
"What the hell was that!" I says pointing behind me,
Making a face at her I grab her arm and rush the both of us out of there as fast as I can.
"Darkness what the hell, whee are we going" Ava sighs trying to stop us,
Looking around I push us behind a tree and face Ava to me,
"Ava, i really stuffed up this time.. I kissed him" I whisper shout throwing me hands up to my face and rubbing my eyes,
Feeling Ava stare at me I keep my eyes closed.
"And that is a bad, why...?" Ava says extending the 'why'
Grunting I look at her,
"Because...because...because...argh! Forget it" I sigh giving up.
Pulling my face back to hers she makes me look her in the eyes,
"Tell me darkness, I'd rather hear it from my ears them from your head" Ava States talking about the mind reading thing.
Mentally face palming myself I sigh,
Of course! How could I forget about that.
"It was a mistake ever walking up to him...all I'm saying is that it was a complete mistake. One which I'll never make again" I silently vow to myself the last part.
Leaning my head against the tree I stand there with my eyes closed and shut out Ava's curious question,
Oh man..I really fucked up this time. I mean how could I have been so stupid! All my life I have never been this stupid and reckless, my life has been quiet, dull and simple until now.
And I don't like it one bit...argh! What have I gotten myself into.
"Can you just drop it Ava!" I say snapping at Ava opening my wides
Closing her mouth quickly she just stares back at me with saddness in her eyes,
I know she's my bestfriend and all but she honestly annoys the fuck out of me sometimes! Like now.
Taking my mind off of it for a second I think of something and a urge to smoke appears out of nowhere.
"Do you still have a lighter in your bag?" I ask with a sigh,
I need a smoke. I'm not that bad with them but I would say I've got kind of a habit with them, and a couple of days ago I surprisingly found out Ava does to...weird I know.
Nodding her head Ava walks off to the back of the school, I've never smoked in school grounds before but I sure know Ava has from the mindless steps she's taking with thinking.
Stopping at a empty table out near the end of the school gate Ava plops down onto of the table and I follow suit. With comfortable silence Ava digs out her lighter as I retrieve the cigarettes.
Plopping one between my index and middle finger I pass one to Ava and she does the same, after lighting hers she pulls the fire over to me.
As my lips wrap themselves around the cigarette I relish the feeling of relief flood my body until I suck in a deep breath. Pulling it away from me I puff it out up to the sky and watch as it disappears off into the air.
Just sitting there in silence me and Ava are like this until she looks at me from the side,
"You know You like him darkness..." Ava States out of the blue,
Looking at her I cross my legs and look at her with a far far away expression,
"I know!" I sigh in defeat.
The worse thing about all this is that the only person that actually really knows how I feel is Ava. For someone that has lived without emotions her whole life, Im such a 'girl'...not in the pink and giggly way, more of the butterflies and crush way...it's honestly ruining me.
"Can I just ask you one question and I'll drop it, end of story and I'll never mention it again" Ava slightly pleads,
Grunting I reluctantly agree and nod my head. Waiting for her one and final question I lay my back on the table and look up into the sky above, taking a swig of my cigarette I repeat this process just waiting.
"What I don't get is that you and Aiden are such a perfect couple, its like a opposites attract right?...but the one thing I wanna is know, why the hell aren't you embracing him but pushing him away?" Ava asks me quietly before putting the cigarette to her mouth as well.
Closing my eyes I lay my hand down with my half done cigarette in hand and think about her question for a few.
