K A S H M E R E
I was relaying what happened when I got home from the club the other night of my birthday to Braeden and Danielle over lunch. Kaliyah was spending the day with her dad so speaking of her dad I decided to fill them both in on what happened the night I can home from the club.
"So I get to my door and I can feel someone behind me and when I turn around it's August," I tell them.
"August? He randomly showed up to your place at 2-3 in the morning. For what," Danielle asked?
"He claimed he wanted to talk," I told her.
"And did you let him in," Danielle asked me.
"Yes," I nodded.
"Mhm," Braeden eyed me, "I'm sure she did let him in. You walking around looking all happy and smiling, like your floating on air and shit. You had sex with him didn't you?"
"For your information no I didn't."
"So what happened," Danielle asked.
I told them what happened and afterwords instead of telling me what I did was wrong or that I shouldn't have went there with him like I was expecting they both started laughing which caused me to laugh.
"Braeden laughed, "I bet he was mad as hell?"
"He was mad, but I didn't care. His phone was blowing up the whole time and I'm pretty sure it was that girl he's been seeing. She called about ten times and when he finally did answer he told her he was on his way. I figured she could help him out."
"Damn I wish you took a picture so I could of seen his face," Braeden chuckled.
"It was priceless."
We laughed for a bit longer until Braeden asked his next question.
"Hold up," Braeden looked at me, "What about Dominic?"
I put my drink down and sighed, "Weere supposed to make plans for later on this week or possibly this weekend."
"Do you feel guilty," Danielle asked me.
"Why should she, they aren't official yet," Braeden spoke for me, "And who's to say he isn't dipping and dabbing to?"
I shook my head, "I don't think he is."
"That's why August thinks he owns you. He's your first, your only. Until you move on forreal he's always going to feel like he has some kind of control over you." Danielle pointed out and I knew that she had a point.
"Did you not here what she told us. It seems like her moving on is making him get his shit together. It's a little to late yeah but at least he finally apologized."
"You and August being friends? How many times have you two tried that in the past and how many times have you two crossed that line," Braeden said and Danielle agreed.
"He took the words right out of my mouth."
"I told him I would try to get past everything but like I said that's easier said then done. I'm not ready to go back down that road with him again. I don't even know if I'm ready to go down that road again with anyone."
"So what are you saying?"
"Dominic is a great guy and I do feel guilty for what I did with August and apart of me regrets it but then there's another part of me that doesn't. I just feel like now is not the right time for me to get into anything serious with anyone and I don't want to lead him one. I was thinking about me and him sitting down and talking. Until I'm ready me and Dominic are better off as friends."
"I think that's a good idea. Plus if you really liked Dominic then you wouldn't of even been temped by August."
She was right but despite what happened between me and him it wasn't happening again.
A U G U S T
It was damn near six and I was sitting on the couch at my mom's watching some kiddie movie with Liyah. Her eyes were glued to the screen while I kept looking down at my phone checking the time and waiting until Kash got here.
Every since I got out Kash has been fucking wit my head. If it wasn't what she was saying it was what she was doing. From pulling out guns on me to threatening me. I thought that I had gotten through to her that night she cried in my arms but last night she was on some other shit.
I was happy as hell when she started insinuating she wanted me but as soon as she got hers in she told me to bounce. She treated my ass like some hoe ass nigga. I was pissed the fuck off and on top of that Deja kept blowing up my phone the whole time as if she knew I was up to know good. Not that it mattered what I did or who I did because we weren't together.
I popped up at her place after I left Kash's and she started questioning me, asking me what I was doing that I couldn't answer my phone. Instead of explaining myself to her I told her straight up none of her business. Instead of going back and forth with me like I knew she wanted to she apologized and dropped down to her knee's did what I needed her to do.
The doorbell brought me out of my thoughts.
"Mommy," she smiled forgetting all about the movie and sliding down off the couch. She took off towards the front door and I followed behind her. She knew better not to open the door so she stared up at me patiently waiting for me to open it for her. Soon as it was she moved past me and hugged Kash's legs.
"Hi Baby," Kash smiled bending down and hugging her, "Did you miss me?"
She nodded her head up and down, "Me and Daddy watch Princess and Frog."
"You aren't tired of that movie yet," Kash asked but instead of answering Liyah grabbed her hand.
"Come watch it with us," she pulled her to the living room which was good because I wasn't ready for them to leave yet. Instead of acknowledging me, Kash walked right by me, like I wasn't even standing here.
This is the shit I'm talkin' bout.
Once I locked the door back and walked back to where they were they were sitting and watching the rest of the movie. Kaliyah was spread out with her head in Kash's lap and I sat on the opposite end her feet barely touching me. I glanced at Kash and she just faced forward eyes on the screen not saying a word.
