Fin was laughing, his head thrown backwards as my mother grinned through a childhood story starring none other than myself.
I couldn't help but notice a crack in the wall behind him, the broken vase on the side table, half concealed by the other objects cluttered on the surface.
That's how it was there, in my home. Everything was a clutter.
My eyes fell to the ugly blanket I had knit when I was seven, which my mother never found the heart to throw away no matter how many times I protested.
Fin caught my eyes and smiled, his cheeks a pink-ish tint.
I relaxed again and took a sip of the water my mother carried in a while back.
We'd stayed there longer than I'd predicted we would, and I was slowly feeling antsy.
At first I couldn't wait for the night to end, to talk to my mom. Now it had me sinking farther back into the couch.
The room grew silent after a while, a comfortable silence.
My mom nursed a glass of cheap wine in her hand, leaning against her hand as she watched me and Fin.
Fin who had inched towards me and had his shoulders pressed against mine.
He smiled down at me and slowly started a conversation. Something I barely listened to because my heart was beating too fast and the room was growing too warm.
He knew, he could tell I wasn't listening, but he did it anyway because he knew how much his voice soothed me.
"Mom," I finally croaked. "I want to tell you something."
She sat up and smiled, setting her glass aside. "What is it, honey?"
I glanced at Fin, who only smiled reassuringly.
I took a deep breath and winced.
Did I really have to tell her? It was my life.
Her lips stretched into a smile as she laced her fingers together over her knees, the skin on her fingers a colorful palette of dark blue, pink, purple, and a pale yellow.
Fuck it.
"I like Fin. I mean," I quickly added, "I mean, more than like him. Like, I like him. He's...He's my boyfriend."
Her eyes shot to Fin and the smile on her face slipped off.
My heart stopped beating.
Fin shifted in his seat and snaked a gentle arm around my back, squeezing where his hand wrapped around my side.
It's going to be okay.
My mother's eyes glistened and a single tear slid down her face. She sniffed and brushed it away.
"Okay," she said. "Okay, it's okay, Kaiden."
I swallowed. "What?"
She laughed and cried a couple of more tears.
Then she stumbled to her feet and pulled me up for a hug. "It's okay. I don't care, you're still my son and I love you. No matter who you fall in love with."
My heart squeezed painfully as I circled my arms around her, hugging her back. "Thank you."
"It's kind of my job," she said, stepping forward so that she stood in front of Fin.
Fin was smiling, like he usually did, looking at my mother as if she was a beautiful, exotic bird.
She smiled back and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for taking care of my son, Fin."
"My pleasure."
My cheeks were on fire.
He frowned innocently and took my hand in his.
"We should get going," I said, because Fin's hand in mine was making me crave more of his skin on mine. Because my mother's words left a light, warm feeling in my chest and stomach.
"Are you sure? You can spend the night."
"Maybe another time," I said, not knowing how to explain that I couldn't exactly go to bed without Fin right there beside me.
She smiled, grabbing my face in both hands. "I love you."
"Love you, too, Mom."
She kissed my forehead and let go, then hugged Fin.
"Goodnight."
"'Night."
We stepped outside and Fin let the door swing shut behind us.
We stood there for a few seconds. I stuffed my hands in my pockets.
"Let's go," Fin said softly, moving to take my hand in his.
I let him. "That went well."
He laughed, squeezing my hand. "That went really well. I love your mom."
I grinned. "I think she's obsessed with you."
He smiled. "I wish you could've met mine."
My chest clenched. "Fin, I...I wish I could meet her, too."
"I didn't know her much, her death doesn't upset me. It's just...a gaping hole. Like something's constantly missing in my life."
I stopped walking and he did the same. "I don't mind sharing."
Fin let out a choked laugh, something between a chuckle and a sob. "Thanks, Kaiden."
I grabbed the back of his neck and smiled. "You're welcome."
He bit his lip and I watched his eyes fall to my lips before he leaned in. He kissed me in that dark corridor, his hand still laced with mine while the other rested gently against my cheek. His thumb brushed against the corner of my lips as he pushed harder against me.
He walked me backwards towards a wall until my head softly bumped against the surface.
He pulled back. "Sorry."
I snorted and pulled him in again, kissing him until my lips felt bruised and his tongue movements grew sloppier.