"Because..honestly I don't know what I feel for him, it's all hitting me at once.. I know I feel something for him, but I don't know what that is, I can't tell you because my whole life I've been forced to hide them away, I've come accustom to it and I actually don't mind. You and I both know what will happen if we get together, I don't want to break his heart which is not even a doubt in my mind I will.." I sigh sadly,
"Im working on the whole feelings things Ava, I really am. It's just hard to do that when I see my dad and hear his fucking voice in my head telling me how I'm such a disappointment and how useless I am...Aiden is good Ava, and I'm...not. I'm not embracing him because not only that, but because he deserves someone better than me, I'm not trying to act like a little butch or girl but he wouldn't want me if he found out how broken I am, he's perfect and most probably never hurt a fly in his life..your wrong, me and him, we're just too different, he's good I'm bad" I say throwing on my blank face I've used for so many years,
Laying down next to me it takes a couple minutes before Ava opens her mouth,
"Your not bad-"
Before she could finish her lie I open my mouth disagreeing with her,
"I've killed people Ava..." I say like its the most normal thing to do,
Watching as her face goes into a frown i continues,
"I've tortured people. I've lied. I've committed plenty more but that's the main ones.. I'm not good Ava, I'm anything but good" I say,
Sighing I rub my eyes mentally tired of everything,
"Maybe if I listened to my father, I would be the perfect daughter and the person I use to be. I wouldn't be in all this mess with feelings and stuff" I say my thoughts going to my father's words.
Breaking the silence Ava Suddenly starts chuckling and rolls over to me and blows her smoke up in front of us. Looking at her weird I just watch as she turns and smiles at me,
"Well you know what they say" Ava smiles amused,
Raising a brow I look at her,
"No, no I don't know what they say" I say a bit worried for her mental health,
"Why obey all the rules given to you..you would miss all the fun, duh?" Ava says in a duh tone.
Rolling my eyes I break out in laughter with Ava,
"I've never in my life heard that saying!" I laugh at her,
"Maybe because I just made it up" Ava grins,
While we continue blowing out smoke a branch snaps in front of us and were up in seconds. With fear in her eyes about being caught I look up in curiosity to see bones standing there with his arms raised up in surrender.
"What the hell!" Ava shrieks whiling slapping her other free hand over her heart.
Rolling my eyes at Ava bones smiles and waves at us before walking over, just before he does he sees the smoke in both of our hands and whistles at Ava in surprise,
"Why in the hell did I not know you smoked, we could have all been smoking together this whole time!" Bones says dramatically,
With wide eyes bones finds out her secret and she look away in embarrassment before bones pulls out his own and lights it up. Relaxing slightly Ava looks at me which I return with a smirk and shrug.
Yeah, maybe I should have mentioned bones was a smoker as well.
"You smoke?" Ava asks him,
Puffing out his he looks at her and chuckles at the look on her face,
"Yeah, why, you surprised?" Bones asks me a grin,
Getting comfortable on table in the middle of me and Ava bones leans back as well and soon we are all sitting on a table at the back of the school smoking.
"Umm yes. Oh man, next thing you know raven is smoking as well" Ava says putting her smoke to her lips, "who else smokes in your family?" Ava asks blowing it out,
"It's only ever been me and darkness, the rest don't really know about it or either just don't care, I've offered hades, Lilith and Ivy one before but they all just turn me down with a look of disgust, I honestly don't know why. This is the shit" bones says blowing heaps of smoke out trying to make a circle but fails,
"Don't James and Kate care? I mean my parents would kill me if they knew I was a smoker" Ava says frowning at us,
Shrugging I throw my small smoke bud on the ground and get up to set on it,
"Their not our real parents so they don't care what we do unless it doesn't involve something serious" I say looking back at them,
"True that. why do you smoke though? I know why darkness does it, but what's you excuse?" Ava asks curiously,
"It's a Stress reliever. I've been doing it since I was 14, it's way better than destroying things unlike hades. Everybody's got there stress reliever in the house, and we're all the same because that's smoking" bones shrugs,
A couple seconds later, a thought looks like it's popped up into bones head because he looks like he just solved the problem to shiny hair.