Twenty minutes later the movie was off and I had hardly noticed. I was to busy staring at Kash. She used to hate when I stared at her, would beg my ass to stop and now she was actin' like I wasn't even here.
After the movie went off I turned the TV off and smiled at Kaliyah.
"C'mere."
She walked up to me and I picked her up and kissed her on her cheek.
"Go upstairs and play with your toys. I have to talk to your momma."
Soon as I said toys she took off running.
"Stop running," Kash called out after her and once she was out of sight Kash sighed and looked me over. I looked her up and down and licked my lips thinking of the other night.
"So you aint got nothing to say to me?
She looked at me and smiled, "Oh yes I do actually."
She got quiet so I waited for her to speak.
"You were wonderful the other night," she smirked, "You don't know how much I needed that. Besides you didn't give me anything for my birthday so it was the least you could do."
I decided to change the subject.
"So did you have fun at the club the other night?"
"For the most part," she nodded.
I expected her to not mention her run in with Jay but little did she know I knew all about him approaching her but I wanted to know what they talked about.
"So what did you and Jayceon talk about," I asked watching her body language. She looked back at me most likely wondering how I knew.
"What? I told you I got eyes and ears everywhere."
She rolled her eyes, "We didn't talk about nothing important if that's what you want to know."
"Well if it aint important then you can tell me then."
"Like I said nothing important. He wished me happy birthday and flirted with me. I turned him down but I still don't think he got the hint. But he did mention you though, told me that you and him weren't on good terms anymore, is that true?"
"You could say that."
"And when did that happen?"
When I went to jail and I found out that he was trying to take over.
"Before I got locked up."
"It seems like you have more enemies then friends now a days."
"You worried bout me," I smiled at her.
"This isn't a joke August," she shook her head and looked away. It looked like she had more on her mind but it aint surprise me she kept her mouth shut.
"Say what you gotta say Kash."
She shook her head, "It's none of my business. Were not together anymore so I should just shut up and stay in my place."
She threw my words in my face. Time and time again she would get in my business and that was what I would tell her.
"I want to know what you gotta say."
"It doesn't matter what I have to say. Just be careful."
I knew that all of that shit talking was a lie. Just by the way she was looking at me I knew she was lying when she told me she aint have no feelings for me no more.
"So about the other night."
"What about the other night?"
"You know you wrong for that shit you pulled."
"Did I hurt your feelings," she smiled as if she was happy about what she did to me. It wouldn't surprise me if she was.
"You didn't hurt nothing and whenever you need me to come over all you gotta do is call me up, no matter the time. You might as well lose Damian's number."
"His name is Dominic."
"Whatever. Does he know about the other night?"
"No," she looked at me, "Does your girl know about the other night?"
"I told you I ain't got no girl."
"Whatever you say. You don't have to front with me. What's her name?"
"Deja," I answered, "Her name is Deja but like I said she aint' my girl."
"Well if you like her then maybe she should be your girl. We been through a lot me and you. Good and bad. That night you showed up and I cried was kind of the closure I needed. I needed to get all of that off of my chest and I'm not mad at you. I'll admit that night I threw my ring at you I wanted to be done with you, I really did and I thought I was done but..."
"But?"
"But then you got arrested and a stupid part of me thought that the day you called me down to see you in prison you were going to apologize and beg for my forgiveness. Then when you got out things would be good. We would deal our problems and move on. I was dead wrong."
Hearing her confess that was something I wasn't expecting. She told me she was done and as hard as it was for me I ended shit for good. I was involved in to much shit and the less she came around the better.
"I had a lot of time to think and reevaluate things and us breaking up was for the best. I'm happy now. With my life and maybe it's time for you be happy to. I understand why you broke up with me. I don't make you happy anymore and that was a hard pill to swallow at first but I'm cool now and I hope that you find a girl who makes you feel the way you used to feel about me."
I had a lot of time to think to and what she didn't know was that I missed her and I did love her even though I had a fucked up way of showing it. I was smoking and drinking, if I wasn't drunk then I was high and when I was high I didn't give a fuck about nobody.
Every time I was around her I started feeling guilty about all the shit I put her through and no matter how many times she claimed she was cool I still felt like I had some making up to do. No we weren't together but I wasn't ready to let her just walk out my life and move on.
"I always said you were gonna end up with some suit and tie motherfucker. Guess I was right."
"I guess you were," she nodded, "But anyway I have to go. I have work in the morning."
I watched her get up and walk away from me and I didn't bother following behind her. I knew I was supposed to keep my distance from her anyway but I just never realized how hard that shit could be.
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