"We...we should head back to your room," I whispered, Fin's lips on my neck distracting me from speech.
He moaned, his tongue sliding out to caress gently at my skin. "Do we have to?"
"We can continue when we get there," I said.
He took a step back. "Come on."
I suppressed a grin and he snaked an arm around my waist, my hips, lower. His hand pressed against the small of back and I wanted him.
I shivered and Fin tightened his hold, bending down to whisper in my ear.
"I need you."
My stomach flipped. "Fin."
"On my bed this time."
I nodded, legs feeling all jelly-like.
He whispered in my ear for the rest of the way to his dorm room, running his thumb back and forth against the skin on my hand, sending warmth to the pit of my stomach and even lower than that.
When we got to his room, Fin opened the door and waited until I walked in before shutting the door gently behind us.
Then he turned to me and placed a hand on my cheek. "I like you, Kaiden. A lot."
"Me, too." I choked out. "I mean I like you, too."
He smiled. His finger found the hem of my shirt and he tugged it off.
Fin pushed me back until my legs hit the edge of his bed.
"Lie down," he said.
I swallowed and did what he said, easing myself onto the slightly uncomfortable mattress. "Fin..."
He slid out of his clothes and hovered over me in just his boxers. "I miss you."
"What are you talking about?"
"I just miss you. I miss touching you like I did before."
I felt hot all over and was grateful that I'd gotten rid of that shirt.
"You can touch me now," I blurted out. "Use me."
Fin blinked. "I'm not using you."
"You know what I mean, idiot."
He still looked a bit confused and I thought I'd ruined the moment, but he quickly recovered with a peck to my lips.
"You know you're the only person I can stand calling me an idiot. You should feel special."
I smiled. "I feel special already."
"Mm, I'm sure you do since I'm almost naked and on top of you."
"I mean, I'm not complaining."
"I bet you're loving it."
I hummed.
He grinned. "I can change your mind about that."
"How?"
"Do you want me to tell you or show you?"
I shifted beneath him. "Both."
His eyes darkened considerably. "Like...this?"
He bent down and sucked at my collarbones, his tongue sliding against my skin before he scraped his teeth against my skin.
I watched him, straining my neck at an awkward angle. "Yeah."
He smiled, moving away from my collar bones and down to the hem of my pants. He glanced up at me and slowly tugged the button loose.
"Are you sure? Maybe twice in one week is too much for you to handle."
I raised my eyebrows. "Are you suggesting I do it myself? Like when you-"
"Don't bring that up again."
I laughed. "So, it's awkward now?"
"Shut up."
My shoulders shook as I tried to stifle my laughter. "You're being ridiculous."
"So, you liked it?"
"You really are an idiot."
"And you're avoiding the question."
"You're avoiding my dick."
He lifted my legs and pulled my pants free. "I don't think so."
I reached down and grasped his shoulder, pulling him up. He reluctantly complied, and I tugged him closer to me, crashing my lips against his.
He moaned, pushing me against the sheets the harder he kissed me.
"Okay," I breathed when we pulled away. "Take your underwear off."
He licked his lips. "You do it."
I grinned and reached down, pulling his boxers off harshly.
He hovered over me.
"Well, it looks the same."
He shook his head, chuckling.
I slid out of my own boxers.
Fin leaned in and pressed his lips to my ear. "What should it be this time?"
I suppressed the urge to shiver, goosebumps rising beneath my flesh.
His hand fell to my hip bone, his thumb drawing circles against the sharp bone jutting against my skin.
I didn't respond, and he slowly slid his knee between my legs.
"Fin."
He hummed. "Does it hurt?"
I bit my tongue.
He pressed his knee against me.
I released a strangled, incoherent sound, arching my back.
His hand pressed against my chest, pushing me back against the mattress. "Does it hurt?"
I nodded.
He slowly moved his knee in slow, circular motions. "Now?"
"It still fucking hurts, Fin," I grunted, squeezing my eyes shut.
He licked his lips and I felt his tongue against my ear. He pressed kisses on my ear, down to the skin beneath my ear, while still moving his knees against me.
I shifted beneath him, slowly feeling my hair stick to my forehead with sweat, heart clenching painfully.
"Stop moving," he murmured.
"I can't help it."
He pulled away, towering over me, one knee between my leg, and the other soon joined, parting my legs.