"You know what? We all should totally start smoking together now, how awesome would that be! Like A smoking group" bones says to his idea with a smile,
Chuckling I look at Ava who's smiling as well,
"We already do bud, me and Ava just text each other when we want a smoke at home" I say with a smile,
"Thanks for telling me about this, I'm always forced to smoke alone now because hades and Ivy hate the smell, and this was like what? Two three weeks ago. Are you serious" bones asks raising a brow at us,
Chuckling I pat his shoulder,
"Don't worry, you can get in on our smokers group" I say with a smile,
"Well that's if you share your smokes with us when we run out" Ava asks seriously with a grin,
"Deal!" Bones smiles brightly as he throws his hand out in front of Ava,
Shaking my head at them I pull up my bag and throw it on my shoulder before pull out my phone and check the time,
We have a couple minutes before the bell goes,
"You know, I never picked you to be a smoker?" Bones says curiously interested in the subject,
"Yeah I know, it all started when I was 9" Ava replays the story that she told me weeks ago,
"No freaking way!" Bones says surprised,
Chuckling Ava replies "yes way",
Rolling my eyes at them I look at Ava and she stands up brushing her pants off, flinging her bag on her shoulder as well she then turns and looks at bones with a serious expression,
"Bones, you can't tell anybody about this" Ava says sternly,
Looking at her bones smiles amused,
"Not even your boyfriend?" Bones asks,
Haha what a smart ass.
Even though I can't see Ava I know she's blushing bright red from the evil grin on bones face,
"Hades is not my boyfriend!" Ava grunts out in annoyance,
Faking surprise bones makes his eyes wide and smiles,
"Why Ava, I didn't mention hades, I was simply talking about my friend in the football team Tim" bones says as if he didn't know,
Restraining myself from laughing I smile at bones act and shake my head,
"Well....ah..ah..um.yeah, haha. Don't tell ..him..either" Ava laughs it off, oblivious to bones mind games,
"Oh freaking stop messing around bones" I roll my eyes at him, "come on Ava, I wanna go home" I then whine at her,
Glaring at bones Ava huts him in the arm and turns around to me, Saluting at us he chuckles and gets comfortable and smokes,
"I'll keep your secret babe, don't you worry about that" bones says amused,
"Fuck you" Ava spits at him,
Laughing my ass off I throw my arm around Ava and pull away an angry witch from a laughing smoker,
"Come on sunshine" I smile in the distance at her new found side,
Ahaha I kinda like it! I was starting to think she didn't get angry for a second, I mean, she gets angry all the time but never to an extent where she swears ahah! I guess the subject of her and hades is a touchy subject.
"He's such an ass" Ava States calming down more and more the distance we make,
"It's a boy thing" I say,
Huffing Ava throws her arm around my waist and we make our way to the car.
Haha well let me reword that, hades car.
Since mine and Ava's car are both in need of gas, hades offered his jeep this morning in hopes of winning Ava back. Ahah and let me tell you, it was hilarious! She snatched it out of his hands and when we jumped in she made sure to leave a special surprise on there, ahah never once did she park safety when a 'oh man' came out of her mouth, funny funny.
"Do you reckon he's gonna tell anyone?" Ava asks me fearful when we jump into the car,
"Nah, bones might be a cocky, self centred dick, but he's not that bad" I say truthfully,
And it's 100% true, bones was the first person to make me smile in the house when we met, the first person to punch in the face and the first person I ever smoked with, Ahah good times. He's not that bad, he's probably the one I like the best out of my siblings.
"Argh, fine. But if he makes another joke about me ill ke ice him out myself and I'll throw in a punch as well" Ava says smiling a little,
Chuckling I start the car and make our drive back home,
"I'm starting to like this new side to you, who knew you were a inner badass" I grin at her,
"Yeah, well it's pretty hard to fight it when I have a role model right in front of me" Ava laughs rolling her eyes,
Throwing a hand to my heart I gasp at her,
"Why thank you! I'm glad my moods give you inspiration to do that" I chuckle shaking my head,
What a weird couple we are.
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