I swallowed, easing my eyes open.
"You're really hard."
"No shit...You are, too."
"Yeah, I know. What are you going to do about it?"
I felt my skin flush all over and I fumbled, trying to find something to say.
"Your knee," I finally blurted out, feeling its movements cease.
He smirked, then pressed one knee against me again, tightly, enough that I almost bucked my hips.
"Like that?"
I nodded again.
"Is this considered a fetish? Like a foot fetish, but a knee fetish."
"Fin," I gasped when he suddenly rolled his knee. "I don't...find your knee attractive."
He smiled, continuing his movement with his knee, reaching down, wrapping a hand around himself.
He stroked between his legs and still managed to quicken his knees movements.
I sunk my teeth into my lower lip, pressing myself against him.
My skin felt like it was on fire, and I could see Fin's skin flush over with sweat. I reached over and brushed his hair away from his forehead.
His eyes met mine and he let go of himself to touch me.
I gasped softly. He moved his knee away and replaced it with his hand, tugging at my skin.
He sat up, between my legs, took us both in his hands and continued tugging.
"Fin-"
"I know."
"You don't even-" I moaned. "You don't even know what I was going to say."
"What?" he rasped, jerking his hand suddenly.
I cried out, throwing my head back.
"Go on," he breathed, still moving his hand.
"Nothing. It's nothing. Just keep going."
Fin moved his hand faster, my skin rubbing harshly against his, hot and hard.
I shuddered with a muffled moan and Fin followed suit just seconds later.
He fell back against the bed beside me, panting.
"My knee. Really, Kaiden?"
I was too tired to say anything smart. "Shut up."
Fin leaned in and pressed his lips on my forehead. "Come here."
I sluggishly moved closer to him and he wrapped his arms around me before I could properly fell asleep.
—
I remembered my dream this time.
I was standing outside a dorm room, the dark, wooden door closed shut.
I could hear strange sounds coming from the other side, and it took me a while to pinpoint what they were exactly.
Someone was moaning. Loudly.
The door suddenly swung open, but the two boys inside didn't stop moving, as if nothing happened.
I froze at the door frame, not knowing what to do.
I took a hesitant step forward.
The two boys were on the left bed, one of them bent between the other's legs.
"Zach..."
The boy moaned, tugging at Zach's hair, pulling at it, eyes shut and eyebrows pulled together.
Arnold.
Zach pulled away, wiping a hand over his mouth.
"Come here," I heard Arnold whisper.
Zach climbed over his body and stopped over Arnold's lips.
"I love you."
Zach smiled, kissing Arnold slowly. "I love you, too."
Arnold smiled, looking so different without his round glasses on, without the look of pure hatred on his face.
They continued to kiss, and the scene shifted quickly, sucking me into a scene of pure darkness.
Someone was screaming this time, crying, choking on incomprehensible words.
"Leave him alone...Please. He did nothing wrong. Please."
Nothing.
"Stop! Let go of him!"
Still nothing but darkness.
A crash.
"Zach, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please..."
I was wrenched away from the darkness, so suddenly that I lost my breath.
"...Kaiden."
I blinked. "Fin."
He brushed his hair out of his face. "Another dream? This is the second time that...Are you okay?"
I nodded, trying to catch my breath. "I'm fine."
He pulled me towards him, grabbing my naked hips and tugging hard, fingers digging into my skin. "I wish I could help."
"You are helping."
"No. This isn't working."
"Fin."
"I can't see you like this every time I wake up. I'm going to lose my mind."
I bit my lip. "We're screwed, aren't we?"
He shook his head. "Not if I can do something about it. We can't afford waiting anymore. I'm not wasting anymore time. Try to go back to sleep, Kaiden, and in the morning we'll head straight to the library."
I said nothing. I wanted to tell him that I couldn't just go back to sleep after what I saw, but Fin slowly eased his hold on my hips. He trailed his hand up my side and then cupped my cheek, leaning forward to kiss me briefly. He pulled my head against his chest, and I rested my face on his skin, allowing his fingers to run through my hair soothingly as my eyes fell shut.
HI HI HI HI
Lol I think it's been almost two weeks since the last update. Oops. I've been working on school stuff aaaaand something else. Wink. Wink.
Thanks for reading XD